funny quotes

[wyre]

post what funny quotes you got, this is one or two of it

 

I’ve never been to an Al-Qaeda Christmas party, but I have seen the invites. No music, no dancing, but we promise the fastest game of pass the parcel you’ve ever seen.

 

Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called Not Poodle

 

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

[Jacaylbaro]

Two guys are arguing in a bar. First guy says "I slept with your mum." Second guy says "Go home dad, you're drunk!"

[Ismahaan]

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

 

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police

 

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

 

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

[Jacaylbaro]

looooooooooooooooooooooooooool@Politicians and diapers,,,,, :)

[wyre]

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

 

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain

 

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'noooooooooo':D

 

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished:D

[wyre]

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs...like custom officers

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman:D

 

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend

How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.

 

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it.

 

A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other:D

 

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them

 

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.

 

You're fooling yourself if you argue with a fool - others may not know the difference:D

[Jacaylbaro]

- After Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?

 

- A clean house is the sign of a broken computer

 

- Before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!

[wyre]

Jacaylbaro;683184 wrote:

-r

 

- Before you use the bathroom in someones house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!

:D:D

 

mid aan sxbo nahay ayaan hadda ka hor booqday, sidaan ola joogay ayuu wuxuu i yiri suuqa ayaan kasoo laabanayaa cabitaan iyo wax baan noo doonayaa ee filimkan iska sii fiirso, wuu iga tagay in cabbaar markaan joogay baan u baahday musqul, musqushii ayaan saa u eegay waxaan arkay iney tuubo leedahay caagna hoos yaalla, My bad ma fiirinin tuubada iney socoto, waan iska fadhiistay waan iska xaajooday kadib tuubada fur sow ma ahan? maxaad ii dhiibatay biyaba ma jiraan ninku muddo 3 saacadood ayuu iga maqnaa waan uun ku jiray musqusha, markuu ii yimid baan u qeyliyay oon iri war alla ku laqmi ee maxaad ii qatashay? orodoo biyo deriska ka soo raadi:D

marka arrintan waa sax jaceyl barow

[wyre]

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

 

There are no ****** questions, just ****** people

 

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

 

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?

'Hold my purse.

 

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try':D

 

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

 

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own:D

[wyre]

wyre;683192 wrote:

 

There are no

s.t.u.p.p.i.d

questions, just

s.t.u.p.p.i.d

people

 

waxaan ka baqay inaan wax xun ula jeedo inaad u qaadataan that's why i edited

[Bashiir]

Some people are so narrow minded that they can look through a keyhole with both eyes at the same time.

[wyre]

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are ******

 

Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3.

To your Boss I like your style

 

Remember, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose

 

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails

 

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon

 

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

 

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that

 

The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden…It ends with Revelations !!!!!!!!

[grasshopper]

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

[wyre]

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life:D

 

I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness

 

I didn't know Onward Christian Soldiers was a Christian song

 

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious:D

 

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby

 

Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier

 

We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather

 

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.(this is said by algore vice-president)

 

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again

[Jacaylbaro]

- A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.so use it often

 

- Chinese translation for 69: twocanchew

 

- Know why single women are so thin? They come home, look in the fridge and go to bed, married women come home, look in the bed and go to the fridge.

 

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak