For my Muslim sisters :Spreading some love around.

[Warrior of Light]

Chapter 9: The Muslim Woman and Her Friends and Sisters in Islam

She loves them as sisters for the

 

sake of Allah (SWT)

 

The way in which the true Muslim woman relates to her friends and sister in Islam is different from the way in which other women conduct their social affairs. Her relationship with her sisters is based on ta'akhi (brotherhood or sisterhood) for the sake of Allah (SWT). This love for the sake of Allah (SWT) is the highest bond that may exist between one human being and another, whether man or woman. It is the bond of faith in Allah (SWT) which Allah (SWT) established between all believers when He said:

 

( The Believers are but a single brotherhood . . .) (Qur'an 49:10)

 

 

The brotherhood of faith is the strongest of bonds between hearts and minds. It comes as no surprise to see that Muslim sisters enjoy a strong, enduring relationship that is based on love for the sake of Allah (SWT), which is the noblest and purest form of love between human beings. This is a love which is untainted by any worldly interest or ulterior motive. It is the love in which Muslim men and women find the sweetness of faith:

"There are three things that whoever attains them will find the sweetness of faith: if Allah (SWT) and His Messenger are dearer to him than anyone or anything else; if he loves a person solely for the sake of Allah (SWT); and if he would hate to return to kufr after Allah (SWT) has rescued him from it, as much as he would hate to be thrown into the Fire."1

 

The status of two who love one another

 

for the sake of Allah (SWT)

 

Many hadith describe the status of two people who love another for the sake of Allah (SWT), whether they are men or women, and describe the high position in Paradise which Allah (SWT) has prepared for them and the great honour which He will bestow upon them on the Day when mankind is resurrected to meet the Lord of the Worlds.

 

It is sufficient honour for those who love one another for the sake of (SWT), men and women alike, to know that their almighty Lord will take care of them on the Day of Judgement and will say: "Where are those who loved one another for My glory? Today I will shade them in My shade on the Day when there is no shade but Mine."2

Such is the magnificent honour and tremendous reward that will be bestowed upon those who truly loved one another for the sake of Allah (SWT), on that awesome Day.

Love for the sake of Allah (SWT), and not for the sake of anything else in life, is very difficult, and none can attain it except the one who is pure of heart, for whom this world and all its pleasures are as nothing in comparison with the pleasure of Allah (SWT). It is not surprising that Allah (SWT) should give them a status and blessing which is commensurate with their position in this world, above whose concerns they have risen. We see proof of this in the hadith of Mu`adh, who said that the Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"Allah (SWT) said: `Those who love one another for My glory will have minbars of light, and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had the same."3

Allah (SWT) bestows upon those who love one another for His sake a gift which is even greater than this status and blessing: that is His precious love which is very difficult to attain. This is proven by the hadith of Abu Hurayrah (RAA) in which the Prophet (PBUH) said:

"A man went to visit a brother of his in another village. Allah (SWT) sent an angel to wait for him on the road. When the man came along, the angel asked him, `Where are you headed?' He said, `I am going to visit a brother of mine who lives in this village.' The angel asked, `Have you done him any favour (for which you are now seeking repayment)?' He said, `No, I just love him for the sake of Allah (SWT).' The angel told him, `I am a messenger to you from Allah (SWT), sent to tell you that He loves you as you love your brother for His sake.'"4

What a great love, that raises a person to a position where Allah (SWT) loves him and is pleased with him!

The Prophet (PBUH) understood the impact of this strong, pure love in building societies and nations, so he never let any occasion pass without advocating this love and commanding the Muslims to announce their love for one another, in order to open hearts and spread love and purity among the ranks of the ummah.

