In the pursuit of happiness

[N.O.R.F]

In today’s aggressive societies happiness is superficial and people generally believe they’re happy or will be happy as a result of material gains. Nice that some still place a value on doing for others, being content and maintaining perspective.

 

Article:

 

Pursuit of happinessThe path to inner joy is simple – commit random acts of kindness, relax and be thankful for what you've got

 

I am sitting across a table from my sister-in-law, outside a small Italian restaurant, reading her a letter. As experiences go, it's toe-curling. I am telling her everything I'm grateful to her for. It's like a bad episode of Oprah. Surely us Brits aren't built for this stuff?

 

But according to Action for Happiness, little things like this can really improve our lives. The movement, founded by LSE professor Richard Layard and Dr Anthony Seldon, aims to create positive social change, and comes as the government prepares to publish findings this autumn on its proposed happiness index.

 

The movement's core idea is that we should all try to create more happiness. Or, to paraphrase the Dalai Lama, happiness doesn't just happen to you, you have to work at it. To this end, a list has been drawn up of 50 activities, from getting to know neighbours to unplugging from technology, that can make positive changes to our lives. But can they work? I spent a week finding out …

 

Being kind

 

According to the organisation, doing kind things for others strengthens our connection with them and builds trust – particularly with strangers – leading to happier communities. The acts can be large or small, but must be beyond the things you do regularly.

 

This is not hard. To my surprise, I am not overly kind. I'm polite, I'm friendly, I hold open doors, but my natural reserve prevents me from, say, mowing a neighbour's lawn.

 

So I step it up, offering to let someone queue-jump (he refuses), and trying to help a pair of lost tourists ("Nein danke, we're fine"). Finally – yes! – a couple struggles off a bus with a wheelchair and bag of shopping. I take a bag, give the woman my arm, and walk her to the wheelchair. I feel like Mother Teresa.

 

Give thanks

 

Next I must write down, every night, three things I'm grateful for. This, apparently, helps us to feel happier, healthier and more fulfilled – and less materialistic.

 

It turns out that I am a natural, scribbling down teenage things such as "amazing swim!", "gorgeous day!", "James McAvoy!". After a particularly bad day it makes me feel instantly more upbeat.

 

"This action helps us to reframe our perceptions of how our day is going," says Action for Happiness's director, Mark Williamson. "It's not about ignoring bad things, but asking, did anything good happen today? You can usually find something."

 

Being mindful

 

Meanwhile, I am trying to meditate. Boy, this is hard. I chose it for its supposed power to transform, through teaching us mindfulness – living in the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future – which in turn can make you more robust.

 

The meditation website, Headspace, instructs me to sit for 10 minutes each morning, focusing on my breath, observing my thoughts. At first, turning my mind away from work, worries, my to-do list and breakfast, is impossible.

 

"Everyone experiences this at first," Headspace's founder, Andy Puddicombe, reassures me. "People think you have to somehow switch off, but actually meditation is more about switching on, developing awareness. So don't let a wandering mind put you off."

 

And, sure enough, as the week progresses, I start to look forward to it. It gives me a calm but ready-for-anything feeling that's rather novel. I even try it when swimming. With a bit of extra effort, entire lengths go by unnoticed, and afterwards I feel not just physically exercised, but more clear-headed.

 

Write a letter

 

Another suggestion is that you should thank the people you're grateful to, and that the best way to do this is by writing a letter, then reading it to them.

 

My letter-reading day is looming. I've chosen my sister-in-law for several reasons but mainly because, although life is easier if you get on with your in-laws, there's no compunction to like, let alone love, them. But I do – she is like a sister, and I've never told her that.

 

According to Williamson, this will make us both happier, and has a knock-on effect – if we know others have valued something we've done, we are more likely to do it again. In fact, all happiness can be contagious. Research from the US suggests it can affect not just us, but our friends, their friends and even their friends.

 

Reading the letter makes me cringe. I do it quickly and perfunctorily. My sister-in-law stares into her lap so she doesn't meet my eye. I'd put a few weak jokes in there to diffuse the awkwardness. But afterwards she looks like she might cry. She tells me she is deeply touched, had no idea how much she means to me, and feels the same.

 

Better still, the rest of the night is spent discussing previously taboo subjects: a long-forgotten bust-up; how neither of us are exactly how we appear; what my mum says about me behind my back. It's refreshing to air feelings in a positive context, rather than after a fight, and I come away not only understanding her better but glowing with something indefinable – the sensation, perhaps, that I've done something really nice.

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/sep/19/pursuit-of-happiness

[Alpha Blondy]

postmodern hyperbole!

