Somali marriage goes wrong and the bride is raped.

[MySideofTown]

Nin-Yaaban;858097 wrote:

LoL you sound very upset. What happened, did Hooyo/Aabe tell you to follow their rules if you are going to live in their house? Yea, i can see how that's an abuse.

Abuse is very normalized in our community.

[MySideofTown]

Apophis;858106 wrote:

My favourite is having 5+ kids for the benefits (the monetary kind) in order to build a villa back in the "old country. I've seen it.

Unfortunately so have I.

[Abwaan]

Apophis;858094 wrote:

^^ If you have information that would make the story false please present it (you can do so without jeopardising the person's privacy) otherwise we have no more reason to trust you than the news source.

 

Spill the beans for god sake

Apophis...I have no problem if you do not want to trust me. I know what I am talking about over here. I have an evidence, strongest that one can think of but I would rather not share it. I will wait for a day, they try to make this a hollywood story then my information will be worth showing it.

[Aaliyyah]

“In my religion it’s not a marriage if the girl has been forced into it. I’ll have to consult sheiks and imams, but I heard there is a way. No matter what happened, it doesn’t mean that Islam is wrong.”

Abwaan this young girl comes across like a girl who knows her deen pointing out that in Islam her marriage is not valid given that she did not give her consent.

 

I loved that last part "no matter what happened, it does mean that Islam is wrong"..that is a powerful line. I don't believe she is another Ayan Hirsi in the making. She is not blaming Islam for what happened to her.

[Abwaan]

Aaliyyah I just wished that she does not become another Ayan Hirsi. Ayan was taught the deen too, but she chose to insult it and spread nonesense instead.

[ElPunto]

Guzel;858015 wrote:

I have not come across a case of forced marriage involving a 16 year old. They went back home, so why would the mother force her to get married? None of the dhaqan celis girls I knew were forced to get married, after a few years of living back home they chose to get married and returned back to UK with a failed marriage behind them.

 

The hiding part is so exxagerated, Somalis are not Pakistanis, her mother is not going to harm her. I would not refer to a relative I did not know as uncle, out of respect yes, but he is actually not her uncle. Dont get me started on the hijab part, a muslim woman's story is never complete without the hijab.

Agreed - the ambush part does happen. But the forced marriage strikes me as far fetched and living all that time with him and not running away earlier seems a little strange. I don't know what the truth is but other Somali woman have been known to falsify/exaggerate their stories. It isn't part of Somali culture to harm/kill wayward girls - otherwise we would see plenty of cases in the west.

[raula]

Taleexi;858038 wrote:

Women empowerment seems to be a lucrative business in our community. - Xoogaa xawaashayn ah baanse sheekada ka dhadhamiyey, qof sideeda oo kale ah (

yacni indhuhu u furan yihiin, haysatana adeegyo si fudud uga samatabixin kara dacdarada haysata

) ma aha wax sahlan in lagu khasbo inay qof nafsadeedu diidan tahay la noolaato - haa hal asbuuc iyo wax la mid ah khasab-raaxaysi guureed waa loogu been guuri karaa balse inay sii joogto waa lack of courage at its best.

W/all due respect..the 'lack of courage' you speak of is why abuse of all sorts is rampant in all social strata's involving women. Marka walaalo..it is lack of courage that a teenager or a young gal for that matter is to be betrothed to an 70yrs old gizzard back when..or even now to the Mujahideen's/'uncle' etc? is it lack of courage that the some gals are under duress forced into SEX RINGS/Slavery whether in the USA or other parts of the diaspora? Was it lack of courage some of our mothers were given to polygamous families (even though they turned out fine after the fact)? Is it lack of courage that many women endure sexual (or any other kind of) assault during war times...but still stick to the motto of gobanimo iyo guul awogeed...while the men abandon them for war/other women/financial gains/disease-afflictions such as HIV/AIDS..?

 

I am not attacking Taleexi...just stating some painful facts..we are there because there are no other ways out...she was born in the diaspora doesn't mean she had the means/resources at her disposal. Since many of you guys seem to dismiss this as mere exaggeration of facts..but we all know it happens..then you might as well take her word for it...since we are not in her shoes.

 

Besides..xageed ku maqashe..wax la yiraah "KHASAB-RAXEED"..(made up word miyaa) perhaps this is fetish arousal experienced by men..as sane women know..there is no pleasure in PAIN certainly in LOVE mar hadiii uu qasab yahay..wa hadii uu qalbigaagu weli murugo iyo naceyb ku jiro.

 

Malika & Ibti..my sentiments precisely.

[ElPunto]

^I think you're mixing up situations where one has options and where one doesn't. A sex slave has no options - all attempts to leave will lead to harm. Our old mothers or grandmothers who were married against their will had no options - society would shun them and they would be left destitute without some man to support them. This woman had options. She could have picked up the phone to her friends in Holland and said send me some money via Dahabshiil which she could have used to leave. She has access to a foreign passport and an embassy that will help. She has access to relatives in the west who would help her leave this forced marriage if it was such etc etc.

