Winter Blues: Come My sweet charity (memoir from Raula's Winter Blues Cabin)

[raula]

Come my Sweet Charity

 

Day dreaming

Deep sensations seeking

Dozing off

Delusional delight

During the Day?

Indeed!

Indeed!

Off to wonderland

Overwhelmed by the cool

Gloomy surroundings

Suffering from winter blues

Steadily drifts off

To that

………..place……….

Soothing Ambiance

Sipping frothy Chai

While basking in the

serene marvelous sunset

overlooking the glittering

splendid Zanzibari coast

Taarab blazing from

the cantene nearby

dishes rattle and clank

this is the

……place……..

where the fresh scents of greens

spices, and blossoms mingle

with rising dough of the morning

and where greenery is soothing

sight for the eyes

tired of winter blight

this is the

………..place………

where sunlight filled rooms

and balcony custom-made

from juvenile scented cypress trees

are adorned with

cream silk layering

that amplifies a

rustic log cabin

American extravagance look

This is the

…………place……

Where you slumber like royalty

Whether meager or moneyed

Where the land is aromatic

in nature, and where

all are impossible to tell apart

Muslims or Africans?

Nonetheless, have collective

Believe that the

Land is all Allah’s (s.w.)

This is the

………….place…….

where my wishes

of the winter blues

are relieved and liberated

 

Iam suddenly jolted

By my own reality

That winter blues

Is the way of life

In my part of the world

May Allah (s.w.) have

Mercy on my soul

For this winter

Is sure bitter.

 

 

Memoir from Raula’s Winter Blues Cabin: Come Sweet Charity

 

PS: this piece is dedicated to ZANZIBAR

 

Masal Noor.

[General Duke]

Never been to that place the poet describes. But I sure want to go now... Wonderful piece one of the best yet.

[BOB]

who is Zanzibar? what happened to Lamu,kilifi, watamu and malindi? .

 

Nice 1 Raula, i didn't know you were this good.

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Alle-ubaahne]

Raula,

 

remember the silk garmet, and the balcony. huuuuuuuh, that is somewhat a major part of the resort life. lol

 

But trust me, you are the girl for English poetry! I salute you once again, for your artistic creativity!

[raula]

Duke, BOB, Alle-ubaahne..thx all, thx much.

 

 

as they say from Zanzi Nawatarajia afya na kila la heri

 

Ma'salaama

[raula]

A tribute to my mother-XALIMO. I love you HOOYO.

 

“Hooyo macaanâ€

How everyone utters these words?

Yet I have not come to experience the

Sweetness of your touch

The tenderness of your motherly voice

The gentleness of your caress

As you hold me within your arms carefully

Shielding me from the evil exposure

Guarding me from the evil spirits

That can possess my soul and capture its essence

Shielding me from the corrupt world

That I am yet to see and learn on my own

….Yes on my own hooyo………….

…..all alone in this world…………..

Where a child is not best left alone

But I was with the best of my family

Where I was protected and esteemed

Where I got all needs and feeds

ONLY TO YEARN FOR “HOOYO MACAANâ€

 

When I left you while I was tiny baby

Not knowing when I will see you again

Not knowing that I will be missing your scent

Your lullabies at night as I crawl to sleep

Not hearing your cautious warnings

Of not leaping into the hot iron

Or trying to eat an insect thinking it’s a toy

Seeing me off to school, and playing with my friends

Waiting anxiously as I got home every evening

Nourishing me with your love and chows

Watching me grow from girlhood to womanhood

And examining as I administer tasks

Of what was once your lifehood as a woman

 

Hooyo macaan have you forgotten me?

That evil tone has somewhat ingrained

Itself in the depths of my soul

At the bottom of my heart

Surfacing when only turbulences persist in my life

……….hooyo macaan…kuu awee (where are u)…………….

Sometimes I say …â€was I adopted†(staqfurulah)

Perhaps its my negativity over taking me

“hooyo Macaan†please forgive me for this

Because I don’t hate you Hooyo Macaan

Indeed I do adore your courage for raising such wonderful daughter

For yielding such a strong character

For contributing to my stupendous genetic makeup

My radiating beauty, my serene charisma, my tantalizing sense of humor,

My thirst for knowledge, my commitment for outreach to poor souls,

My conservative views into preserving the logic cultural values

Thank you for bearing me in an Islamic state and nature

Where my presence is esteemed and not doubted

Thank you “Hooyo Macaanâ€â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦

….for many say, I resemble you in all manners……….

 

I long for you “Hooyo Macaanâ€â€¦â€¦.

For without all these, there exists a HOLE in my soul

Where no one else can fulfill it ….except you HOOYO MACAAN

And with Qadar’s Allah s.w. I hope I don’t loose you

Before I see you face, follow my fingers through you wrinkles,

Your cheek bones, your nerves and veins……

And find out where in those life lines….have you INGRAINED

Your love for me….your 5th born daughter……

The one who resembles you….the one you have missed to

Pour out your love for ….for all those 20 years….that passed…

 

Wait for me …Hooyo Macaan…..for I will be grief-stricken….

If I don’t see you in this lifetime….

If I don’t hear your thoughts on all those years……..

If I don’t feel your arms around me………………….

If I don’t tell you how I feel deep down

I hope by Allah’s qadar I will be able to contain my

Psychological traumas of not seeing you ………..

And by Allah s.w. blessings I will have someone stronger

To fulfill that gap……..those yearns…..that fondness…that parental guidance

That I have missed all these 20 yrs……….Hooyo Macaan

 

 

Do forgive me Hooyo macaan

For I love you with all my soul and depth

For you have brought me to this world

For you have given me such strong attributes and weapons

To fight and figure my way around this perplexed world

For I have realized that you are indeed….â€My only Hooyo Macaanâ€

Even when you are oceans away from me….I love you …..

