Qaac Qac, I wasn't aware i was attacking u or anyone for that matter, have u overdosed on Flinstones vitamins? Trust me, I never attack an unarmed opponent and this thread was not an offensive or defensive post. As far as why am i playing hard to get with Khayr?haha...now brother darman answered u quite nicely but just for ur info, im never attracted to neanderthals, thxs but not thxs! if ud like, i can set ur sis up with him? cool? cool As far as opionated thinking outside the box, meaning u can still believe in Islam while searching for personal knowledge on ur own, after all, what i like most about islam is that it encourages all to seek the truth/knowledge and not take everything they are told...we do have a mind and the ability to think and rationalize, so ppl can have differing opinions and still believe in the main denominator, Islam. peace

Jeenyo, do u hate me this much? If u followed any of my posts that ud realize that the dear lil misguided one follows me like a lost puppy...u know what, ur right...he's infatuated with me, but u were wrong in saying that there was a tension, the only tension there is when i anticipate where to kick him..lol.. I pray to God i don't end up with a person like him and if u have any dencency in u, ud pray on behalf of me too...thxs! Opinionated, thxs sis for those extra needles, i'll make sure when its my night to be with him, i poke his futile brain..and get him back to reality...and as for ppl bringing out ur name when u don't even participate, that just shows that u've made quite a difference in this thread and that ur one of the few who thinks outside the box, im afraid to say, some are still locked in theirs, no need to name names...they are not used to women saying their opinion, so their strategy might be less attack b4 she says anything to us...that's ignorance for u cheers!

OG, according to ur narrow views, if a woman wants to take care of herself physically, its an invitation to rape..so thxs for the heads up, i'll inform my sistas to stop showering so the "weak" man won't rape them... Basically ur logic is backwards and I shudder to think what u would do if someone close to u was raped, i bet ur first q would be, what were u wearing instead of who did this to u and what can i do to help u...u've lost me with ur ideologies and i hope more men don't think like u.. i guess u didnt read what i last posted except for makeup/dancing...but what u failed to pick up was that most girls who get raped are usually from ppl they know, their family, close family friends or their social circle..and its not someone who sees them in the street or at a dance club...so pls, why dont u do REAL research and stop spreading this lame idea to ur fellow men, some are extremely influential and if young men see ur views then they will think its ok to rape cause she 'asked' for it.. p.s.-i just want to see how many guys/girls believe that a woman asks for rape accoring to how she's dressed. etc....say "I"..if not say "nay"-OG this will be a new study and u will see how many support u/oppose u peace

OG, maybe if 70% of what u just posted wasn't a line, maybe ud get a better response...what is this ur the moon and ur my earth or something, come on bro...be urself...that's the one thing u guys dont get, somali girls don't fall for lines, they fall for originality and uniqueness, not a line that u heard from BET comedy last night...and u gotta hard on those u love, that's why we maybe seem tough on u guys, its because we wanna make our society better and why not start with the men since all the problems originate with u guys? J?K...don't jump on my throat now..breathe... cheers!

Kheyr, thxs for the hug, but id rather not get ebola virus..and its not anger baby boy, its called setting someone straight...u should thank me for trying to get the ignorance out of ur system.... Gals, whenever u run into kheyr, pls run the other way! cheers!

Kheyr, thxs for the warning, I'll make sure not to wear my name tag now! As ur 2nd fantasy wife, I won't bring anything because i dont like to share so u might wanna divorce me, actually come to think of it, I divorce u, on the grounds of unequal treatment! Cheers!

Xarbi, couldn't have said it better myself, it is excellent that you are educating the ignorants. Qaac, u have redeemed urself with the last post and Im glad u don't share Kheyr's narrow views. Kheyr, what if someone close to u, say a sister was raped, u'd tell her abuser to marry her and smile or perhaps ud tell other men in the communitee that she is not longer marriage material because someone took the liberty to violate her, an act that she did nothing to deserve. U are a prime example of the backward somali that deviates from islam and institutes their own traditions, such as blaming the victim or giving her to her abuser or placing a stigma on the victim. As xarbi suggested, a visit to ur local mosque is in sore need and a flash through to the qoran won't hurt as well.

