Bad Writing Contest: Results

[- Femme -]

Winners of the Dark and Stormy Night Contest aka the Bulwer-Lytton Contest run by the English Dept of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first sentence of a bad novel.

 

10) As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.

 

9) Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.

 

8) With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small, straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

 

7) Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall 'Andre, creep...Andre, creep...Andre, creep...

 

6) Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex change surgeon to become the woman he loved.

 

5) Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living in a local pet store.

 

4) Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.

 

3) Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

 

2) Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear', a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death....in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.

 

AND THE WINNER IS

 

1) The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward and with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly "You lied".

 

Wretched Writers Welcome

[Sincere]

Intresting.

Looks like oxymorons are the common factor in selecting these. I get the ones in 2-10, but #1 is slighlty confusing.

 

The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward and with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,

 

That is the only instance that catches my eye. Describing the sun's fingers as sickly; when sickly is usually interpreted as pale, sick, dark, feeble etc; not a characteristic used to describe the sun. I would have selected #8 as the winner if given the choice.

[sheherazade]

Funny.

 

Santa's dead? How ever will we break it to the children?

 

....in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies

 

quite a few of those about lately.

[Baluug]

Originally posted by Femme Fatale:

 

3) Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

That is such a beautiful description!!

[Valenteenah.]

7) Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall 'Andre, creep...Andre, creep...Andre, creep...

Now that is just plain creative!

 

Hilarious.

[Goonle]

ZYPH

 

You have an unusual sense of humor. Im trying to see what was so hilarious about that quote but i just cant see it. Maybe its some inside londoners thang.