Marriage on Your Mind?

[Nur]

Ramadan Mubaarak Nomads

 

It could not come at a better time to present this question to my dear nomadic paesanos roaming the virtual landscape of Somaliaonline in this blessed month of Ramadaan, as we are all in the spiritual domain and are able to think with clear minds with Satan behind bars ( I recommend not to eat too much "bur iyo Sambuusi" at iftaar for a clear perception of ideas I will pose in this thread)

 

Marriage is a big step we take in our lives, and unfortunately ther are no schools to train marriage hopefuls of how to select their mates, how to propose, how to accept, how to run a marriage once you find yourself in a room with a total stranger who may disturb your calm life with snoring.

 

From the day you took your first step walking and falling, you had parents who have looked out for you to make sure that you do not get hurt as you attempted to walk, after perfecting your steps, you took onto another challenge; running, and again that presented some dangers, phyical in nature but emotional for your parents.

 

Afterwards, it was the Kindergarten time, and a lunch box taken by force by your hungry classmate, now, you faced being knocked down or hurt by kids if you stand your grounds against bullies, and you quickly learned looking out for your self. Later you progressed to grade school, and suddenly the kid sitting behind you tells you he loves you and so you grow in life, knowing the good, the ugly and the bad.

 

But because at every point in your life you have chosen the right way, you came a long way, you have filtered your circle of friends to be those with like minds, so you ended up here at Somaliaonline, and you've to read these long and boring articles by Nur, who seems to have too much time in his hands, or a lot of Barakah or both.

 

Now you are in college, keeping your chin up with your pride in your new found Islamic character and faith, and out of the blue, someone approaches you " Iska warran abbayo, ma Somaliyad baad tahay?" and you look at this guy and immediately you have a glow in your heart for him, but the more you listen to him talk to you, the more you are puzzled, the guy seems decent, and handsome, he is doing well in school, and he is charismatic, but he is not into what you have been raised with, nor has he found Islam the way you did, he is " qof caadi ah" like we refer to people who are not into wadaadnimo, he prays some times, and some time he does not pray. he may even smoke, and listen to music for pleasure.

 

As you go to school, day in and day out, the guy keeps up the ineterst level, and as usual you keep your composture and dignity in tact when you talk to him, which makes the guy go crazy over you, even more ineterested in you than all the other cambarayaal in school, cuz guys are weak, they need acceptance, and can't take rejection specially when they show their interest to a dignified Hijabified sister and she does not respond.

 

Now the guy is stalking you everywhere, he even shows up at Juma prayers in the nearby Masjid and smiles at you from every direction you stand to assure you that indeed he is maShaAllah a good Faarax.

 

"Yaa Allah" you sigh, Now you have a mixed feeling, because you see him as someone who can be a great prospect if only..................................... he would do

 

1.

2

3.

4.

5.

 

 

A long wish list of your dream husband who may fit your profile and character. Requirements that are better ordered and found from ( eNuri Husband Cloning and Mail Order Husband Service) to your specification, but unfortunately a husband like that is not readily available on any shelf anywhere.

 

At home and in private you begin thinking about this Faarax, the more you recollect his innocent smile, the more you wish he would also improve on his other spiritual aspects so that he would be an easy sell to your folks at home and to your local Intenet Advisors like Br. Kheyr or Sister Rahiima .

 

 

On the other hand, from family and friends and aquaintances, there are others who may have interest in you, but although they are excellent in their spiritual resume, they fall short in striking that special spark of fire in your heart like Faarax did, so you are now in a dilemma, you need to know what to do. You reason, "I can not modify the phyisical make up of a person, but I sure can help in modifying the spiritual make up of a pesron who otherwise is good natured and who is crazy about me, but who nevertheless, is not following his deen as expected".

 

 

If you fall in this profile or close to it, I want you to participate in this discussion with frankness and transparency, let us find a solution together, because life is too short to spend with a wrong person or to compromise your ideals and faith in Allah SWT.

 

 

I humbly open this discussion as the facilitator, and I hope in this blessed month we can find a solution together, because a believer is a mirror to his sister or brother.

 

But I must warn you, of my destructive and battle grade humor, you make sure to read with caution, because my comments can hit a chord with you, and send you smiling to Kurtunwaarrey mental clinic.

 

 

Nur

 

2003 eNuri Social Engineering Labs

Solutions for the Emotionally Challenged

[Conspiracy]

" Iska warran abbayo, ma Somaliyad baad tahay?"

okai its 2003 no one uses that line anymore .. or do they ?