 

moving to somaliland has made me happy. changing ones environment is the ultimate key to everlasting happiness.

[N.O.R.F]

^Are you happy? Your posts suggest otherwise

[Alpha Blondy]

well, that depends on my circumstances. happiness is two fold; on one hand its about having worldly provisions but also being in state of spiritual harmony. the latter is a little skewed off late since Ethiopian New Year in Addis.

[nuune]

Alpha, sxb are you abandoning Somaliland for good, mise shaqadii baa intaa ku ekeyd

[Alpha Blondy]

i'm leaving this hell-hole facade tomorrow Nuune. Just yesterday, Mansoor hotel, who provide electricity for my area cut off the lights of my house(which i now rent because i was kicked out of my last house lol) because the neighbours (what neigbours? i live in the middle of a farm) complained of indecent and culturally inappropriate behaviour. there is no democracy here, nor any respect for human rights, personal space and privacy. there was scuffles involving my friends and the mansoor employees. this is the most backward, primitive and god-forsaken land i've ever been too, lived in and worked in. its hell on earth.

[NGONGE]

قال السماء كئيبة ! وتجهما قلت: ابتسم يكفي التجهم في السما !

 

قال: الصبا ولى! فقلت له: ابتــسم لن يرجع الأسف الصبا المتصرما !!

 

قال: التي كانت سمائي في الهوى صارت لنفسي في الغرام جــهنما

 

خانت عــــهودي بعدما ملكـتها قلبي , فكيف أطيق أن أتبســما !

 

قلـــت: ابتسم و اطرب فلو قارنتها لقضيت عــــمرك كــله متألما

 

قال: الــتجارة في صراع هائل مثل المسافر كاد يقتله الـــظما

 

 

أو غادة مسلولة محــتاجة لدم ، و تنفثـ كلما لهثت دما !

 

قلت: ابتسم ما أنت جالب دائها وشفائها, فإذا ابتسمت فربما

 

أيكون غيرك مجرما. و تبيت في وجل كأنك أنت صرت المجرما ؟

 

قال: العدى حولي علت صيحاتهم أَأُسر و الأعداء حولي في الحمى ؟

 

قلت: ابتسم, لم يطلبوك بذمهم لو لم تكن منهم أجل و أعظما !

قال: المواسم قد بدت أعلامها و تعرضت لي في الملابس و الدمى

 

و علي للأحباب فرض لازم لكن كفي ليس تملك درهما

 

قلت: ابتسم, يكفيك أنك لم تزل حيا, و لست من الأحبة معدما!

 

قال: الليالي جرعتني علقما قلت: ابتسم و لئن جرعت العلقما

 

فلعل غيرك إن رآك مرنما طرح الكآبة جانبا و ترنما

 

أتُراك تغنم بالتبرم درهما أم أنت تخسر بالبشاشة مغنما ؟

 

يا صاح, لا خطر على شفتيك أن تتثلما, و الوجه أن يتحطما

 

فاضحك فإن الشهب تضحك و الدجى متلاطم, و لذا نحب الأنجما !

 

قال: البشاشة ليس تسعد كائنا يأتي إلى الدنيا و يذهب مرغما

 

قلت ابتسم مادام بينك و الردى شبر, فإنك بعد لن تتبسما

[Faheema.]

^Maxaad tidhi?

 

Kan yar waxbaa haysta runtii. I almost feel sorry for him.

[N.O.R.F]

Ngonge, translate please.

 

Alpha, go elsewhere with your holier than thou too good to be in Africa nonsense (Nuune, stop encouraging him).

 

On topic

 

There was a survey done recently concluding the more charitable you are the happier you are….

[NGONGE]

^^ I find the part about charity and happiness a tad vulgar.

 

He said: Lo, the sky is somber, and frowned.

I said: Smile just the same! Enough frowns in the sky

 

He said: Youth has left me and fled; I said: Smile!

Sorrow will never bring back your vanished youth

 

He said: The one whose love was my heaven,

Has tormented my soul

And turned my love into an inferno

 

She has betrayed my affection,

After I made my heart her sole possession.

So how can I smile

 

I said: Smile and enjoy yourself;

If you dwell on the hurt she dealt you, you will spend

The rest of your days in pain and suffering

 

He said: Business is in such turmoil,

As a traveler, almost dying of thirst

 

Like a consumptive young lass, in dire need of blood;

Wasting her life blood, with each gasp

 

I said: Smile, you are not the cause of her disease,

Nor will you be able to heal her.

