MiZz_LeXuS Posted June 21, 2003 What would do you if your old man tried to hook you up with an old man? Yes, we are talking about arranged marriage here. My old man came up to be last week and he was talking about how it’s not a good idea to marry someone outside your race. So I went long with the idea. “Yeah, dad your right” and “Yes, dad I totally agree 100%”. Then he finally got to his point (Because me and him don’t have conversations like this). He saw pictures of Paul Walker in my dairy (That explains a lot). He spat the words right out of his mouth, MiZz_LeXuS (Cause that isn’t my real name :rolleyes: ) I got a good man for you. I was totally speechless :eek: . I thought to myself "A man?" No way. I have barley got my life together and I have some much to live for. Some of you might think, "Am I writing, Waris, Aman and Iman. And let me insure you that your not. I staright away without thinking anymore disagreed to the idea. God knows how old the guy is (45-60). I know that my old man is looking out for me but in that way? I told him that I was still young and that I am studing to become a doctor/VET. Anyway I wanna hear your thoughts on arranged marriage. I know that I totally disagree with it. That's all folks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rudy-Diiriye Posted June 21, 2003 Yeah! so finally u got the word!its #3 on the ole namad commandments! u should marry your dad's choice!lol! its a family secret! but u r never part of it! here are you problem resolutions: 1- work from mom side and try to mom to rescue u 2- stick with schooling stuff 3- bring a boy friend home 4- last resort, enrol in other school in a diff city. gday! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sYric-STiPHuLLa Posted June 21, 2003 arranged marriege really ...that sshyt stil goes on /? okay one advice u love your dad give him the props but tell him. ur not interested .. allah gave u life and gave ur dad a life and your life is judged upon what you do. not what ur dad does.. all that qabiil bullsh..forget that traditional practice it's not good. thats it....aight wun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkerman Posted June 21, 2003 Your right in the end the decision in the end must be yours However you should have given your dad the benefit of doubt and just seen entertained the idea for a while yet, you never know he could have been a young, charasmatic educated man :cool: . I think your allowed to date someone for around 6 months as a courtship towards marriage so you can find out whether u like each other, if your ready for marriage n so on. But like you say if u think your not ready for marriage then fair enough, your just trying to be sensible. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
XayaT Posted June 21, 2003 whatz is with parents and arranged marriage? well tha same thing happend to me. their was this dude interested in me.and my mom was totally in love with him(in a mother inlaw way)he called to ask me whatz up and i was like damn bro u got some nervz and u don't even know me.But this guy wasn't about to give up(after 10 times NO).Adventurely my mom was like..hooyo he is a good guy,he is kind and loving,he knows where he came from and where he is going.and u got my duco yada yada yada. so i went out with him just to please my mom.and he turned out to be this funny/intelligent/sweet brother. so out of love and respect for my mom i decide to say YES.and now im gonna get married august 2003. im not inlove with him..but he treaths me like a queen and he got strong faith and my whole family adores him so with their support and his faith and my tolerants i think we can make a happy home! and in the end thatz all that countz(a happy home) ~Wun love to mu peepz worldwide~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coloow Posted June 21, 2003 Salaama, "Arranged marriage" is a western concept which is laden with negativity. I would term what you described above as a "consultative marriage" in which a parent consults his/child about matters of importance. Look at the positive side..all your dad wants is his daughter to have a better life. There is nothing wrong with these types of consultations or marriages for that matter. Despite western style propogandism , the reality is that consultative marriages outlasts marriages where the daughter/son did not consult their parents or vis-a vis. Infact, many of the nomads in these forums were concieved through marriages of consultations. My advice to you, young lady is heed the words of your dad, give the guy a chance to prove himself as the above sister said. he might not be that bad! He has satisfied your dad as to statue, intelligence and many other factors...so there is no reason why he wouldn't please you! One important question to my young somali sisters: What do you think is the motives of your parents when they pick a future groom for you? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shyhem Posted June 21, 2003 LOOOOOOOOOOool i swear i'm laughing hard like a muthaf***r,mizz lexus of all the ladies on S.O.L i can't believe its u crying about this sh-it.What happened to the white boys,i thought u was in love with 'em?Are u now suggestating that,you're not only going to be married to a black guy,you're going to be married to an old black guy u ain't neva seen in u'r life.................. i say cooooooooool,i think i like u'r dad,he must be one hell of father to do this. What do i think of arranged marriages,well i have nothing against my parents taste and i will gladly accept whoever they tell me to marry.All i need is a decent lady and i'm sure my parent will have that in mind. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
