Originally posted by *Ibtisam: Nuune, how about 40 year old farah's with big bellies, lost their hair and minjo basto?? C&H for some people time is more important. Ismalura, nothing is free in life, and certainly Mr. Right or Wrong won't land on your lap, you might not have to work FOR it, but you certainly have to work AT it, ask any of the married girls. Markas aya howsha ugu weyne bilamanta. As to be found- lost ma tahey miis or you follow the "I'm diamond in the dirty that has to be found crew"? Sometimes you just need to draw the bugger a good map in big letters, otherwise he will get lost on route and you know men hate to ask for directions. @ Ibtisam LOL at Nuune suashaad weydisay. I know that one needs to continuously work on their marraige and I can do that 24/7 lakiin I ain't drawing any one a map in the beginning. If he wants it enough he will ask for directions all along the way hadii kale it is not even worth it. On the other hand I will ask girls like you for some pointers when I get married because than it is worth the effort

Originally posted by The Zack: C&H, lol you made it sound like this is a gender war or something waan idiin hiilin lahaaye gabdhoow u were doing good job kulahaa. Jokes aside, as I stated previously I am not for keeping the xawaaley behind the doors, I was just stating that sometimes its to her benefit if she finds a man that can take care of her. That is if she wants to do so. Meesha qasab ma jiro. Gender war kulahaa. Waaligaa universal sisterhood wax la dhaho maadan maqal miyaa? or in Somali gabadhi gabadh waa u magan. "If she finds a man who can take care of her" Thank you but we are more than cacapbale of taking care of our selves. Meshan wax isku darsi baa yaala ee ilmo u baahan taking care ma joogo. Lastly wiilka markad tidhi Africa aad meela baan ka xanaaqnay including meeshaad hada uun fahanatay daminimadaada . Just kidding....waxba nagamaadan reeban nagamana reebi kartid hadaan u jeedno ee go drink some coffee for your own good !

Aaliyah dee ma anaa aqaana axadkaan guursanayo LOL ! He may or may not have a family here lakiin I don't know who the lucky ******* is so I can't determine that now. As for him baby sitting ma ogi in eey shaqeyneyso because If I work part time I would want to work part of regular hours and of course he will be at work than.Maxaa guriga ii fadhisiyay xilgaas asiga? Mida kale there are many licensed Somali women who operate a day care so you don' have to take them to gaalo. I know It is not the best of solutions lakiin in this kind of capitalist system day cares/home care lagama maarmaan bey noqday. Another interesting option that I am thinking about is working from home. There are many things you can do from home and I even know a number or organizations that offer such an opportunity. How I would love that All in all it is a tough place to be lakiin we can certainly pull it off.

d/P

Originally posted by chocolate & honey: quote: @ FatB the Maslow hierarchy of human needs wasn't made for a HR courses they are exactly what they are called; human needs. And incase you didn't know a wife is a human being and has a need to be what she can be thus the relevance of self actualization here. The Maslow Hierarchy Marar badan baan damcay inaan ku support gareeyo but you two are holding the fort and putting these men to shame! The Zack's last comment cleared everything off the table when he uttered this: Ain't nobody stopping them if they wanna be successful but things u mentioned are more of a dream than reality. Coming from Africa with 4 kids won't help one achieve that dream either or would it? Xaasidnimo wey dhaaftey sidan. :mad: Now watch him come in here and say "you missed the point" The whole idea of women actually wanting to have careers for their own benefit is actually an alien concept to our men.I once had that same very conversation with a man who believed that if the man can provide for the family, the woman HAS to stay home. And when I told him that even if he wins the lottery, I'd still want to teach,volunteer, mentor or something, he said it is a clear "disobedience" to which I replied " hold up! were you looking for an obedient woman? Obedient to whom?" Needless to say he got what was coming to him. I know of many divorces due this whole f-ed up idea of shipping women from Africa to breed and stay home. Imagine how hard it is to keep an eye on your wife 24/7 so that she doesn't assimilate to the same very culture she lives in! "wey halaabee kuma lahoo" alaab miyaa mise human beings? C&H thanks abaayo....Nimanka are used to being hero worshipped and hate to be told some truth. You mention only one guy who thought that a woman should stay at home if he husband can provide for her lakiin aniga that has been the story of my life I swear. For some ****** reason I associate my self with cave men and I argued for three years trying to make them understand (both friends and potentials) until I realized I can't and should not even try to change them. So now that is the first question I ask and when I don't like what I hear I tell them to move on. I don't study at mid night to stay at home and wait for somebody's pay cheque. If at any point I feel like I need to stay at home it will be my decision because I need to be in control of my life. Thezack thinks that it is a dream but we know that it is a reality ee let us leave him in his cave @ Aaliyah I know what you mean abaayo. I worry about leaving my kids in day care too but I don't have a family here and I need to work so I think in aanan ka maarmin at some point in my life. I agree you don't have to have 10 kids to be a good muslim; 5 is enough for me.

