Salafi, i disagree with u. We do have a choice when it comes to polygamy. 1-the man needs his wife's consent in Islam.. 2-if she chooses, she can leave the marriage, because it is a legitimate reason So sisters, don't buy into the idea that u have to stick with the man if he chooses to marry another, if u don't want to be a co-wife, by all means, find someone that won't abuse the religion, because polygamy has no place in this day and age. No man can really treat 2 ppl equally, financially, love, attn, kids, etc...its gonna foster jealousy and mistrust. Polygamy was introduced way back when men were dying in great numbers for religion and women and kids were left without a husband and father. Therefore, in order for another man to take another into his household in an honorable way, he had to marry her and be a father to her kids. Now THAT'S a great reason to maybe give the practice a thought. It is an allowed practice, but for extreme reasons and it is not encouraged in Islam. So gentlemen, don't mix islam with ur desire to have a intergeable wives and stop misleading ppl. Let's see the state of somali society today in the diaspora. One or 2 of the parents are maybe taking welfare, have more kids than they can feed, are struggling to pay the rent and make ends meet, the husband more often than not would rather hang at the cafe than take care of his kids or emotional needs of his wife (some men). Some men go back home, without the permission of their wives, marry another, neglect the first wife maybe months on end, come back, impregnate wife #1, go back and stay with the other wife half the yr. Now, where is the fairness these ladies deserve, the love, the equality, the caretaking, etc...absentee fathers and husbands is an epidemic in our society, and until most somali men can take care of ONE wife and ONE family as a whole, he has no business looking elsewhere. If he can't take care of one, why have another? is it to have halal mistress maybe??...now why would he want that sin, where he's unable to take care of both the way they need it? Cheers!

lol legend...i got a lawyer too, darman, come to my rescue!!! U can check my previous posts, i was always a "cheer"ful person...i swear...i dont plagiarise like other "nomad"s..hehe

lol sue...i feel ur pain, and ur right, u cannot with-hold sex as a bargaining chip or use it against him at night if ur mad at him, otherwise, during ur whole sleep, angels will curse ya...lets just hope he's great in bed, then u wont mind it, but if he sucks and ur mad at him and u still gotta sleep with him...now thats punishment!!! In any case, its not wise to go to sleep angry anyways, with ur mate or others,...and im not sure if u noticed, but if u had a fight with someone, ur sleep seems disturbed and u carry a longer grudge, so its not healthy for u in the long run.

Naaya Pearl, great topic! I HATE being called naaya, not so much from girls but from guys!!!! It just has a disrespectful air to it, kinda like..."yo, slave"...so i get hives from the word...but girls saying naaya to each other, not a problem, its all in the tone u use it...but men usually use it to call u like ur a puppy waiting to get a treat from them..."naaya, xalimo, come here, whats ur name, qabil, blood type,etc"...annoying as heck!!!

Tamina, i agree with u, I dont think its extreme to ask someone b4 marriage about their sexual history if indeed they were active. In this day and age, when it seems like the word virgin is becoming extinct, i think its prudent and smart to not only ask ur spouse about their sexual history but to also test them, b/c they may not know it, if they got something or not. So its not about trusting just their word, ur life is more important, so test him and urself just to reassure him, and live happily ever after. As for the topic, if the guy has the right to ask or not, if its someone im about to marry, I dont mind answering that q, but if its just any joe in the street, then no, that none of his biz. In any case, knowing the history of FGM in somalia, they can safely assume that majority were victims, hence putting that issue to rest.

OG, i doubt any woman will drop a hubby for a "cafe loser" as u put it. Im also interested in getting more info on the "research" that u have to go on. What is more important that u could have added was, that the underlying message to ur "research findings" is that woman want to be appreciated by their spouses and seen as a valuable contributor and member of their household, rather than just a one dimensional being, only seen to serve one role and not really given the kudos they deserve while performing that role.

