Note to future me. Learn to master the art of speed with out getting a ticket, Take TTC

Ur wlc my brother.

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said," You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall. "He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know? if he touched them? He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button marked ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are > > > things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now > > > published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while > > > these exchanges were actually taking place. > > > > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > > > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > > > ______________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? > > > WITNESS: July 18th. > > > ATTORNEY: What year? > > > WITNESS: Every year. > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the > > > moment of the impact? > > > WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect > > > your memory at all? > > > WITNESS: Yes. > > > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your > > > memory? > > > WITNESS: I forget. > > > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of > > > something you forgot? > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living > > > with you? > > > WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't > > > remember which. > > > ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? > > > WITNESS: Forty-five years. > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband > > > said to you that morning? > > > WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" > > > ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? > > > WITNESS: My name is Susan. > > > ______________________________________ > > > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever > > > been involved in voodoo? > > > WITNESS: We both do. > > > ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > > > WITNESS: We do. > > > ATTORNEY: You do? > > > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a > > > person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know > > > about it until the next morning? > > > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > > ___________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, > > > how old is he? > > > WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one... > > > ________________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was > > > taken? > > > WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was > > > August 8th? > > > WITNESS: Yes. > > > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > > > WITNESS: Uh.... > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? > > > WITNESS: Yes. > > > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > > > WITNESS: None. > > > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > > > WITNESS: By death. > > > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > > > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had > > > a beard. > > > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning > > > pursuant to a deposition notice which > > > I sent to your attorney? > > > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies > > > have you performed on dead people? > > > WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on > > > dead people. ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? > > > What school did you go to? > > > WITNESS: Oral. > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you > > > examined the body? > > > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > > > ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > > > WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering > > > why I was doing an autopsy on him! > > > ______________________________________ > > > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > > WITNESS: Huh? > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the > > > autopsy, did you check for a pulse? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient > > > was alive when you began the autopsy? > > > WITNESS: No. > > > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my > > > desk in a jar. > > > ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been > > > alive, nevertheless? > > > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been > > > alive and practicing law. _

^^ Santa Maria baby. What else?

^^ Tell them "You can pick your Boyfriends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your boyfriend's nose."

^^Marijuana. All Mods smoke that.

ramadaan kariim all

Alle-ubaahane walaahi walaalkiis dhowr casho ka hor aan waxaan is dhahaayey "war ninkii hal kuu ka dhacay?" subxaanal llaah and here you are great to have you back walaalkiis. Ama sodohdaa baa ku jecel and cirmi dheer baad la haan doontaa one of the two.

Tuujiye washeysi waaxid, yaaa ahbal Maanta oo aan odayoobay oo gabar inan ah nah lee yahay waad iga shiixi weysay yaa? Si aan kaag aarsado ma aqaan, laakiinse waxaan balan kaaga qaadey in ey ARSI ilmahaa dhali doontid beerka ka cakisto. It's a promise :mad:

Foolish African, there is nothing more to it then that really.As far as his son is concerned am plenty sure there are kids younger then him who have witnessed more dreadful things. He is African, so he will live am sure.

Thankz guys for the worm welcome, much valued. We will pick it up from where they (other moderators) left off and put our level effort to live up to their names.

^^LooL@Naku Pendha..Bax afka soo luqluqo, fever beel. Wlc back wiilo walaashiis.

Hambalyo heersare iga gudooma dhamaantiin.

^^Have you seen the man's neck horta? Fidel castro has tyson's neck if not bigger... Or are we both excluding the fact that you have Man Hands On the serious note though: Fidel Castro didn’t deserve this fatwa that is being called on him. See we all have to consider all facts; he is the type of man who always overturning rocks. Brief history: Fidel Castro said: He is a man who enjoys his wine We (Sol Folks) said: yara yara yara , who doesn’t Fidel Castro said: booty has more value then a booby We (Sol Folks) said: apples and oranges brother man And now Fidel Castro said he supports and acknowledges homosexuality (Well not in those words mind you) just to stir the conversation, and when most Sol members all reached for their guns. He went the manly man route (I said it and am sticking to it) any other way and i would said "dude that was gay move"

A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. What r u doing? she asked Hunting Flies, he replied. Killed any? she asked. Yep, three males and two females. he replied. How can you tell them apart, inquired the wife. He Responded, 3 were on the COFFEE CUP and 2 were on the PHONE. HA HA HA HA

What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who are you???

^^That's Not a manly thing to say

^^^This leads to the 49.99 dollar question. Are you still master of your domain?

Success is a commitment not a wish :Bashir (my dad) Constantly talking isn't necessarily commnicating: jim Carrey

Great news indeed. Ahmed iyo faarah walaalyaal waxaan ilaahey idinkaga baryey in ilaahey guur kiina mid waara iyo raaxo iyo qaboow badan leh idinkaga dhigo. mabruuk mabruuk akhyaarta.

Interesting read.

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

Only In Africa In a restaurant in Zambia: "Open seven days a week and weekends." On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: "No trespassing without permission." On a window of a Nigerian shop: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?." On a poster in Ghana: "Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help." In a hotel in Mozambique: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9.00 am and 11.00am daily." On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When this sign is submerged, the river is impassable." In a Zimbabwean restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager." A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet: "Risk of electric shock - Do not activate with wet hands." In a Botswana jewellery shop: "Ears pierced while you wait." On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital: "Mental Health Prevention Centre." In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: "No children allowed!" In a cemetery in Uganda: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. In a Malawi hotel: "It is forbidden to steal towels, please. If you are not a person to do such a thing, please don't read this notice." A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose." In a Namibian nightclub: "Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar." In a photo studio in Chitungwiza (Zimbabwe): "Photos taken while you wait