Qaac Qac, there are many ppl who find the littlest things stimulating, such as seeing an ankle, wow, how arousing...so pls, stop playing the dumb one and accuse the victim of inviting...that word u guys need to eradicate from ur vocabulary...no one invites another to rape them..PERIOD! God, get that through ur heads...Islam does not persecute the woman so if u call urself a believer stop blaming them and start educating ur fellow men in lowering their gaze as they should to begin with! they wouldnt notice what one is wearing and doing if they followed truly ilsamic guidelines and looked down when a woman appears... Og ...some men use the excuse that the woman looked good, does that mean ugly girls dont get raped? WRONG! It really doesnt matter what u wear, what u look like, when someone wants to rape u, they will, even if she's wearing a sack...and ur saying maybe she had make up on, so i wear make up, does that mean i deserve to get raped or that im inviting someone to rape me? and what do u consider teasing? Take a ruwayad for instance, guys all on the wall watching the girls dance, so if one later rapes a gal in the parking lot let's say, does that mean cause she was dressed up and dancing that she "stimulated" him enough to rape her? My point is dear narrowminded men, no woman deserves to get raped and the whole burden of the sin lies squarely on the perpetrators' shoulders and stop blaming the victim for God' sake..no wonder women never come forward because ppl like u don't believe them or put the blame on them...ive worked in crisis centres b4 and most of the rapes that occur are from ppl that the victim already knows, so its not a stranger that find them attractive...Og, id really like to see ur outrageous 70% stats that woman ask for it, prove me wrong! I also dont agree with the somali culture that once a girl gets raped she's given to her abuser, that's just sick, and the sad thing is, many somalis today still believe that and its obvious some of them are here too...

WOW Og, hold ur wild unruly horses...did U say that right? did u say WOMEN ASK FOR RAPE? Damn, now u ppl wonder why girls neva come forward...Listen...i dont care if she's not wearing a stich, no one asks to be raped! Got it! Many men use that excuse, oh, she was showing skin, but as the sista with this topic showed u with the pakistani girl's story, what u are wearing has nothing to do with it, it is about someone's sick mentality and control issues...pls learn about the issue b4 u start accusing the system and the sad part is, many somalis would agree with u...i shudder to think if that happened to someone close to u and u asked her what she was wearing rather than let's get the culprit... As a decent human being, u should neva even try to committ such a hateful act and try to blame it on her...some ppl think the burqa is sexy, did she ask to be raped? Ur backward mentality is poisonous, and i hope lil boys dont follow ur thinking. UFFFFFFFFFFF! Plus, if u know anything of Islam, is that it says once a woman says she's raped, u must believe her until the guy is proven innocent... Of course there are women who misuse the rape word but again, if u didnt put urself in that predicament, u would neva be accused of in the begginning, meaning, dont committ zina! Going back to the sistas' q, i think all can be true, and may have heard something similar to the pakistani gal and somali one too...each culture have their good and bad apples, so hopefully islam will unite them in doing only good. p.s.-if this is what our culture believes, then we are in serious trouble, blaming the victim. Very Disgusted!

