BOB...You Son of A Gun! (PG)

[BOB]

Poor Husband:

Simon gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his beloved wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting!

“What’s Wrong Babes?†he asks.

“I’m having a heart attack Dear†cries the wife.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4year-old son comes up and says..

“Daddy! Daddy, Uncle Sam is hiding in your cupboard and he’s got no clothes on causing Mama to scream!â€

the guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the cupboard door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor.

“You Bast@rd†says the husband “my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring my wife and the kidsâ€.

 

What A Doqon Husband.

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[BOB]

A Genuine Nomad:

A Somali nomad having lived in the remote wilderness of Kumaxumaato all his life decided it was time to visit the big city Buulo Xaar. in one of the stores he picked up a mirror, not knowing what it was. The old oday remarked. “Amazing, Cajiib Sheekhow, here is a picture of my father who died many years†so he bought the “picture†and took it home to Kumaxumaato.

 

On the way he remembered that his old wife had never liked his father when he was alive, so instead he decided to hang the “picture†in a special place in the jungle just outside his hut.

 

Every morning before leaving for grassing field he would go there and look at it. His old wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the jungle.

 

One day after her husband left, she went into the jungle herself and found a mirror, as she looked into it, she shouted, “so this is the ugly old b!tch he is running around with, nacallaa wajigeeda kuyaal, waa waxaan xishooneynâ€.

 

May Allah s.w Bless Somalia and Somali People.

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[BOB]

A woman didn’t want her b!tch (female dog) to have sex with her neighbour’s dog, the only way to stop it was to rub petrol on her dog’s buttocks! her little son was watching as she did this.

 

One day she forgot to do her daily task, so when she came home in the afternoon she asked her son if the dog had gone out, the little guy replied “Yes Mom she went out. I don’t know where but you forgot to fill her tank with petrol and it seems she got stuck somewhere, but don’t worry though Mom, because I saw the neighbour’s dog towing our dog home!â€.

 

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[Ibtisam]

loool at long last some funny jokes.

 

thanks for sharing

[BOB]

an anxious man called the hospital to ask how his pregnant wife was doing, unfortunately he accidently called the cricket stadium instead.

 

but he didn't know this, so he fainted when the guy on the line said, "We are doing fine! three are out...we hope to have the remaining seven out by lunch and the last one out was a Duck"!

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[BOB]

No Escaping:

 

Three psychiatric patients decided to escape from hospital and stole the front door key from the head nurse.

as they stood on the hospital doorstep, the first one said "if there's a high fence we will just climb over it".

the second one said "if the fence is low we will just crawl underneath". as they prepared to get going, the third one shook his head and said "we are out of luck guys, there is no fence" they went back and locked themselves back in the hospital.

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Two old ladies were sitting outside their nursing home having a drink and smoke when it suddenly started to rain.

one of the old laides pulls out a condom,cuts off the end,puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.

 

Molly: what in the hell is that Holly?

 

Holly: it's called a condom, this way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

 

Molly: where did you get it?

 

Holly: you can get them at any pharmacy.

 

The next day Molly hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

 

The poor pharmacist, obviously embarrassed looks at the great grandma kind of strangely (after all she's 80 years old) but very very delicately asks what brand of condoms she prefers.

 

Molly replies "Doesn't matter sonny, as long as fits on a camel". the poor pharmacist fainted on the spot.

 

Peace,Love & Unity.

[FatB]

sure granny

[Keyz 1-8-7]

lol......good jokes BOB keep'em coming

[BOB]

Monkey Business:

 

A white guy with a monkey goes to a park to relax...a black guy with a batch of bananas also goes to the same park to do the same thing...after a while the black guy wants to go to the toilet and asks for the white dude to look after his bananas and he accepts.

 

on his way back, he finds all his bananas eaten up and when he asks the white guy to explain, the white guy says to him "Don't look at me mate, it's your brother who did that" and the black guy quitely sits down.

 

After some time the white guy wants to go to the toilet and asks the black dude to look after his monkey.

 

When the white guy comes back he finds his monkey dead, furious, he asks the black guy what happened to his monkey and the black dude calmly replies "Don't involve yourself in this, it's family affair and you must stay out of it".

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Aaliyyah]

lol@ family affair .....

[BOB]

A couple were in thier bed ready to make love when their four year old son walked in an asked Daddy can I ride on your back, The Dad said no, when the wife told her husband it's OK honey he doesn't know whats going on, so he agreed. As they got in to the throws of passion and the wife started moaning and breathing heavy the little boy said, Daddy you better hold on yesterday when she did that me and the Milkman both almost hit the floor.

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Little Suzy raised her hand during a biology lesson and asked if her grandmother could have a baby. The teacher was a bit surprised at the question but answered that the grandmother was too old to have babies.

 

"So what about my mother?" asked Little Suzy. The teacher said that it was possible, but that her mother was probably getting too old to be having babies as well.

 

"Well, then could I have a baby?" she wanted to know.

 

"Goodness no!" said the teacher, "you are much too young."

 

"See!" yelled Little Johnny from the back of the classroom, "I told you YOU didn't have anything to worry about!"

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Little Johnny:

 

 

A teacher asks her class, ?If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left??

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ?None, they all fly away with the first gun shot?

 

The teacher replies ?The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.?

 

Then Little Johnny says ?I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married??

 

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ?Well I suppose the one that?s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone?

 

To which Little Johnny replied, ?The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.?

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her."

 

A little later on, they saw horses. The Grandpa said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too."

 

That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve the turkey?"

 

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does, I'm eating a hamburger!"

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.