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Holac

How do you cope with relative's expectations on getting married?

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Apophis   

Marriage, especially in the West, can be hell on earth if, as I suspect, you are feminism supporting woman pleaser.

 

Be in control and there'll be smooth sailing, give her control and be prepared to be sunk with a torpedo.

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Khayr   

<cite>
said:</cite>

Marriage, especially in the West, can be hell on earth if, as I suspect, you are feminism supporting woman pleaser.

 

Be in control and there'll be smooth sailing, give her control and be prepared to be sunk with a torpedo.

 

Sounds like words of a veteran rather than a rookie. :)

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Soloman   

One of the most irritating things about Somalis, from relatives to families and friends. It's like the most favorite pastime question that Somalis like to ask you if you reached 30 and you are not still married. FML for being the only one in my family who's still single!

 

And hi everyone.

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Khayr   

That is because we are a value centered people with a focus on the family and maturity.

We don't need old kids aged 30+ living with their mothers.

 

On another note, what is FML?

Is that estrogen lingu?

 

Oh yeah, welcome to the site.

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<cite>
said:</cite>

One of the most irritating things about Somalis, from relatives to families and friends. It's like the most favorite pastime question that Somalis like to ask you if you reached 30 and you are not still married. FML for being the only one in my family who's still single!

 

And hi everyone.

 

Bro, there's no reason for a Somali man at the age of 30 who can afford to be married, being single. It makes no sense at all. You're not a child. You're a man

 

We have different values when compared to the bachelor-types all over the United States who do nothing but attend strip clubs, date multiple girls and live a free life with no responsibilities.

 

Your family generally wants the best for you. So if you're 20 and you're still not enrolled in school or working, then your relatives will wonder why. And if you're 30 and you're still not married even though you can afford it, then they'll wonder why.

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xabad   

<cite>
said:</cite>

Bro, there's no reason for a Somali man at the age of 30 who can afford to be married, being single. It makes no sense at all. You're not a child. You're a man

 

We have different values when compared to the bachelor-types all over the United States who do nothing but attend strip clubs, date multiple girls and live a free life with no responsibilities.

 

Your family generally wants the best for you. So if you're 20 and you're still not enrolled in school or working, then your relatives will wonder why. And if you're 30 and you're still not married even though you can afford it, then they'll wonder why.

 

Horrible advice. don't force him to conform to your views of what a somali man should do.

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Soloman   

<cite>
said:</cite>

That is because we are a value centered people with a focus on the family and maturity.

We don't need old kids aged 30+ living with their mothers.

 

On another note, what is FML?

Is that estrogen lingu?

 

Oh yeah, welcome to the site.

 

Khayr, I don't live with my mother, not even with any of my family members. And I think it's time that we, Somalis, learn to forget that collective, groupie mentality and that what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander.

 

And thanks for the welcome.

 

<cite>
said:</cite>

Bro, there's no reason for a Somali man at the age of 30 who can afford to be married, being single. It makes no sense at all. You're not a child. You're a man

 

We have different values when compared to the bachelor-types all over the United States who do nothing but attend strip clubs, date multiple girls and live a free life with no responsibilities.

 

Your family generally wants the best for you. So if you're 20 and you're still not enrolled in school or working, then your relatives will wonder why. And if you're 30 and you're still not married even though you can afford it, then they'll wonder why.

 

Kenney, I see where you're coming from but it aint that simple, mate. Back in the days when we were back home things were different. And as you mentioned (the West), one can't simply jump on the wagon & settle down because that's how society & and the family/relatives expect us to do. Responsibilities, financial & emotional readiness as well as many other factors need to be fulfilled before one decides to make a family.

 

I would rather be 50 and miserable by myself than bring some poor kids that I am not ready for into this world "because that's the norm".

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Don't let it get to you. People will always ask questions. Expect more questions when you get married. If you don't have kids right away, they'll say why? Tolow ma dhalays baa? If you got a kid, then they'll say where is number two and then it continues.

 

Just say I'll get married when i feel like it. This sort of pressure can get one in serious trouble by rushing into marriage then getting divorced.

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Holac   

Finally ...... I was able to silence few of my family members. But the hard-earned silent period has expiration date in my family and it is usually 30 days. After that, I am out of luck. It will be back to the same conversation.

 

Thanks for your tips.

 

 

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