After reading this topic and the responses, the thought of having this conversation with my other half surfaced, which quick let to this DVD playing in my head:
“Babe, what would you do if I ever cheated on you? Would you forgive me? Cheating is rooted in value.”
W: “What?? What do you mean?”
Me: “I mean if it were to happen, how would you deal with the situation?”
W: “Listen, if you have something to say to me say it, don't patronize me.”
Me: “You're jumping the gun here, I mean, if you cheated on me, I would give you a chance to explain yourself. I would than analyze the circumstance and might even forgive you.”
W: “What is there to analyze, it happened. And that all that matters”
Me: “Say, I am on my deathbed, and my only cure was to eat this apple. Theses apples are only in the hands this guy who owns this farm, and he tells you he would only give them to you if you sleep with him.”
W: “Why would it even get that far? I would throw rocks at his farm and he in return would throw apples. (And chuckles at her wit)”
Me: Now you are just being silly.
W: I am being silly?? (With slight irritation) You’re a peace of work, you know that.
Me: I would forgive you.
W: Listen man, I don’t know where you’re going with all this. But, if something happened at least have decency and be a man about it.
Me: “I cheated. (Long pause) with time, I mean”. And I continued “You remember last week when I said I would be working late. Well, I wasn’t I went to smoke Shiisha.”
W: “Heh. Friday when you said you were going to play soccer, I know you didn’t because you came back smelling like Shiisha, Saturday you went again. What is this an addiction?? You have to stop this Zafir, you have to. When you came home late that night and I asked you were out smoking Shiisha, do you remember what you said to me? “
Me: what ever it was I didn’t mean it babe.
W: “you said [When people go crazy, they don’t just wake up one morning naked and start to chase normal people in the streets. They show symptoms, and that I was being paranoid.] You had me second guessing my smell and sanity.” And she added “Please put a stop to this Shiisha habit, I hate the smell, I hate it.”
Me: At this point I am short for breath; my neurons are in overdrive to come up with reasonably justifiable response for a rebuttal. I echoed, “Yes, I cheated. She was this blonde chick with a round bum that works in Happy up.” In one sentence, thinking, at least Shiisha was now salvaged. I didn’t even wait for the outcome; I quickly pressed Eject and deleted the content permanently.
Relieved, that this conversation would never ever take place in real life, I went to blow off some steam and flavored smoke.