I love you ………..I love you ………….Hooyo Macaaney, Indeed I do.

 

I will pull myself together before tears of grief pour ……

Before it taints these jovial feelings…..

I will see you Insha-allah Hooyo Macaan……

[J.Lee]

Mansha'allah, That was a very powerful piece. It described an array of emotions such as doubt, guilt, happiness, longing and anger so clearly like you were taking a journey with those emotions that you're not feeling at this particular moment yet are which makes you some what somber, quite weirded huh?

 

Abaayo, I pray for you to be one day reunited with Mama Raula insha'allah and when you do tell my Cousin, I, Ms Word S. Mohamed G....S said Salaams.

[raula]

^^^will do cuz. I will make a full detailed video of Me and mom reminiscing in the old city of Garbahaarey how about that.

[BOB]

Raula,

that was simply the most moving piece I have ever read and I mean literally and your honesty and the words you chose to use left me speechless! .

 

I pray that you will soon be re-united with beloved Mom insha allah but in the mean time hold your head high because I am sure she loves you more than her own dear life and she is proud of you.

 

Nice 1..once again.

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[raula]

BOB-ahsanta sana umenisifu walalo-Mola akupe heri na afya-AMin. Indeed I was honest when writing that piece-those memories are dear to me.

 

Ahsanta tena .

[BOB]

I haven't said or done anything for you to thank me, I was only being honest and your words were absolutely deep and very heavy.

 

take care.

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[raula]

Suspended

 

 

Back in the day I was

Like the laughing gas

Floating, resting on cloud nine

Magic episodes arousing all over again

Dreams of Pleasantville with you

Me and you infinitely living

I only recalled of undying

Of our feelings and attachment

So bound together like a periodical

A timeline of our relationship

Presented to the world

And they too can feel the happiness

But what happiness

I scarcely see you

I do not recall anymore of you voice

I hardly remember your looks

I am beginning to dissolve

The enticing sensations of your closeness

The empathetic expressions, the attention,

The daytime calls from your work

Murmuring those 3 letters that has

Clung many together and dismissed others

………..“I love you, my darling wifeâ€â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦

Yes, family comes first

But Am I not your family? Your wife?

The impending mother of your progeny?

Since you went away to Somalia

I have missed you dearly

I hear rumors of you ‘thinking’ of marrying

A second to me, another family

Am I not enough for you?

Tell me darling……………..

What propelled you to such an accepted wisdom?

It would have been best if I knew of your desires

Of marrying instead of your hidden agenda

No, permission is not binding from me

But for the sake of compassion,

My sentiments are like the Queen’s tiara

If not shining from the apex,

She is merely a servant, perhaps a mistress!

 

So what Am I to consider of myself?

Am I supposed to hang around for you?

Till you clear your head of wedding

A second or staying with me?

Darling, I am SUSPENDED

And it is only fair if

You ever loved me, or else

Rescue me from this brink.

Blessed are you

Don’t leave me suspended

 

PS:this is not one of my life stories-just a passing thought(although-those in polygamous families can contest that the situation is very different from my "BARELY THERE" thoughts). Enjoy.

 

***insha-allah next week I will formulate a GABAY

[BOB]

 

 

Since you went away to Somalia

I have missed you dearly

I hear rumors of you ‘thinking’ of marrying

A second to me, another family

Am I not enough for you?

Tell me darling……………..

i know you said this isn't personal but i like this part very much.

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[raula]

Slightly Blue

 

Maybe I ought to live you alone

Maybe I ought to not bother you at home

Maybe I ought to not contact you at all

Maybe I ought to not search for you

Maybe I ought not to present my emotions as due

Maybe I ought not to socialize you

Maybe I ought not to yearn for you

Maybe I ought not to fantasize about you

Maybe I ought no to swindle my mind for you

But my thinking of you is so enticing

That I can’t control my desires inviting

The thought of you invading the depth

Of my soul, my heart, and my breath

 

I haven’t come here to flatter and impress

I have a secret that I want to confess

I have covertly and numbed my profess

That has dangerously relented to an obsession

A debilitating one that has left me without sensation

Dismantled my original anticipation

That I will not love again even with or without desperation

Now I feel like I have developed an affliction

One that an epidemiologist will call “an impending threatâ€

Critically in need of your love that is inducing euphoric fret

But my thinking of you is so enticing

That I can’t control my desires inviting

The thought of you invading the depth

Of my soul, my heart, and my breath

 

I swear I have not shed a tear for you, it’s true

I swear I have not seen days stick as glue because of you

I swear I have not starved because my ‘belly’ says full

I swear I am not sleep deprived because the nights are so blue

I swear I have not been ailing and in need of your love soup

I swear I have not exhausted my thinking to the point of no clue

I swear I have not stopped loving because my heart is occupied by you

But my thinking of you is so enticing

That I can’t control my desires inviting

The thought of you invading the depth

Of my soul, my heart, and my breath

 

I have seen forbidden wild desires being tamed

I have thought of being sanctified and saved

I have solicited and prayed to be your future dame

The one and only you could later claim

The strength, the sensual rousing of your name

Has become like the pericardial fluid to my heart’s sustain

Sue me for the blame, what are you gain?

Apart from pure love and devotion to your aid?

But my thinking of you is so enticing

That I can’t control my desires inviting

The thought of you invading the depth

Of my soul, my heart, and my breath

[raula]

A Haiku to the "mzee ojwang"

 

Kama bahari ya unguja, umenivuta

Mawingu umenihangaisha moyoni na macho hauoni mwengine

Mola akupe rehema, maisha njema, dhiki na faraja bora

Ya jalaali! tubariki na tupe afya

TUKUTANE ZANZIBAR, tushereke na mnazi na taarab