Just an email i recieved, hope u enjoy
This American lady, a former radical feminist and Southern Baptist
>from Oklahoma, studied the Quran, Sahih Muslim and fifteen other
>books on Islam in an attempt to convert the Arabs in her college
>class to Christianity and "save those poor ignorant heathens from
>the fires of hell."
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Aminah Assilmi
>
>
>
>The Introduction and Decision
>I was completing a degree in Recreation, when I met my first
>Muslims. It was the first year that we had been able to pre-register
>by computer. I pre-registered and went to Oklahoma to take care of
>some family business. The business took longer than expected, so I
>returned to school two weeks into the semester (too late to drop a
>course).
>
>I wasn't worried about catching up my missed work. I was sitting at
>the top of my class, in my field. Even as a student, I was winning
>awards, in competition with professionals.
>
>Now, you need to understand that while I was attending college and
>excelling, ran my own business, and had many close friends, I was
>extremely shy. My transcripts actually had me listed as severely
>reticent. I was very slow to get to know people and rarely spoke to
>anyone unless was forced to, or already knew them. The classes I was
>taking has to do administration and city planning, plus programming
>for children. Children were the only people I ever felt comfortable
>with.
>
>Well, back to the story. The computer printout held one enormous
>surprise for me. I was registered for a Theatre class...a class were
>I would be required to perform in front of real live people. I was
>horrified! I could not even ask a question in class, how was I going
>to get on a stage in front of people? My husband was his usual very
>calm and sensible self. He suggested that I talk to the teacher,
>explain the problem, and arrange to paint scenery or sew costumes.
>The teacher agreed to try and find a way to help me out. So I went
>to class the following Tuesday.
>
>When I entered the classroom, I received my second shock. The class
>was full of 'Arabs' and 'camel jockeys'. Well, I had never seen one
>but I had heard of them.
>
>There was no way I was going to sit in a room full of dirty
>heathens! After all, you could catch some dreadful disease from
>those people. Everyone knew they were dirty, not to be trusted
>either. I shut the door and went home. (Now, there is one little
>thing you should know. I had on a pair of leather hot pants, a
>halter top, and a glass of wine in my hands...but they were the bad
>ones in my mind.)
>
>When I told my husband about the Arabs in the class and that there
>was no way I was going back, he responded in his usual calm way. He
>reminded that I was always claiming that God had a reason for
>everything and maybe I should spend some time thinking about it
>before I made my final decision. He also reminded me that I had a
>scholars award that was paying my tuition and if I wanted to keep
>it, I would have to maintain my G.P.A.. Three credit hours or 'F'
>would have destroyed my chances.
>
>For the next two days, I prayed for guidance. On Thursday I went
>back to the class convinced that God had put me there to save those
>poor ignorant heathens from the fires of hell.
>
>I proceeded to explain to them how they would burn in the fires of
>hell for all eternity, if they did not accept Jesus as their
>personal savior. They were very polite, but did not convert. Then, I
>explained how Jesus loved them and had died on the cross to save
>them from their sins. All they had to do was accept him into their
>hearts. They were very polite, but still did not convert. So, I
>decided to read their own book to show them that Islam was a false
>religion and Mohammed was a false God.
>
>One of the students gave me a copy of the Qur'an and another book
>about Islam, and I proceeded with my research. I was sure I would
>find the evidence I needed very quickly. Well, I read the Qur'an and
>the other book. Then I read another 15 books, Sahih Muslim and
>returned to the Qur'an. I was determined I would convert them! My
>studies continued for the next one and half years.
>
>During that time, I started having a few problems with my husband. I
>was changing, just in little ways but enough to bother him. We used
>to go to the bar every Friday and Saturday, or to a party, and I no
>longer wanted to go. I was quieter and more distant. He was sure I
>was having an affair, so he kicked me out. I moved into an apartment
>with my children and continued my determined efforts to convert the
>Muslims to Christianity.
>
>Then, one day, there was a knock on my door. I opened the door and
>saw a man in a long white night gown with a red and white checkered
>table cloth on his head. He was accompanied by three men in pajamas.
