Self-Hatred: do you feel it?

[Modesty]

I just came across this little article and it got me thinking about how being a minority especially in a culture that is not natively yours can cause self-hatred to enter your heart. I always thought I was immune to this, I always loved being somali (even though I'm more proud to be muslim first), but I began to see how I would always compare my culture to western culture, how if my people only behaved this way we would be somehow more better and so on. I never really thought it was self-hatred, but I'm guessing maybe self-hatred comes in different forms. Then I notice how our culture views certain things and that itself is "self-hatred", for example, how having lighter skin is equated with being beautiful. I don't agree with that because I know many dark dark skinned women who are more beautiful than the lightest girl.I also notice, especially with African Americans when they talk about their ancestors they only mention dutch, german, scottish, irish, italian, norwegian, swedish, findish, europeanish side,but never really mention their west african heritage. I'm not trying to offend anyone, and I hope you didn't take any offence to my post, I'm just reflecting on things around me.But here is that article I read:

 

Self-Hatred: Are You Immune?

Name: fenix

14/1/2006

(19:13) GMT

 

Reply

We are urged, sometimes required, to be more, better,

faster, nicer, stronger, even perfect. "I'm ****** ", "I'm

no good, I can't do anything right". Society today produces

tell us we are damned if we do and damned if we don't,

and, even worse, damned if we are and damned if we

aren't. "I'm not pretty enough", "I'm not young

enough", "I'm not thin enough", "I'm not wealthy enough",

I'm not white enough.

 

Conformity, to belong to the herd, has never more prevalent

a product of the politics of fear. Whether it is because of

ones gender, ones age, ones race, ones ethics, ones

religion or ones interests; one begins to see ones self

through whose eyes?

 

With the feeling of guilt at betraying ones self and

betraying others one feels more self-hate. Alcohol, drugs,

pornography or become the bully, the abuser or participate

in some violent activity are just some of the obvious ways.

One pays the price and censors ones self by shifting to the

realm of the seemingly powerful/influential; and no matter

what one does there is still no justice. In fact one

perpetuates injustice. When you think about someone or a

group of people does your mind fill with self-righteous

anger?

Who fills you with anger?

Who do you try to put down everyday?

What do you hate?

What do you hate about yourself and why?

[Ibtisam]

Hey

 

I know what you mean.

 

I guess I’m not immune to it when you look at it in these contexts. But it depends on how far you go with this self hate. If it is things you can change about yourself then I guess to lessen that feeling you would change it (e.g. I’m too fat; loose some weigh )

 

What I notice most is this whole culture. Your western side is always in conflict with your cultural background and your religion. for example, older Somali people make a mocker of how I speak in Somali and roll around laughing when I speak, or tell you off for not knowing Somali poems/songs and they don't consider you as "somalian enough" and think you are westernize. however when you are mixing with western people, you never go the full way (not drinking, drugs, sex) whatever it maybe you lack some core characteristics that white westerns consider as distinguishing elements in their culture. So you end up being a stranger in both worlds. Some people just end up going backwards and forwards between the too cultures, while other (including me ) try to take the best of both worlds and create your own culture; I don’t' think this is self hate though rather a frustration that you can't do anything how you are meant to

 

Anyway that’s my two cents

[Modesty]

Oh I've been throught that. I remember a while back I wanted there was a little discussion on siyasadaa somaliyeed so I wanted to partake in this, when I added my fikrad, the guys said I'm not even "somali enough", can you believe they tried to take me out of my own ethnicity which is rightfully mine.Sometimes I also feel like I have my own culture, but I think I'm not along in this new culture of growing up in the west and being somali,I've met many people who are in the same boat as me and I'm very happy to see that I'm not alone. I never have felt "western" even though I've been here almost my whole life, mostly because certain characteristics of the west contradict my deen, such as social drinking,dress,you name it.

 

(e.g. I’m too fat; loose some weigh )

the battle of the bulge, don't we all want to win!

[J.Lee]

Self-Hatred: Are You Immune?

 

Yes.

 

I never felt the need to conform, I have always been that "weird" girl with the "weird" opinions and I like it enough to not change it: mida kale, I never wanted to march to Society's drumbeat and it's not because of kibir but rather that I find myself to be deaf to its tone.

 

B.T.W

 

Ibtisam: The Somali-born triumphs over the American-bred [values] when you get a bit older. Just wait and see walaal.

