When your sis clubs and drinks?

[money]

I don't know Where to began since this caught me off-guard that I am kind confused what to make of it or how to reconcile with it.

 

The shock and blow came during my recent trip to New York, the city that never sleeps!It wasn't my first time to visit New York but this time it was totally different, mind boggling and eye opening to new realities.

 

Let me tell you about it without hyping it or making it so sensational. I went to take part of my favorite sister's graduation ceremony . But as usual and as out of state visitor, I was invited, entertained and welcomed by friends and acquaintances alike. I was treated good by people I just met through my sister and cousins. I have some first and second cousins there. You know how we Somalis have such extended families all over the place. Their hospitality was off the hook. I was taken to places, museums, Broadway shows, times square, great sight-seeing places, empire building, restaurants, central park, clubs, even to mosques, you name it!

 

But it was my excursions to the clubs and the big apple nightlife where my overboard mind became jarred forever. I am not an old fashioned conservative Somali at all but the sight of seeing so many Somali brothers and sisters (specially close cousins) heavily drinking and partying like there is no tomorrow was unthinkable. Unimaginable was when two of my college going female cousins just without any hesitation took me to the bar, ordered kamikaze drink which I later found out to be a mix of Vodka and lime juice and unimaginable was they audacity to ask me to pay for their drinks. I had to oblige since i had no clue and since they were off to the lounge and did I pay a heavy sum for these drinks. Then everyone (brothers &sisters alike) was going for more drinks and no, that were no re-fills. When I confronted them and refused to pay, I was told to bug off, shut up, or get lost. But then I was told not to go anywhere since I would be the designated driver. Strange isn't it. I was schooled on the variety of the liquor they were indulging. The drinks had nicknames (jungle juice, wedding cake, wet dream, blonde bimbo, slow screw). I was told that the Kamikaze I paid was the lowest in terms of its alcohol content! Maybe it was my fault that they thought I was cool and ok with all of this partying and drinking. before all of this , I was voluntary participant of smoking Hookah(shisha) with them. I knew they were smoking weed-blended shisha which they called MJ, abbreviation of Maryan Jaamac or Miftaaxal-Jannah, they keys to mental journey to paradise! as I later learned.

 

Anyways, when I made a fuss about this I was told this phenomena is all over the place, that everyone does, that it is popular with Somali college students in big cities all over America and it is not a big deal! and above all, am I this way-behind bozo! and typical Somali FOB?

 

To me, this was a two-fold dilemma: First two of my first female cousins are doing it in the open, second the parents of these sisters are unaware of what their daughters are up to. They think their girls are there for college and better future when in fact all they do is party and ask their gullible mothers to bankroll their partying and drinking habit.

 

I am no snitch and believe everyone is free to do whatever but I am worried the hypocrisy and the double-lives these sisters of mine have and how they dupe their unsuspecting parents. When back at home, they like wearing Hijabs and behaving as decent/traditional Somali girls but when away in college dorms, they be partying and drinking crazy and god knows what else they do or into. I am also concerned form my younger newly college graduate sister who will be living in the city and would eventually hanging with these wild cousins of ours. I am concerned of the bad influence. They had some influence on me during my stay. I quit clubbing long time ago but I went to clubs every weekend night i was there. I don't smoke at all but I liked smoking the shisha every afternoon.evening during my stay. I am telling you it was addictive and irresistible.

 

So I am like, if they could make me do all of these bad habits in such a short time, won't it be easy for them to influence my sis who be sharing apartment with them? I also suspect my little sis is no angel no more and may have fooled me. Maybe she stayed clean and innocent during my stay there! who knows! maybe she is part of the crew and does all these things and more! what you guys think I should do? talk to my sis, confront my cousins? sound the alarms and involve the parents in this?

[Chimera]

[Chimera]

I will give you this advice brother, keep the info you have about your male/female cousins to yourself and your parents(so they will understand why your sister needs to get out of there but make sure they keep it to themselves) don't allow your sister to mingle with such people cause most of the time these crowds are xaasids and through peer-pressure they force normal individuals to act like them.

[Oz]

^^ lols Adam true eh..

 

I knew they were smoking weed-blended shisha which they called MJ, abbreviation of Maryan Jaamac or Miftaaxal-Jannah, they keys to mental journey to paradise! as I later learned.

They gone too far these ladies.

 

Subhaanallah!

 

Brother, Reading the story about your cousins involvement with haraam substances is deeply disturbing. In the best interest of your sister I would advise you to keep her away from your cousins, if possible. I, encourage you to raise the alarms and let the parents know of their actions.