@ Aaliyah 250 xiligaas was a lot of money dee. @ Ms Moons good luck with everything. @ Juxa waa run marriage is not supposed to be a burden and asking for a meher equivalent to your husband's annual salary is burdening him a lot. That said,the meher is the single most personal thing for a girl and it is wise to ask for wax kuusan !

Originally posted by Kamaavi: quote:Originally posted by Ismalura: quote: Originally posted by Kamaavi: Lucky Dube - 'I Want to Know What Love Is' What about this?: and the best (and original) version, I think Great tracks, Isma. But now, ayaan ku haystaa. Agah ! I thought 'we' didn't listen to this mise? LOL

Originally posted by *Ibtisam: Loool at 30yr old women waa as good as dead. Here I thought the Zack was a modern farah :rolleyes: Ismalura, I understand now the problem, wax Mr. Right la idaado ayaad raadinsa. I missed that part markii hore. I am a firm believer there is no such thing as Mr. Right- theoretically Mr. Right needs to have everything together and still be under 35yrs, and that is not really in most cases possible- even less possible in the Somali society. Instead I am a believer in Potential Mr. Right- dhee when he achieves all his things probably 10yrs AFTER you got married buu Mr. Right nooqon, intaa hoordan he will be a semi limping cuuryaan Mr. Nearly there nooh? 30yr old women is the new 20, xata 45yr old ba aroosa, their calafu just got a little lost on the way over. Ibti dee aniga kaligeey ma ahee ciwaankaa ahaa 'difficult to find mr right' ee aniga qoomkasaan ka mid ahay. I don't know find waxeey u dhaheen lakiin like some one else said we have to be found; we don't have to do that work. Adiga what you call 'potential mr right' aniga waaxaan u maqlay 'mr alright' and I know hundreds of those lakiin a girl can be more ambitious at least intey 30ka uu The Zack sheegay ka gaadheyso LOL ! @ Nuune soo adiga ma aheyn qofkii lahaa todobaatameeyadii baan dhahshay and so kan nolashaadu hada uun eey high point mareyso ood SOL ugu cadcadahay . Age is in the mind and 30 is not even that old.

@ Nina wadaadkan hada ka hor buu igu yidhi you sound familiar ee from this thread he sounds like almost every farah I know; I just need to place which one lakiin hadalahan wa kuwa aan maqlay. Also not to bash my own people but he sounds like reer aan ka dhashay oon very conservative ah @ Thezack ma saasbaad Bard Pitt in lagu dhaho u jeceshahay? It is understandable; he is such a handsome man