 

Anas (RAA) said that a man was with the Prophet (PBUH), when another man passed by. The first man said, "O Messenger of Allah (SWT), indeed I truly love this man." The Prophet (PBUH) asked him, "Have you let him know that?" He said, "No." The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Tell him." He caught up with him and told him, "Truly I love you for the sake of Allah (SWT)," and the man said, "May Allah (SWT) love you who loves me for His sake."5

The Prophet (PBUH) used to do the same thing himself, teaching the Muslims how to build a society based on pure love and brotherhood. One day he took Mu`adh by the hand and said, "O Mu`adh, by Allah (SWT) I love you, so I advise you, O Mu`adh, never forget to recite, after every prayer, `O Allah (SWT), help me to remember You and to give thanks toYou and to worship You properly (Allahumma, a`inni `ala dhikrika wa shukrika wa husni `abadatika).'"6

 

Mu`adh began to spread this pure love among the Muslims throughout the Muslim lands, telling them what he had learned from the Prophet (PBUH) about the great reward that Allah (SWT) had prepared for those who loved one another for His sake, and about His great love for them. In al-Muwatta', Imam Malik gives a report with a sahih isnad from Abu Idris al-Khulani who said:

"I entered the mosque of Damascus, where I saw a young man who had a bright smile, and I saw the people gathered around him. When they disagreed on some matter, they referred it to him, and accepted his opinion. I asked who he was, and they told me, `This is Mu`adh ibn Jabal (RAA).' Early the next day, I went to the mosque but I found that he had arrived even earlier than I. He was praying, so I waited until he had finished, then I approached him from in front, greeted him and said, `By Allah (SWT), I love you.' He asked, `For the sake of Allah (SWT)?' I said, `For the sake of Allah (SWT).' He repeated his question, `For the sake of Allah (SWT)?' And I said, `For the sake of Allah (SWT).' So he took hold of my collar, pulled me towards him and said, `I have good news for you. I heard the Prophet (PBUH) say: "Allah (SWT) says: "My love is granted to those who love one another for My sake, who visit one another for My sake, and who spend on one another for My sake.'"'"7

The effect of love for the sake of Allah (SWT)

on the life of Muslim men and women

 

Islam came to build an ideal society based on sincere love and brotherhood, so it had to plant the seeds of love in the hearts of the individuals of which society is composed. Therefore it made this love among believing men and among believing women one of the conditions of faith that will grant admittance to Paradise. This may be seen in the hadith narrated by Imam Muslim from Abu Hurayrah (RAA) in which the Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"By the One in Whose hand in my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of something that if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salam amongst yourselves."8

 

 

The Prophet (PBUH), with his brilliant and deep insight, understood that nothing could eliminate hatred, jealousy and rivalry from people's hearts but true brotherhood, based on sincere love, friendship and mutual advice, and free of feuds, hatred, insincerity and envy. The way to achieve this is through spreading salam, so that hearts may be opened to sincere love and friendship.

So the Prophet (PBUH) frequently repeated this teaching to his Sahabah, aiming to sow the seed of love in their hearts and nurture them until they bore fruits of that great love that Islam wants for the Muslims, men and women alike.

 

With this sincere love, the Prophet (PBUH) built the first generation of Muslims, who formed the solid foundation on which the great structure of Islam was built and lit the way for the rest of humto follow.

 

With this sincere love, the Prophet (PBUH) was able to build a model human society, based on the brotherhood of faith, a society that was remarkable both in its strength, durability and ability to make sacrifices in the cause of jihad to spread Islam throughout the world, and in the solidarity of its members, which the Prophet (PBUH) described in the most marvellous way:

 

"Believers are like a structure, parts of which support other parts."9

 

"The believers, in their mutual friendship, mercy and affection, are like one body: if any part of it complains, the rest of the body will also stay awake in pain."10

 

From the very beginning and throughout history, the Muslim woman has always participated in the building of the Islamic society that is based on the brotherhood of faith, and she is still doing her share of the efforts to spread the blessed virtue of love for the sake of Allah (SWT) in Muslim society, turning to her sisters and friends with an overflowing heart to strengthen the ties of love and sisterhood for the sake of Allah (SWT).