XayaT Posted June 22, 2003 One important question to my young somali sisters: What do you think is the motives of your parents when they pick a future groom for you? Entrepreneur ur so right bro.coz thatz tha same Q i asked myself when my family were suggesting this guy. my mom raised me all by her self.for 14 yearz(my dad passed away) she cared for me when i was sick(and that was a long period) she gave me all off her just to see me suceed in life and than all da sudden she is trying to hook me up with a bad dude? i don't believe in that. i trully believe that every parent wants tha best of tha best for their kids.and this guy wasn't a socalled player,no jaad,he doesn't smoke,he has a strong faith,he has his degrees,own house thatz what all da gurlz want,right? well i receive all that plus my family blessing,so what was i *****ing about?thatz why i came to that decision and about love?arranged marriages R much successfuller than that so called " love marriages". like my sis said..love will grow adventurelly ..I think like a old woman right? i know but im only 20 and OG-girl sis my husband to be is 29 u must be thinking eeeeuuiw that old.but guyz need more yearz to grow and get their thang together than us ladyz niin ku dhali kara aya dhagi kara every heard of this famous saying?<------ hope i wrote it right! ~Wun love to all my focks worldwide~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coloow Posted June 22, 2003 Xayat, Maasha allah! I am impressed! We need women like you! The so called age gap exists in every society. There are some old men and women who are better than young people in everything. After all, as the saying goes age is nothing but a number! Xayat: I like your proverb : nin ku dhali karo ayaa ku dhaqi karo! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rudy-Diiriye Posted June 22, 2003 howdy! i think all marriages are arranged in way! if u meet thru friends, its friend arranged! so is thru family stuff! so is thru meeting by chance! its allah arranged@ so is thru the net stuff! my choice is net!lol! i did meet the most beautiful lady thats in my life there! our reunion will take place at 4th of july somewhere in north America!lol! so keep in toned! i will update yall about it! i am weired 24/7 so why not! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coloow Posted June 22, 2003 Rudy son, you wrote ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ i think all marriages are arranged in way! if u meet thru friends, its friend arranged! so is thru family stuff! so is thru meeting by chance! its allah arranged@ so is thru the net stuff! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Good one kijana! (boodboode) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted June 22, 2003 xayaat....girl I love what you said about your mom...My mom raised me all by herself too and although I;ve decided not to marry the guy my mom picked out for me( long story...I said no mainly 'cause I knew the guy and I knew things about him my mom didn't) ...I still think she has my best intentions at heart. And from the sounds of it you got yourself a man...so I wish you all the luck in the world in your new life and husband. peace and luv Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
XayaT Posted June 22, 2003 enterpreneur thank u for correcting me my somali isn't that well as u can C(but im trying) Flying-still thank u sis ~Wun love 2 all my focks worldwide~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TRUTH-SHALL-SET-U-FREE Posted June 22, 2003 I always had this thing for older men. They quite interesting and one can have a great conversation with them often. My max was a guy who was older than me by 12 yrs at least. Now back to the topic, your old man is thinking to get you hitched ha. Well personally, i am not bothered about arranged marriage, i mean if the parents brought a delicious man, why would i shoot myself in the foot just cause it came from their side. But if I didn't like their choice, and there were really a supstancial differences in our personalities and goals, i would not concent and that should be the end. Now you want to study and have a lot of fun in life, so it's really important that the guy your old man brings understands those desires of yours and that you are nsync together about it. Best relationship is the one with a lot of communication and listening. Original poster, i got to say, i am getting the feeling that you are younger than 20 if not even yet 19. So in your case, i would suggest also that you discuss with this possible future mate of yours, if he would consider delaying the wedding atleast for two years or so. And use that time wisely. au revoir P.s. just a quick question, Xayat u assuming that you would love this man after you married him, but what if that is not the case? do u think he deserves to spend the rest of his life with someone who can't love him as a person deserves to be loved? Just a curious question, not meant to be taken in the wrong way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MD Posted June 22, 2003 Arranged marriages huh Good luck! hey charismatic_aussie seen couple of old topics on this issue search and you'll read some interesting points from the nomads Well i really don't know a lot about arranged marriages, but it's not something somalia's do compare to some countries in the middle east especially "carabta" God knows how old the guy is (45-60). I know that my old man is looking out for me but in that way? Me personally i wouldn't want to get married to an old guy, the way i see it is that..it's going to be hard to understand each other he's probably thinking about having children "now" since his clock is ticking you at the other hand busy with school, Imagine you not able to watch the same shows with him, not able to laugh at the same jokes but again there's a lot of marriages that have been successful in the past, well 5 to 6 years for me is okay more then that God knows Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
