SISTERS AND BROTHERS I NEED YOUR HELP

[rashida]

sisters and brothers i need your help, i love my dad and so i don,t want disappoint him he is a great person. my dad arranged a marraige for my big sister who just turned 18 and iam 15 years so my sister didn't like this idea so she disappeared and now my dad turned on me he said he promised this guy a girl ,and if he don't get him one he will be lair. so what should i do should i go for this man whom i have never seen or should i disappoint him like my sister. so sisters and brothers should i tske this risk chance. iam confused about this, i told my friends this but they said iam in america not africa or whereever i don't really know what america does with this iam talkind about dad not where iam anyways i wouldn't blame me for this this is his flaut but stil there must be a reason for doing this everybody makes mistake. i know he blames this on him self and amreica he says if he were in somalia he wouldn't be feeling this way. to tell you the true, yesterday when he was asking me to he was crying really tears i never sees my dad cry even when my grandfather died.

[rudy-Diiriye]

haa 15! well....MN! gotta be the water! yo, babe just call 911! i mean its illegal to marry at your age! no matter what continent!

[LuCkY]

RASHIDA I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS GONNA HELP BUT HERE GOES..... :confused:

 

I WOULD ADVISE YOU NOT TO MARRY THIS GUY THAT YOUR FATHER SET FOR YOUR SISTER. I MEAN DONT GET ME WRONG BUT IT WAS WRONG OF YOUR FATHER TO ARRANGE THE MARRIAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE ANY WAY.

I BELIEVE YOUR SISTER DID WHAT SHE HAD TO DO AND I DONT BLAME HER, ALTHOUGH I WOULDNT HAVE DISAPPEARED...I WOULD HAVE JUST SAID NO. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED IF YOU ASK ME. I WOULD ALSO ADVISE YOU TO GET MARRIED WHEN YOU ARE READY AND TO A MAN THAT YOU TRULY LOVE...NOT A STRANGER. I KNOW THAT IT FEELS REALLY BAD TO DISAPPOINT YOUR FATHER BUT HE SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED YOU GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT MARRIAGE INSTEAD OF SETTING IT UP.

 

I KNOW IT HURTS TO SEE YOUR FATHER CRY BUT HE HAS TO FACE UP TO HIS ACTIONS AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN. I MEAN YOU ARE NOT SOME SORT OF MEAT ON THE MARKET. THE MAN HE PROMISED A GIRL HE SHOULD JUST TELL THAT NONE OF YOU GUYS WANT TO MARRY HIM.

 

***AGAIN MY SIS I ADVISE YOU TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION WHATS AT STAKE HERE. I WOULD SAY DONT GET MARRIED TO A MAN WHOM YOU DO NOT TRULY LOVE...THATS THAT! BESIDES YOU ARE TOO YOUNG AND I AM SURE YOU HAVE DREAMS OF YOUR OWN THAT YOU WANT TO FULFILL BEFORE YOU MARRIED. I MEAN ITS YOUR LIFE DONT LET ANYONE DECIDE FOR YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE. IN THE END YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE MISERABLE ONE THATS STUCK WITH SOME GUY YOU DONT LOVE OR TRULY KNOW.*** :rolleyes:

[king_450]

great story, i thought after reading Nin_yabin's posts there were not any more Somali Dhaqan to be found, here is one, and Nin-Yaban need to come and c this post.

 

well my take is , you are in a very hard spot Rashida, you luv your family specially yor dad, as you said yourself he is a great man, for that phrase alone , i will suggest take aside your Dad and talk to him like a daughter and Dad , and look into his eyes , and say Dad i am the one who is going to be sleeping this Man of your choise, so i don't see it that way, and i luv you dad, for that reason alone, i am not going to marry, so tell him that you told me and i refused, so he doesn't has to become a "Liar".

[Khayr]

Salaamz,

I don't know on what basis the above nomads

have given you their 'Naseexa'/Advice on this

but it certainly doesn't have link to Deen and Allah.

I would first tell you to make du'a and pray salat al-istakahra (2 rakats).

If your niyaah is correct and then Allah will reward you in this world and the hereafter.

