More Working Moms Sending Sick Children To School For Fear Of Losing Jobs

[Rahima]

It’s about time that women stopped judging one another and let each others be.

 

A woman, who chooses to return to work and sends her child to childcare, even though her husband makes enough, does not love her child any less than a stay-at-home mother. She doesn't care about her child any less, so let's stop painting her as a heartless individual who doesn't care enough for her child.

 

At the end of the day, we are all different therefore our choices will be different. So long as the child is not neglected then really it is no ones business but the parents of the child.

 

Yes, we all know there are horrible childcare centres, but just like they exist so do places where any child would receive good care.

[Haneefah]

Haneefah

How are you xabiibty?

Parenting is scary because children are so delicate but I guess if you give it your utmost best, Allah will take care of inta kale. You should get your sister in law a copy of Mohammed Shareef's Driving your Childs's future. It's in e-book form and masha Allah. It's so good that I ended up writing him a 10k 'thank you' email. He does in that book what he does best, make Implementing Islamic teachings on the subject as simple as 1, 2, 3. :cool: I highly recommend it.

I'm good darling, hoping all is with you too . Thank you for bringing my attention to this book. I should probably get it for not only this sister-in-law, but my other four as well...seems very beneficial and I'm sure they'd like shaikh Muhammad's style :cool:

[Blessed]

Hear, hear @ Rahima, vive la difference!

 

I also find that people unnecessarily critique early year’s practitioners. A nursery as not a zoo for kids, it’s a place of learning. Children get to explore and learn in ways that are impossible to do at home. Irrespective of what I do, I’ll be sending my daughter to nursery at least a few times a week. As an only child who only gets to see her relatives 4 weeks a year; her friends and teachers at the nursery have become our extended family.

 

On top of that, I get to use the professionalism of the nursery staff and their resources to compliment the care that I give her at home.

 

Yes, it is sad when mothers find themselves in a situation where they are torn between their role as a mother and their job but you'll find that those are the ones who don't have the choice. Their ****** employers know, so they abuse them. They need support, not ridicule.

 

 

You can get Mummad Shareef’s Book here. It's called driving your child's education but it takes a more wholistic view of parenting.

 

Haneefah, get one for you too hon. It’s never too early to prepare.

[Malika]

Originally posted by Rahima:

It’s about time that women stopped judging one another and let each others be.

Hear, Hear,We women can be hard on each other..I believe we have a sacred obligation to each other irrespective of our differences.

 

Women's life today is tending more and more toward the state Willam James describes so well in the German word "Zerrissenheit - torn-to -pieces-hood".She can not live perpertually in "Zerrissenheit".She will be shattered into a thousand pieces.

 

Let us be, let us be..without the bondages of shame,guilt and honour..

[Aaliyyah]

At the end of the day, we are all different therefore our choices will be different. So long as the child is not neglected then really it is no ones business but the parents of the child.

Rahima, you have made a good point sister. However, I would say if a woman has a man who can work and provide for his family then she shouldn’t rush to work outside her home, at least for the first few years of her child’s life. The child has a great need for love and nurturing, and they need to consistently be told that they matter, and that they are loved. They want to see that their mom is there for them whenever they are in need.

Who can give that better than the child's mother??

I don't believe a woman who has been hired to take care of a child will be able to meet that standard of care that a child deserves.

But, that is my personal opinion, and I do have respect for those who choose to work whether they have a husband who provides or not. After all we all have different perspectives.

 

 

Wa salaamu alaikum

[Rahima]

Aaliyah,

 

 

You seem to be contradicting yourself. You can’t criticise a woman who makes the choice to work (even though her husband makes enough) and at the same time claim to respect her choice. I mean at the end of the day, you aren’t criticising her shoes or handbag, you’re criticising not only her mothering skills but also her love for her child. In essence you are arguing that a mother who chooses to stay at home loves her child more than a woman who chooses to work.

 

I don't believe a woman who has been hired to take care of a child will be able to meet that standard of care that a child deserves.

 

You see I for one (and I’m sure there are others who agree with me) disagree. I don’t judge you for choosing to stay at home for at the end of the day you feel that that situation is best for you and your family dynamics. It works. Just as that is the case for you, my family dynamics might work best in an environment where I work and provide for my children the best possible care whilst I’m gone and my upmost attention when I’m home. I am overall a healthier individual; my mental health and self-worth are somehow more intact- very important factors to assisting me to being a better mother. I feel as though I am achieving my goals. It may not be the case for you, but it for me (me being the operative word here). How many mothers do you know who stay at home and neglect their children, and how many do you know who work but are also loving and attentive mothers? I’m sure that work doesn’t make a difference- it’s the individual that’s the marker.

