Too many people rush into marriage.

[Kulmiye]

I have noticed that most often Somalis tend to rush things, especially in relationships. My question- is there a laws to process commitment? how much time should we invest on a relationship before we move on to the highest level? how about up to two years to build the foundation of partnership? there is an african saying that "Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!) With no hope for Parole" So put sometime and thought before you make it final.

[Malika]

Waqti lumiskaa maxaa keneyaa? You know what your seeking,the dude knows what he is seeking if that cant be communicated in the first few encounters,two years will never do..

 

there is an african saying that "Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!) With no hope for Parole"

^LOL,only if you allow it to be a life sentence.

[Kulmiye]

Waqti lumis maaha waalal.

Maybe two years is little to much, but we need to invest little more time in the relationship before you make any moves- each person needs to lay down his/her expectations and learn each others personality. Giving the fact that we live in a modern culture- our parents need to adjust to the times. they need to give their girls a space with trust to see their male friends. core principles should be the trust key between parents and children.

[Ibtisam]

^^Why don't you do what you THINK (not feel) is right for you. Everyone cannot be the same. Some people take 1month others take 5/7years, you just need to find one who agrees with your time scale. Therefore it is not the parents who need to adjust to anything, nor do girls need to adjust to a set time period, but each person needs to be concerned with what works for them.

 

Marriage is overrated and over complicated for no reason, really your first post makes me wonder why you would even bother going to prison.

 

Marriage is not for life (40% of your life you have already lived by the time you get married (25+) and the last 20% of your life is just random, the first 10% of your marriage is a holiday, 20% children and worrying/ running after them. Which really only leaves 10%; So just find a 10%+ farah/ Xalimo and quit worrying. Worst that could happen is the 10% does not work, in which case you can either party with your 90% (or 70% if no kids) and keep it moving or attempt to replace the 10%, either way there is an exit. :cool:

[Chocolate and Honey]

LOL@Ibti. I like how you broke it down. There no laws to commitment, just two souls willing to bear with each other.

[Aaliyyah]

I would say about two years is enough to get to know a person. I myself don't believe people who get married after seeing each other for two months...it doesnt look logical to me. Even though somali waxay ku maahmaahda ninkaad habeen ku baran waydey waligaa ma baratid...hadana taaso saas ee tahay hadana I think its good to take your time..thats like 2 years...those who go out for four years shekadooda kama war hayo lol and never makes sense unless they are waiting to graduate from uni which sounds alright. But, 2 years? sounds logical? definitely agree with you. Go with your guts walaal. And, sometimes you cant make rules you will just have to see if that person is the right person and it might take less time frame.

 

ibti you made life so simple...its not that simple..10% beele ...if one's marriage doesnt work and they are left with kids..I would think your life is gonna be living hell...ppl mostly think hey what does it matter i can just move on, even if the mother moves on ....the dad missing will have immense impact on the kids..and somali kids in the diaspora are good example..abt 70% of them are being raised by single moms...and they are lacking descipline, education, and obviously religion...just my thoughts...

 

my 2 cents

[bint hamid]

Originally posted by Kulmiye:

Waqti lumis maaha waalal.

Maybe two years is little to much, but we need to invest little more time in the relationship before you make any moves- each person needs to lay down his/her expectations and learn each others personality. Giving the fact that we live in a modern culture- our parents need to adjust to the times. they need to give their girls a space with trust to see their male friends. core principles should be the trust key between parents and children.

mashallah!! modern is not moral-less or modesty-less and its not about selling your children or letting them sell themselves.. and they dont need friends like that

[Kulmiye]

^

who said anything about selling. I never suggested a privacy for them in your bed room- rather i was implying that as a parent what you taught and stilled in your children should be evaluated with good faith. haday wiil iyo gabadh dareen isu'qabaan miyaanay ahayn inay hadal iyo isbarasho is dhaafa -sadaan? ma ceebaa taasi? why should it be a taboo to see two people with a mutual feeling hanging out together at the mall?

[Chimera]

Its sad when you think something as beautiful as a mutually consented marriage is the same as going to 'prison', when its basically a 'symbol' that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person that you love. You or your fiancee could die the very next morning as a newlywed, or you could clock in 70 years together, you simply don't know, so please don't insinuate that 'marriage' is somekind of hideous thing in life that will hold you back on your dreams, and must be avoided with all cost.

