You know you are addicted to coffee if ... You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. You don't sweat, you percolate. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without a remote. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. You short out motion detectors. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. You help your dog chase its tail. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You answer the door before people knock. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

loooooooool.......

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're ****** ." "In God we trust, all others are suspects." "you were not speeding? are you calling me a liar?"

GEORGE BUSH JR: I don't know, but I'll tell you this: That chicken may run, but it can't hide. God bless America loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom. 3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting. 4. Turn on hot water only. 5. Get in the shower -- once you've found it through all the steam. 6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 8. Rinse hair. 9. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. 10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw. 11. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash. 12. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash. 13. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off). 14. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered. 15. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water. 16. Turn hot water on full and rinse off. 17. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers I actually had a very sexist teacher and I was the only girl in the class. I used to do all my assignments in pink just to piss him off

lol:) I guess this was mainly for other people... you know if it was for "US" they would've start from 2 hours

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. SICK DAYS We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. PERSONAL DAYS Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. RESTROOM USE Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week! THE MANAGEMENT

Sweet!!

Jackson: What happened? Was that for real?

A Jackson: Don't worry I spoke to the red cross rep myself Stoic: Ilahey ka cabso toban dollar maad la dhoomatay? aboow aboow...Haysoo marin!! (I kid! I kid) Raula: We normally help each other with school work and stuff like them....Never done anything for the motherland..... The university in general is dedicating the 26th for tsunami relief......so apart from what we're doing, we're also getting a good share from the school as well!

Ciid Mubarak walaalayaaL

African Student Association in my school is dedicating all gross from the spring 2005(dinners, soccer tournements, club fees, and all sorts of paid community services) for tsunami relief to Somalia. Red cross rep. had in mind that half of the money should go to Asia and being the only Somali I got emotional and I had million reasons why we needed the money most!As I anticipated, we came to the conclusion that the continent deserves all the money. I'am positive that just in SOL we have more than enough ASA members to take part of this action or at least persuade the idea in their next meetings. Belief in the power of many!! I'd appreciate your inputs and thoughts about this idea

........... ............... ASA: African Student Association WAI: Women in Aviation International MSA: Although it was 99% men and they wouldn't let me attend meetings or anything because I'm a female! I still get emails, flyers, and stuff from time to time. CSA: Caribbean Student Association.....oh boy! they can really represent!

Dude, Odayga waan ixtiraameynaaye......wali MAADAN SHEEGIN GABAYGA WAXA LAGA WADO...XARIIFOW ADAAN KU SUGAYNAYE

My roommate uses Oh, Man! like there is no tomorrow.....I can't take it anymore :mad: :mad: I, on the other say Daddy likes @all times..... The food was good: Daddy likes I enjoyed the movie: Daddy likes Fail that one test: Daddy likes ........Also, you know when they write The End in some movies....My uncle have to say Ugudanbeeys and then Finito!!! we so tired of it, we don't watch movies with the uncle anymore!!!

hahahaha@Jacaylbro !!!

Look @ the bright side dear: 1-There is always someone jumping to help although we're very capable of doing things(if you're lazy: take advantage). 2-We wear high heels....so height is not a problem. 3-In the US you're more likely to get into college/be in a high firm(douple geopardy) for being black and a female. 4-Your family get's the Dawry.. 6-we can wear cool colors and not be so gay. And ABOVE ALL we've got suurat Elnisaa.... So, feel better about yourself:) make yourself some brownies, add some Ben & Jerries, relax and kick back!

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool@ Nifty....That was funny!!! Are you guys kidding me!!! That is embarrassing!! I can't shukaansi a guy infront of my mother let alone my Eedo! I think Halal Dating could be something like my dad hangs out with the guy, then tell me what he thinks. Then, I send my brother because I'm thinking he's cooler and report on it too. Now that makes it TOTALLY halal.

waa magacyo dad oo laysku daray! if it's not some sort of code

I think Thought comes first because little infants who cannot speak are always thinking of something! Watch their eyes..they are always upto something! and that involves thinking :confused:

Seriously, what is Halal Dating???

Do no settle for less!

Be Specific Nuune: Maxaa loo dhiibaa??????????

Shirwac: Haloo dhiibo waa garanee...Maxaa loo dhiibaa???