It isn't a decision that you can make for her, it is obviously solely up to her. You may think she's too young, which maybe true, but you know when you tell someone not to do something, they do it anyways. And its' not always about age, there are people that are in their 20's, 30's that have no business being married due to their immaturity, but even if you think it's a mistake what ur friend is doing, u gotta let her make it, or she won't learn from it. Now the only thing i would be concerned about is that if she's in post secondary school, she's not done and i would personally wait until school was behind me, but then again, we don't know when our time will come when we're supposed to be married. So if u have no other reservations other than just her age, i say wish her good luck and a happy marriage cause that's the time a girl needs her friends to support her. If u know something or u think he's not right for her, speak up, but even if she doesnt take ur advice, don't look at it as if she's disregarding ur feelings, look at it as a life altering decision that only she can make. So get ur bridesmaid dress ready, smile and be happy for her. p.s.-at least she's not running around getting pregnant, she's doing a reponsible thing by getting married and avoiding future would-be sins. peace

Hey, its not only women who say one thing and may mean another, but men too are afflicted with that malady. By the way, when a woman says NO, it means NO! Don't mislead these men here to let them think that yes is no, might have repercussions for what u say. Men's dictionary: I love u too=im just saying it so u won't get mad at me. U don't look fat in those jeans=are u really gonna wear that?! Lay off the cheesecake Girl, ur so beautiful tonight=can i get into ur panties pls? U're the only girl in my life=we're a couple until i find someone better You have a great personality=i wouldn't touch u with a ten foot pole Just for laughs, although admit it, some are true or have a grain of truth with them, unlike the women's dictionary. I can add a bit to the women's dictionary: U're such a good friend=give up, we'll never date in this lifetime I lost ur number=I just didn't wanna call u/not interested oh my god, i gained weight=pls tell me i don't need to lose weight (fishing for compliments) u're soooo nice!=permanent friend zone Peace

Just tell ur friend, ppl in glass houses shouldn't be throwing stones. Meaning that he is doing an activity that he does not want his wife involved in. If it's scandalous for his wife to partake in it, he too should refrain from it.Stop the double standard, both are free human beings, able to do what they like, and let's not look at it as not lady like, look at qaad as something no one should do. Period. Personally, I think that chewing Qaad is a disgusting habit and that a person's time should be better served doing something else. Mainly it is seen as a "man only" activity but over the years women have joined in as well. Men use it to get away from their wives and i think they should use the time to romance their wives. Man, woman, squirrel, anyone who does it i don't agree with but it is their choice and they gotta live with doing drugs, which is what i see qaad as being.He shouldn't be mad if his wife is doing it because its something that he does as well, although she shouldn't have lied about it but then again, u did say he doesn't come home sometimes as well. Sounds like they both don't want to be in their marriage if both are looking forward to qaad more than using that time to connect with their partner. peace

I do not an ounce of sympathy for him. For him to live with a girl and obviously have sex with her, which im sure was what both parties wanted since she said it went all summer long, and still claim that he is muslim, really makes me mad. He's a disgrace to real muslims everywhere because to have sex b4 marriage for both sexes, is unislamic. Now, he's boohoo-ing that ppl are picking on him because of race or religion, pls, id advise that ***** not to drag islam into his sordid affairs. He chose to act like a non-believer, well, that wouldnt have happened if he followed the religion he said he was a part of. That will teach him a lesson! Good for him...i dont care if he has to register as a sex offender, that's the least of his worries when he goes b4 God. He's lucky he didn't contract aids, moron. cheers!

Modesty, i heard today, according to Jami mosque, that there are only 8 tickets left in the whole of Toronto (GTA). My friend asked if she can reserve 6 tickets for me and my friends, and he said that we can pick it up on saturday. If u have family in Tdot, ask them to call the place and see if there are any left ASAP, cause they are going like hot cakes. Lots of ppl are expected to come and it's supposed to be a diverse audience, so inshallah, it will be a great conference, dealing with the issues of today for us muslims. See u guys there, and what happened to the men? Majority here seems that only the women are going, for those of u in the city or nearby, u run when there's a ruwayyad, but can't make it when its about islam...come on guys..deen applies to u too...lol..peace see u guys there

