Why So Many Divorces? Solutions To Blissful Marriage.

[BOB]

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

All praise is due to Allah s.w who has blessed man with the companionship of spouses and placed love and compassion between them. May his choicest blessings be upon our master, leader and teacher prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h who freed man from the shackles of unbridled lust and passion and guided them to social and moral rectitude.

 

"Marriage is my sunnah and whosoever keeps away from my sunnah is not from me" said our beloved prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.

 

The importance of marriage may also be understood from the following point. The Qur'aan refers to Salaat (prayers) 73 times but no details of salaat are furnished. the hadeeth of Nabi (s.a.w) are required to elaborate upon its laws. However the relationship between a man and woman is so important that the Qur'aan mentions all the laws of nikah and divorce in minute detail.

 

Our beloved prophet not only encouraged marriage among his followers but he also emphasized the importance of appropriate conduct after marriage so that the marriage endures and in the words of the holy Qur'aan becomes the coolness in our eyes. "They (women) are a garment for you and you (men) are garment for them" Surah Al-Baqarah. Ayah 187.

 

From the above Ayah of the Qur'aan, the relationship between a husband and wife has been stated as the spouses being each other's garments. There are many reasons for this similitude being used.

 

Firstly, clothes are the closest thing to a person's body. In the same way the relationship between husband and wife should be established as the closest relationship that each of them have.

 

Secondly, clothes conceal one's physical defects and are means of adornment. Therefore the couple should conceal each other's faults especially in public. Spouses should also be a means of betterment for each other.

 

Thirdly, garments serve as a shield from heat and cold. The couple should therefore give comfort to each other in times of difficulty.

Lastly, it is also known that a person feels incomplete without his clothes and feels sense of urgency to get to them. In a like manner, couples should be inclined to each other and hasten to each other in all occasions.

 

Duties Of The Husband/ Rights Of The Wife:

 

in Islam the wife is given certain rights which the husband is OBLIGED TO FULFILL.

 

Firstly, the wife is entitled to Mehr. If it was promised to be handed at a fixed time then it should be given to her on time. If the husband fails to discharge her Mehr, she may refuse him all matrimonial relations and he will still have to support her.

 

Secondly, its WAJIB for the husband to provide his wife with food, clothes and shelter. However, these should be within his means and the wife should not demand something she knows her husband can’t afford. The husband MUST provide those items which are necessary in the running of the home and also provide for his wife’s personal items. Regarding shelter, the husband’s obligation is to provide his wife with living quarters wherein she may reside with him without any constraints, whether it be a flat, house or separate room and kitchen.

 

Thirdly, its necessary for the husband to give his wife Deeni Ta'leem (education). If he's not learned he should request the well versed women to educate his wife. It's permissible for the husband to be stern in her deen training and reprimand her verbally.

 

 

Duties Of The Wife/ Rights Of The Husband:

 

One should remember that it's the duty of the husband to maintain the house, but it's the woman who should make a home. Its an important duty of the wife to assist her husband in religious affairs. Its stated in a hadeeth: "the best possession is the tongue that remembers Allah s.w and a heart that is grateful and the believing woman who helps her husband in matters of faith".

 

its WAAJIB for the wife to obey her husband as long as his commands are in conformance to the Sharia. She should take of the wealth of her husband. She should not leave the home without permission of the husband nor should she allow anyone to enter without his permission, utmost respect should be shown to the husband and vice versa and they should both acknowledge that each deserves that respect and they should both address each other with honour.

 

A wife should serve her husband and take care of all his needs and she should serve him with a good heart. Remember warm food and a warm heart can melt an ice cold heart. Its incumbent for a woman to guard her chastity and modesty in the same way that one leaps when a rocket is heading towards one. The wife must dress and beautify herself for her husband and for him ONLY. Men become attracted to beauty and she should keep her husband attracted to her.

 

A wife should please her husband and give preference to his needs under all circumstances. To please the husband is more rewarding than praying Tahajjud prayers and the husband’s pleasure is the wife’s ticket to Jannah.

 

How To Enhance Love & Avert Divorce:

 

1-Giving/ exchanging gifts increases love and gives people a sense of love. Thus spouses should exchange gifts.

 

2-Our beloved Prophet ALWAYS smiled on entering the home of his wives. He NEVER verbally abused his wives nor did he EVER raise his voice to them. Thus the spouses should follow the examples of our beloved Prophet P.B.U.H and be light hearted and smile at each other.

 

3-Affection is NECESSARY and should be displayed. Thus when a husband enters his home he should smile, greet his wife and hug and kiss her.

 

4-Men shouldn't hold back in praising their wives. Compliment her on her beauty, the sweet perfume she wore just for you today, the stylish way she wore her hair for you and her cooking skills as well over all compliment her on everything good that she does for you.

 

5-Husbands should place morsel of food in their wives’ mouths as this increases love.