 

Somali society has a lot of faults and engages in many wrongs against its women. But this is not an Arab or Pakistani society that forces women to do as the families wish and death/serious harm is most definitely an option for disobiedance. I find that part of her story the hardest to believe.

[raula]

^^^sure we aint pakistanis or Arabs..but elements of similarity are there. I am not mixing up situations..they were just examples..in any case, if the gal felt that she had a choice..i don't think this would be the aftermath? Do those that are raped or stuck in abusive relationships in the west (somali's or not) have options? Indeed they do..they have relatives just like she did & friends..but tragedies still happen? Now why does it happen is the question? was it lack of courage? stamina? compassion? fear of being shunned? death ? or worse ?????????? I was just commenting on courage.

[ElPunto]

^I think sometimes people have a choice - they just choose not to exercise it. You can't know why something happens in a particular case not being intimately familiar with it. As to courage - yes - I think sometimes there is a lack of courage. I don't dismiss it but it could also be other things.

[Abwaan]

Why do we need to generalize, arrimaha Soomaalida case by case halloo fiiriyo fadlan. Yes waa dhab in gabdhaheenna ay ragga Soomaaliyeed dhibaato ka soo gaarto, iyaguna malaa'ig ma ahan oo kuwa jooga qurbaha kuwo ka mid ahi raggooda dhibaato waa u geystaan. Sidoo kale Soomaaliya tacadi waa ka dhacaa mana la qarin karo, laakiin tan aan anigu wax badan ka ogahay dadka ka doodaya ayaan la yaabayaa.

Sida dad sheegeen lama mid nihin qowmiyedaha kale ee Bakistaanka iwm, balse dhacdooyin ayaan iska shabahnaa marka la fiiriyo arrimahan oo kale.

 

raula;859088 wrote:

^^^..in any case, if the gal felt that she had a choice..i don't think this would be the aftermath?

She did have a choice, cid nin ku dartayna oo ku khasabtayna ma jirin. Believe it or not.

[Blessed]

^Well said. Some people and their over generalisations kill me, "why do Somalis bother having children", ku lahaa? lol. Alhamdulilah, there are many amazing Somali parents. It's silly to measure parenting by ethnicity, anyway, even when you're sighting cultural practices, many parents choose to put their children first and I bet the guys making these negative generalisations will turn around and say, 'not my parents, they are the exception'.

[Juxa]

ama sheeko la made up gareeyo hanoqo tan ama run.....i was not there

 

but the truth is each and everyone of us, have a 15-18 year old cousin lagu darey oday 50jir ah back home. marka from that pool gabar la qasbay majirto miyaad meeshan la soo tagan tihiin? allahu akbar.

 

odayashan qurbaha ka tagay oo gabdhaha habeen iyo maalin loo guurinayo could be akin to rape...after all No means No but it is luxary that is afforded those in qurbo only. back home she is sent back to her hubby regardless of any ill treatment complained.

 

I wont dismiss those unlucky girls so easily.

 

ps: i cannot understand a mother forcing her daughter, but some mothers are qumayo in disguise

[raula]

^^^couldn't agree more walaalo. Abwaan iyo daadka aan is fahan..horta let's agree to disagree...Ma oran dee dhacdooyin kaano kale..mise waalid somaaliyeed oo ubadkooda uu roon ma jiraan..I am not generalizing that our parents aren't upholding their honor to their children & so on..however, i was merely pointing out that this happens & such (as the story depicts) could be the case. Pakistanis or whatever cultures they may have..could have it worse..however, with all these 'imported' (for instance) religious propaganda..iyo daqan awal lagu arkin qoomiyada somaaliyeed..koleytaba there are some elements of such filthy practices in our communities..

 

N'ways...allaahu aclam..koleyteba my stance inaanta waa lagu qasbe ninkaas..& if indeed she felt she had a choice...Allah (s.w.) knows what the outcome would have been.

 

As Juxa said..& as diinta says..we should hold our mothers to be pristine..but walaahi there are some..that are just WICKED.

[Juxa]

Raula few years ago a 15 year old relative baa lagu darey oday 54 ah. His kids were older. I remember her mother saying we can't refuse. This particular family did not actually need the money as they were well off but the mother valued the business connection more than her child's happiness.

 

After a year of pure hell and obviously marku ka xiso dhacay he divorced her. Now this particular hoyo wey dhaaftay wicked.

 

I hate when dadka qaarkood iska indho tiraan the horrible fate some girls have to deal with.

 

If I could xabsi baan dhigi lahaa odaygii haweysta under 20 gabar jirta with the option of forced vasectomy as castration would be too severe