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Eccentric Nomad

Pre maritial Questions to consider

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I know its long but I think there quite a few really good questions here.


90 Premarital Questions

1 What is your idea of marriage?

2 What are you expectations of marriage?

3 What are your goals in life? (long and short term)

4 Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.

5 Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

6 Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

7 What is the role of religion in your life now?

8 Are you a spiritual person?

9 What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?

10 What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?

11 What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?

12 Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?

13 What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?

14 What is the role of the husband?

15 What is the role of the wife?

16 Do you want to practice polygamy?

17 What is your relationship with your family?

18 What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?

19 What do you expect your spouse’s relationship with your family to be?

20 If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?

21 Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)

22 How did you get to know them?

23 Why are they your friends?

24 What do you like most about them?

25 What will your relationship with them after marriage be?

26 Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

27 What is the level of your relationship with them now?

28 What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?

29 What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?

30 What are the things that you do in your free time?

31 Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?

32 What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?

33 What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)

34 Do you travel?

35 How do you spend your vacations?

36 How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?

37 Do you read?

38 What do you read?

39 After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?

40 After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?

41 How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?

42 How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?

43 Do you like to write your feelings?

44 If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?

45 If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?

46 How much time passes before you can forgive someone?

47 How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?

48 Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?

49 Do your friends use foul language?

50 Does your family use foul language?

51 How do you express anger?

52 How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

53 What do you do when you are angry?

54 When do you think it is appropriate to get therapy/help in marriage?

55 When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?

56 Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

57 What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?

58 Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?

59 Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?

60 Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?

61 What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?

62 How do you support your own health and nutrition?

63 What is you definition of wealth?

64 How do you spend money?

65 How do you save money?

66 How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?

67 Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?

68 Do you use credit cards?

69 Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?

70 What are you expecting from your spouse financially?

71 What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?

72 Do you support the idea of a working wife?

73 If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?


74 Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?

75 Do you want to have children? If not, how come?

76 To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?

77 Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?

78 Do you believe in abortion?

79 What is the best method(s) of raising children?

80 What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?

81 How were you raised?

82 How were you disciplined?

83 Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?

84 Do you believe in public school for your children?

85 Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?

86 Do you believe in home schooling for your children?

87 What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?

88 Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?

89 What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?

90 If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?


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Very relevant points indeed, that could potentially dramatically reduce the soaring divorce rate, especially among Somalis.


If for applying to some courses/schools/jobs, one has to prove unwavering commitment, significant experience, trusted references, deep ethical sense, the right personality ect, it's only logical that one of life's crucial choice should be made at least on an equal footing.


Therefore, if your future husband/wife pray regularly on time (especially the Fajr prayer, hardest for hypocrits), take every opportunity to enhance her deen's understanding (probably already know the Quraan by heart or at least keep on learning, upgrade his/her Arabic, memorize Ahaadiths ect), regularly volunteer/donate to charities, well-known at the local masjid (natural consequence of the rest), certified by Imams and other respected authorities to be of an examplar conduct (likewise, another consequence of all the rest), always forgive attacks directed to him (ruminating past grievances is a sign of moral weakness), treat everyone with utmost akhlaaq (not just his boss & close friends, which is just self-interest), don't waste his valuable time on futile, un-Islamic "entertainments" such as TVs, Cinema ect instead of intellectual pursuit such as reading serious works or studying, take care of his appearance and health (sensible eating, excercices, regular Caday or natural tootbrush ect tells a lot about one's self-discipline; how could someone who neglect his own health/standing be trusted?), relationship with money (just a tool among others or a major poursuit? Save more than "enjoy" himself/herself? Does he/she allow herself/himself and relatives enough funds?).


To sum-it up: one's proven/certified concern for his Deen, use of his time, concern for his mind, health, money and honor (everything that Islam explicitely seeks to optimize) should be the ultimate criteria for a fruitful marriage as everything is nothing but mutual deception with disastrous consequences on whole societies (wether he drives in BMW or she graduated from Oxford should be the last worries: material side is a mere "bonus" that will never compensate anything else).


May Allah prevents us from self-delusion, which is the worst, Aamiin...

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Long lists of questions do tend to put me right off. It's like you are being interrogated or interviewed. So long as a guy is balwad-free, prays 5/day, and is tall, dark and handsome with a booming career, I would persue him til the end of the world. Maxaa waxaasoo hadal iyo jaqjaq keenay, iska daba raaracsii.

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^^^loool :D such simplicity at a point when you are turning your life upside down, possible the end of your normal life, a high chance of a turn for the worse..... I think I better stop..!


I guess most of these things will come up in your normal conversation, I doubt any sits down and say "right, lets get thorough these questions". On second thought I went to my friends pre arranged meeting with a potential husband, his dad and her representative, and she had a list of questions to ask and he had his own list. I guess reverts are more organised and serious like that. I was torn between laughing hysterically and dying of embarrassment. I'm glade after all that they are now happily married for few yrs now.

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They are all good questions but it's equally important to find out where someone stands politically.


How horrifying would it be to discover you've married yourself to some Atheer Melez Faarax.


Divorce! Divorce!

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^^I must ask, the other kind of politics (i mean the non-meles one) is tolerated in the house, no?


edit: list too long to read.

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I know..your list will include somali politics, regional or local politics too.I can imagine you asking Liberal or Labor? .What if the faraax in question is disinterested in politics?

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By the time someone achieves to think/plan about those 90 points, it will be too late to get married.


You need only very few points to know the person you can life with.


Marriage is some how a risk taking process, and that is why divorce come as an option though the last resort one.

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as we Somalis say, 'marriage is like dipping ur hand into a dark hole' and if u lucky u get some nice sweets atherwise u ened up with a snake.

The question is is one brave enuff to dip their hands into the marrige hole.

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