Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 I don't want a guy who needs to be fixed user-pic Jessica Downey on 10.04.10 at 9:22 PM | 4 comments | I was chatting with a friend today about dating. He's a friend from Indiana who tends to get annoyed with the whole internet dating thing (hey, don't we all?) so a lot of times that's where our conversations lead. Sometimes he feels frustrated when he sends a message to a woman and she doesn't respond. Forgive me here because I am paraphrasing since I don't remember the exact way he phrased it but apparently another friend once told him that maybe he's a little too put together. You know, it kind of goes with that idea that women want a man that they can change or fix. Now, this could be the case with the guy. I have seen some of the messages he sends and read over his profile. And I can definitely tell you that he looks like a put together guy (not that it's a bad thing because it's not). I mean, his stuff is spelled and punctuated correctly and everything. I know there are women out there who date guys who they can fix. And I am not just talking about a guy's fashion sense but rather their emotions. Sometimes even morals and values. I will confess that it's something I was guilty of when I was younger. It is also something that I learned a lot from. And, I have to tell you that when it comes to having an actual real relationship, it just doesn't make sense to me. When I was in college I used to date all the bad boys. I mean, half the guys I dated didn't even have a driver's license and it was usually from a DUI. I also dated more than my share of guys that were addicted to something. It was usually pain pills. I actually dated a guy who stole my parents credit card. Yeah, that was awesome. Then, of course, there was Mr. BST who was a total mess emotionally. All these guys seems to need me on some level or I guess I thought the needed a girl like me. I thought they needed to be fixed. I thought I could fix them. Though technically, for me, I don't think it was really about fixing them, it was just nice to be needed. I mean who doesn't like the feeling of being needed? Here's the thing though, situations like that never work and that's not the reason you should ever want to date someone. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying if your significant other gets into trouble that you shouldn't help them because clearly you should. I am just saying the trouble a guy is experiencing shouldn't fuel your desire to date him. And the satisfaction you get from a relationship shouldn't be from fixing a person. That's just a recipe for disaster. Eventually I grew up a little and realized that those types of relationships do more harm to me than anything. Honestly, they do more harm than any satisfaction from helping anyone could ever undo. It's exhausting a and mentally draining. And down right pointless. Clearly I know that there is always room for growth and with growth sometimes comes a little change. However, that's totally different from someone who needs to be fixed. I also know that people usually come with some kind of baggage . After all, we have all had painful break ups and many people have experienced other types of tragedies. Those are things that will always be a part of you but it's a totally different story if you are leading some kind of destructive lifestyle. I know that relationships are not an exact science and there will always be things that you have to work through. I am just saying I want a guy who has his shit together. And when I say "has his shit together" I don't necessarily mean a guy who has a great job and makes lots of money. Though, he should be employed unless he has a good reason (like the crappy economy). No, I mean everything. Call me crazy but I don't want to waste my time fixing a guy. I would much rather spend my time with a great guy who is already put together. Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/all-the-single-ladies/2010/10/i-dont-want-a-guy-who-needs-to-be-fixed.html#ixzz1QXWvWC71 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 Could you date a guy who still lives with his parents? user-pic Jessica Downey on 11.21.10 at 7:29 PM | no comments | user-pic Jessica Downey I love Sundays. Generally they are a pretty relaxing day for me. I drink a lot of coffee and write a lot. Sometimes I read and just try to relax. Actually, I am even known to cook a meal or two on Sundays. Another great thing is that Sundays are usually a great day for television, which is where I get to admit to watching some of the really lame shows that I actually watch. I tend to be drawn to MTV occasionally on the weekends. There is often a marathon of shows like True Life or Made and what can I say, I am a fan of those shows for the most part. Hey it's a little better than my addiction to Teen Mom. At any rate, earlier today I caught an episode of True Life which was about people who lived at home with their parents. I am pretty sure it's a fairly old episode of the show, but it's one that I hadn't watched before. On the show there was a guy who was 30-something and still lived with his mom. He openly admitted to being a mama's boy and said he just hadn't had the desire to move out yet. He also openly admitted that he's never had a serious girlfriend and that he thinks it would be a little difficult to bring a lady friend home to his mom's house. As I was watching the show, I started to think about that whole situation and I wondered if I could actually date a guy who still lived at home with his mom/parents. I am 30 and I have lived on my own since I was 21. Now, granted my parents helped me a little with rent while I was in college because it was cheaper than room and board on campus. But nevertheless I have lived away from my parents since the age of 21. That's a pretty long time of not dealing with parents for me. The only time I have ever dated a guy that still lived with his parents was when I was with Mr. BST. However, that wasn't exactly an intensely serious relationship. I think it would be a whole other thing to seriously date a guy that still lived with his parents. And honestly, I am not sure how excited I would be to be involved in that sort of situation. Bottom line is, I really don't think