Adna Posted August 21, 2003 Salaam to all of you Freind of mine recently gets proposal from this brother that she didn't really know him enough time, there is this little problem wich is not knowing him enough time. The person is well known throught her familly but she is hesitating abou personalities and dabeecad you know what i mean. the brothter is really ready for marriage so i said go for it and pray the two raka istakhaarah.marka My question is does it really matter how long you have been with the person??? Your comments will be really helpfull.Much love to ya'll Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A7LA-SHU Posted August 21, 2003 Asraa i really think ur friend knows what she is doing and what she wants. so u should just trust her... and to answer ur q yes it does matter to me how long i have known the person.. i understand u said her family knows him well but the family isn't marryin him she is. so it is only fair she knows him.. i have the same problem with my family when they say we know he is from good family and blah blah.... it is plus if my family know him that well but there is no deal unless i have been with that person for while to say okay this it and i know what im gettin myself in to.. other than dat is like sayin yes to stranger... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuCkY Posted August 21, 2003 Asraa i have to say it reaLLy depends on the coupLe.Have a taLk with your friend. Because as far as i know these types of situations have gone both ways. For some peopLe time doesnt make a difference because the connection and chemistry between them is aLL they need(incLuding the person themseLve)and they Live happiLy ever after-some cases i know of-thats not to say its going to work out for everyone. Other times knowing the person reaLLy makes a big difference.They both have to be abLe to understand each other and know what they are getting themseLves into. BeLieve me sometimes just because the famiLy knows him doesnt mean a thing because as Mag-girL said it is she who is marrying the guy not them. You have to be abLe to put up with the habits,way of Life and personaLity of the person you are marrying-otherwise the outcome may not be pretty. But Like in aLL reLationships one essentiaL eLement that is a must is COMMUNICATION inorder for the peopLe to understand one another.And another one is PATIENCE if you reaLLy want your marriage to have a surviving chance. But aLL in aLL at the end it is onLy ALLah that knows whether she is making a wise decision or not.HopefuLLy it wiLL turn out for the best-for the two of them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MaLikah Posted August 21, 2003 Asraa, this sounds little like arranged marriage. I say this because it seems like she'd have to depend mainly on the perception of her parents about that individual. And we all know, in arranged marriage, your parents pick men for their daughters based on their perceptions. Now, I'm not saying that arranged marriages aren't successful, because they are many that have survived. It always reminds me of "The Wedding Planner" for some weird reason. Specifically when the father is telling his daughter how his marriage was married and he hadn't seen his wife till the day he married her. And even tho, at first, there definitely wasn't love, it built up from comfortability, to like..and eventually..to love. So even tho they may not have known each other long, I dont think thats a prerequisite for every marriage in order for it to be successful or happy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 21, 2003 asra.....if she thinks she wont get along with him she knows what is best for her ....... when it comes to knowing the person in little time......there is a somali mah mah that goes like this "ninka sadax bari ku baran weysid halsano maku baraneysid"(am not sure i used the rigth words).....i seen two of my sister marry men they known for less than a month...so it aight in a sence ..i mean they happily married but i think they liked their husbands personality before they said okay to the wedding :rolleyes: ...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
somalialover Posted August 21, 2003 IN MY OPINION, I DO NOT THINK IT IS MATTER HOW LONG YOU KNOW THE PERSON, BUT THE MATTER IS ARE PREPARED, ARE YOU READY FOR WHATEVER THE CONCEQUENCE MAY GOING TO BE. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Haaruun Posted August 21, 2003 Asraa, yes it matters..simply, u won't get to know the person enough as u would if the period of the relation was longer....u don' t want to get married to a stranger.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Saaaaqid Posted August 21, 2003 Basraa, To me marriage is for live. and I would advice your friend not to do something she is already worrying About. I think it does not matter how much her family know him, what matters most is how much she has confidence in what she is doing. ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adna Posted August 21, 2003 salaam To all of you thank you so much for your adivce i honestly apriciated. secondly it's not a arranged marriage the brother aproached her in just a normal way not throught her family u know. so she said ok to him but they only met couple of times as a matter fact she kinda liked him and u know ther's difference between like and a love. the talked for a while but not years just a month or so. As couple of u said i have to talk to her actually i did and i understand that she likes him but not to point when you devalope some feeling u know what i mean. now she thinks it's a good time for her to got marry but the thing is she feels like i need some more time to be with him. I personally beleive you can't know the person unles you share life with. i said to her don't put ur self in bad situation wich will end up destroying ur life. u don' t want to get married to a stranger haaruun abowe he is not a stranger but she does need more time that is all and to tell the truth i even met him he seems to be a good brother typical man. as is back ground he is well known through her familly.the question is is it gonna efect your life if u marry some one u only knew couple of months??. i know some ppl who got mareid with some they just met i beleive in what we call calaf.. "ninka sadax bari ku baran weysid halsano maku baraneysid"( MIZZ-UNIQUE sis that is right macaanto. But Like in aLL reLationships one essentiaL eLement that is a must is COMMUNICATION inorder for the peopLe to understand one another.And another one is PATIENCE if you reaLLy want your marriage to have a surviving chance. Lucky sis this is really importan i have talked to her about it but macaanto she says the seem to communicate good,but she feels like what somalida yiraahdaan he si using. Naag been aa lagu soo xero galiyaa Runa waalagu dhaqaa. it's just what if he is but you can't be really sure about this,it's a theory that runs through somali nation i think.,,,Much love to ya'lll Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
biG mOm Posted August 22, 2003 asalaama calaykum wr wb Asraa no it does't.. .. It's realy how you ready .. tHat's My opinion.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Qac Qaac Posted August 22, 2003 in my opinion, the girls just needs a little time to get to know him, and she could do that important questions. like how he is, personality if he has bad habits like smoking, all those are her rights to ask him, and to find even from his friends. then if she finds nothing, then she shouldn't be looking for his mistakes, she should put her trust in allah, and as u said asraa do her istikhara prayer. and make her parents happy. and go for it. to me, i see dating a waste of time. dating is only for the 2 people who wants to fornicate with each other. that's all. only my opinion pls don't get mad at me. bye all Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
