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RendezVous

Sijui Jokes!!!!

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HII NI KALI MAZEE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Four Kenyans were on death row for a very serious felony offence. They were given four types of the death penalty options to choose from:

 

1.Electric chair

2.Firing squad

3.Hanging

4.HIV Injection.

 

On the fateful day, the 4 Kenyans were taken straight to the Executioner to get killed.

 

The Jaluo man chose the electric chair; and boom he was gone!

 

The Kao(kalenjin) man chose the firing squad; A shot was fired, and boom he was gone.

 

The Kiuk man was lifted onto the noose by the Executioner and boom! he was gone!

 

The Luhya man walked confidently to the Executioner and selected the HIV Injection option.They inject a bottle of the deadly

virus into his veins and off he goes! He walks confidently to his cell(body)and tells his cellmates, pointing at the Executioner: "Abandu abajinga,shivamanyire khufwala ikondom!" (****** people, they do not know that I

am wearing condom).

 

:D:D:D

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Kikuyu Romance

 

Gikuyu: Umekura Nyama Shoma?

kadame: DIO

 

Gikuyu: Si fombe Umekunywa?

kadame: DIO

 

Gikuyu:Na si umekura thambutha tena ya firifiri?

kadame: DIO

 

Gikuyu: BASI RAZIMA SHUMA IRARE DANI !!!!!

 

:D:D:D:D

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IN INGKHO HOTELS

 

PEST MENU

 

Tonut na maantasi 5.00 /=

Homelet Plain 4.50/=

 

Jai na zgonji 5.00/=

Tenku na ukali 6.00/=

 

Jabati Pantika 6.40/=

 

jabati na karanka 15.00/=

 

Gugu ya ingo 50.00/=

Gugu ya genjik 25.00/=

 

Mgade Poflo 6.50/=

 

mapawa ya ingokho(chumusha)10.00 pop

 

mapawa ya ingokho( choma) 15.00 pop

 

IZdrungi kafu 1.50/=

 

Matonto na Mihoko 30.00/=

 

Zamagi ntoko 23.00/=

 

Enchoy your meals

 

bay at te counder :D:D:D

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A SCENE: KENYA AIRWAYS

 

"What is all the fuss about?" Weseka Sambu asked a hastily convened news conference at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. "A technical hitch like this could have happened anywhere in the world. You people are not patriots.You just want to cause trouble". Sambu, a spokesman for Kenya Airways, was speaking after the cancellation of a through flight from Kisumu, via Jomo Kenyatta, to Berlin: "The forty-two passengers had boarded the plane ready for take-off, when the pilot noticed one of the tyres was flat.

Kenya Airways did not possess a spare tyre, and unfortunately the airport nitrogen canister was empty. A passenger suggested taking the tyre to a petrol station for inflation, but unluckily the jack had gone missing so we couldn´t get the wheel off. Our engineers tried heroically to re-inflate the tyre with a bicycle pump, but had no luck, and the pilot even blew into the valve with his mouth, but he passed out. "When I announced that the flight had to be abandoned, one of the passengers, Mr Mutu, suddenly struck me about the face with a life-jacketwhistle and said we were a national disgrace. I told him he was being ridiculous, and that there was to be another flight in a fortnight. And, in the meantime, he would be able to enjoy the scenery around Kisumu, albeit at his own expense."

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REAL KENYA:

how do you know if your in kenya?

 

when you put your hand out of the window of a matatu and when you bring it back in, your watch is gone... :D

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Originally posted by The Rendezvous...:

Kikuyu Romance

 

Gikuyu: Umekura Nyama Shoma?

kadame: DIO

 

Gikuyu: Si fombe Umekunywa?

kadame: DIO

 

Gikuyu:Na si umekura thambutha tena ya firifiri?

kadame: DIO

 

Gikuyu: BASI RAZIMA SHUMA IRARE DANI !!!!!

 

:D:D:D:D

Chuma as in ROD or a LOG...that is serious

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smile.gif An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president.

 

When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight. The chief made a series of weird noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight." Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?" The chief made the same noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building." "Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter. The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z... From the short-wave radio."

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raula   

"Gikuyu: BASI RAZIMA SHUMA IRARE DANI !!!!!" :D Ngai fafa..aterere..tupeleke mos mos basi.

 

The INGOKHO jokes hits close to home ;) aha jamani..Rende..watutukana au nini..as the Luhya would say:UQOLASHINA mwene icon_razz.gif

 

Na kweli nimemiss kilugha.

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Viking   

Originally posted by The Rendezvous...:

Gikuyu: BASI RAZIMA SHUMA IRARE DANI !!!!!

Rende,

loool...We ni sheikh bomu kweli! Unahubiri pande moja na huku unatoa ma jokes kama hizi? Noma!

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Originally posted by Viking:

quote:Originally posted by The Rendezvous...:

Gikuyu: BASI RAZIMA SHUMA IRARE DANI !!!!!

Rende,

loool...We ni sheikh bomu kweli! Unahubiri pande moja na huku unatoa ma jokes kama hizi? Noma!
Com si com sa!!!! :D:D

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