As most ppl have already said, perfect beings do not exist, but what one should look for when they are seeking a mate, is someone who is perfect for them, meaning that the 2 ppl would complement each others' personalities and behavior, hence, resulting in a perfect match. To look for the perfect person is fruitless, b/c it does not guarantee if such a person were to ever exist, that u would get along, therefore, concentrate on a merge, rather than unrealistic perfection.

Islam requires both sexes to inform one another on their whereabouts and such, if the man is going out, he must tell his wife and should be open to listening if she objects to him having a night out with the "mistress" aka. Khat. Now if the woman is going out, she should also inform the husband of where she is going and should also listen to him if he has valid points, so its all in how u and ur mate agree to relate to each other when ur married and how u acted during the courtship. If while u were dating u used to tell him where u were going and now feel the need not to, thats just plain misleading. Good reasons to go out: 1-shopping 2-shopping 3-shoppping 4-oh yeah...work.. If he says no, things to do to him: 1-annoy him, talk all through football/fav sport 2-talk on the phone REALLY loud with ur girl, discussing feminine issues 3-ask him if ur butt is getting bigger ** Guarantees u'll be kicked out of the house so fast and given a credit card to do some damage at the store or take the girls out to dinner p.s.-key is communication, and it should go both ways, and if he has better plans for u to stay home that night, why object to a night of romance? (if some are that thoughtful at all) Cheers!!!

I'm basically the same offline, if not more expressive, im too lazy to make up another persona online, so im just me, off or online.

lol nomad, u just hate girls period..ahem...san fran ring a bell?

lol darman, don't u know its haram to eat an animal that wasnt killed in the name of God? Go to a muslim restaurant, or where they have halal meat....Sorry to dampen ur appetite..hehe..i feel like being evil today Fav foods: 1-shrimp 2-chicken 3-rice 4-pasta 5-cheesecake any of the above will do if im stranded on an island

Me too! im guilty of the net addiction, curse the one who came up with it and hence is responsible for my cronic procrastination! Addicted to: 1-TV 2-music 3-historical romance novels (guilty pleasure) 4-stilletos 5-addicted to love..(naw...just a song, 80's tune) p.s.-im a recovering cola addict, as in having at least one a day, now im down to one every now and then...so pls stop all the cola talk! I feel myself getting the itch again..

Lets see...hate is too strong of a word, to be reserved for certain stuff. Like Bush, cramps and OSAP... Now my list for Strong Dislikes: 1-hypocrites 2-gossip mongers 3-ppl with bad breath/B.O. 4-ppl who use other ppl's pics and pass them off as their own...ahem..checkmate..cough..ahem.. 5-having to wake up early on monday 6-losing the remote More to come, stay tuned

Baashi, i had no choice but to expose the khat monger, he left me no choice! ....he was ruining my reputation as a cold hearted sweety! Mentioning that he didnt even get emotional when i broke up with him, as if!!! I want him to tell the rest how much he cried and sobbed over moi ...getting my ego isn't against the law, or is?

lol mombasa, hilarious! ...i thought i was the only one feeling that way...let me add one more...we never have to use rogaine...oh wait...there are bald women these days, i take it back. Also, i tell male teachers if im running late in handing in an assignment, that i got "feminine" issues...u should see how fast they say "ok...hand it in whenever!"...

Farax, why must u air our dirty laundry? Ok..ok...i'll tell ya why we broke up...first, u were too cheap, u thought buying me a cup of coffee would spoil me, second, u thought trying to hit on my friends was cool, and thirdly, u thought wearing ur pants high, almost to ur chest, was manly, with ur sweater tucked in...so i had to let u go, no matter how many good times we shared, like that time u took me to ur mom and made me cook for ur whole family..now that was precious, but u had to ruin it huh...fine..lets break up again, meet me same place, different attire pls...