 

This anxiety has nothing to do with marriage, but instead the little voices in your head use this as a cloak to hide what your really feeling, and why in your mind 'marriage' feels like deathrow. To me its very simple and natural;

 

Q: Do you love love her?

A: I love her.

Q: Does she love you?

A: She loves me.

Q: Is there an alternative person in your life?

A: There is no one in the back of my mind i'm waiting for.

Q: Is there an alternative person in her life?

A: There is no one in the back of her mind she is waiting for.

Q: Will you support her with her dreams?

A: I won't hold her back on her dreams.

Q: Will she support you with your dreams?

A: She won't hold me back on my dreams.

Q: Does your parents and family love her?

A: They love her more than they love me.

Q: Do her parents and family love you?

A: Yes!

 

TOTAL = Marriage is a beautiful symbol that should give anyone genuinely in love a euphoric feeling of anticipation, not ''Lious Theroux goes to San Quentin prison''. If these questions in your head come out with different results or your not sure then most likely your marriage will score an F, and you should seriously reconsider.

 

Originally posted by Aaliyah416:

somali kids in the diaspora are good example..abt

70% of them are being raised by single moms

...and they are lacking descipline, education, and obviously religion...just my thoughts...

 

my 2 cents

What in the world?, you ripped that figure straight from a study on African American single mothers and have applied this on the Somali community. Why?

[Kulmiye]

Nicely said Baboon.

[Aaliyyah]

What in the world?, you ripped that figure straight from a study on African American single mothers and have applied this on the Somali community. Why?

I have no clue what you speaking of? African American? this was just an approximate number I wrote based on how many single moms I know...and its unfortunate situation within the Somali community.

[Eng.Cadde]

ALIYAH

I highly doubt that somali single moms are that much higher! but i agree with you that we have the single mom syndrom in our community,Studies have shown that children from single parent families are more likely to go into Gangs,do drugs and end up in prison than those from a stable family.Ilahey naga koriyo dhibaatadaas.

 

as for the Topic,It just depends on the invidual but it seems weird to marry a person within a month,you want this person to be with you for the rest of your life,you dont know what kind of crazy

lifestyle he/she has been to(is he a khat addict? or is she a naag dabbo dhiibato ah?).these Questions must be Answered in order for the relationship to continue and prosper.

you have to know the individual more deeper and make sure that both your views about deen,marriage and children are compatible.Reer xamarka ayaa wuxuu ku maahmaahaa (GEEDKII OROD LAGU KOREY,OROD AYAA LOOGA SOO DEGAA) which basically advises againt rushing into things.

 

I would say 2 or 3 years is enough and that is a best option in order to avoid broken hearts.

Most people especially women these days play 'dirty' to get married so dont be surprised marki waji aadan aqoon laguula soo baxo if you rush into marriage.

I believe marriage is a Extremely Personal choice and you have complete control over it! Never Compromise on your choice.

[Chimera]

Originally posted by Aaliyah416:

quote: What in the world?, you ripped that figure straight from a study on African American single mothers and have applied this on the Somali community. Why?

I have no clue what you speaking of? African American? this was just an approximate number I wrote based on how many single moms I know...and its unfortunate situation within the Somali community.

So it's basically anecdotal evidence. There is something about some Somalis where they love to blow things out of proportion, words like 'phenomena' and 'majority' are a real hit amongst them. Sure a substantial section of the diaspora was raised by single mothers(or single fathers) because for the simple fact that the father(or mother) was dead or did not acquire residency and was forced to stay in Somalia. The children of these couples however are now in the 20 to 35 age category and the traditional Somali nuclear & extended family system is the norm in our community.

[GaroweGal]

You won't truly know a person until you live, eat & travel with them. So it don't matter whether you give it 6 months or 6 years. Inta aad ka baratit waa iska polished version of them, true?

 

Either ways, I personally do not wish to see me domestically incarcerated just yet.

[5]

Prince of Punt. You are annoying. Empty your inbox so people don't have to come out publicly ask you to do so. Or maybe that's what you want?! Make it a habit to empty your inbox!