I hate my father!

[Faynuus]

I was at the local mosque today, as usual we had a tafsiir class. Suddenly the sheikh mentioned Allah swearing on Parents and kids( wa waalidun wamaa walad) and this girls sitting next to me tells me she hates her father and this particular surah is making her emotional. :eek: . Lator i asked her why coz I have never seen or met a somali person confessing to how much they hate their parent to someone else so I could not believe my ears!

 

Anyway, the girl tells me her father abandoned his wife and 9 kids in Somalia :mad: , married a young wife becouse his older wife apparently stopped having kids ., also abondoned a child 10 yrs ago and forced her younger sister to a man against her will.

 

are those good reasons to HATE your father. i think it is unfair. whatever he does he is her FATHER. she wont listen to me Am i wrong?

[Ibtisam]

^^^Yes you are. Often people assume that if they convince you it is good to love you parents, you will suddenly and magically start to love them. You cannot convince someone to love their parents. They either do or they don't. Often if the parent has been absent in the childhood, in combination with painful memories or abandonment, it will only be natural to resent him as an adult o even question him. To be honest he has no right to demand parental treatment since as he was never there for them or assumed the father role. Providing the sperm does not absolve him of parenthood.

 

In saying that it is good for her as an individual both mentally and psychological to let go of the past and try her best to do her duty as his child. Otherwise it will affect her whole life, her views of men, trust, love etc.

 

Her father will be questioned for his neglect and unfairness to his wife, kids and the responsibility he did not fulfill, therefore she should try her best to observe her Islamic duties and be kind and helpful to him. She’ll probably never love him as much as most people love their fathers, but spending time with him, may foster some understanding and mutual respect if nothing else.

 

I personally think haad she is a bit pis*sed off and emotional hence the outburst, but seen as she is qoof deen taa gaarisa, she will see her error.

 

That’s my 2cent.

[FatB]

^but theres the hadeeth that states (correct me if an mistaken) that parridice will not be open to thoes who are caasi to their parents

[Jacaylbaro]

Fathers can be wrong but HATE is too much for them specially from their children. U can tell your father/mother they are wrong but it is not good to say you HATE them.

 

 

It is a sin to HATE your parents even if they convert to another religion ,,, you can disagree with them though

[Endeavour]

Your father is your father whatever occurs between your parents is entirely their business you may set in and TRY to solve any problems they may have but that should be all.

 

Your parents deserve respect at all times , even if they have abondoned you.

[chubacka]

I dnt think its right for her to jst discuss these things in public, she might well resent her father for his unfair treatment of her and her family but really its better jst to know that ppl (men in particular!) have short comings an its better to forgive.

 

but she herself is human an it will take time, esp if she is young an its happened recently. so dnt judge her harshly, be patient an listen to her, it might help.

 

An thats my 50p worth!

[Miriam1]

I don't understand people who claim to "Love" someone because they are biologically related to you...AND no more...

 

Ofcourse she has every right to hate her father, and what does it have to do with her being somali, is there a genetic marker that makes us blindly cherish rubbish parents?!

 

Is it a sin, to experience an emotion that one cannot be faulted for...I am not sure why we expect her to behave like the ideal daughter when her father has been so awful!? Respect should be afforded to any individual.

Faynuus, the only thing you should advice her on is moving on with her life, its quite non of your business if she should care for her father's well being or not, or if she behaves more like daughter.

[Aaliyyah]

I think she should forgive her father and move on with her life. That hate she felt for her father wasn’t her fault of course since that emotion was fostered by her father’s actions. However, now that she is old enough and has learned her religion, she should know to forgive is what our religion teaches us. It is the key to progress. Allah swt will deal with her father for what he did, but she should move on and she should understand hating him will not change anything. I personally know a girl who her mom threw her out when she was two years old and was raised by her aunt. And, now she in her mid 20s and sends money back home to her mom consistently and keeps in touch w/ her. Subhanalah it takes a strong iiman to do that, and hopefully this sister is strong enough to be kind to her father even though he doesn’t deserve it.

[Faynuus]

yes she should foregive and move on. whatever a dad does, you can not hate him even if he kills ur kids.

[Aaliyyah]

subahanlah@ kills your kids...that is a bit extreme isn't it? ...you have every right to hate a killer, especially one that killed ppl who are so dear to you.

 

From a religious perspective someone who took a life should be killed. In that scenario I wouldn't even suggest forgiveness.

 

However, if your mom/dad neglected you when you were younger and someone else raised you...then in that case you can forgive them.

 

that is my 2 cent

[Malika]

What's there not to hate,if the man that is responsible to keep the family intact walks away, leaving your mother to fend,protect,educate 9 children in a world were she is isolated.This isnt Africa were children were raised by a village, you had aunties,uncles, neighbours and the whole community chipping in raising you.Here the poor mother has to make sure the children go to school,duugsi etc..On top of that she has to make sure there is food on the table,bills are paid,clothes are bought..If she can speak English at least she doesnt have to rely on you to take her to the GP when things get a tad bit too much for her,when you see her sink in depression because she [your mother] has lost all hope,she cant see the future,when you see you brothers start hanging around with the wrong kind of people.You are helpless,you need help with your coursework,life at school is too much as you dont dress like everybody else,your clothes are either hand me downs or from primark..you come home to messages from your younger sisters/brothers school teachers complaining they have been stealing other kids lunch...only because they too want to have that fancy new lunch box filled with all sort of goodies..they are fed up of eating tuna and basta from Netto.

 

So why should she still love that man? father or no father, he doesnt deserve love when his decision to walk away has turned his whole generations lives into chaos...

 

[Geel_jire]

But there tends to be a bit of over-dramatization by kids that grow up in the west..........

 

I'm not defending lazy irresponsible fathers............ but not constantly holding your hand, and not going to kids sporting events..... and not constantly saying 'i love you ' , or kissing them goodnight ... is enough to make some of these kids hate their parents.......

 

i swear you hear grown men complain about being ignored by their fathers when they were young and the worst example they can give of mistreatment is some of the stuff i mentioned above.

 

you cannot control your emotions but the least your father deserves is respect.

[Pujah]

Hating her father will only make her life that much more difficult - She needs to forgive, forget and be the better person.

[rudy-Diiriye]

be glad and thankful..at least u have one parent with u. some of us are no that lucky! we came here with no parents, brothas, sistas, but with $10 dollars in our pocket and an address.

 

help your family, and be good. its time for u to shine like the star.

[grasshopper]

Originally posted by Pujah:

Hating her father will only make her life that much more difficult

so true. someone said hate is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. it's no good for anyone