I could date a guy that lived with his parents. Honestly, I kind of wonder how serious you are about being serious with another person when you don't seem all that serious about your own life. I mean, how can you start a life with someone when you haven't technically even started your own life? Now, that might seem harsh and judgmental which is not how I mean it at all. I mean clearly I know there are exceptions to everything. If you read my blog you know I try to keep an open mind when dating. And I also believe that you should never say never. So there are definitely a few cases where the whole living with the parents thing is totally acceptable. Clearly if a guy lost his job and had to move back in with his parents that is a different story. It's also a totally different thing if one of his parents is sick or something. Again, I get there are exceptions and I wouldn't toss a guy aside the second that he told me that he lives with his parents. If he is this totally mature, ambitious and independent guy who just happens to live with his parents then perhaps I would be okay with that. However, if he goes on to say that he is a mama's boy and needs someone to do everything for him, then I'd have to pass. Sorry, but I really would. And it is definitely not a money or status thing either. He doesn't have to have some huge penthouse apartment in the heart of downtown Chicago. He also doesn't have to have some prestigious job. It's honestly not about any of that for me. I am just an independent, very overly ambitious and driven kind of girl. And I want to know the guy that I am dating is the same way. Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/all-the-single-ladies/2010/11/could-you-date-a-guy-who-still-lives-with-his-parents.html#ixzz1QafAWweQ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Che -Guevara Posted June 28, 2011 Some women with their silly questions Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 What is so silly about this. I find it informative and interesting to read n infact I kinda can relate to the second article I posted. My mother the other day suggested to me a guy who lives with his parents and I was like hooyo he lives with his parents n she was like so what? that's not big deal. He is saving and what not lol..anyhow I am kinda on the same boat as the writer and feel the same way (Even though unlike her I don't live on my own but then again religously it is not sound for a girl to live alone even though I would love to kinda allows you to become mature I guess and self sufficient) salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taleexi Posted June 28, 2011 Waa iga talo adeer, ka guur reerka oo keligaa meel ku noolow ha lagu soo booqdee. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 Taleex, as usual you and your odd comments! something tells me qaad baad ruugta! no offense intended. But, if you have nothing constructive to write waxba haso qorin..walaasha mathalan xita haday kaligeed noshahay adiga ma jeclaan laheed nin inuu so booqdo lol...gabadh muslim ah wax xun hakula talin mala taa dhashay ama ta kula dhalatay kusoo noqotay..ana intaas ba iga talo ah LMAO Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taleexi Posted June 28, 2011 Aaliyah: ahha horta qaadka yaan waxba laga sheegin waa quud awliyaade. Midda kale walaashay iyo taan dhaloba way ku khasban yihiin in si uun lagu arko. Balse haddaad taladayda diiday dhib ma jidho baayo ee hooyo iskala joog. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 Adeer, clearly there is a huge difference between meeting someone and bringing a guy to your place. The latter being haraam in Islam. Hope you don't advice that to anyone else and see ur mistake!...Anyways, move on. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Taleexi Posted June 28, 2011 Ok, adeer - maalin wanaagsan. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 same to you. Maalin wacan. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Somalicentric Posted June 28, 2011 Saying that women shouldn’t live on their own is such a primitive statement… *finger wag* <O:p</O:p Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aaliyyah Posted June 28, 2011 ^^^In islam it is not recommended rather it is discouraged. However, I am sure a girl can live on her own if she so choose to as long as she practices islam. After all Allah swt will judge us based on our deeds (so as long as we are pious in our apartments so be it!!!)..I do actually believe at some point you need your personal space. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 28, 2011 Taleexi, looool...Waa lagu waabsaday...Booqashada waa mid la'isku leehay, usheeg Aaliya...Gabar kaligeed dagan waa in laga warhaayo dheh oo lasoo booqdo... Aaliyah, adi horta "haram" maxaa ugu boodaa? Naga daa dee! Someone coming to visit you doesn't have to be wax xun hadaad kaligaa dagan tahay... Women, Somali women specially, should experience to live alone before they get married...From dear parents' home to marriage dhibaato weyn beey dad badan ukeentay...Nimankana waa iney iyagana kaligood dagaan, oo nololshoodu dhistaan si gooni ah, away from parents/siblings...Ka carara kii idin yiraahdo "lacag baan ku aruursan"! Waligeedna lacagta ma ururto, isagana meel uma dhaqaaqo... As for the articles posted, the author of the 2nd article just sounds such a dhoocil...Don't if it is her style of writing or something else... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abwaan Posted June 28, 2011 Aaliyyah;731021 wrote: Taleex, as usual you and your odd comments! something tells me qaad baad ruugta! no offense intended. But, if you have nothing constructive to write waxba haso qorin..walaasha mathalan xita haday kaligeed noshahay adiga ma jeclaan laheed nin inuu so booqdo lol...gabadh muslim ah wax xun hakula talin mala taa dhashay ama ta kula dhalatay kusoo noqotay..ana intaas ba iga talo ah LMAO lol...Aaliyah. Kani qaad ma ruugo anigaa kaa huba ee bal cillad kale u raadi! I think guubaabo ayay ka ahayd oo ah meesha ka xeroo hooyo ha soo agtaagnaane! lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 28, 2011 Bal Aaliyaay, if I may ask, why would you prefer a guy who lives alone rather than the one who still lives at home? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