[Fabregas]

It's not a great a suprise to see Somalis and other Muslim immigrants turn to normas and cultural practice of their home communities! Be Gentle with your Sister! Try to have a discussion with her as to what her views on such things are! A trip to Somalia wouldn't go amiss,show her the Badiye and life back home, but, heck don't deport her! If you have the money, MR Money, a trip to Umrah would be nice! A good spiritual experience! Whatever you do ha ku qaylin!

[Jacaylbaro]

It is a really difficult situation ,,,,,,,,,,,

[Ibtisam]

Money, just a few things...

 

1)They see you as an agreeable mug, and you have no control over them. The audacity of asking your relative to finance your bad habits is an illustration of this. I am surprised that as the “male cousin” you do not have any authority or even command a level of secrecy/respect which will at least make them attempt to hide their habits. In light of this you really are in no position to try and get them to change their behaviour. ALL you can do is advise them against this habit and leave it at that. Telling their parents will not really achieve anything, most parents think their kids are perfect regardless and the kids will find a way to spin what you saw, or it will just be your words against theirs.

 

2)You sister is a different case; while the cousins are not your responsibility, it is your duty to ensure your sister is in a good environment. Ideal she should be somewhere where you or another member of your family can monitor her and be aware of what she is doing. I don’t know where people get the idea that they can drop their teenagers (particularly girls) in a society where they must fit in with the popular culture, and then leave them there for a whole three years :confused: So as Adam said talk to your parents and between you, work out where and who she is going to stay with.

 

3)Lastly I cannot believe you are so calm and accepting of their behaviour, what do you eat?? I need to give whatever has you so calm to my hot headed cousins.

 

Ps. I’m sure the liberals will show up soon, muttering something about she is an adult, right to do as she/they will, make her own mistake, experience and experiment etc. It is all lies I tell ya, ignore them, you need to put your sister in a good environment which will not hinder her education or Islamic values.

[N.O.R.F]

This reminds me of the Asian crowd at uni who would go mad because they have finally been 'freed' (ie left home). Dad waalan bay ahaayeen kuwaasi

[Geel_jire]

amazing money truly disappointing money bro.

 

 

I'm somewhat of an old fashioned conservative guy so i do disagree.

 

 

First you have the responsibility as the older/male cousin to straighten out your cousins. I would suggest locking them in a room and giving them the biggest beating they have ever head maybe break a leg, when someone is immobile for sometime it gives them time to think.

 

In the U.S that is probably not feasible but you absolutely must tell your aunt who is bankrolling this lifestyle, you have the responsibility as a muslim , as qaraabo, as somali i' sure there are quranic verses or hadiths to support this.If you cant straighten them out don't stand in the way of the aunt who probably could by at least cutting them off.

 

 

as for lil sis ... since you have absolutely no proof, but if she were clean you wold have heard from her long before saying "these ppl are into XXX and XXX" i cant live with them ... since that hasn't happen and the absolute minimum she is guilty of is living with these drunks and not telling you or anyone or asking to be relocated somewhere else.

 

From the story i think there is a problem with how u'r lil sis and cousins perceive you as the cool older brother/cousin ...... the best case would have been where they would not even think of approaching you with this.

 

This maybe just the beginning you have to try your best to make sure that she will not even think of drinking ... I suggest beat her just because you think she might have been drinking and associating with drunks . you have to set the bar higher than mere drinking to even associating with drunks make her very afraid of what will happen when and if you ever do find proof.

 

and lastly don't even wait for graduation get her out of there or at least arrange for some other place for her to stay until it is over after then they should not even be in the same state.

 

Money brother the word snitch is complete BS propagated by rappers who don't want to be outed for crimes they commit so they make it sound as if anybody reports a crime is uncool or something.

 

This is not naive advice brother im under no illusion that beating kids would make them change but at least they know what your stance on a certain issue is only Allah can guide people but you have to do your absolute best, think of it like this, 10 years in the future your sister becomes a drunk, loose women would you be able to think back 10 years and say to yourself you did your best to straighten her out.

 

probably not politically correct, but honestly this is what i would have done .... I have 2 younger sisters who hated me when they were between 17-20 but now everything is cool in fact they now act as if im the kid mothering me, which is a diff story.

[Paragon]

Shaabuug ayeey u baahan yihiin.

[Ibtisam]

^^^I don't think money is the kind to beat his sister and cousin for "just in case" they may have been walking on the wrong side of the road. I doubt he would start now. In any case these are not children, they are at uni, and since he is in a different country, they can afford to act good when he is around and then wild out the rest of the time. The fact they did not even do that says a lot in itself. My edo always use to say while someone is too ashamed to do soemthing in front of people, there is hope, once it becomes a normal thing for them, they no longer see it as a problem. I do not think these girls see their life style as "wrong" therefore beating them will have little impact, it would just push them fruther away and isolate them.