 

She does not forsake or abandon her sister

 

The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of Islam does not ignore the fact that Islam, which encourages brotherly love and mutual affection, is also the religion that has forbidden brothers and sisters in faith to hate or abandon one another. Islam has explained that two people who truly love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT) will not be separated by the first minor offence that either of them may commit, because the bond of love for the sake of Allah (SWT) is too strong to be broken by such minor matters. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"No two people who love one another for the sake of Allah (SWT), or for the sake of Islam, will let the first minor offence of either of them come between them."11

 

Anger may strike a woman in moments of human weakness, and she may hurt her sister, which could provoke harsh feelings and conflicts. In such cases, the Muslim woman should not forget that Islam does not ignore human nature and its vulnerability to changing emotions. For this reason, Islam has defined the length of time during which anger may subside. This time is considered to be three days. After this time has passed, it is forbidden for the two conflicting parties to refuse to seek a reconciliation. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"It is not permissible for a Muslim to be estranged from his brother for more than three days, both of them turning away from one another when they meet. The better of them is the one who is first to greet the other."12

 

The word "Muslim" obviously includes both men and women when it occurs in hadith like this, which set out the regulations governing the lives of individuals, families and societies in the world of Islam.

 

Hence we can see that the Muslim woman whose soul has been shaped by Islam does not persist in ignoring her sister, no matter what the reason. Rather, she will hasten to bring about a reconciliation and greet her with salam, because she knows that the better of them is the one who is the first to greet the other. If her sister returns her salam, both of them will share the reward for the reconciliation, but if she does not return the greeting, then then one who gave the greeting will be absolved of the sin of forsaking her sister, while the one who refused to return the salam will have to bear the burden of that sin alone. This is made clear by the hadith in which Abu Hurayrah said:

 

"I heard the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) say: `It is not permissible for a man to be estranged from a believer for more than three days. If three days have passed, then he should go and give salam to him; if he returns the salam, then both of them will have share in the reward, and if he does not respond then the one who gave the salam will be absolved of the sin of estrangement."13

 

It goes without saying that the word "man" in the context of this hadith refers to both men and women. The longer the period of estrangement lasts, the greater the sin of both parties becomes, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he had shed his blood."14

 

How evil is the crime of forsaking one's brother or sister, according to Islam! How heavy is the burden of the one who is guilty of this crime that is likened to the shedding of blood! The Islamic system of education is based on mutual love and affection, and ongoing contact. Therefore Islam wants Muslim men and women to eliminate hatred and envy from their lives, and not to give any room to those evil characteristics that contradict the brotherhood of faith. Hence Islam is filled with teachings that describe the best ethics ever known since man first walked on the face of the earth:

 

"Do not break off ties with one another, do not turn away from one another, do not hate one another, do not envy one another. Be brothers, as Allah (SWT) has commanded you."15

 

"Beware of suspicion, for speaking on the basis of suspicion is the worst kind of lie. Do not seek out one another's faults, do not spy on one another, do not compete with one another, do not envy one another, do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another. O servants of Allah (SWT), be brothers."16

 

"Do not envy one another, do not outbid one another (in order to inflate prices), do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another, and do not enter into a transaction when others have already entered into it. O servants of Allah (SWT), be brothers. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does not oppress him, humiliate him or look down upon him. Taqwa is here" - and so saying, he pointed to his chest three times. "It is evil enough for a man to look down upon his Muslim brother. The whole of a Muslim's being is sacred to another Muslim - his blood, his wealth and his honour are inviolable."17

 

The Muslim woman who has received a sound Islamic education thinks deeply about these teachings of the Prophet (PBUH), which contain all the most noble characteristics such as love, friendship, brotherhood, sincerity, compassion and selflessness. She will not be able to persist in her hatred, for nobody can do so except the one who is mean and narrow-minded, or has a diseased heart or twisted nature. The true Muslim woman is far removed from such evil characteristics.

