Zafir

Nomads
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    1,242

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by Zafir

  1. Posted

    Neph, learn to live with it, the sooner the better.

     

    W: eeaw! That is disgusting.

    M: It was involuntary reaction.

    W: Can’t you see we’re eating.

    M: have a talk with the dust mites then.

     

    It’s a Sinus/Sanboor (as Malika pointed out) problem and I also suffer from it Ladies and gentlemen. Lucky for me, mine is only born when I have a cold, living with me then really becomes hectic despite my good efforts. I sneeze about 10- 14 times in every two minutes, and then I start to bleed. Heck, I even wake up sneezing half of the night.

  13. Posted

    Malika, do you see my improvements in the language? In just two weeks I have went from "Sawa" to "Sawa msabu". But, I am afraid I am running out, I am only left with words like "naku bedi pia, neku bedi pia, benzi weeh" from Michael Jackson's Liberian girl which I really don't want use. So help a brother out sometimes ok.

  15. Posted

    A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

     

    If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong

    with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a

    regular workout routine.

     

    Dear Diary,

    For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of

    personal training at the local health club for me.

     

    Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football

    cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead

    and give it a try.

     

    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer

    named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics

    instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

     

    My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club

    encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

     

    MONDAY:

    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was

    well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting

    for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing

    eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and

    showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she

    conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

    Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already

    aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going

    to be a FANTASTIC week!

     

    TUESDAY:

    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

     

    Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air

    then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the

    treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it

    all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

     

    WEDNESDAY:

    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the

    counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a

    hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to

    steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

     

    Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered

    other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the

    morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY

    annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me

    on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to

    simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it

    would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

     

     

    THURSDAY:

    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her

    thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being

    a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

     

    Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,

    I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b!tch to find me

     

    Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

     

     

    FRIDAY:

    I hate that b!tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any

    other human being in the history of the world. ******, skinny, anemic,

    anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move

    without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

     

    Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And

    if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells

    or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off

    and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.

     

    Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the

    choir director?

     

    SATURDAY:

    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly

    voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me

    want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the

    strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight

    hours of the Weather Channel.

     

    SUNDAY:

    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go

    and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my

    daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like

    a root canal or a hysterectomy.

  22. Posted

    O'no you didn't. *Backs Off Slowly* Never ever will I fight a man without his glasses. :D

     

    North, Out of curiosity, what movie would you rather see Shiixless in Toronto or Shaneeye in MN? LOL :D

     

    Ps: Looks like alot of shit went down Yesterday.

     

    [Edit]You don't have to answer that North.