Giving Birth- Is He In OR Out???

[Alle-ubaahne]

My father, my grandfather, my great-grandfather, my great-great grandfather and the greatest of all my great grandfathers, None of them had to go closer their wifes when giving birth, so as to display a sense of love, or whatever these contemporary western-minded girls consider is "Real Man".

 

Why couldn't all of our beloved great grandmothers ask for our grand fathers to experience the process of child delivering? I realy don't understand why we always have to take the footsteps of the evil cultures, or the so-called mere values of those we brought us here in the west!

 

Look at the difference between how a western man expresses his love, comparing to a somali man: A western man can give his wife flowers (all flowers must be cheap, cause every dummy carries a bunch of them) but he can't pay her food when they go to a restaurent; on the other hand, a somali man can give his wife all that is in his disposal to please her, but he can't kiss her in the public.

 

do you see the distinction?

[Xoogsade]

Alla-Ubaahne, Brother, Xaaskaada inaa la joogto markey foolaneyso dhaqan xun ma'ahan.

 

Ugu yaraan, Adigaa geynaaya isbitaalka markey foosha qabato, admissionka u saxiixaaaya, Qolka loo qoondeeyana geynaaya ama la tegaaya. Waad la joogi doontaa ilaa dhaqtarka ka yimaaddo. At which point, haddii dhalista soo dhowaato, ama waad la joogeysaa oo gadaal ka istaageysaa, ama fadhiga meesha dadka wax ku sugaan ayaad fariisan doontaa. Maxaa dhibaatoo ku Jaban intaas? The choice is yours really. And if she wants you there, YOU CAN NEVER SAY NO. They even let you watch her through watching glass if you want to without standing next to her.

 

I have been there before with my neighbour and his wife although I didn't watch(which I shouldn'

t anyway). I stayed with them almost the whole night and he was with her untill delivery.

[Som@li]

^^^^marka geel lo heeso baay gorayo u heestaa baan maqli jiray,, saaxiib u are 110% off the topic, , Topic ga dib u akhri.

 

Alla-ubaahne waan kugu raacsanahay fegradaas. dhaqan gaalada ayay ku badan tahay in ninku uu wax ka umuliyo,Hadii duruufi jirto waa meesheeda,,markaa wax lagu dayan kara maaha ilaah baa ina leh'e.

[Xoogsade]

Farxan, Oh, Sidaas miyaa! I thought I hit the nail on the head. Gosh, I mustn't have been paying attention. But you could be the one singing for the Ostrich while others sang for the camel If you look at the title, It asks whether you are in or out if it comes to your wife's delivery. Alla-Ubaahne declared staying with her to be part of an evil culture. I say it is not. And if he isn't going all the way, at least he is the one taking her there for the delivery right?

 

Btw, Somali men in the west do a lot things(work) that wasn't supposedly part of their culture, and people back home would find it repulsive if they knew what was going on. This is far easier step to take. Tusaale hadaad rabtana waa nimanka Ariga Qala ee Hilib Xalaalka aad kasoo Gadato. Definitely, waa Xoogsato xoogooda maalaaya, laakiin xusuuso dhaqan ku sheeggii Soomaliya marki la joogey la hesytey iyo sida loo yasi jirey Ninka Hilibka Qalo? hadana inadeer kaliyaaba lasiiyaa shaqadaas.

 

 

Aabayaasheen waxaas ma sameeyaan sheeko soconeyso maaahan. Get on with the program waaye meesha. Qasabna ma jiro oo la leeyahay you have to be there. Xumaan yaan laga dhigin waxaan Xumaan aheyn.

[Curly]

I can’t believe some people can be so negative, why would you not want your husband there to share such an experience?

 

Forget about this silly culture where any sign of affection is frowned upon, because I think your husband being present at the birth will only strengthen your relationship.

 

I know my mum believes that women shouldn’t scream when in labour because apparently it’s “Ceeb!†so while my mum was holding in screams pretending to be strong so that others won’t think of her any less. My dad would be sitting outside in the waiting room completely clueless about what my mum was going through to bring THEIR child into this world.