Nur Ramadaan Kariim .

[Nur]

Conspiracy

 

Ramadaan Mubaarak

 

 

excuse my selection, I am in time warp, I am in the nineties still, I need help, what is the buzz word in 2003, I need to update my vocabulary.

 

Besides, is that all you have to add to this topic, we need the conspiracy theory here, like a little deeper analyses of the topic.

 

 

Ramadaan Karim to you too.

 

Nur

[Thinkerman]

Ramadan Mubarak Nur

 

Yeah what can i say, i guess this has been playing on my mind for quite a while now, and it has become even more intense in recent weeks.

 

I will leave answers to your sceniro to the ladies of s.o.l.

 

A believer is a mirror to his sister or brother.

 

Indeed. And i think most of us are aspiring to become the best, if not perfect belivers. I would say that

 

The question, or rather query i have for you is

wat if you are the brother u described in that scenario? and you have a chance to marry a woman of great quality in every sense. Do you Pass up the chance because your not happy with yourself from a Religious stand point, or Do you take the oppotunity, marry and pray that this will greatly benefit your being and quicken your progression to a greater level of observance and Humility in islam

[Nur]

Shujui Bro.

 

 

You ask:

 

"Ma Da Tacmaal??"

 

 

Aglis wa abkii ktiir calaa xaalii, wa bacdeen amshi wa atrax nafsii cala ardal masjid cashaan astashiir al sheikh.

 

 

But seriously speaking bro. If I were that brother I would be thankful to have found two sisters in one package, "gabdhaha" mature much faster than "wiilasha", so if you find a solution to control her emotinal side, she can be the best that've happen to a brother.

 

So in this scenario if you are the brother all you see is a great sister, your iimaan eyes are still blurred with love, so Allah is still not one of your priorities, and frankly if the sister gives me a list of demands and I was that brother I would sign it like a apartment leasing agreement " Where do I sign?" would be my only question, and my imagination would be confined to getting married to her, but beyound that, I wouldn't have a clue or know other than to drop her off at her evening xalaqah class and picking her up again, and in between I would be chillin and sipping my macchiato in nearby Starbuck caffe.

 

But, again, the sister could change me gradually, who knows? I have seen some changed souls.

 

 

Nur

[Thinkerman]

Thx for the point of view Bro it has been taken on-board

[Xafsa]

Interesting discussion!

I have met many faarax's like the one described above. But if you really look at it many people have changed before even during the prophet's (SCW)time...is it that hard for a brotha/sister to change for the better?

 

But then again are you willing to put effort and time into changing someone...how do you know if someone is ready to get rid of their bad habits?

 

As can be seen...I am confused out of my mind....so i'll wait to see what the my fellow nomads have to say.

 

salaam

[Changed]

salaam caleykom and RAMADAN KARIIM ,

 

My thoughts: He is interested in her, he even goes to friday juma for her, i dont know about y'll but to me it sounds like he is making the effort to change for her , what do y'll think :confused: but then marrying a man that does not pray is taking a huge risk,

 

IF i was the lady: i would pray two rakkah of salaat istaqarah(<==is that how u write it) and see what happens

[Sophist]

Xagaayo ayaa ka dhacdey Somnet miyaah walaakiis Nur (assuming you are the same jolly Nur), soo dhowoow, meeshan naq ayaa ka jira wali deyr ayaan ku jirnaa.

 

Geela daran keen.

 

Sophist

Ex SNet

[Rahima]

Asalaamu Calaykum Wr Wb,

 

Nur, reading minds are you?

 

 

I believe that you cannot change a person, which is one of the most tragic mistakes women make when tying the knot. Sure enough maybe you can influence the person to better themselves, but it must be for Allah and not for you. Often sisters have this view that so long as he believes and loves Allah, I’ll work on the rest with him AFTER we get married, and what happens often enough? He never changes; in fact she begins to find out about even more outrageous habits of his.

 

I must admit, that I have come to a sad realization, my dream husband does not exist, which means I will have to priorities when i am ready. I would never marry (Allah forbid) someone who does not pray, definitely a big NO NO. Subxanallah, the scholars debate on the faith of that person, so how can I live with him. However, I personally believe character and love for the religion are THE most important elements, for if he loves the religion sure enough with knowledge he will see the error of his ways and maybe assist me in seeing mine.