>(It was the first time I had ever seen their cultural dress.) Well,
>I was more than a little offended by men showing up at my door in
>night clothes. What kind of a woman did they think I was? Had they
>no pride or dignity? Imagine my shock when the one wearing the table
>cloth said he understood I wanted to be a Muslim! I quickly informed
>him I did not want to be a Muslim. I was Christian. However, I did
>have a few questions. If he had the time....
>
>His name was Abdul-Aziz Al-Shiek and he made the time. He was very
>patient and discussed every question with me. He never made me feel
>silly or that a question was ****** . He asked me if I believed there
>was only one God and I said yes. Then he asked if I believed
>Mohammed was His Messenger. Again I said yes. He told me that I was
>already a Muslim!.
>
>I argued that I was Christian, I was just trying to understand
>Islam. (Inside I was thinking: I couldn't be a Muslim! I was
>American and white! What would my husband say? If I am Muslim, I
>will have to divorce my husband. My family would die!)
>
>We continued talking. Later, he explained that attaining knowledge
>and understanding of spirituality was a little like climbing a
>ladder. If you climb a ladder and try to skip a few rungs, there was
>danger of falling. The Shahadah was just the first step on the
>ladder. Still we had to talk some more.
>
>Later that afternoon, May 21, 1977 at Asr', I took Shahadah.
>However, there were still some things I could not accept and it was
>my nature to be completely truthful so I added a disclaimer. I said:
>"I bear witness that there is no god but God and Mohammed is His
>Messenger" 'but, I will never cover my hair and if my husband takes
>another wife, I will castrate him.'
>
>I heard gasps from the other men in the room, but Abdul Aziz
>silenced them. Later I learned that he told the brothers never to
>discuss those two subjects with me. He was sure I would come to the
>correct understanding.
>
>The Shahadah was indeed a solid footing on the ladder to spiritual
>knowledge and closeness to God. but it has been a slow climb. Abdul
>Aziz continued to visit me and answer my questions. May Allah reward
>him for his patience and tolerance. He never admonished me or acted
>like a question was ****** or silly. He treated each question with
>dignity and told me that the only ****** question was the one never
>asked. Hmmm...my grandmother used to say that.
>
>He explained that Allah has told us to seek knowledge and questions
>were one of the ways to accomplish that. When he explained
>something, it was like watching a rose open - petal by petal, until
>it reached its full glory. When I told him that I did not agree with
>something and why, he always said I was correct up to a point. The
>he would show me how to look deeper and from different directions to
>reach a fuller understanding. Alhamdulillah!
>
>Over the years, I had many teachers. Each one special, each one
>different. I am thankful for each one of them and the knowledge they
>gave. Each teacher helped me to grow and to love Islam more. As my
>knowledge increased, the changes in me became more apparent. Within
>the first year, I was wearing hijab. I have no idea when I started.
>It came naturally, with increased knowledge and understanding. In
>time, I even came to a proponent of polygamy.. I knew that if Allah
>had allowed it, there had to be something good in it.
>
>"Glorify the name of thy Guardian - Lord Most High, Who hath
>created, and further, given order and proportion; Who hath measured,
>and granted guidance; and Who bringeth out the (green and lush)
>pasture, and doth make it (but) swarthy stubble, By degrees shall We
>teach thee (The Message), so thou shalt not forget, except as Allah
>wills: for He knoweth what is manifest and what is hidden. And We
>will make it easy for thee (to follow) the simple (path)." (Al-A'la
>87:1-8)
>
>When I first started to study Islam, I did not expect to find
>anything that I needed or wanted in my personal life. Little did I
>know that Islam would change my life. No human could have ever
>convinced me that I would finally be at peace and overflowing with
>love and joy because of Islam.
>
>This book spoke of THE ONE GOD, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE. It
>described the beautiful way in which He had organised the world.
>This wondrous Qur'an had all the answers, just you need a little
>interest. Allah is The Loving! Allah is the Source of Peace! Allah
>is the Protector! Allah is the Forgiver! Allah is the Provider!
>Allah is the maintainer! Allah is the Generous One! Allah is the
>Responsive! Allah is the Protecting Friend! Allah is the Expander!
>
>"Have we not expanded thee thy breast? And removed from thee thy
>burden the which did gall thy back? And raised high the esteem (in
>which) thou (art held)? So, verily, with every difficulty, there is
>relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief!" (Al-Ishirah,
>94: 1-6)
>
>The Qur'an addressed all the issues of existence and showed a clear
>path to success. It was like a map forgiving, an owner manual for
>whole life!