 

Therefore Islam issues a stern warning to those hard-hearted people, men and women alike, who are deviating from true Islam and its spirit of tolerance by insisting on remaining estranged. They are risking an awful fate in the Hereafter: their actions may prevent them from attaining the mercy and forgiveness of Allah (SWT), and may close the doors of Paradise to them. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"The doors of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and every servant who does not associate anything with Allah (SWT) will be forgiven, except for the man who bears a grudge against his brother. It will be said, `Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.'"18

 

The great Sahabi Abu'l-Darda' (RAA) used to say: "Shall I not tell you about something that is better for you than charity and fasting? Reconcile between your brothers, for hatred diminishes reward."19

 

How important it is for women to understand and meditate upon this great Sahabi's penetrating insight into the spirit of this religion, which is based on brotherhood and love, when they have arguments and conflicts. Abu'l-Darda', whose intelligence and good sense the Prophet (PBUH) used to trust, understood that hatred cancels out good deeds and destroys rewards, so reconciling the estranged Muslim with his brother is better for him than charity and fasting, because if he were to continue bearing a grudge against his brother, this would negate any reward he might receive for those acts of worship.

 

She is tolerant and forgiving towards them

 

The Muslim woman who is truly guided by Islam is tolerant towards her friends and sisters, and does not bear grudges against them. If she becomes angry with one of her sisters, she restrains heanger and freely forgives the one who has committed an error, without seeing any shame in doing so. In fact, she sees this as a good deed which will bring her closer to Allah (SWT):

 

( . . . [those] who restrain anger and pardon (all) men - for Allah loves those who do good.) (Qur'an 3:134)

 

If a person suppresses his or her seething anger, and does not forgive, that anger will turn into resentment and malice, which are more dangerous than anger. When a person forgives and forgets, the flames of anger are extinguished, and his or her soul is cleansed of the effects of anger and hatred. This is the level of ihsan which earns Allah's (SWT) love for those who attain it:

 

( . . . for Allah loves those who do good.) (Qur'an 3:134)

 

The Muslim woman who truly adheres to the teachings of Islam is one of this group of muhsinin. She does not allow anger to continue boiling in her heart, because suppressed resentment is a very heavy burden on the soul; rather, she hastens to forgive and forget, thus freeing herself from this burden, and filling her soul with tranquillity and peace of mind.

 

Something that may help the Muslim woman to reach this difficult level of ihsan is the knowledge that forgiving one's sister is not a source of humiliation or shame, rather it will raise her in status and honour in the sight of Allah (SWT), as the Prophet (PBUH) described:

 

"Allah (SWT) will not increase His servant when he forgives except in honour. No-one humbles himself for the sake of Allah (SWT) but Allah (SWT) will raise his status."20

 

If we compare this honour and status with the status of ihsan reached by the woman who is tolerant and forgiving, we will realize what an honour she has attained, for in the sight of Allah (SWT) she is one of the muhsinat, and in the sight of people she is a respected, beloved example.

 

The Muslim woman who has truly understood the teachings of Islam cannot have any trace of hatred or resentment in her heart towards anybody, because she understands precisely the value of forgiveness and purity of heart, and their importance if she seeks Allah's (SWT) forgiveness and pleasure, as the Prophet (PBUH) explained:

 

"There are three sins, whoever dies free of these sins will be forgiven for anything else, if Allah (SWT) wills: associating anything with Allah (SWT); practising magic or witchcraft; and bearing resentment towards his brother."21

 

She meets them with a smiling face

 

The true Muslim woman is cheerful of countenance, always greeting her sisters with warmth and smiles, as the Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"Do not think little of any good deed, even if it is just greeting your brother with a cheerful countenance."22

 

Having a cheerful and friendly face is a good characteristic which Islam encourages and considers to be a good deed which will bring reward, because a cheerful face mirrors a pure soul. This inward and outward purity is one of the distinguishing features of the sincere Muslim. Hence the Prophet (PBUH) said:

 

"Your smiling at your brother is an act of charity (sadaqah)."23

 

The Prophet (PBUH) was cheerful of countenance, always greeting his Sahabah with warmth and smiles whenever he saw them, as the great Sahabi Jarir ibn `Abdullah described:

 

"From the time I embraced Islam, the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) never refused to see me and he never saw me except with a smile on his face."24

 

Islam wants the ties of friendship and brotherhood/sisterhood to remain strong among the Muslims, so it encouraged them to spread salam, to be cheerful of countenance, to speak gently and to greet one another warmly, so that hearts will remain pure and open, ready to work together in kindness to do good deeds, and capable of carrying out the duties of Islam no matter what effort and sacrifices may be required.