Hello Hibo, great q. Many ppl here have pretty much said what was on my mind already but just wanted to add a lil' bit. Anyone who is intimidated by an educated sista or one who has a career in mind she might like to follow, it just might be that it may not coincide with the lifestyle the men are thinking for themselves. If they want a stay at home mom/wife, obviously a working woman isn't their first choice. They have that prerogative to choose what mate they would like, but so do you. The right person for you would accept u the way u are, not want to mold you into something you are not and that is something you have control over. From the male friends i have, maybe a couple would rather have a stay at home partner and that is up to them if that is what their partner wants as well, but majority want a working wife since the reality of the world we live in doesn't afford them the kinda money and security they would want to give to their wives. And when kids come into the picture, again the majority feel that it is wise for the wife to be home the first yr or 2 but that they wouldnt mind them getting back into the working world, again depending on their salary. So it all comes down to the person each of us chooses and untimately we would have to live with whatever lifestyle we all choose. Peace

Hello Five, to tell u the truth im not sure how to react to his capture, at first i was thinking it could be one of his many clones but they did say they had dna tests done (if u can take the word of any american official as truth). What troubles me about this so-called joyous occasion to rid the world of "evil" is that the very ppl trying to take him down were the ones who handed him weapons to destroy others. He was their man who did the dirty work for them, but if u ask me, the real evil lies with thoses imperialists/colonial dominators who use others as tools for their master plan-which is having the world at their fingertips, to direct it as they wish and to further humiliate the muslim community. Peace

Well MJ made bad choices, such as inviting kids to bed, but who's to say if he abused them or they just want money, probably the parents putting that idea in kids heads. Like the last case, recently, documents came out where the kid said that MJ was like a father to him and that he helped him and his family out. The kid was a cancer patient, which the prosecutors are using to nail MJ, making the public think that he took advantage of a young kid. I personally like him and his music and no proof was ever established that he molested kids, it seems that the parents in both the cases he was accused of, were in financial trouble. However, after the first case a decade ago, he shoulda been smart enough not to have kids around him so that he wont get accused of it again. Who knows if those kids are his, i couldnt care less, as long as he's taking care of them, lots of kids in this world have no one to love them, so im glad he's taking care of them. He covers the kids so that the reporters won't use them in the tabloids, he wants to give them as normal a life as possible, w/o always publishing them or having reporters make money off his kids. Who knows if he consumated his "marriage", i wouldnt wanna think of him in that situation, not a good sight to think of. I mostly feel sorry for him, he grew up in an abusive household, he was teased about his appearance growing up, and all that has shaped him to be the man he is today. I say leave the man alone, his personal life is his to deal with, and let's not point the figure and paint him as a molester until all the facts come out. He's a victim of bad judgement.

Hello Ck sis, u have quite a situation on ur hand. First, as many ppl have advised u already, evaluate ur level of trust with him, because as we all know, if there isnt trust, there isnt a relationship. Secondly, how much do u like him? enough to give him the benefit of the doubt or is this fairly new and ur still mixed up about emotions. Thirdly, u need to examine what he is doing to help u feel more secure in ur relationship, does he always pick up the phone when ur with him? or does he turn it off and let the machine get it, since ur supposed to be the most important person in his life, and focus all his attention on u when ur with him.Does he seem to enjoy the groupies or does he hold back? What did u know from his past relationships, cause that gives u great insight about the kinda man ur dealing with.Is he known as a player or a nice guy? Lastly, go with ur heart but don't let it blind u, sometimes when ppl are in the situation too much, they don't see the signs b4 them. Its good that u told him how u felt, because communication is the key, but hopefully, he will respond by making u feel more secure, not picking up phone when he's with u, make u feel like ur the only one that matters to him, and see how he deals with groupies. A respectful man, worthy of ur adoration, would do all possible to put ur heart and mind at ease, and ask him, if u were the famous one in the relationship, how would he feel if guys were all over u, if everytime ur together the phone rings too much, what would he do in ur situation? Hopefully, that will give him a better idea as to how u feel. p.s.-a q to u sis-how much did him being famous influence u going out with him, or do u like him for him? if tomorrow he left the business would u still want him? I'm betting u might, but just wanted u to examine ur feelings of what ur with him. Good luck!