 

 

To The Bridegroom:

 

You have chosen a life partner for yourself and by doing so you are not just getting a wife but you're receiving your whole world. From now on until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion and your best friend in the whole world. She will share your moments, days and years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your success and failures, your dreams and fears. When you are ill she will take the best care of you and when you need help she will do all she can for you. She will always be with you. When you awake in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be her and when you go to sleep at night the last thing your eyes will see will be her. In short she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

 

Remember that your wife has left her whole family, home, friends and near and dear ones just to be with you. It may take some time for her to adapt to her new life so bear with her and avoid adding to her distress. Love, respect and honour her as she's your most valuable companion. Treasure her and shower her with love and affection. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah s.w for any emotions you show to your wife as our noble prophet p.b.u.h used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel. There has never been more loving and affectionate husband than our holy prophet p.b.u.h.

 

Once a Sahabi was hurrying the camels upon which the wives of the Prophet p.b.u.h were seated. The prophet of Allah s.w may peace and blessings be upon him asked the Sahabi to slow down because JEWELS were seated on the camels…

she has been created very delicately from a crooked rib. You CANNOT attempt to straighten her as any attempt to do so would only harm her. Therefore take benefit from her in all her crookedness. If the woman has some bad habits in her then DO NOT CONDEMN HER on account of that habit, rather look for and remember her pleasant habits. There is an English proverb that says; Even a watch which is out of order speaks the truth at least twice every day. for example : suppose the watch stopped at 12 hours and 15 minutes, as this time occurs twice during the 24 hour day the dead watch will tell the correct time twice. The moral drawn from this proverb is that if one is in search of goodness with sincerity one can surely find it. Therefore one should ALWAYS try and find good in one's wife.

 

Anas (R.A) say: "I asked Aisha (R.Anha) what the prophet p.b.u.h did at home? The mother of the faithful (R.A) replied "He helped his wives in domestic chores" in another narration she said "He used to mend his shoes, sew his cloth and worked in his house just as any one of you works in his own house" doing house hold chores is a prophetic attribute that breeds humility and displays compassion and kindness.

 

Your wife is the queen of your home and should be treated as such. Overlook her faults, turn a deaf ear to her unnecessary complaining.

 

"Frailty be thy name is women" therefore be gentle and kind to her. Do not allow anyone to belittle her. She is your life long partner. Protect her at all times even if it may be from you. Remember the the prophet (p.b.u.h) found time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha (r.a). she out ran him but later after she had gained some weight he out ran her.

Follow the examples of the prophet p.b.u.h and ALWAYS try to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile at her, seek her advice, ask her for her opinion, spend quality time with her and remember beloved prophet p.b.u.h said "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"

 

 

May Allah s.w Guide Us All Through The Righteous Path Insha Allah.

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Nehanda]

Thanks for the advice Bob, will try to adhere to it.

Lakiin i find it daunting that it is permissible for the husband to come and go as he wishes while the wife has to take permission.

 

In cases where the husband abuses his position ie refusing the wife to go to work or socialise with her friends be it male or female. What then, is it wrong to refute his request without been sinful? Surely everything is about compromising and accepting each other flaws.

 

I truly like the idea that the men should provide for their wives whilst the latter should not be demanding but kind and respectful.

[Yaabka-Yaabkiis]

Thanks Bob for the advice abti..lakin somali waxey dhahaan WAANO ABUUURIS BAA KA HOREESAY...

 

Yaabka-Yaabkiis

[BOB]

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

My dearest Sister Nehanda...

 

I guess that's why the divorce rate is high because one of them abuses his/her rights over the other, you find men spending 24 hrs away from their wives because their so-called friends invited him to a chewing marathon and they couldn't say no or he spends hours talking about rubbish things like qabiil and stuff while his wife maybe sick at home and then there are women who will demand divorce just because her husband couldn't afford to buy her new sets of furniture or he didn't allow her to go to a certain wedding or he asked her to stay away so and so who happens to be, let's just say, not the best person in the world to hang out with.

 

Abaayo there are some men who wouldn't like their wives to go to work even though Islam allows women to go to work subject to certain conditions, and even recommended to do so should they be in financial need.

 

This is supported by the Quranic example of two female shepherds (Qur'aan 28:23).

 

Islam recognizes that the society needs women to work for the sake of development. in general, women's right to work is subject to certain conditions: The work should not require the woman to violate Islamic law (serving alcohol, wearing revealing clothes etc )and be mindful of the woman's safety.

 

if the work requires the woman to leave her home, she must maintain her modesty. Her work should not affect more important commitments, such as those towards her family. furthermore, it is the responsibility of the Muslim community to organize work for women, so that can do so in a Muslim atmosphere, where her rights are respected but can you honestly say that is the case since the overwhelming majority of us here live in a non-muslim countries and work with non-muslims?

 

about you mixing with your male "friends" I'm afraid Islam does not permit the free mixing of men and women outside the close family group, and Western-style mixing even with wearing the Hijab is not permissible as is seen in places of education and work.

 

The Qur'aan tells the believing men in the time of the Prophet:

 

"And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts." (V. 33:53)

 

The wives of the Prophet p.b.u.h were models for all women and were regarded as the Mothers of all believers. If they could only be addressed from behind a curtain in order to avoid any temptation or impropriety, how much more then is such a curtain necessary for ordinary women who can be a much greater source of temptation?