You don't know it, but Allah might be preserving your soul through these events.

Marrying at the age of 15 is a social Taboo

in WESTERN SOCIETY. They would rather have you pregnant and a single mother!

 

So my dear sister, if your niyaah is for Allah and inshallah you want to please your father for that reason, then there is no reason why you shouldn't MARRY.

You're situation is not 'unusual' in the rest of the muslim world.

 

Fi Amanallah

[nuune]

this is a very series issue,and we are not experts,instead we are giving you what we think of the matter you brought,well to my thinking,you should follow what your mind tells you,i know your mind tells you not 2 get married with that strange guy,but when i say follow what ur mind tells u,i mean,what your father is doing is not Islamically correct and you should decide of what is good for you and that is not getting married with that guy,it is really a dilema situation in which u have 2 choose between two striking points,the decision is yours

[Modesty]

Asalaamu Alaykum,

 

Sister Rashida, the questions I think you have to ask yourself is: Is this the man you want to spend almost the rest of your life with? Does he make you happy? Are you ready for the responsibility of being both a wife and mother? Are you happy with your father's decision? If on the previous question you answered with a NO, then I think you shouldn't marry this guy. You aren't committing a sin if you don't comply with your father's decision. Forced marriage in Islam is unacceptable! The last thing you have to remember is if you comply with your father's goal for you, and you aren't happy with it, remember that you're the ONE stuck with this guy not your DAD!

 

Good Luck! and let us know how things go!

[Khayr]

You aren't committing a sin if you don't comply with your father's decision. Forced marriage in Islam is unacceptable!

as quoted by Shiekhata la yarxadoo Modesty!

 

Masha Allah, didn't know you where an expert in fiqh issues and could produce instantanious fatwas!!!

 

When it comes to what is right or wrong,

please TAKE YOUR EMOTIONS out the door.

If you really want to help another muslim, then

you should tell them what they need to hear

and what is REALITY and not what you FEEL.

 

Personally, I FEEL the sisters situation and express sympthy towards her.

However, If I am to be true to the Deen and Allah, then I can't let my EMOTIONS get in the way

and should try to show her the MANY ANGLES to look at her problem and inshallah, the many positives.

 

Fi Amanallah

[Zaylici]

Well rashida, you have assentially two choices to please your self or your Dad. Somali tradition( as it related to marriage) is good but only in so far as we are in Somali pinansula, that is in the ancient times people arranged marriage becoase of their desire to create alleinces that would enable them to surivive in their unpredictable environment, however, you are fortunate enough to be in America,our beloved land, the land that allowed us to be free from the shackles of poverty, but it seems your dad forget this, he still thinks that he needs other clans to survive. His tendencies to arrange marriages could be perfectly undrestood, becouse an old habit is hard to resist as the song goes. Now, I would tell you what I would have done, either do the same way as your sister did, that is run away, or opently tell your dad that you had no desire to part of that undesired union. I would advice you not to be married, bacuase sooner or later you will break that unwished union. I believe the marriage might have survived if you were in Somalia, bacouse there your kind( women and for that matter those who cannot express their wants) enjoy less previledges and rights, the older people are autocrats and in some cases deal with their children in unkind way, that is what i think I could be wrong, however, that is precisely what I would have done. so much for adivice. Hit the road young women.

[Lefty]

My first advice to you is don't run away the same way your old sister did because you will end up a devastating and disaster life. You're too young and you could end up more worst than you expected!

 

The second thing is: There's a way you can make both yourself, your father, and the dude happy and that is to inform both of them that no matter how long it takes you would like to know him better before marrying him. If you somehow start to like him, then it's up to you to make the final decision. If you don't like him whatso ever, then you have a real case and its reasonings to present to your father and him explaining why you don't him. I believe your father will accept your decision without feeling being liar or shameful!

 

The third thing is: Since you're 15 years old, tell your father that you're not ready enough to become a wife and you need more time to grow up. If the dude is over 30, that's no no but if he's very young like you, he needs to grow up too and find a girl for himself.

 

P.S. you should have mentioned the dude's age because it's very important to your dilemma!

[OG_Girl]

only 15, man i thought is against the law to force marriage that age!.