Ameenah, couldn't have said it better myself, therefore, I'll let ur words speak for me as well. Great insight into the devious mind of Khayr. Too many guys are using this forum to almost discourage young ladies in their pursuit of education/career, and I find it odd that the same effort isn't put forth to young men who aren't taking advantage of school. If they spent half of the time that they are dogging girls for not putting the apron before the pen and use it towards brothas that are too lazy to go to school, our society as somali ppl as we speak would have been on a different level. Instead of congratulating the sistas on working towards something good, they would rather drag them down, it is maybe that the men are threatened that their future lady might have a higher education than them? Think about it folks. peace

Mujahid, that was so sweet bro, more brothas out there should step up to the plate and realize when they've stepped on a few toes. No harm done bro, after all, we are all here to express our diverse views and sometimes a different view adds to the spirit of the debate. p.s.-here's more of my grandmothers diracs u can sow for her, thxs a bunch! cheers!

Bee, excellent points, as many others sistas have pointed out also. Mujahid, u said that the sole purpose of marriage is just for kids? Am i the only that was surprised by that comment? If marriage is just for kids, then most families would have broken up as soon as the kids came.Meaning that now that we're accomplished our objective, hit the road jack. Of course, kids in a marriage adds to the love already there between the 2 partners, but it's not the sole purpose of marriage, even though u may argue, that to populate the world is our main goal. Doesn't mean u can't have fun along the way. How about thinking of marriage in the following terms, to name a few: 1-fulfilling half of the islamic religion 2-companionship 3-sense of security 4-love 5-partnership 6-union of 2 minds as well as hearts What about to those ppl, men and women, by the grace of Allah, not able to have kids? How do u define their marriage? Also, I do not agree with ur idea that women should put education, career on the back burner to pursue the more meaningful adventure of capturing a farax.Like many astute sistas have pointed out to u already, everyone's fate is different, some find the person God intended them to be with early in life, some later, and finally, some ppl never find it. So what are they to do in the meantime? What u propose sounds a lil' like settling, for the sake of being married, without excercising ur intellectual abilities in chosing a suitable mate. As to the ques u posed, i know it wasn't addressed to me, but im gonna crash the party and give u my 2 cents, like i havent done already. U asked, if a woman can have a husband that supports her the way God intended, would she wanna stay home? Well, in my part of the world, life isn't just that easy. Majority of the men these days, due to financial instability, low education, aren't able to fulfill their half of the marriage, therefore, sistas gotta step up and help the man, by becoming a 2nd income earner. If u ask me, u guys should thank us for taking the burden off ur shoulder to provide for the woman and any future kids anything they so desire, including putting food on the table. And some would rather work outside the home, especially if there's no kids in the family unit yet, because as good as it feels sometimes catching up on Y&R, it gets old after a while. That's enough crucifying for Mujahid. Now on to Khayr...thxs for giving me the honor of belonging to ur harem, although, im not too sure why im not jumping for joy quite yet. Im sure it will hit me soon. Here's my top 4 slaves for my household: 1-Khayr (cook and clean) -at least ur #1 on my list. 2-Nur (to teach the youngsters about islam) 3-Mujahid (assist in sowing) 4-Underdog (youngsters secular teacher) Cheers!