[Libaax-Sankataabte]

I am very sad to hear this. You should inform the parents as soon as possible. That is all you can do at this time.

[Fabregas]

Originally posted by Geel_jire:

amazing money truly disappointing money bro.

 

 

I'm somewhat of an old fashioned conservative guy so i do disagree.

 

 

First you have the responsibility as the older/male cousin to straighten out your cousins. I would suggest locking them in a room and giving them the biggest beating they have ever head maybe break a leg, when someone is immobile for sometime it gives them time to think.

 

In the U.S that is probably not feasible but you absolutely

must tell your aunt who is bankrolling this lifestyle, you have the responsibility as a muslim , as qaraabo, as somali i' sure there are quranic verses or hadiths to support this.If you cant straighten them out don't stand in the way of the aunt who probably could by at least cutting them off.

 

 

as for lil sis ... since you have absolutely no proof, but if she were clean you wold have heard from her long before saying "these ppl are into XXX and XXX" i cant live with them ... since that hasn't happen and the absolute minimum she is guilty of is living with these drunks and not telling you or anyone or asking to be relocated somewhere else.

 

From the story i think there is a problem with how u'r lil sis and cousins perceive you as the cool older brother/cousin ...... the best case would have been where they would not even think of approaching you with this.

 

This maybe just the beginning you have to try your best to make sure that she will not even think of drinking ...

I suggest beat her just because you think she might have been drinking and associating with drunks . you have to set the bar higher than mere drinking to even associating with drunks

make her very afraid of what will happen when and if you ever do find proof.

 

and lastly don't even wait for graduation get her out of there or at least arrange for some other place for her to stay until it is over after then they should not even be in the same state.

 

Money brother the word

snitch

is complete BS propagated by rappers who don't want to be outed for crimes they commit so they make it sound as if anybody reports a crime is uncool or something.

 

This is not naive advice brother im under no illusion that beating kids would make them change but at least they know what your stance on a certain issue is only Allah can guide people but you have to do your absolute best, think of it like this, 10 years in the future your sister becomes a drunk, loose women would you be able to think back 10 years and say to yourself you did your best to straighten her out.

 

probably not politically correct, but honestly this is what i would have done .... I have 2 younger sisters who hated me when they were between 17-20 but now everything is cool in fact they now act as if im the kid mothering me, which is a diff story.

ma naxaysid ba! Geel Jire iga dheh!

[Baluug]

Actually, MJ is short for Mary Jane, which is slang for marijuana.

[money]

Geeljire, you are lucky and I agree with what you said but it aint that easy for me and for the folks I came from. We are very crazy and dysfunctional while in some aspects we are very close-knit with so many weird characters.

 

Ibtisam; you make a lot of sense. Other suggestions are typically what I heard before. First; I won't say I did almost the same thing but close to it. I did not drink alcohol but partying and running after chicks was what I did when I was at their age and in college. Second, I grew up in Somalia and they were born here and have totally different mentality then me. third; who knows they may outgrow of this and finally as I came to understand, these sisters (in their early 20's) don't really value the Somali culture. They usually bash and criticize it. They talk about some hypocrisy and negativity in it. It all could be about their upbringing and the homes they came from. For example; one has a father who gambles, is always away of home, had multiple wives back in Africa and doesn't work most of the time. The other grew up in a household of 7 kids with no father figure and led by a very resourceful single -mother who made sure to make ends meet and her kids at least finish school. So I cannot blame them for what they are doing. I know it is wrong but I can't be totally expecting them to be straight. I could rationalize this and say maybe it is not their fault but that is not gonna solve anything. It wasn't their choice to be born here, grew up in broken homes and have no role models to look up to. So how can I expect them to totally adhering to the Somali culture? the other thing is some of their younger brothers and sisters are more religious and straight than them and that is itself a good thing. You can tolerate one bad apple. Every family has their outcasts and pariahs.

 

As of my sis, she too was born here and feels not that connected to the Somali culture. In college she met some Somalis who were biased, alienated her, and kept her out of their circle of friends. So she is associates with non-somalis and these wild cousins. And feels comfortable in such a crowd who doesn't judge her or involve her in alien primitive Somali concepts as clans and regions.

 

As for me, I believe in individual choices and freedom. Everyone is now an adult and is master of his/her destiny. At the same time, this bad behavior is really disturbing to me and to my deeply-held values as, first of all Muslim and as Somali. If I intervene or involve parents in this, I think things will get out of hand and there will be some bad consequences. I know my relatives and extended family. They are the least rational people and always resort to unconventional methods to complicate things. But this what I did, I started an email conversation with them to show how disappointed and shocked I was in their drinking habits. So far; I got no response but hope to.