WOULD YOU A STAY HOME MOM OR NOT?

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

hey

 

people usually tend to have different opinion my opinio is iam an undergraduate student in medical feild and when the right times comes i will get married coz i dont know it could be tomorow and god knows when i will fall in love with my perfect mate and start a family and also to my self i wount just strugle to study all night long if iam just going to stay at home, when iam a mother and a wife i belife there is always a time for everything as long as i have my time for my kids and my husband i think i will be able to be a perfect wife and a perfect mother and hey i belive any woman can do it if they belive they can do for now i'am not the type of person who will just crab some thing to eat on the way to school no no i wake up cook clean go to school and come back go to work and study and on the weekends i go and see my family and have fun with them so hey i belive anyone can do all you need to do is have faith with what ever you plan to do and hey no offence but thats the way it hink it should be.

 

thanx

[dawoco]

Sofine, lol sister i'm glad you like things done in moderation. That is the best way to go about it.

Though i am not against day care, and would probably do it if the need was there, i would like to avoid it.

 

Ideally speaking i would want to be there for my children until they start school at the age of four. But that is hard to do with each child, so maybe my plan isn't bullet proof yet.

 

Still, time will tell. Only real life mothers would know the emotional highs and lows that come with motherhood and child rearing, we girls can only speculate.

[Blessed]

First things first. Insha Allah when I have a child / whatvere.

 

I'll start thinking about whether to send them back to baadiye or leave them with the hippy child minder across the road. If am suddenly blessed with huge amounts of money - I'd consider home educating them myself (what better way of using your education tha to teach yourlovelies ). Better still hire some private teacher and have them home educated under my watchfull eye - as if :rolleyes:

 

I'm certain about one thing though; I'd have to be in a very, very desperate situation before using day-care centres. They just don't provide the type of care young children deserve at that tender age. Unless I'm in Sweden / Muslim country where I'd beg them to take my kids in.

 

Sorry, sisters; I know this post isn't very productive at all but hey Sera, Sera.. whatever will be, will be. I just hope that I can babies. I deal with their predicament later.

[Valenteenah.]

^^ Howdy sweets.

 

Day care centres? LoL...you girls should watch a BBC1 programme made about what really happens in nurseries. 18 months old babies were being verbally abused or neglected in private nurseries where parents were paying an arm and a leg to have their children looked after properly.

 

I know you cant keep your child at home indefinitely because young children need to develop their social skills (interacting, playing and sharing with other children), but most experts believe its important for one of the parents (preferably the mother) to stay around for the child in the first 3-5 years

(their most formative years).

 

On the other hand, being at home wont do anything for your child if your not meeting his/her developmental milestones. As well as looking after them physically, you've got to keep on top of their mental, emotional and creative development too. From my experience, some Somali mothers seem to think that they only need to give birth, feed and cloth their children. But there's a lot more to it.

 

From a personal perspective, having watched my nephew grow up (he's 3 and a half now and soon to start nursery full-time) and having read articles and books on Early Years Development and Child Psychology, I will definitely be staying at home for the first 3-4 years of the child's life, Insha'Allah. Considering how the world is today and especially how our society is, I dare say our children need every single advantage they can get in order to grow up into well-balanced, productive adults and the biggest advantage they can have is to be brought up in a secure, supportive and stimulating environment.

 

Plus, I get the feeling that I could educate them better than any damn nursery...with the right resources of course.

[- Femme -]

The cavalier manner in which our society treats child care, not as a matter of intimacy and love, but as a matter of convenience and economics, is deeply destructive to our children's sense of attachment, identity and importance.

 

I have said over and over again for years, if you won't or can't offer your child your being and time, don't make a baby -- get a parakeet. You can always throw a towel over the cage and quiet it when you're busy or just not interested.

 

If you dont want to raise your children.....dont have them. Children deserve to be put first...not worked around your schedules and interests.

[GlassEyeGirl]

I think it all depends on the situation. If my future husband needs me to work in order to pay some of the bills, than I would work my butt off. But if he's able to take care of us until our children reach a certain age than I would be more than happy to raise the little rascals at home. I would like to have the option though. You don't really have to throw your kids at daycare nowaday(although at daycare, kids learn how to be independent and learn cute songs lol), but you can leave them with relatives or a family members and pay them.

[Raxmah]

The thought of working and my children at day care never appealed to me. Unless it’s necessary for me to work, hopefully not, me and my hubby would have to switch work shifts so he can stay home while am at work, and me home when he is at work. Or else there plenty of jobs where you can work from, with this advanced technology it sure does make every thing easier. It’s so critical to teach kids in their developmental years what yuo want them to learn, and there’s no else that does it better than their own mom.

 

As for mom taking care of her grand children, she had great time raising 10 kids, now she makes my sisters bring my neices and nephews over so she can spoil them. I 'm always telling her she will force me to move out of state when I have kids, I don't need no spoiled-brats. It's sad when children make their parents take care of their kids, you need to be there to see your child grow, not your mom. Where is the joy of having a kid when your mom is raising the kid for you.

 

Salaams.

[Curly]

You know there is an in between, between these extremes!

