BBC - Network Africa - President for a Day

[SayidSomal]

Originally posted by Beer-Gaal:

but why work with women only ??

women are loyal.

[Juje]

Originally posted by NGONGE:

My fellow citizens, I stand here amazed and awed by your wise decision to select me as your next president. After decades of stumbling, fighting and falling out, you have finally chosen a man with the ability, lineage and intelligence to take the hardest job in the known world.

 

Fellow citizens, I do not blush or flinch at the thought that I am the best man for this job. As you all know, I am Abdullahi the son of Yusuf the son of Siyad the son of Barre the son of Riyaale the son of Abdul Qader the son of Sharif of the Somali clan. In war, my people are the most ferocious and in peace the most generous. I AM, the missing link to all your problems.

 

You all know of my great grandfather Sayid the pious, you all heard of my grandmother Hawa the brave and you all know of my cousins Ali and Warsame the fishermen. These are people you knew and admired all your lives and I am the son, heir and descendant of such people.

 

My people. Today, Somalia is at a cross roads and you have given me the opportunity to lead you to a prosperous future and sure present. Very well, let me make you a promise right here and right now that Somalia shall never suffer from any war or conflict as long as I am president. Somalia after all does not have any natural enemies. Nobody has the lineage, history and nobility to qualify as an equal to us. Our only enemy has always been...ourselves. Today, as a result of my election, that enemy has been finally vanquished.

 

I look forward to a presidency full of busy projects, foreign debt and a concubine or two.

 

Thank you.

I have posted this for you sxb - I hope they publish it , but I know they wont...

[NGONGE]

^^ They will not publish it, saaxib. It's too subtle for someone who does not know about Somalia.

[SayidSomal]

Juje under what name? Ngonge Gonge???

 

i bet you guys they would publish an atricle by somali on friday.

[NGONGE]

^^ In other words, you sent yours.

[SayidSomal]

No! Zambia came up today - somalia next.

[Abwaan]

S*S & NGONGE when did Somalia become an English speaking country? khudbada Soomaali u beddela gebi ahaanba, oo murtidii Soomaalida ee nuxurka lahayd ha xambaarsanaato.

[Complicated]

This president has spoken like a true African leader

 

His Excellency, President Oloche Okwori of Nigeria:

 

Congratulations fellow Nigerians for electing a healthy president for the first time in the history of our great but infamous nation.

 

To celebrate this momentous occasion I hereby declare a four-day national holiday with effect from tomorrow.

 

This administration has change as its prime priority.

Nigeria's problem is not corruption as widely postulated - it is rather the name Nigeria.

 

The name is meaningless, a joke and bad luck.

I believe once we get the right name everything else will naturally fall in place.

For this reason the first four years of my administration will be dedicated to finding a new name. I will appoint a committee of 37 wise men to represent each of our 36 states and the federal capital to research and find a new name for us.

 

Still on change,

I hereby rename our darling national football team from Super Eagles to Good-luck Eagles.

I will also change the name of all failed and failing state parastatals.

 

Finally, since organising elections is always a logistical nightmare hence forth getting a new president will be done my selection.

 

I alone will elect the next president.

 

God bless Nigeria and thank you for listening.

 

[Complicated]

Still no Somali president, aaway kuwii bootaynayay?

 

His Excellency, President BS Kanyusi of Tanzania:

 

 

I would like to thank those who ensured my victory by whatever means necessary over my much more qualified opponents.

 

Rest assured that your efforts on my behalf will soon be rewarded.

 

In the name of transparency, I put forward my presidential agenda to one and all:

 

 

By executive order, I hereby extend my term of office (one or two terms is barely enough time to open a number of Swiss bank accounts)

 

Having been warned by environmental experts of dangerous levels of hot air and toxic gases over the capital, I am dissolving parliament forthwith

 

I also forfeit my own presidential pay check - instead the nation will pay me a 10% commission on GDP and as the country develops, so will my Swiss bank account (this is a win win)

 

It is a waste of time to try to eradicate corruption or even reduce it; therefore we will no longer refer to the practice by that name.

It will now be called "facilitation" which is perfectly acceptable and can be used by everyone.

When the policeman demands a "facilitation fee" from a doctor, that doctor can, in turn, demand a facilitation fee to treat the policeman or his children when they fall ill. This is known in economics as the "multiplier effect"

 

Violence will no longer be tolerated - I have instructed the security forces that anyone disturbing the peace should be shot on sight

 

Finally, I wish to invite the Resident Presidents Olushambles and Kibarkingmad to visit us.

 

I have much to learn in how to ruin... I mean... run a country.