 

Also, whereas you might see childcare as a death sentence to the child, I see many benefits, ranging from greater mental stimulation for the child to greater social interactions. I acknowledge that there are disadvantages (just as there are disadvantages for staying home); laakiin it is for every family to decide for themselves- scrutiny from outsiders is really unwarranted.

 

Choosing to stay at home does not make you a better/more loving mother. Choosing to work does not make you any less loving.

 

Zenobia,

 

Thanks for the link.

 

I too if ever I am blessed with children will be sending them to childcare at least a few days a week for I do believe that the positives that I would like a child of mine to experience are immense. It’s not even about work for me- I just believe that there are skills a child will gain from a proper centre that will be difficult for a child to attain at home.

 

My mother has worked almost all of my life (meaning that i was cared for by others whilst she was away) and i did not miss out an ounce. Not once did i feel that my mother was not there for me, for when she was with us, it was precious time.

[Cara.]

Rahima,

 

In all fairness to Aaliyah, you can't make a choice without judging it to be better than the alternative.

 

And a career woman who chooses to stay at home would probably not neglect her children. The most neglectful parents I've seen are women who believe they shouldn't work, or can't work, but there isn't a mindful choice to stay at home and raise a family either. They don't plan their families, kids come willy-nilly. There's virtually no attention or care given to the children aside from feeding them and herding them into bed at night. Those kind of kids have a nanny too, better known as a television.

[Ms DD]

I think we should be mindful of the needs of the children and put them first. I had a colleague who was adamant in working after her maternity leave, she couldnt stay from her baby and was always worried, so she had to leave the job. She was strong advocate for working mothers. It is said in many studies that working mothers' children appear starved for attention. When I was a kid, I know i have benefited having my mother there, even though in Somalia, we had relatives and families in and out of our house. SO we werent really lonely. But when we arrived in the UK, we couldnt have our mum working as we needed her.

 

Some mothers really havent a choice. They need the money therefore I dont think I would blame them or lay the guilt-trip but those who have a choice, (in my opinion) i think the kids would really benefit. In the end, It depends on the person and their situation, their family, their career.

[NGONGE]

All these are the problems of the privileged, Ms DD

 

Are you thinking of becoming a housewife?

[Ms DD]

If kids come inshallah, I would stay home till they reach the school age. But having worked since the age of 13 and never had the need to ask anyone for anything, it could be tad difficult having rely on the hubby to provide for you.

 

I was discussing this with my mum yesterday and seh said that you'd definitely fight over money since i got used to buying whatever i want without telling/asking/answering to anyone.

 

But I agree..these are the problems of the privileged . Still..the kids benefit from stay-home attentive mum.

[Aaliyyah]

You seem to be contradicting yourself. You can’t criticise a woman who makes the choice to work (even though her husband makes enough) and at the same time claim to respect her choice. I mean at the end of the day, you aren’t criticizing her shoes or handbag, you’re criticizing not only her mothering skills but also her love for her child. In essence you are arguing that a mother who chooses to stay at home loves her child more than a woman who chooses to work.

Rahima, I was not contradicting myself. It is simply obvious, that a mom who chose to stay at home spends more time with her child. Thus, by spending more time with her child, she shows her child how much she loves him/her.

That does not mean the mother who works doesn’t love her child. Of course, she does. Merely, she spends less time with her child. So, my point is a mother who stays at home gives a better care and spends more quality time with her child than a woman who works outside her home.

 

Let me illustrate an example, let’s say the mother wakes up in the morning drops her child in the daycare, and heads to work. Comes back from work around 5 and what not . Picks her child from the day care center and heads back home, and feeds her child and puts him/her to sleep around 7. Does the same thing 5 days a week. Please tell me exactly how many hours does she spend with her child??? Does she even know her child any more?? I am not questioning her love; she loves her child regardless, but, does she show it?

 

 

Just because I don’t see things eye-to-eye with a mother who chooses to work I am not going to have any less respect for her. It is her personal life she will live her life, however she sees fit.

 

 

However, she is sending a child who is very young and vulnerable to a day care. You know nowadays daycare centers are terrible, even though this doesn’t mean that every day care is horrible, most of them are. So, I am not advising any one to send their kids to a day care center when they have alternatives.

 

Wa salaamu alaikum

[Aaliyyah]

d/p

[ElPunto]

Kids are a bovver - send them off at the earliest possiblity I say. Boarding school at age 8 I say.

[Rahima]

In all fairness to Aaliyah, you can't make a choice without judging it to be better than the alternative.