>
>How Islam changed my Life
>"How much more we love the light...If once we lived in Darkness."
>
>When I first embraced Islam, I really did not think it was going to
>affect my life very much. Islam did not just affect my life. It
>totally changed it.
>
>Family life: My husband and I loved each other very deeply. That
>love for each other still exists. Still, when I started studying
>Islam, we started having some difficulties. He saw me changing and
>did not understand what was happening. Neither did I. But then, I
>did not even realise I was changing. He decided that the only thing
>that could make me change was another man. There was no way to make
>him understand what was changing me because I did not know.
>
>After I realised that I was a Muslim, it did not help matters. After
>all... the only reason a woman changes something as fundamental as
>her religion is another man. He could not find evidence of this
>other man...but he had to exist. We ended up in a very ugly divorce.
>The courts determined that the unorthodox religion would be
>detrimental to the development of my children. So they were removed
>from my custody.
>
>During the divorce, there was a time when I was told I could make a
>choice. I could renounce this religion and leave with my children,
>or renounce my children and leave with my religion. I was in shock.
>To me this was not a possible choice. If I renounce my Islam....I
>would be teaching my children how to be deceptive. For there was no
>way to deny what was in my heart. I could not deny Allah, not then,
>not ever. I prayed like I had never prayed before. After the thirty
>minutes was up, I knew that there was no safer place for my children
>to be than in the hands of Allah. If I denied him, there would be no
>way in the future to show my children the wonders of being with
>Allah. The courts were told that I would leave my children in the
>hands of Allah. This was not a rejection of my children!
>
>I left the courts knowing that life without my babies would be very
>difficult. My heart bled, even though I knew, inside, I had done the
>right thing. I found solace in Ayat-Ul-Khursi.
>
>"Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, the Self-subsisting,
>Supporter of all. No slumber can seize him nor sleep. His are all
>things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in
>His presence except as He permitteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to
>His creatures as) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they
>compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth
>extend over the heavens and the earth, and he feeleth no fatigue in
>guarding and preserving them for He is Most High, The Supreme (in
>Glory)." (Al-Baqarah, 2:255)
>
>This also got me started looking at all the attributes of Allah and
>discovering the beauty of each one.
>
>Child custody and divorce were not the only problems I was to face.
>The rest of my family was not very accepting of my choice either.
>Most of the family refused to have anything to do with me. My mother
>was of the belief that it was just a phase and I would grow out of
>it. My sister, the 'mental health expert' was sure I had simply lost
>my mind and should be institutionalised. My father believed I should
>be killed before placed myself deeper in Hell. Suddenly I found
>myself with no husband and no family. What would be next?
>
>Friends: Most of my friends drifted away during that first year. I
>was no fun anymore. I did not want to go to parties or bars. I was
>not interested in finding a boyfriend. All I ever did was read that
>'****** ' book (the Qur'an) and talk about Islam. What a bore. I
>still did not have enough knowledge to help them understand why
>Islam was so beautiful.
>
>Employment: My job was next to go. While I had won just about every
>award there was in my field and was recognised as a serious trend
>setter and money maker, the day I put on hijab, was the end of my
>job. Now I was without a family, without friends and without a job.
>
>End of Test period: In all this, the first light was my grandmother.
>She approved of my choice and joined me. What a surprise! I always
>knew she had alot of wisdom, but this! She died soon after that.
>When I stop to think about it, I almost get jealous. The day she
>pronounced Shahadah, all her misdeeds had been erased, while her
>good deeds were preserved. She died so soon after accepting Islam
>that I knew her 'BOOK' was bound to be heavy on the good side. It
>fills me with such joy!
>
>As my knowledge grew and I was better able to answer questions, many
>things changed. But, it was the changes made in me as a person that
>had the greatest impact. A few years after I went public with my
>Islam, my mother called me and said she did not know what this
>'Islam thing' was, but she hoped I would stay with it. She liked
>what it was doing for me. A couple of years after that she called
>again and asked what a person had to do to be a Muslim. I told her
>that all person had to do was know that there was only ONE God and
>Mohammed was His Messenger. Her response was: "Any fool knows that.