 

I was hoping the next generation would put an end to this absurd culture we cling on to and hold with so much misguided respect for.

 

I know my brother was present at all his children births and he’s changed his view about women and their cultural roles and ultimately made his relationship with his wife stronger and inshallah lasting!

 

**But then again hey we're Somali, women have to go through as much pain as possible to for fill their cultural duties…that’s life for you!**

[NGONGE]

I’m not sure if any of you will agree with me or take my advice. I’ll say it nonetheless and hope to save at least one poor soul.

 

If your wife is giving birth, do not go in unless you really have to. If it works out that there is only you and her in the hospital, then you have no choice but to go in. She needs to have a familiar face while going through all that pain. On the other hand, if her mother or a sister who’s already a mother is present at the time, then it’s preferable for the man not to go in. These ladies will be able to calm her down, tell her to push when push is needed and basically walk her through the birthing ritual. Your clumsy hand squeezing hers and pulling her hair will not be needed. Still, you have to at least stay until her water breaks.

 

Being present at the birth of your children is one of the most humbling experiences you’re ever likely to live through. It’s also not something I would recommend for a proud Somali man. A man who is supposed to look after his family, who is supposed to protect it and shield it even from a passing breeze. This experience is an ego crusher. In that delivery room you become the most useless person on earth. The wife is in pain but at least she knows where that pain is coming from. She is experiencing it right there and then. The midwives are trying to deliver her and they also seem to know what’s going on. Even the tiny child seems to know what’s going on and is fighting for it’s dear life. The husband? The husband becomes more useless than the sanitary towels those midwives are using. A day before, he was THE MAN. He believed that there was nothing he couldn’t do to make his family’s life more easy and comfortable. He knew he’d always find a way. But, now, in this tiny room, even his words of comfort are not being heard! He’s a nobody. If he speaks he’s not heard, if he tries to do something he gets in the way and, if he stands still and does nothing, he’s accused of being cold hearted! A man’s (Somali or otherwise) whole upbringing and all his experiences are not built to cope with such an ordeal. It’s not the blood that will put you off; it’s not the fact that she’s giving birth either (because you already know that!). No, what will put you off is the fact that she’s in pain and there is nothing, NOTHING you can do about it. In addition, most women use gas to alleviate their pain. Within an hour of starting on that stuff, they forget everything and only know pain and gas, pain and gas. No husband!

 

Going in and not going in is not the only test of love and care. Pacing outside the delivery room while sick with worry is also a proof of that. Don’t fall for the Indian movie sad scene, brothers. If you’re up to it and think you can take it all and cope, go in and watch your ego getting crushed with every kick that baby makes. If you’re not, be man enough to admit it and send her mother in with her. Don’t worry yourself about what people think or say, they’ll all soon forget all about it. She’ll forget all about it too and, soon, be ready to have another baby and go through it all over again.

[Xoogsade]

NGONGE, That was nice advice. If one has the stomach to do it, others shouldn't make the act of participation, needed or not, look uncultural or abhorrent.

 

And To go off topic on Me, I have fear of blood and can't even kill a cockroach. I even hit one time the breaks so hard to avoid a Squirrel in the street, My American friend on the passenger seat screamed "Jesus, with some expletives, It is just a Squirrel god damn it"!. So I don't think I will have the stomach for watching such pain of great magnitude as you described. May be the pacing will do when the time comes inshallah and staying to the last minute before the actual birth. I don't know for sure man. I have no Ego to be crushed though, only some other worries(phobia). And if the future wife asks for my stay, I will never say no I think.

[Senora]

What a bunch of wimps.

 

 

Alle-ubaahne

 

Not every tradition in the Somali culture is suitable for every individual. .(and BTW, that comparison holds no water)

 

As far as the mere-values comment goes, childbirth is a blessing that should be celebrated by both parents, not just tolerated. I don’t think many of you men understand the impact of your presence, or the impact of your absence. As far as I’m concerned, that “no-show†practice becomes the base of a “no show†husband/father in other situations.