 

She is sincere towards them

 

One of the virtues of the true Muslim woman is that she is completely sincere, towards Allah (SWT), His Prophet, and to the leaders and the masses of the Muslims, as is stated in the sahih hadith:

 

"Religion is sincerity25." We [the Sahabah] asked, "To whom?"

 

He [the Prophet (PBUH)] said: "To Allah (SWT) (by obeying Him, attributing to Him what He deserves and performing jihad for His sake); to His Book (by reading it, understanding it and applying it to one's daily life); to His Prophet (by respecting him greatly and fighting on his behalf both in his lifetime and after his death, and by following his sunnah); to the rulers of the Muslims (by helping them in their task of leading Muslims to the right path and alerting them if they are heedless); and to their common folk (by being merciful towards them)."26

 

This attitude makes the Muslim woman sincere towards her sisters. She does not cheat them, mislead them, or conceal anything good from them. When she is always sincere towards them it is not merely for the sake of courtesy or to show off her social manners; she behaves in this way because sincerity is one of the fundamental bases of Islam which the first believers used to pledge to observe in their oath of allegiance (bay`ah) to of the Prophet (PBUH), as Jarir ibn `Abdullah stated:

 

"I gave allegiance to the Prophet (PBUH) and pledged to observe regular prayer, to pay zakat, and to be sincere towards every Muslim."27

 

In the hadith quoted above, we see that the Prophet (PBUH) summed up Islam in one word, nasihah, showing that sincerity is the central foundation of the faith. For without sincerity, a person's faith is invalid and his or her Islam is worthless. This is the meaning of the hadith of the Prophet (PBUH):

 

"None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself."28

This is impossible to achieve unless one loves one's brother with all sincerity.

 

A person's liking for his brother what he likes for himself is no easy matter. It is very difficult to attain, and no man or woman can attain it except the one who has received a sound Islamic education, whose heart has been cleansed of all selfishness, hatred, envy and malice, and who is infused with love for others.

 

The true Muslim woman who feels in the depths of her soul that her love for her sister is one of the conditions of true faith and that her religion is based on sincerity, is more likely to attain that difficult level; indeed, it is something that comes naturally to her in her dealings with her friends and sisters, and she becomes a truthful mirror to them, advising and correcting them, and wishing them nothing but good, as Abu Hurayrah used to say:

 

"The believer is the mirror of his brother. If he sees any fault in him, he corrects it."29

 

In these words, Abu Hurayrah was echoing the hadith of the Prophet (PBUH):

 

"The believer is the mirror of his brother. The believer is the brother of a believer: he protects him from ruin and guards his back."30

 

It is natural that the true Muslim woman should have this noble attitude towards her sister. She could not do otherwise, even if she wanted to: the person who is living on such an exalted level of purity, love, loyalty and sisterhood cannot come down to the level of hatred, betrayal, malice, selfishness and jealousy. A vessel will leak whatever is in it; musk cannot but smell beautiful; and good soil cannot but bring forth good produce. How beautifully the poet Zuhayr ibn Abi Sulma expressed this:

 

"Does any plant produce large flowers but the washij (a plant with spear-like leaves)?

 

Are palm-trees planted anywhere except in the soil which is suitable for them?"31

 

 

NB:you can read more ... just click on the link

Source:THE book called the ideal Muslimah

[Warrior of Light]

The book is an excellent read. Hope you enjoy reading it. And its a must I beleive for any muslim household. And brothers you could give it as a present to a sister/s . Personally, I liked its layout and approach as it quotes from the Quraan and Sunnah.

Fiamanillah

[Final_Say]

salam sis; i have that book; i got it as a present and i love it; i added it to the listof books to read in the other thread; beautful book; tells you all you need to know; marshallah

maca salamah