>But what do you have to do?" I repeated the same information and she
>said: "Well...OK. But let's not tell your father just yet."
>
>Little did she know that he had gone through the same conversation a
>few weeks before that. My real father (the one who thought I should
>be killed) had done it almost two months earlier. Then, my sister,
>the mental health person, she told me that I was the most
>'liberated' person she knew. Coming from her that was the greatest
>compliment I could have received.
>
>Rather than try to tell you about how each person came to accept
>Islam, let me simply say that more members of my family continue to
>find Islam every year. I was especially happy when a dear friends,
>Brother Qaiser Imam, told me that my ex-husband took Shahdah. When
>Brother Qaiser asked him why, he said it was because he had been
>watching me for 16 years and he wanted his daughter to have what I
>had. He came and asked me to forgive him for all he had done. I had
>forgiven him long before that.
>
>Now my oldest son, Whittney, has called, as I am writing this book,
>and announced that he also wants to become Muslim. He plans on
>taking the Shahadah as the ISNA Convention in a couple of weeks. For
>now, he is learning as much as he can. Allah is The Most Merciful.
>
>Over the years, I have come to be known for my talks on Islam, and
>many listeners have chosen to be Muslim. My inner peace has
>continued to increase with my knowledge and confidence in the Wisdom
>of Allah. I know that Allah is not only my Creator but, my dearest
>friend. I know that Allah will always be there and will never reject
>me. For every step I take toward Allah, He takes 10 toward me. What
>a wonderful knowledge.
>
>True, Allah has tested me, as was promised, and rewarded me far
>beyond what I could ever have hoped for. A few years ago, the
>doctors told me I had cancer and it was terminal. They explained
>that there was no cure, it was too far advanced, and proceeded to
>help prepare me for my death by explaining how the disease would
>progress. I had maybe one year left to live. I was concerned about
>my children, especially my youngest. Who would take care of him?
>Still I was not depressed. I know my Allah is there for him too, and
>for everybody. We must all die. I was confident that the pain I was
>experiencing contained Blessings.
>
>I remembered a good friend, Kareem Al-Misawi, who died of cancer
>when he was still in his 20's. Shortly before he died, he told me
>that Allah was truly Merciful. This man was in unbelievable anguish
>and radiating with Allah's love. He said: "Allah intends that I
>should enter heaven with a clean book." His death experience gave me
>something to think about. He taught me of Allah's love and mercy.
>This was something no one else had ever really discussed. Allah's
>love!
>
>I did not take me long to start being aware of His blessings.
>Friends who loved me came out of nowhere. I was given the gift of
>making Hag (Hajj). Even more importantly, I learned how very
>important it was for me to share the Truth of Islam with everyone.
>It did not matter if people, Muslim or not, agreed with me or even
>liked me. The only approval I needed was from Allah. The only love I
>needed was from Allah. Yet, I discovered more and more people, who
>for no apparent reason, loved me. I rejoiced, for I remembered
>reading that if Allah loves you, He causes others to love you. I am
>not worthy of all the love. That means it must be another gift from
>Allah. Allah is the Greatest!
>
>There is no way to fully explain how my life changed. Alhamdulillah!
>I am so very glad that I am a Muslim. Islam is my life. Islam is the
>beat of my heart. Islam is the blood that courses through my veins.
>Islam is my strength. Islam is my life so wonderful and beautiful.
>Without Islam, I am nothing and should Allah ever turn His
>magnificent face from me I could not survive.
>
>"O Allah! let my heart have light (NOOR), and my sight have light,
>and my hearing (senses) have light, and let me have light on my
>right, and let me have light on my left, and let me have light above
>me, and have light under me, and have light in front of me, and have
>light behind me; and let me have light." (Bukhari, vol. 8. pp. 221,
>#329)
>
>"Oh my Lord! Forgive my sins and my ignorance and my exceeding the
>limits (boundaries of righteousness) in all my deeds and what you
>know better than I. O Allah! Forgive my mistakes, those done
>intentionally or out of my ignorance or (without) or with
>seriousness, and I confess that all such mistakes are done by me. Oh
>Allah! Forgive my sins of the past and of the future which I did
>openly or secretly. You are the One who makes the things go before,
>and You are the One who delays them, and You are the Omnipotent."
>(Bukhari, vol. , pp. 271, #407)