Originally posted by NinaNC: Ok! walaaloow, qof qaxootinimo ku jiro, siduu 5 cunug isaga daba dhali karaa? shan cunug (kan ugu weyn 8 jiro) oo guri isla jooga weligaa ma tagtey? odeygii dhaley ma aragtaa asagoo la ciyaaraaya 5taas ama caawinaaya xaaskiisa? I understand if we were back home, laakiin qurbo sheekaddeeda ma yara. Nimanka Soomalida waxay Ph.D ku qaateen in ay aroosaan, ilma badan dhalaan, la imaadaan excuse ay dhahaayaan "she does even take care of herself, marka i'm not attracted to her anymore, mid kale u baahanahay oo attention i siisa". Losernimadooda waa arrinta communitygeenii saameysa marwalba. I used to baby-sit kids to make extra cash back in the days and there was a time I baby sat 7 Somali kids oo diif kawada daadanaayo, odeygii islaan kale guursadey, maamadii dhashay caruurtana jahwareer ku dhacay, guriga dhana wax ka soo uraayo loaded diaper. The oldest is 10 and she is the one taking care of her brothers n sisters daily. How sad is that? gabadhaas yarta ah markey weynaato niman badan ayey lafaha u qaadi doontaa. Qoysas badana oo similar situation ku jirana waan arkey. Maxaa loo dhalaayaa caruurta haddii aan la xanaaneyneynin oo waqti lala qaadaneynin oo aan horumarkooda laga fikireynin. Punch selfish people iga dheh. Nina I know one family oo heystay 5 kids oo isku nuug ah (the oldest is 7) but they take very good care of them. The mother is educated; she knows the quran very well and has a collage degree but she stays at home. Guriga iska joog ma ahee she knows everything and drives her own car. The father has a very well paying job (middle income) and even though he works full time he spends a lot of time with the kids and the wife. He also buys most of the groceries and stuff from out side and even cooks some times. Waa labo qof oo si siman isula shaqeysta and who of course are in love; you can see that from the way the interact. The outcome; 5 very healthy, very smart and very disciplined kids plus a balanced beautiful life. Lakiin Somalida badankeed saad shegtay weeye; ilmaa la dhali, ninkii reer shaqo kuma laha naagtiina weey daali oo weey iska samri. No love or happiness just surviving day in day out.

@ Nina waad saxsantahay doqonimo ayaa laga wadaa. Mida kale hadalaha qaar waxaan is dhahaa ma afkaageey kala soo baxaday Nina. I tell my friends and sisters (who by the way all want 12 or more kids) intaad 6 dhahshaan ilmaha agoonta ku cawiya inta kalana. I told that to a religious Farah once and he couldn't believe his ears. Kuwaasna ilaahey baa irsaqadooda kafaala qaday kuweyga sidoo kale laguye. Of course ilaaahey baa wax irsaaqa but let us be practical. Ilmaha agoonta oo Somaliya jooga you are one of God's ways of their irsaaqad ee stop being selfish baan ku idhi. @ TheZack now you are talking like reer magaal LOL. It is a preference haa and having a number of kids on consecutive years and than taking a break waa figrad fiican. Kudos for being flexible on the dea mr Zack

Vanessa Carlton-A Thousand Miles

@ Nina lixa saac weeyba dhaftay tan waa aqli 8 saac ee maxaan dhahnaa dee. @ Aaliyah aqli lix saac waligaa maadan maqlin miyaa? LOL It is nice to stay with your baby lakiin how do you go back to work after three years when you will probably have another one? If you have good job at least 6 months paid work waa lagu siin kadiba you can work part time and put your kid in a day care for 5 hours. You have the other 19 hours to bond habeen iyo maalinba lakiin trust me there is no substitute for having your own money and some independence. If you save some good money that belongs to you at some point you can resign to raise your kids and go back to work when your kids grow up. It s a tough life but what can a girl do?

Originally posted by The Zack: Ismalura, I didn't think that you would go to that kind of defensive mode. I wish you the best even when you make it to the 30 LOL. I have nothing to be defensive about. I said that I can afford to make that choice and you know that I can. IF (not when) I make it to 30 I will still be more than ok so pliz don't worry about me. Adigana good luck with that

Originally posted by Taleexi: Iga walla waa qalanjooyin.. No cholesterol, no obesity loving this capture. War ninyahow burgerka ha noo khadhaadheynin ee banaabka naga mar

@ Oz waxaad ogtihiin ma laha adiga iyo kan Thezack ah toona. At 30 a woman is everything that a woman should be; she has both beauty and wisdom and she is in most control of her life. Oh yeah ! You don't care about all that you just want a child making machine that closes her mouth and does what Simon says. Saxiib I can get married now or I can get married at 40 and still have the life that I want to both ways ! @ Nina Thezack shurudihiisa soo iskama cadaba...Isagaa lagu xidhaan u maleyn alaabtuu taxay markaasuu Africa u cararay where the only condition is dibada ma ka imaatay LOL

A sign of respect for who? I owe my self respect before anyone else and that is not how I want to roll. Smilekeyga energy baa ku socda and it is for those who earn it. Wadaadkeey isha qabtaba laiskagama dhajiyo balse wax indhaha u roonba ma arko often hadaan iskaga khasaarin lahaa xataa. Mida kale 30ka aad ila daba socoto maad iga deysid ninyahow? It is not like I am planing on waiting till I am 30 but if it happens I don't think it will kill me. Blaayo maa aniga Africa ii ceydhineysa sidaadoo kale ?