[Ibtisam]

^^^shiid, you mean i am going to wear diirac on road and gossip all day and marry a poor farah who chews qaad, and memorise poems and become fat and out of shape, and eat bariis and pasto everyday, and think qabil is the most important thing in world. someone shoot me now

 

sounds like self hate

 

i like my values dee, i made them up by stealing ideas from many many different cultures. and now that i have come to terms with my identity i refuse to change it even if i reach as old as 100 as i am quiet old as it is

[Simply_I]

^^

Dear sister you can't jus steal different ideas, you have to....you MUST use One Syllabus if you want to pass the exam dee.

 

You know....what i mean??

[Ibtisam]

hey^^

no your engrisi is too complex dear, care to explain it in lay xalimo terms

 

i don't see any laws against mix and matching

 

p.s. u edit ur message dear, why did you think i would be offended? lool

[Chocolate and Honey]

Self-Hatred: Are You Immune?

I used to think I was. I was always proud of my religion so it made up for all the horrible aspects of my culture(Qabiil, corruption, prejudice, sexist, arrogance.) Religion always came to my rescue and I didnt have to agree with any foolxumo. All I had to say was that this is dhaqan at its worst not diin, and the discussion was over . I never felt the need to conform to any norm other than my own, so in that case I was lucky. And wham! this incident took place at my gym

Couple of weeks ago, I was at the gym working myself to death when I saw two somali ladies who couldnt be more covered. At first, I saw them at the locker room when I was changing and I thought maybe they just came in and they would change to a comfortable workout outfit. So I went upstairs and I started running. about 5minutes later,I saw couple of runners infront of me stop and shake their heads. Then I came arround to the trademill area and there it was. The two ladies whom I saw downstairs fully jalbaaban(I mean the big jalbaab, the big goono, the xxl shirt right to their knees with running shoes ). They were trying to use the stair-climber and all the personal trainers had this concerned and bewildered look. Couple of people told them: be carefull with that big dressThere is never a busier time at that gym than 7.00pm, people form a line for the equipment and these two women were just minding their own bussiness. loughing, running, lifting weights even when the manager warned them they might injure themselves. And God their dressess were atleast 5different colors. I had qamar on to cover my head and I felt soooo . I felt like people were staring at me too. This is when it hit me. I'm ashamed of my people. I was hot and bother over that. I reflected on that and I realized that I wasnt self -immunie to self-hatred. If I saw a woman working out in a bakini, I wouldnt think anything of it so why the jalbaab?

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Get Up!Up Even the best fall down sometimes

[Ibtisam]

god i nearly cried reading that.

thats just plain embrassing, nothing to do with self hate. if you saw a women wearing a bakini in a mosque while everyone else was covered you would feel the same way. i guess it was more of the place rather than action. i mean why would you do that? did u speak to them by any chance? i guess not

[Chocolate and Honey]

Nah. I was soo embarassed I didnt even look at their way. . I bet they werent exactly thrilled by me either . Me wearing sweatpants and all .

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Get Up!Up Even the best fall down sometimes

[Ibtisam]

They probably though; this lost one that has abandoned her xishood and culture and adopted the disgusting western ways (shakes head, haa, maarktah) youngsters these days, does she not come from a respectable family how can she parade her body like that, see everyone is looking at her. lool

[STOIC]

It’s a beautiful day and the temperature has risen a little better than yesterday. The day stretched out ahead of us. My home girl and I decided to hit the gym. This is our first day in the gym. Everything is strange. The equipment line seemed to be inching forward like a snails funeral. Okay what do we do now? People are stirring at us. Deep in my heart I do believed that I am at the right place. She is standing in front of me. She is mopping her forehead with a towel. She is sickly grinning at us and sniffing at us like a dog sniffing at its bone. She is wearing a pant that is so tight across her hips. My friend out in sharp relief murmured, “She is Somaliâ€. I didn’t think much of her identity since we needed help.†Shall we approach her and ask her to help us?†People who think we have plunged ourselves deep in the worst scandal of poor fashion are encircling us. We are monsters trapped in a huge body cloth. We roared stupidly on how people choices of cloth can be a hair-raising issue. Did people forget their utmost responsibility of respecting others choice? If it weren’t for our modesty we could have walked up to this people and give them a piece of our mind.

 

 

Disclaimer: Chocolate am bored at my desk.The above post was not meant to prode you dear!Your story reminded me of another incident.

[Modesty]

I truly admire somali women who wear their big jilbab, and don't care about other people. Even though I wear khimar, and try to dress modestly, I always try so hard to look "perfect", it's so weird because I'm supposed to be covering up and not worry about it, but my khimar has to be tied a certain way :rolleyes: SubhanAllah! I really need to reevaluate what the heck I'm doing.

[Modesty]

I'm bored at my desk as well...long day, hence my postings are increasing on SOL.

[xiinfaniin]

[edit] I didn't realize the title of the this thread .