 

it is also clear from the time of the Prophet that the Companions did not treat this Verse as referring only to the Prophet's wives but applied it to their women as well, with the complete approval of the Prophet. The reason given in the above Verse for such a curtain is "that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts" and in another Verse we read:

 

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do." (V. 24:30)

 

 

May Allah s.w Guide Us All Through The Righteous Path Insha Allah.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

To The Bride:

 

Remember that your husband is your King and that if the prostration to any other being besides Allah s.w was permissible it would've been a wife prostrating to her husband.

 

maintain your respect and modesty at all times. obey the decisions of your husband as long as they are within the confines of the Shariah, your duty as a wife is to honour your husband. refrain from BROADCASTING your domestic affairs even to your closest friendd. what happens at home stays at home. only ask your husband for those things which you're certain he may give you or can afford as this would spare him the embarrassment of having to turn you down.

 

when a husband cannot give you something and its not a neccesity do not turn to your father, uncle or brother for it. if you really love your husband you would sacrifice for him. if you were accustomed to a lavish lifestyle, turn away from it and live within your husband's means. control your emtions and try your level best to be the BEST wife. it has been said "Any woman who dies whilst her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise".

 

Sayyidina Ali (R.A) once said to one of his pupils "Shall I tell you the story of Fatima (R.A)the dearest and the most beloved daughter of our prophet p.b.u.h"?

When the student replied in the affirmative, he said "Fatima (R.A) would grind the grain herself which caused corns on her hands. she carried water for the house in a leather bag that caused scars on her chest. she cleaned the house herself which made her clothes dirty. once some captives were brought to Medina. I said to her 'Go to the Prophet p.b.u.h and request him for an assistant to help you in your home. She went to him, but found many people around him. Her modesty did not allow her to request for a captive in the presence of other people. the Prophet p.b.u.h came to her the next day and said "Fatima, what made you come to me yesterday?" she felt shy and remained silent. I (Ali R.A) said 'O Messenger of Allah, Fatima has developed corn sears on her hands and chest because of grinding and carrying water. she is constantly busy cleaning the house and carrying out chores/causing her clothes to remain dirty.

 

Don't forget this is the most beloved daughter of the prophet and Aisha (R.A.) once asked him, "Do you love Fatima Zahra so much, that when she arrives you get up from your place to give respect to her and kiss her hands and make her sit next to yourself?"

 

He replied, "Oh Aisha! If you come to know why I love Fatima so much, you shall also love her." He considered her the part and parcel of his life, and used to say repeatedly, "Fatima (R.A.) is a piece of me, whosoever tortures her he has tortured me, and whoever pleases her has pleased me." yet she was modest and humble enough to seek the pleasure of her husband and she was determined to fulfill her obligations as a wife to her husband...

 

My dear sisters...If you ever needed a role model there you have it.

 

 

Salam Aleikum W.W

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[BOB]

Survival Kit:

 

Do not demand your rights, discharge your obligations.

 

Keep smiling, its an act of charity.

 

Express praise and gratitude, all human beings share the same basic needs, to feel appreciated, respected and loved.

 

Never compare your spouse with others, the grass always looks greener on the other side when in truth its not.

 

Never bring up past problems that were resolved, they only cloud the future.

 

Never insult your spouse at all be it in front of people or when alone, it’s a confession of your own weakness.

 

Never insult his/her relatives, its demeaning and leads to a lack of self-confidence.

 

Never adopt a tit for tat mentality; it causes equal pain to you.

Be the better person, admit your mistakes and say "I am Sorry". Abstain at all costs from stubbornness and arrogance.

 

Never go to bed without settling an argument or difference if you like, you may never see the next day.

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Malika]

"Remember that your husband is your King and that if the prostration to any other being besides Allah s.w was permissible it would've been a wife prostrating to her husband."

 

^^Under what circumstance should the wife be doing that? :confused:

[-Lily-]

^^

[-Nomadique-]

^ A sheikh told me that this saying was not Islamic - I would probably do some research on it.

[Pujah]

^^It’s actually xadith saxiix ah, I remember reading it before so I will try to find it on my riyadu salixin after I leave work insha allah.

 

edit: BOB jazaaka allah kheyr bro, insha allah kuwii kafaaidaysta allaha naga dhigo

[-Nomadique-]

^ I heard it was a hadith too, laakin not sure why he said this, i'm checking it out anyway.

 

 

Edit: Thanks for the article Bob.

[-Lily-]

Dahia & Puj, all the same, it’s not permissible to bow to anyone but Allah so I don’t see why one would worry with that statement? It’s almost trying to turn men into semi-divine mortals...

[Yaabka-Yaabkiis]

Malmahaan Somali ladies have problems of how they will conduct/manage Guriga-gurka..everywhere i go whether it is real life or on the net..they seem like they have conflicting ideas cycing in their mind whichs not base on empirical fact exist around...i am sure they can make it out what they want...lakiin i don't know what is wrong with them?

Yaabka

[-Nomadique-]

^Could you elaborate.

[Yaabka-Yaabkiis]

isn't my comment in line with it..lol