Originally posted by Naxar Nugaaleed: like yourself, find yourself and mr right will find you, ok am out Best advice ever. Love my self, found my self and of course mr right will find me. That is what Nina and I are trying to tell Thezack.

"I have to go.” He said after a long silence. “I know.” She replied with heavy sigh. There wasn’t much to say even after all that happened. Perhaps some day they could say goodbye. "Or perhaps she will get divorced.”, he thought and suddenly felt the familiar flood of feelings. Excatly 50 words from some where close to the heart

@ Nina afaakga caano nagu qabay. Maxaa aniga nagu wata nin aana aqoonin smilkiis? Tell him advice aan shaqeyneynin uma baahnin @ Thezack I don't go around barring my teeth to random Farah's; I save my smile for (at least) the people I know. Mida kale ma anaa ku idhi I am on a Farah hunt ee tips ii sheeg. Since when did gabadh Soomaliyid go around smiling looking for Farahs? On the issue of the list waxaad sheegtay waa the more superficial ones ee I have more important things on the list. I know no one is perfect but life is too short to settle and you get what you give if you know what I mean ! Bal stop talking to me about 30 waadba iga cabsiineysaa saan isku giijinayay ee

@ Ibti horta I never look down when I am walking I am more of 'cirkaa geeleyga lagu maalayaa' as I day dream so I don't really notice a lot people or things around me. And no I don't drive everywhere because I don't have a car or know the first thing about driving. I don't go out of my way to meet Somali guys but I see some around, however, I wouldn't call them good looking. May be my idea of good looking is different lakiin I swear once in a blue moon I see one handsome Somali guy and It is so rare that I tell my friends LOL. Wiilasha armeey igu xanaaqaan dee Mida kale where is everyone getting off the idea of Farah baa la waayay? There are three times more guys than girls in my circle of friends and general social network but that doesn't necessarily men mr right is with in them. I know wiilal badan that I like a lot but there is more to mr right than that. Call me picky but all my life (looking at all the men I know from any context) I have known only one guy that I considered to marry and the fool got away . Some of my friends think my list is too long but I am sure that HE is somewhere plus I am still relatively young intuusan The zack I dhihin meesha ka kac wuud duqowdee

@ FatB the Maslow hierarchy of human needs wasn't made for a HR courses they are exactly what they are called; human needs. And incase you didn't know a wife is a human being and has a need to be what she can be thus the relevance of self actualization here.

Originally posted by Aaliyyah: I always thought it was pretty large amount of money. Till I watched meher video and the guy gave around 3k...I was whattt? looool... I honestly dont think there is strict money that you need to ask. Whatever you guys negotiate on..so it is flexible depends on his income. So let me ask kaad gursanasid how much he makes and based on that Ill decide for you? salaam @ Aaliyah Afaaga kala qad ilkahaaga aan tiriyee miyaa? @ MsMoons meherka is up you but you have to decide according to the financial ability of your future husband. I never go to aroos so I have no concrete advice to add but I have observed from watching wedding tapes that people do 'popular' things that make them uncomfortable and they end up embarrassing them selves. just remember to be comfortable and relaxed. Hamabalyo and inshalah have a happy wedding and marriage .

How did I miss your point? You asked why a woman would choose to work if her husband can provide for her. I told you it s called self actualization. 2010 weeye waaxaa laga wadaa badowyahow aduunka la qabso oo soo baraabrug like Maryan Murasal sings

Eid mubarak everyone even though I am not feeling anything like Eid maanta. Kulu aam wa'antum (wa'antuna) bikheyr !