Rudy....u can't be serious? asking us why we don't like cafe rats? Gee...its like asking arabs or muslims why we hate Bush...self-explanatory...Let me ask u this Rudy, being a newlywed and all, would u rather spend time with ur wife or other men who have nothing better to discuss than needless politics and/or when their next opportunity to make their gums any greener-ie Khat...most of their jobs are the cafes! instead of providing for their family, or going home after work to help the wife out with the kids, they would rather act single and hang out at donut shops, instead of using their time wisely..and im not talking of the rare cafe goer, by all means, have a night out with the boys, but majority are addicted and are there 24/7... For the girls with horror stories with the cafe rats, mine takes the cake, or khat in this case...well, one night, a friend and I went into a cofee shop, mainly for me to use the washroom, but we also went in to buy a couple french vanillas...as we were walking in, the whole place was filled with pure men, not a single female in sight, which left me feeling like the new kid in jail :rolleyes: ....i was like..oh oh...keep ur head down and go straight to the washroom...i told my friend to get the order and me and him can just leave right after....when i came out, my friend informed me that one of the oldies had his eyes plastered on my tush, and he was laughing hysterically....i was sooo grossed out, cause i looked back at the tush culprit and there he was, with a toothless grin...Yuck!! im sure he has grandkids older than me... :mad: p.s.-socrates, ur hilarious, and great excuses for the cafe bums...

lol OG Girl..suck on ur thumb do ya? ..lol As for moi..lets' see...this kinda sounds like a dating service...hope i dont get flooded with admirers..hehe Location:Toronto Sex: no thxs, im waiting for marriage Occupation: student What do i do when ppl arent looking?: -admire myself some more Favorite Music: old school 80's, hip hop, R&B, reggae old and new, arabic, hindi...basically anything that has a good beat. General Interests: reading, movies, surfing the web, tv.(turns me into a procrastinator), among other things...

lol Xu...and here i thought all the good men were overseas? guess not...doomed wherever we go...i could pass around ur application to a few good men i know...and u may wonder why i dont take them myself, thats b/c i gave them the great and prestigious honor of being called my friend, hence, they are off-limit.

so nur, not to put words in ur mouth, but this is how i understood ur response. Just so she doesnt make the camel boy feel inadequate education wise, she should marry him to be closer to his level? sacrifice her education so she doesnt "overpower" the camel boy with her intelligence? let me know if i misunderstood u. In any case, she started this topic b/c she wasn't ready for marriage and most of u turned it into, a circus, telling her she'll be an old hag if she doesn't just settle for the first farax that comes knocking, instead of encouraging her to finish her education and then marry provided the right man is around, therefore she'll have something to bring into the marriage and benefit her kids as well. For all u "religiously" inclined brothers, i find it extremely funny that u are the ones pushing her into a potential, loveless and hurried wedding, and do not once even mention fate...shouldnt marriage, if and when it happens, in the hands of God like all things in life? think about it.

LOL....well...if it isnt the underpaid bodyguard...what can i do for u today?

"X I will be waiting for you post too; since you U fallow D.A around..." My point right there ADMIN....garab thxs for proving it for me...u did me a great service...as u can see...im not even involved and he wants to drag me in...like i said...ill be the bigger woman...and let u rot in ur misery and insecurity....good day!

someone obviously missed the joke part, or is this unfair slander? just another day at SOL huh...highjacking topics and bringing personal feuds...

One, in every society, there are the good, the bad and the ugly....these girls apparently met too many bad fishes and hence think that all somali men aren't up to par...which is of course foolish, since generalizing isn't exactly einstein"ish"...like someone else said, why would u date someone who seems to hate u? Im sure all girls can tell ya they know some somali men who arent great, but it doesn't mean that they should paint all with the same brush...same goes for men who have grudges against somali women...they got serious issues that they need to deal with...to hate ur kind is to hate urself...and they shouldn't compare with other races b/c its 2 different cultures and religions...

"what do u guys suggest for stretch-marks?" Well, that is a pesky problem for almost all women, all shapes and sizes, due to rapid weight loss or gain...also it can be hereditary, if ur mom has it, chances are u'll get it too...what u can do while it is in its first stages, ie-meaning b4 it turns into the white mark...use lots of cocoa butter, and there are other creams out there in ur local drugstore that can help with minor stretch marks...other than that...the more extreme solution is laser, and thats will cost u a pretty penny, but save that option 'till ur 10 kids are outa the way...lol..and then laser all the marks off...