Xoogsade Posted August 15, 2004 I think the Answer should be No because of the risks involved. Is there a man who would let his wife have a best male friend? Some justifiable relationships do exist such as professional relationship and work related contacts or group-work, but I would suspect if normal friendship between a married woman and another man can be justified in the eyes of most men. For that, it would be fair for the men to not do the same. If the friend of the opposite sex is someone you grew up with, then the relationship can be considered more than just mere friendship, more like brother/sisterhood, and I think such situation wouldn't cause any problems provided the spouse knows the other person and the history behind the two people knowing each other. The wife's happiness is more important always than friendship. And Just because one is married, doesn't mean they will stop being human if they find themselves in compromising situations. The best female friend can be the eventual second wife. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Passion_4_Fashion Posted August 15, 2004 waxaad ku wada haysiin "yes I would allow it", laakiin wallee markey dhabta idin qabsato bansiinka iyo biyaha aad isku dari doontiin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OG Moti Posted August 15, 2004 Walee Dumarkii kibir baa galay... they start to discuss wheather they allow the man what he does or not.. next thing they will tell us how to walk and how to eat.. balo... koleyba waan garaney sidan is coming to us but i never thought it would be in life time.. but hey life turns weird all the time.. good luck men who married somali ladies in the west.. Allah Macaakum... koleyba i am sure you learn to cook and shop ... maybe change the kids as well.. Our grandfather are turning upside down in their graves by now.. :mad: . peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xoogsade Posted August 15, 2004 OG-MOTI, It is not Kibir, It is their right to have a say in your conduct once you are married. If you want to do what you want, as you want, and how you want it without factoring in what your wife thinks about what you are about to do, STAY SINGLE. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OG Moti Posted August 16, 2004 Brother Xooga dont misunderstand my words.. all i ment is this is not right to say do u allow ur husband peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xoogsade Posted August 16, 2004 Oki bro OG. Sorry about the misunderstanding. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dawoco Posted August 16, 2004 I am ashamed to say i was once upon a time one of those girls that swore vengeance if their husband dared even contemplate another marriage, and in all honesty, i still wouldn't like it for my husband to get another wife. Having said that, i think we have no choise if they go about it in the way our religion demands . And if they have the means to do it. I was having a heavy discussion with a muslim brother about men marrying more than once, and was saying how i was against it and that i wouldn't tolerate it from my future husband and all that could be said. But then dawned the realisation that as a muslimah, i can't accept the parts of the holy koran with which i agree and reject everything else that doesn't suit my persona. I felt guilty and bad that i should renounce a right that men have been given by our creator and immidiatly changed the way i raged about it, if not the whole of my views. I am against men abusing that right, and i don't know whether i can accept it in my own life, but it is something that men can do freely if they follow the guide lines set by our religion. So i think that there is little us females can do about it, other than demand divorce and dream of vengeance. But then again, it is all in the understanding that is between a husband and a wife a suppose... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baashi Posted August 16, 2004 dawaco change that nick to Maandeeq U deeq the Maan ukhti. I like it . As for the topic, as a married man I understand what it is all about The rest of u - bunch of talkative singles - are just very sensitive doobs. Doob dareen baa dilay! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dawoco Posted August 16, 2004 ^^So whats the secret to marital bliss? baashi, the nick is my way of keeping away attacks nooh,,,don't want to be victim of bullying in sol... Thanks for the compliment though! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baashi Posted August 16, 2004 Maandeeq I've been reading books, magazines, reciting gabayo, talked to waayeel who should know one or two about this, went to all over the world to find the answers for that question. So far, this is what I learned: marry right, and once you are in make it work...bal hadii aad wax xikmad ah oo arrintaa ku saabsan aad heshid inna-adeer ila soo socodsii Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted August 16, 2004 ^^ So, how does someone go about 'marrying right'? As far as I can see, there's really no way to tell if the person is the right one for you, till you're actually married, and prolly for a while too. So, how does one make sure they 'marry right'? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baashi Posted August 16, 2004 Aah! You should read my book. You see I've put alot of effort to figure that out. I should get some thing in return. On a serious note, qallanjo I don't know runtii. I can tell u this much though. About 30% is a gut feeling, About 40% is a homework, and if you have the patience to do "trust but verify" work you would at least have the big picture of the character you are going out with (this doesn't apply to players, pathelogical liars, and womenizers, etc). Finnaly, 30% is a mystery. There is no hard science on this...u know Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted August 16, 2004 Ok...sounds logical. I just wonder if the gut-feeling should count for more than it does? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faheema. Posted August 16, 2004 ^^^ LoL… I must say this is the most interesting and diverse thread I’ve read in SOL for a while. It went from “Would You Allow Your Husband to have a female friendâ€, followed by polygamy and now is all about getting into the “Right Marriage/sâ€. :eek: So let’s connect the dot’s… Say you enter into the “Right Marriage†(according to Baashi’s, guide you must have plenty of gut feeling, have done some homework and must have bit of trust)… Then, since its “right marriage†you’re both content (so it seems) Barring in mind that, she "allows him" to have a female friend…. Until, that “friend†gradually becomes the 2nd wife…and there you are in plural marriage. Who would have thought ey… polygamy and Marital Bliss? On a serious note... It's down to whatever both individuals are content with. Whether be him having a female friend or a second wife. As for getting into the Right marriage, though I'm not sure if I would use that term. Nevertheless, I would agree that you have some level of trust, background check and bit of gut feeling would help to put you in the right direction, the rest in Allah we trust. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted August 16, 2004 ^ Yes, the dots seem to connect effortlessly, dont they? :eek: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