 

I know I’ve been studying for so long and so hard and I wouldn’t want to waste it all and I don’t think I would have to. I’d probably quit work for the first few years before nursery. And I wouldn’t just keep them at home, I’d probably take them to stay and play groups for mothers and toddlers (that I know all about…lol) and make sure they get a nice balance or having me around and socialising with other children their own age, I’d also probably have regular visits to the grandparents. But as soon as they’re in nursery I’d go into part time work and make sure I won’t be too tired for them.

[- Femme -]

I see that a majority of the women's reasons for wanting to work and not stay home is that they would be wasting all the money they used for thier education? Is that right?

 

Well who says to have kids right after the damn marriage? Wait 1-3 yrs where you both work...the husbands income will support both of you (rent, food, clothes, etc.) and the wifes income can pay off the student loan debts acquired by both of them and any other debts. YOu can pay off all the debts in 1-2 yrs if you work together. THEN WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THE EXCUSE OF DEBT PROBLEMS YOU CAN REALLY MAKE AN HONEST AND ACCURATE REASON FOR WANTING TO WORK.

 

I think that is a really good idea speaking for myself...and since both of you are grads from a college/uni then im assuming ur earning enough to pay this all off quickly.

[Valenteenah.]

It's sad when children make their parents take care of their kids, you need to be there to see your child grow, not your mom. Where is the joy of having a kid when your mom is raising the kid for you.

Raxmah,

 

Some mothers dont have a choice, especially those who are raising their children alone (single mothers). In order for them to provide for their families, they have to earn an income because lets face it, benefits dont stretch to much and some people prefer to work rather than claim. Its not an ideal situation, I am sure most mums' would love to spend all their time with their children but circumstances prevent it for some.

 

There are some superp working mothers out there (and I admire them greatly) who manage to bring up well-rounded children. A working mother isn't necessarily a bad mother.

[-Lily-]

Interesting topic, I used to be the number one supporter for daycare. Whilst I don't dispute the notion of putting your children in daycare, I would properbly try my utter best to avoid it. I would definately be a stay-at-home mum until my kids have reached school age of 5. Who says they can´t learn about independence and social behaviour? It all depends on how a mum disciplins her children and what she teaches them. As for playing with other kids, what about siblings or neighbours or friends they meet in park?

 

And who says you waste all your education? Once your are qualified no one can take that away from you, so what if you have to take a break for 5, or 7 or even 10 years? Like it was said earlier, there is no point in having children if you are not willing to sacrefice a few goals of your own otheriwse don't have them no one is gonna ask you why you didn't have kids on Judgement day.

 

We need to move away from this whole mentality whereby society views a housewife as incompetent or an inconvineint position to be in. I think she properly does the most important job of all.

[A7LA-SHU]

Og-girl. glad to know u close to my uncle hehehe just kidding sweety...

 

but seriously, when it comes to kids im crazy. i mean think about it this way. u are the one who had them right. those kids didn't tell u, mom n dad we are ready now lets have me hehehe.. so why put them in daycare saying oh geess sweety i don't have time for u so see u later on in the day when u are tired and ready to be a sleep and do the same thing next day.. i mean come on.. i would wanna see my kids say first word to everything... plus kids are the only thing in this world that are worth spending time with wallahi, and not say gosh that was wasting of time.. that is just me again..

 

Originally posted by WaTerLily:

And who says you waste all your education? Once your are qualified no one can take that away from you, so what if you have to take a break for 5, or 7 or even 10 years? Like it was said earlier, there is no point in having children if you are not willing to sacrefice a few goals of your own otheriwse don't have them no one is gonna ask you why you didn't have kids on Judgement day.

 

We need to move away from this whole mentality whereby society views a housewife as incompetent or an inconvineint position to be in. I think she properly does the most important job of all.

thanks... that is what im sayin lol.. and believe me when it comes to kids remembering or learning ain't no one better than mom.. aye to this day i remember "those eyes, dym".. but when stranger is trying to teach ur kids how to behave, they are like u ain't my parents so back of now, and sad thing parents are never around nowadays to teach their kids, because they think daycare takes care of dat.. and kids get lost in the middle..

 

sofine, believe me i even told my hoyyo i wouldn't bring her my kids unless i had to... and she was shocked hehehe...

[Qac Qaac]

no day care for my kids..

laanta intay qoyantahay baa la toosinkaraa, mar hadday adkaato lama toosin karo.

[Alle-ubaahne]

Qacbaro,

 

Sax waa runtaa, gabdhaha ciyaalka hala joogaan, raguna badarka ha raadshaan. Howshu waa sidaas.

 

[Sensual_Healing]

Salaam Alaykum. Hii i'm kinda new here,

 

InshaALLAH i'll be a house wife (lol) because i want to educate my kids, and teach them about the deen have enough time for them and my husband InshaALLAH, plus islamically we don't have to work it's the husbands duty to brink the bacon they would say i say the Hiliib, home.

 

So why wear myself out, in an AyaALLAH sbt says " stay in your homes"

so why do we persue a career, when we know our place is at home with our children and husband.

 

Childcare, YA'ALLAH in childcare they teach children all sort of kuffar habits,

i once went to childcare with my mate to pick her baby up, and apparenty he has a girl friend did i mention his only 4 yrs OLD? Ajeeb! innit?

 

Educate yourself so you can benefit your children not so you can own Bling Bling,

 

 

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