Khayr, why's this q only addressed to the ladies? I'm inclined to agree with opinionated, that ur "research" has more to do with finding ur ideal xalimo rather than just "scientific" work. If this was truly an unbiased "research" then gender shouldn't be a factor. So guys, for those of u who've already put in ur 2 cents even though it was addressed to the ladies, why not add ur own list of priorities of what u'd like to accomplish and age group...sorry Khayr, im doing my own lil "research" now, hope u don't mind. So guys here are ur choices: For those that fall into the type A category: 1-khat 2-coffeetime 3-marrying a 2nd/3rd wife 4-bringing into this world kids u can't raise Type B: 1-education 2-marriage 3-stable career/income 4-offsprings So in the spirit of answering the topic, here's my list of priorities but only God knows what He has in store for me, so Inshallah, if i had my way, this is what i'd chose to happen; 1-education 2-career (or working towards it) 3-marriage 4-kids (if not possible, there's always adoption) *2 and 3 may change overtime since Underdog has pointed out that many ppl find a stable career they'd like to enjoy in their mid-to late thirties, if even that early, so i wouldn't wanna postpone marital bliss as long as marriage won't get in my way of pursuing it. Who says we can't have it all? p.s.-all kidding aside, ppl are forgetting that as much as we plan what we want our life to be, its already decided for us, whether we would have kids, marriage, career, ect....so put ur faith in God and let life fall into place. Overthinking it and analyzing it only gets u disappointment when things don't go by schedule. Cheers!

Underdog bro, the idea you suggested has been done already, look under the topic "what a woman does when she's in love", but if you'd like more, why not start them urself and see how the girls react? The thing is, don't take this topic as an attack on somali men, look at it as constructive criticism, i'm sure u guys have dished out an equal amout on the ladies. Remember guys, a woman who is pleased in her relationship with her partner, would have no problem bending over backwards to please her man, so keep that in mind. Underdog has a point though, instead of regurgitating same discussions all the time, why don't we start talking about solutions on how to improve both genders without being accusatory? Avoid such things as "you always do this, you never do that", because people will naturally become defensive and hence, nothing is solved. It's all about the tone in which we say things, let me share a tired old cliche but an effective one, "you will catch more bees with honey than vinegar" or something like that. peace

Breast Cancer is one of the leading causes of death for women, inshallah Allah will protect us and if it's means that we do get it, i hope God gives us the strength to deal with it. Once a month, do a self breast exam, but make sure it's not when u are on ur period or close to getting it, because u tend to produce more lumpy feeling in ur breast and it may unnecessarily alarm you. Also, about the bra issue, i'm not sure if it's a myth but i have heard that a bra that is too small for u may contribute it too, since the wire is digging into ur skin for a long period of time and pls don't sleep in ur bra, it's uncomfortable! U should be able to relax and breathe well while ur asleep instead of having a constricting garment on. Remember to always get a second opinion because it's easy for a doctor to make a mistake. A while ago, i saw on Oprah guests who were there to share their stories about medical mistakes that their doctors made and what they all had in common was that they didn't get a second opinion. One woman was falsely diagnosed with breast cancer and her doctor advised her to immediately get her breast removed, only to call her the next day, saying that she never had cancer to begin with and that it was all a big mistake. They mixed up her results with someone elses'. Now this woman has to live with that. One man had his penis removed without his permission when he went in for surgery about his supposed prostate cancer, The doctor removed his penis b/c yet again they mixed up ppl's results. therefore everyone, be cautious and always double , triple, quadruple check , because doctors are human and mistakes can happen. Peace

Samiyah, wlc sis, forgive those ppl who were jumping down ur throat, it's just that these same type of topics have been discussed numerous times, and i guess they feel that another one is not needed...but u couldn't have known since u said u were new, therefore u deserve a bit of a break....but u made a good point about conducting ourselves the way we are doing in ramadan all yr around and that Allah hasn't asked us to fulfill our islamic duties only in ramadan, but everyday of our lives... To answer ur q, i would say, often, ppl treat u the way u treat them, if not, cut ur losses, and move on....so if u display any romance in ur relationships, then he might be more inclined to be romantic back, but that also has to do with ur definition of romance...to some women, romance is when a man cleans up after himself, rubs her back after a long day, cooks once in a while....so a woman has to be clear on what is romantic to her and not to lose sight of the lil' things he may do for u....some see romance being equated to receiving jewerly, having money spent on them, at the end of the day, its up to u and what u are happy with, otherwise, hit the road... peace