 

 

how do you know if someone is ready to get rid of their bad habits?

I would probably wait some time and see if he adheres to this new found way. An actor can’t keep going forever, only the sincere will last the distance.

 

Ramadaan Kariim to all

[evolving_sista]

Asalamu Alaykum...Ramadan Kariim to you and all your families. Nur walal you bring up a very realistic scenerio.The brother would need to understand that your life is judged in two parts, pre and post marriage.Inorder for him to get this sista he would need to focus more on his diin/iman then her, simply.This will then inturn catch her attention and everyone wins.I would personally worry more about his intentions to improve then what he's doing now..you become a great muslim gradually, you simply aren't the best muslim full stop. Everyone evolves.

salams

[Nur]

Sophist

 

I think, therefore I am!

 

Aad ayaad ugu mahadsan tahay soo dhaweynta qurxan, tiixtiixa xagaayaha waa dareen aad u fiican siiba, carafta hawada roobka markuu soo curto, nothing like the UK fog huh?

 

 

 

Flying Still

 

I know this question is tough one, we need more nomads to particpate so we can see many points of view, this is the beauty of discussion boards, they are a suppermarket of ideas.

 

But I do nknow of a very pious lady who married a guy who she later found out that he drinks, and after a lot of effort, she changed him, now he is as clean as snow. Allah gives life to the dead, but again that is a tough call.

 

 

MizUnique

 

How about waiting a year to see if the guy has taken real steps toward the right direction, and then making the istikhara?

 

 

Rahiima sis

 

 

You write:

 

"I must admit, that I have come to a sad realization, my dream husband does not exist, which means I will have to priorities when i am ready"

 

 

My dear sis

 

What made you think that way? just because you are living on the edge of the world does not mean that somewhere, your dream partner is also thinking along the same line? Souls who were meant to join will be joined no matter how far apart they are.

 

 

And this readiness thing sisters use to filter hopefuls is not fair, I think, whenever a qualified hopeful proposes, a sister should consider, then make a decision.

 

I have to agree with you character is extremely important, becuase we are born with it, and can not be changed in the course of a marrriage, the deen is an acquired belief that can be pressnted, but it is not a OJT ( On the Job training) deal.

 

 

Nur

[LuCkY]

SaLaaMz,

 

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY NUR:

And this readiness thing sisters use to filter hopefuls is not fair, I think, whenever a qualified hopeful proposes, a sister should consider, then make a decision.

WeLL i guess you got to it before i did.But Let me ask you this,is it fair to the guy if the gaL is not ready for marriage?I aLways hear marry as soon as you can.How can one do that if they are not ready for marriage Life and aLL the Responsibilities that comes aLong with it?I mean marriage is not easy especiaLLy now a days with the divorce rates skyrocketing.

 

ORIGINALLY POSTED BY FLYING-STILL:

But then again are you willing to put effort and time into changing someone...how do you know if someone is ready to get rid of their bad habits?

Thats a reaLLy good question.See thats the probLem you DONT KNOW whether someone is ready to get rid of their baggage(bad habits)im not so sure if one is wiLLing to do that.I mean you know that saying:OLd habits Die Hard-thats quite true.I beLieve it aLL comes down to the individuaL in the end.

 

RaMadan KarIIm.

[Xafsa]

I think the most important thing to remember is that hanuunka ilaahay baa hayo. So if you pray for this person then insha alaha all will go well.

 

Like sis Rahima said you can't change a person...only they can change themself but they have to really truely want it deep down in their hearts.

 

But not praying is major deal....you gotta think about what your getting yourselves into.

 

Take a page from the history of islam. Islam was first spread with an emphasis on tawxiid...once that was established then the rules on what was haram and halal came down. guidance comes gradually for everyone..we all make mistakes and there is no sin too big for allah to forgive.

 

must admit, that I have come to a sad realization, my dream husband does not exist,

That's exactly how I see it sis.

[Modesty]

I heard of this good muslim sister, totally hijabified who got married to this Qat chewing dude, and he didn't pray. Finally, he turned into a wadaad after living together. Like the saying goes, dariskaaga mar waala yabtaa, marwa ka darnataa, marna wa kaa darnata(Excuse me my somali is not very SOMALI :rolleyes: )But the translation is in the end you end up like your neighbor.Although I think its best if the hubby and wifey both pray, because it fills the house with NUur