It may be the best alternative for you but not for others, so let others be. Perhaps I believe that staying at home is best for me and my family, but I must at the same time keep in mind we’re not all clones and therefore have different alternatives best for us.

 

You see I’m not judging those that want to stay, by all your means do if it is that which works for you. But similarly you mind your own business when it comes to my choice. It’s arrogant to assume that you made the better choice and are therefore the better mother (for whether or not they want to admit that is what is been insinuated). This is not a meaningless topic, it's very touchy and for one woman to assume a more superior ground then anothers is attacking her mothering. Wax lagu ciyaaro ma'aha.

 

Just because I don’t see things eye-to-eye with a mother who chooses to work I am not going to have any less respect for her.

But you do have less respect for her for you believe she doesn’t show her child enough love as you put it.

 

Who’s to stay that 4 hours of quality time with a child are not far more cherished and a far greater indication of love then 12 hours of child minding by the television whilst she gossips with her friends? I am over-exaggerating the latter to show you that staying home does not necessarily make a mother more attentive (and we know that whilst over-exaggerated it is not unrealistic for it happens amongst Somali mothers).

 

It is about the quality of the time, not how long.

 

I do not have children yet, and perhaps once I have them I might change my mind about working full time (I’ll always works or else I’d go crazy) laakiin I’ll always keep in mind that it is a decision that works for me, and the Xaliima or Jane next door is not me.

 

You are entitled to your opinion on your choices Aaliyah, but allow others to have the rights you would like for them to afford you. Allow them to be without judging them and scrutinising them (which you are doing- she doesn’t show her love you said).

 

We’ve had many male Nomads, for example Baashi advocate for stay at homes, and that is fine, he is a man, he doesn’t get it, he doesn't get the struggle that goes on in the minds of women. I can let it go, laakiin a woman, I am dissapointed. We should be supporting each other, solidarity you know. You don’t have to agree with my choice for your life, laakiin fight for it as if it were your choice, for we all know how bad women have it, too much is never enough. She is forever not good enough as mother, never attentive enough, her child ends up been a rapist wal ciyaadu bilaah and it’s because he never received love from his mother so he has to force others. You get my drift I hope .

[Aaliyyah]

It’s arrogant to assume that you made the better choice and are therefore the better mother (for whether or not they want to admit that is what is been insinuated).

It is true that sometimes those mothers who stay at home neglect their motherhood, and in some cases a mother who works is a better parent. However, if a mother stays at home and spends quality time with her kids. She would be the better mother, after all she is with her child 24/7, and she gets to know her child, his /her strength and weakness. She gets to know her child in every aspect. Where the mother who works has a lot of other things in mind, and sometimes doesn’t even get to spend time with her child, aside from putting them to sleep and giving them a ride from the daycare center.

 

 

Who’s to stay that 4 hours of quality time with a child are not far more cherished and a far greater indication of love then 12 hours of child minding by the television whilst she gossips with her friends? I am over-exaggerating the latter to show you that staying home does not necessarily make a mother more attentive (and we know that whilst over-exaggerated it is not unrealistic for it happens amongst Somali mothers).

Rahima, you will find all kind of people out there. There are mothers who spend with their kids all day long who gossip and are not taking their motherhood seriously. And, they are those that spend four hours and do take those four hours quit seriously. That much we agree on. However, wouldn’t be the better alternative if you could spend with your child the whole day and be attentive to your child’s needs, what is better than staying with your child every day, and having him/her depend on you, playing with your child, being there when your child gets moody, or smiles?? why give that up?....

 

 

I do not have children yet, and perhaps once I have them I might change my mind about working full time (I’ll always works or else I’d go crazy)

I don’t have children either. But, one doesn't have to have children to know what would be good for a child. Personally speaking I wouldn’t trust others to take care of a child of mine. Unless I don’t have a better alternative, as life isn’t easy in abroad, and sometimes both parents are forced to work outside their house.

 

 

I do believe that we as women should establish our own careers and be successful in life. All, I am saying is for the first few years the child needs a mother whom he/she spends quality time with. The more that time is, the more he/she will learn to depend and trust his/her own mother.

 

We should establish our careers. But, hold it off for few years till that child reaches school age. And believe me I am not here to criticize those who chose to work, perhaps you love working, it is your passion and u can’t live without it. But, please take few minutes and reflect on how life would be so much better if you could stay home and spend quality time with your child. Perhaps, we wouldn't even get that option if we have to work to support our family, but if we do have it, I would certainly take advantage of it.

 

Wa salaamu alaikum