Do You Believe in Polygamy?

[The Observer.]

hello to the women of the future and the present. i was faced by this question today. i was crisply asked by a non-muslim guy, but a guy from an african background. and he said,"do you believe in polygamy?" he is a writer, and one of his stories deals with this issue, how it deals with it i don't know, nor is it relevant to what am trying to ask here.me, by being to open-minded and thoughtful, having the ability to have a straighforward answer was hard. didn't know where to start, for the word 'believe' does not come into play on my answering the question.

 

so, being a young muslim woman, having the life i have, the exposure to alot of different issues dealing with women. was in a bit speechless, interms of answering the straight answer of a yes i do, or no i don't. because this is a hard embedded question. religously it is allowed, and i respect that because there are reasons to a polygynous marriage, compared to if the dude was just a mere pervert, who couldn't keep his hands to himself sort of thing, and wants everylittle walking thing to be his(his wifey).

 

so that was my explaination, in brief, but then the next one went, "so u don't mind being the second wife?" and the answer was short, No.(mind u this had nothing to do with those pickup line things-i know some peeps would be why is she talking to this freak, lol)

 

As i said, the issue becomes, since am not in that place, it becomes hard to anticipate, for i never thought of such an idea. and so i wanted to see if there are other women out there who came across this issue,and hear their views; because i believe in our societies, there are a lot of divorces that are caused by the choice of a dude marrying another babe.

 

o, and here is another one, if men are allowed to have 4 wives/then women also should be allowed to do that. this was a statement from the same guy. and what was my status on that? well, i don't believe that is right. eventhough thinking of marriage as an instituion, and all that, also being a male dominant, structured for man's benefit. i still think there is a difference between men and women, and what each of them is capable of doing.

 

so again, i would like to hear what my sisters and brothers if interested have to say about these issues and ideas.

[Rahima]

Nope!

 

I believe in restricted polygyny (that only a man can have more than one wife, and restricted to a mximum of four).

 

Why do i believe in it? Because Allah has allowed it and for me to not believe in it would be to reject Islam.

 

But do i like it? No not really and i can't imagine it happening to me.

 

Polygamy on the other hand is that women can also have more than one husband (which is xaraam, and therefore i do not believe in it).

[LuCkY]

WeLL,I havent personaLLy faced this issue myseLf.I have heard peopLe discuss it.I mean Yes PoLygamy is permitted and with that I have no probLem, so Long as it doesnt it invoLve me.I mean its just my opinion and who I am.No...HeLL No...I wouLdnt Like to be a second wife...no pun intended to the seond wifes.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Rahima:

Polygamy on the other hand is that women can also have more than one husband (which is xaraam, and therefore i do not believe in it).

Its actually called polyandry when its females mating with more than one male at a time.

 

With regards to the Poster. I believe the system as I'm required to beleive in its validity as a muslim. However, I'm skeptical about its practicalities in different situations. I personally choose to not be that kind of a relationship. Alhamdulilah its optional.

[Pucca]

sure let him re-marry .......right after he's signed the divorce papers! I know god's made it halal and i aint goin against that cuz its part of the religion.

what do i believe? i believe in a fast divorce, when a guy starts talkin bout takin up another wife.

[Khayr]

Originally posted by The Observer.:

hello to the women of the future and the present. i was faced by this question today. i was crisply asked by a non-muslim guy, but a guy from an african background. and he said he is a writer, and one of his stories deals with this issue, how it deals with it i don't know, nor is it relevant to what am trying to ask here.me, by being to open-minded and thoughtful, having the ability to have a straighforward answer was hard. didn't know where to start, for the word 'believe' does not come into play on my answering the question.

 

so, being a young muslim woman, having the life i have, the exposure to alot of different issues dealing with women. was in a bit speechless, interms of answering the straight answer of a yes i do, or no i don't. because this is a hard embedded question. religously it is allowed, and i respect that because there are reasons to a polygynous marriage, compared to if the dude was just a mere pervert, who couldn't keep his hands to himself sort of thing, and wants everylittle walking thing to be his(his wifey).

 

so that was my explaination, in brief, but then the next one went, "so u don't mind being the second wife?" and the answer was short, No.(mind u this had nothing to do with those pickup line things-i know some peeps would be why is she talking to this freak, lol)

 

As i said, the issue becomes, since am not in that place, it becomes hard to anticipate, for i never thought of such an idea. and so i wanted to see if there are other women out there who came across this issue,and hear their views; because i believe in our societies, there are a lot of divorces that are caused by the choice of a dude marrying another babe.

 

o, and here is another one, if men are allowed to have 4 wives/then women also should be allowed to do that. this was a statement from the same guy. and what was my status on that? well, i don't believe that is right. eventhough thinking of marriage as an instituion, and all that, also being a male dominant, structured for man's benefit. i still think there is a difference between men and women, and what each of them is capable of doing.

 

so again, i would like to hear what my sisters and brothers if interested have to say about these issues and ideas.

Salaamz,

You know a friend of mine was telling me earlier on tonight about a show that came on late last night and had on the panel a local muslim imam and a muslim sistah representing some National

Islamic society of our region.

In anycase, the sistah was on the ATTACK MODE

against the IMAM and posed the same question

 

,"do you believe in polygamy?"