Smile, for a smile may help

 

If someone else is a culprit,

Must you lose sleep worrying,

As if you yourself were the culprit

 

He said: The loud cries of my enemies

Are blaring around me,

How can I be happy when enemies are roundabout

 

I said: Smile, they are not after you

For a crime you have committed;

They would have ought against you if you weren’t

Better and greater than themselves

 

He said: The sales’ season is upon us,

Yet my merchandise of clothes and toys

Is not selling at all

 

I have an obligation toward my loved ones,

Yet, I have no single penny in my hand

 

I said: Smile, it is enough you are still living,

And not lacking in friends and well wishers

 

He said: The days have forced me to swallow bitter gall.

I said: Smile, even if bitter gall was given to you in strong doses

 

Perhaps if someone saw you in good spirits

Will discard gloom and rejoice instead

 

Will complaining ever earn you a penny?

Will you lose anything for being cheerful

 

There is no danger, friend, in parting your lips;

Your face will not disfigure if you smile

 

Laugh, for the stars laugh when night is darkest;

It is for this reason we love the stars

 

He said: Cheerfulness makes no one happy,

People come to this world and leave it against their will

 

I said: Smile as long as a short span

Separates you from death;

For once dead, you will not smile again

 

[Abu-Salman]

Curiously, relative periods of "happiness" or carefree, unboundled optimism receded first after I was around 13 of age;

with puberty obvious, I felt no longer "entitled" to have fun with little restraint other than my sense of morality.

This felt somehow like leaving "Neverland" and adopting rigid adult or manly norms of behavior, with little fun;

a kind of "punition" which added to the unease with leaving behind my childhood body and the associated innocence (prior jokes sounded so embarassing).

 

Adopting some of the ambient assumptions about "happiness", I thought a career as an engineer, maybe designing those addictive video games that seemed less and less captivating, or maybe cars etc, would stretch me as I was academically able (engineers within the French system are a bit like Harvard law graduates in the USA, with years of exacting maths, sciences and general, all-round preparation before school entry exams).

That ambition conflicted however with other values, interests and practicalities later, even though I gave it a brief try right after high school ; I also have this recurrent thought to consider medical school, with pressures from relatives and others keen to see me emulate my gifted brothers, even if it seems a bit late.

The younger of those two engineer siblings shocks me with his recent thoughts to switch to a "pilot's career" as it's much below his talents, focus and 7 academic years of sacrifices (why waste it all when Stanford medical school & co would be glad to provide you with scholarship?).

 

Besides that more personal side, things I valued and still value much are my network of relatives and acquaintance or my enjoyment of nature and greeneries (which are scarce back in desertic Djibouti town).

Yet, the basic ingredients about what I always saw as happiness changed little, with the extended family as the cornersone.

Being in a position to advocate for health and people's well-being or put my varied interests into good use would thus be the cherry on the cake;

I indeed appreciate more and more that health, the environment, socio-economics and spirituality are inseparable.

 

On another and final note, status anxiety seems to be a major hurdle against "happiness" or healthy thinking and living;

we Somalis are now vulnerable to that and quite snobbish about it (some even treat PHD, Dr and other title holders as another specy) when the truth is that even the best institution or most exacting curriculums can not guarantee flawless intellectual skills or even a broadly educated, well-read mind, let alone proper values and priorities (it actually tends to mould minds, while much imagination or outright bias parade as "science")...

[Chocolate and Honey]

Happiness is an elusive feeling. I look for contentment in general rather than the euphoric feeling of happiness.

[chubacka]

Ng is that poem dedicated to Nunne? (Smile, Nunne, smile )

The path to inner joy......

have something to work for, in this life and in the hereafter

be grateful for what you have.

I cnt actually get myself to get a pencil and pad to write down what I am grateful for at the end of each day but just thinking about it makes a difference and directs your thoughts to a better place. Its funny how much time we spend worrying about what went wrong, what could go wrong, what we said, what we dnt say which is utterly pointless.

[grasshopper]

N.O.R.F;747041 wrote:

There was a survey done recently concluding the more charitable you are the happier you are….

That's a good point! People who are charitable (for altruistic reasons) are probably less self-invovled and less likely to dwell on the negative.

 

I also wonder if it can work the other way around: the happier you are, the more charitable you tend to be...

[Prometheus]

There was a fascinating lecture on TED about the sources of happiness. The data about what makes people happy was coralled from disparate disciplines-- behavorial economics, neuroscience, pyschology. Takeway? Buy more experiences than things. Give to others more than yourself. The beauty of such advice is that it is informed by empirical findings not philosophical writings.