 

any way sis, every father loves his kids , why u don't try with him, coz i am sure he thinks that is for ur sake to marry this early age.

whatever u come out , never ever run from the home.

 

ok i came out this plan , why u don't get the guy's information and his age , try to call him and threat him that u will report to the police if u don't disapear from ur father's life?

 

try that i think he wont risk his life.

 

good luck sister.

[Bambina]

Salam Rashida,I think u should have a discussion wit ur dad and explain to him dat ur just 15 and ur not ready for marriage,u must also remind him dat ur not a baby anymore.I mean, u have to let him understand dat ur happiness is in jeopardy.Tell him dat u feel sold out without being consulted first just because ur sis said no and now ur the next.By the way I hope ur sis is doin ok cuz u scared me when u said she disappeared.But wateva ur dad asks u to do,u have to stand up firmly for ur decision NO means NO because nobody can force u to marry.Remind him dat wat he's doin' is against Islam.Hope dat helped u ,let us know how it goes .Take care.

[Haneefah]

Khayr,

 

It's extremely sad that you're accusing sister modesty for making an "instant Fatwa" because she only stated what our deen holds about forced marriages and what every true Muslim should be aware of when it comes to Fiqh-al-Nikaah. So please, stop the sarcasm!

 

In Islam, it's not permissble for a woman to be forced into a marriage that she doesn't agree to. It's one of our basic rights and no woman should ever be deprived of it.

 

If you want the prove, The Prophet (scw) said that " A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission" (al-Bukhaari)

 

Also, this was the answer by a Sheikh who was asked about the same sunject:

 

‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [i was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).

 

Now sis Rashida, the other nomads have all given you good suggestions, I would like to add that you should talk with your mother...mothers are usually very compassionate about these matters. You should let her know how you feel. You're only 15 which is an extremely young age for one to be married. However, you're at the age where you know right from wrong. You can comply to your father's wishes and Allah will reward you for pleasing you father, or you can stand up for youself and refuse but do it in an acceptable manner. Insha'Allah, I will pray for you and all the other young girls who are in this horrible predicament, after all, Allah is the source of strength.

[Valenteenah.]

Khayr,

 

Walaalo, I usually agree with and respect your opinion but I have to disagree with you here.

 

I'm not a calam, neither do I profess to know a great deal about Islamic Law...however, I know that without the permission of the girl, a marriage is null and void. SHE CANNOT BE FORCED TO MARRY AGAINST HER WISHES FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER.

 

I'm sure with your knowledge of diinta, you are aware of this fact.

 

Rashida,

 

I'm sorry for you walaalo. Like the nomads before me said, that is a very hard position to be in.

 

My personal thoughts are that, I'm sure your father loves you and only wants the best for you. He may feel betrayed by ur older sister's actions and may not want you to take after her. This may be why he wants you to marry.

 

However, I believe you are very young. I have a sister your age, and although girls mature faster than boys, I don't believe a 15-year-old girl can handle the complexities of an adult relationship and marriage.

 

I think the best way to approach this problem (from my point of view) is to think thru your options very thoroughly....and make a decision. After that, sit down with and earnestly talk to your father. Tell him about your fears and reservations, share with him what is going on in your mind and what decision you have come to finally. Try to sincerely make him understand where you are coming from.

 

That is the best I can offer you, altho I know it is not much.

 

Insha'Allah, it will turn out well for you.

 

I wish you the best darling.

[StarGazer]

Modesty, Nafisa, and Barwaaqo have all voiced my opinion on this issue.

 

Khayr, emotion plays a huge role in one's life. Islam never told us to ignore our feelings.....ofcourse we're suppose to rely on Allah to help us sort out the confusion and doubts in life.

 

"However, I believe you are very young. I have a sister your age, and although girls mature faster than boys, I don't believe a 15-year-old girl can handle the complexities of an adult relationship and marriage"

 

My thoughts exactly!! I also have a 15yrOld sister ...can't imagine it! :eek:

 

The sisters have given you really valuable advice here and don't forget to pray to Allah on this matter. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe, I pray that Allah gives you the strength to get through this (its in you!). Good luck abaayo.