Imam: YES

National Sis: Do u know that it is Illegal in this country? So if u believe in Polygamy you are advocating to Violating the Laws of the LANDS.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

 

Proper response inshallah for you sistah

is to say 'YES b/c Believing in God's COMMANDS

means to OBEY his COMMANDS and as a MUSLIM the authority is to the WORD OF GOD/ALLAH above ALL ELSE'

 

"so u don't mind being the second wife?"

Well, whether I mind or dislike something

doesn't NEGATE it meaning if for example you don't like eating Chicken, that doesn't make Chicken AWFUL tasting or DEADLY (This has nothing to do with the chicken that come from CHINA! )

now-DOES IT?

And regardless, what GOD PERMITS you have no RIGHT to FORBID and as a MUSLIM I would be going against my RELIGION then if I forbid what ALLAH Permits.

Also, my Religion is not Based on 'PERSONAL LIKES/DISLIKES' its based on the WORD OF GOD

and following HIS COMMANDMENTS that are layed in the QURAN and through his Messenger (salallahu caliyhe wasilm)

 

Now I would ask the person who asked you these questions-WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR QUESTIONNING?

a) Is it to BELITTLE my FAITH/RELIGION and EXALT your Liberal Man Made Idealogies that have only existed in the last few hundred yrs.?

b) Is it out of need to know b/c you are interested about the RELIGION?

 

In otherwords, DON'T GET DEFENSIVE with people

when they want to QUESTION you about your DEEN.

Rather, go on the OFFENSIVE and inshallah

show them your PRIDE for your DEEN, your

LOVE for ALLAH and HIS RASUL (salallahu caliyhe wasilm).

[Qac Qaac]

for the last question of the post it says, wouldn't it not be fair if the women is not allowed to have 4 husbands just like the men.

 

Polyandry

 

well sister, answer him this way. if the woman has 4 men, then who is the father of the kid. who is gonna take of the custody of the kid. and how can that woman satisfy all those men, when it is her period time.... when she is pregnat what would the men do.. wait for all those days...

 

allah created us, and he knows us the best... if a man makes a car, he should know what is best for that car. it is not smart to ask someone else about what is good for that perticular car...

 

women are more then men... so if every woman gets one man... what is gonna happen to the rest of the other woman who had no man from the beginning... so now what is the solution..

 

p.s. pls safe this arguement and let's just fallow Islam... islam has the answer to all the social problems of these countries.

[checkmate]

kheyr my dear sis eesh calaa, may allah reward u in this dunya and the hereafter....asxantu

[Jaabir]

Originally posted by checkmate:

kheyr my dear sis eesh calaa, may allah reward u in this dunya and the hereafter....asxantu

Khayr is a sis with mustache, beard and balls too

[Curly]

I believe this topic has already been hotly debated.

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=000516

[Rahima]

Its actually called polyandry when its females mating with more than one male at a time.

Yeah true, but what i was saying was that Islam does not condone Polygamy, for polygamy is to have more than one mate (be you male or female). So basically Athena, according to Polygamy, you could actually have more than one husband , just like QQ could have more than one wife (as i'm sure he wouldn't mind ).

 

And Polygyny (which i stated earlier) is a male having more than one wife-which is what Islam allows.

 

Polygamy is the unification of polyandry and polygyny-which is why we as Muslims reject it.

 

Hope that makes sense now! English :confused:

[-Serenity-]

^^ Darn technicalities eh? !! :mad:

[HONEY-D]

Originally posted by *Lucky*:

WeLL,I havent personaLLy faced this issue myseLf.I have heard peopLe discuss it.I mean Yes PoLygamy is permitted and with that I have no probLem, so Long as it doesnt it invoLve me.I mean its just my opinion and who I am.No...HeLL No...I wouLdnt Like to be a second wife...no pun intended to the seond wifes.

Lucky i dont think there is any woman who mind polygamy so long as it doesnt involve her.

 

Let me ask you hypothetical question hope you dont mind.

 

say your husband who's a wonderful father to your kids marries another wife would you let a jealous in the way of your childrens' happiness as he means the world to them.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by HONEY-D:

Say your husband who's a wonderful father to your kids marries another wife would you let a jealous in the way of your childrens' happiness as he means the world to them.

I'll answer if I may. Fist, getting another woman to me means, I'm not enough - makes me feel insignificant espcially since he wouldn't do that with my persmission. 2nly, there is no need to bar him from seeing the kids. So they will see less of him, it was him who left. I wont subject myself to such emotional torture by being with him.

[HONEY-D]

I'll answer if I may. Fist, getting another woman to me means, I'm not enough - makes me feel insignificant espcially since he wouldn't do that with my persmission. 2nly, there is no need to bar him from seeing the kids. So they will see less of him, it was him who left. I wont subject myself to such emotional torture by being with him.

When a man feels the need for another wife there must be something missing from his life this desire wont go away till he gets it hes gonna do it with or without ur permission.

 

You said you wouldnt refuse him from seing his kids but its hardly the same as when he was around all the time. children tend to side with their mother when couples get divorced therefore their relationship with their father will never be the same as before. When you have children you mustnt put yourself in the centre of the divorce matter your children should be ur first priority. I know it is easy said then done but i cant imagine my kids not having their father around especially if there are boys as they need someone to look up to. I had a wonderful childhood my father was alwayz there for us, we even used to wake him up if we needed anything and he didnt mind My point is i wouldnt want my kids missing their dad just cos their mummy didnt consider what effects could the divorce have on them B4 she went ahead with it.