In a surprise announcement that sent shock waves throughout Africa, the Ethiopian Election Board Chairman, Merga Bekana, revealed that Mr Dahir Riyaale Kahin (until recently the president of the Breakaway Somali entity of Somaliland) and his UDUB Party have convincingly won the Ethiopian Parliamentary Elections!
Most of the Ethiopian opposition parties welcomed this surprise result and hoped that Mr Riyaale would go on to form a democratic, progressive and inclusive government that would benefit the whole Ethiopian nation. In addition, the European Union Observers have declared the election fair, free and transparent. However, due to pressure from the government and cries of fraud from the ONLF rebels, the EU observers have agreed to reevaluate the election and investigate some of the reported technical failures.
The current Prime Minster of Ethiopia, Mr Melez Zenawi, challenged the results and protested that neither Mr Riyaale nor his UDUB party were legal participants in these elections. Mr Zenawi and his party have prepared an extensive dossier that details where and when the irregularities took place. In addition, Mr Zenawi himself has insisted that the most glaring fraud originated in the border town of Buhodle. He and members of his government allege that thousands of full ballot boxes were accidently seized from the Somali side by the Ethiopian army and then transported to various parts of Ethiopia when a panicky officer realised what they contained. The whole allegation sounds like a 19th century thriller with farcical mistakes and brilliant coincidences.
“The whole thing started with a detachment of Ethiopian troops at the border, exchanging fire with some angry locals. The troops crossed the border into Somalia and retrieved seven thousand ballot boxes in the mistaken understanding that they belonged to Ethiopia. Once these boxes were taken back to the officer in charge, he realized their importance and the risks they present to his job had they been found in his possession. He therefore instructed his troops to secretly pass on these boxes to government officials in various parts of the country. The comedy of errors continued with the government officials mistaking the boxes for emergency supplies and adding them to those already found in their respective polling centers. This is why the government is disputing the legality of this election and intends to consult with all opposition parties and external observers about a way of declaring them null and void, and arranging new elections”.
Communications Minister Bereket Simon
“Since 1991, the Ethiopian people have been oppressed by the dictator Zenawi. The ONLF people have also suffered their fair share of oppression and subjugation at the hands of this man and his government. Now the torch of tyranny has been passed on to a worse man. Therefore, we, the leadership of the ONLF, strongly condemn the election of Mr Riyaale”.
ONLF communique
“I have been chosen by the Ethiopian people fair and square. My record as a politician and president speaks for itself. I believe I can bring peace and progress to Ethiopia. I also, in my current role as the Somaliland president, still intend to take part in the elections in that country at the end of June. Should I win again, I intend to merge both my domains”.
D. Riyaale Kaahin
“The is a travesty that will bring the Horn Of Africa to its knees. It is a mugging that we strongly oppose and condemn”.
Dr Faroole, PL President
“I believe that the election of his Excellency president Riyaale has finally exonerated my patriotic administration and proved that Al Shabab’s accusations were wrong all along”.
President Sheikh Sharif Sheikh Ahmed
“We shall fight them in the Burcos, we shall fight them in Addis”
Sheikh Hassan Dahir Aweys
“Wa wareeeeeeey”
Eng. Faysal Ali Warrabe