 

And many of you guys are misinterpreting the “being there†part. You don’t have to watch the actual birth (well at least in my case). I can understand, its only natural that it may gross you out. But standing there beside me is a whole other case of its own. You may not think your doing much, but it’s the little things that can make difference…...keep that in mind.

[Paragon]

I have seen the process taking place, and there is nothing much to it. Not a big deal at all.

[Qac Qaac]

I would be there with her right in that same room. so that she doesn't bother me ever again, when i am watching my world series, world cup. nfl, nba, nhl.. all the sports...

 

when ever she says how come u didn't do this u r always watching sports... i would tell her remember i was right there with u when u were givin the birth of our child.. loool. just kidding.

 

but jokes aside.. i definately would be there.. for my wife, coz i heard lots of stories with the doctors, i don't want them to leave a fork in there or something.. or i don't want them to throw out the ovary thing, like they did to many somalian womes. gaaladaan xasidiin weeye. i would also ask the needles he is using to maintain the pain if they have side affects later on... I WOULD DEFINATELY BE THERE FOR MY WIFE... coz i don't want her to be taken advantage when she is her weakest point.

i would even sit the same bed with her.. if i am allowed so she could hold my hands or something, hope she doesn't break them..

 

p.s. if she says i don't want u to be there then, is different story...

[Che -Guevara]

Being at the delivery room is horrifying to say the least. I have no intention being there, and I hope whoever I end up with understands that. When I was in collage, my biology professor showed us video of an actual birth. Thats enough of experience for me.

[checkmate]

posted by princess_sexy

As far as the mere-values comment goes, childbirth is a blessing that should be celebrated by both parents, not just tolerated. I don’t think many of you men understand the impact of your presence, or the impact of your absence. As far as I’m concerned, that “no-show†practice becomes the base of a “no show†husband/father in other situations.

lool such powerful conclucion "no show" in other aspects of parental n merital life.Well sis this is what comes to mind, am sure your father wasn't there in the delivery room when you were being born n that doesn't make him a lesser man of what he is today.

 

My father wasn't there either, but it's because of "he" that wasn't there "i am" what/who "i am" today, my mom still luves him the same, nothing changes sis.

 

This movie business isn't real at all.....anyone that goes thru with it good for them , anyone that doesn't go thru with it double the good for them...

 

asxantu

[nuune]

posted bye Qacbaro

 

for my wife, coz i heard lots of stories with the doctors, i don't want them to leave a fork in there or something.. or i don't want them to throw out the ovary thing,

waxaan ka yaabayo soo waxaas ma ahan anba oon u leeyahay naagteyda anaa ka dhalin oo shanta farood la gali, hadduu miinshaar ama mindi kaga dhax tago buufkeeda waa dhibaato oo hadhoowti wax ku mud mudo

[Juxa]

sa wr wb,

 

nice topic, few pple have made sense, the rest are what i call, muluqyaalo, they have no idea.

 

NGonge, way to go. pacing in the corridors is worse than been in the same room. its pure agony.

 

qacqaac, impressive. its the ladies choice.

i have actually been in that room more than 6 times. and all those times, the husband felt so helpless and out of place. inta tag, xaga istaag, maskiin, i felt sorry for him

 

personally, i would rather have my girlfriend, or sister, or mother. because i would feel like iam with pple who have gone thro with it. as was said before they tell u push, or yell, or ask for drugs

 

alternatively, the husband can be present, if he desires, bt i suggest he stays by the wife's head. hold her hand (laughing, knowingly, and wondering hw many fingers he will break). he can relax her, talk to her, tell her whats happening and basically offer emotionally support. i think that would be real nice

 

i have seen men faint, and feel sick, also men feel quite useless in that room. i was there with my dear friend and his ever (geesiyad) wife. he was so tired, and emotional, he started Questioning every little injection. so brother qacqaac, maybe yr wifey wont appreciate yr too many Qs. pass the epidural, pass the gas, pass the weed, get me out of hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[checkmate]

Thaank you JUXA you hav spoken like a true Queen...wallee boqorad baad tahay...aabahaa alla janeeh

 

asxantu