Do You Believe in Polygamy?

[Changed]

Honey D...He wont be with his kids 24/7 anywayz now that he is married to another female, they will be seeing less of him if they like it or not.

Question then becomes personal: meaning if I was to put myself through the torture or be happy with out him? one might suffer from a low self esteem and think less of themselves(thinking they would never find themselves another man)and live with him, unhappy and miserable. Or one might just leave.

 

to answer ur question on kids missing out on their dad> Dont u think the other woman might actually bare children for him too, again he would be bound to be between houses unless u are willing to let Her share ur home too :eek: . Kids can have a father figure if u remarry(trust me most step fahter are good with step children)

 

at the end it comes to personal choice ..and if he adored his kids so much why leave them?

 

There will always be a problem between couples, why would he marry another woman, why not try to work it out?

[Salafi_Online]

Innalhamdulillah...Wa salamu alaykum

 

EVeryone here would agree that Poligamy is halal...I also sense that some of the sisters do not wish to be in that kind of relationship...Well sisters but u have no guarantees. IF you marry a men...and after few years of marriage he decides to marry a second women...You cant do anything about it...NOr can u ask for a divorce...To divorce a man u need a ligitamite reason...and this aint one of them. its one of his rights From Allah...Therefore...U never know...u just may be the first of many wives to come...

[Qac Qaac]

Rahima where did u get the idea, that i don't mind to marry 2 or 3 or even 4. laakiin abaayo i have no time 4 headache... one is really enough. with all those headache no thanks.

 

also 4 the sisters who only think, men marries another women because of desire, u guys are not quit right. he might marry her, 4 alot of other reasons, it could be 4 money, family member, his brother's wife after his brother passed away. he could marry her to help this women with her kids, so the kids don't feel with out father figure at home.

 

usually the sahaba time, after jihad, when some men die in the battle. their wifes are married by the men who are still alive, even if they had wives before, so is not always 4 desire....

 

p.s. girls let me ask this question, u all said, it is allowed for men to marry more than 1 wife. but u'll wouldn't let your husband marry another wife... then the question is. is this realistic, that husband who is gonna marry another woman obviously would be one of your husbands... so now what.. or this is what we are hoping for, that our husband is not guy. right, untill reality checks in.

[x_quizit]

Salafi, i disagree with u. We do have a choice when it comes to polygamy.

 

1-the man needs his wife's consent in Islam..

2-if she chooses, she can leave the marriage, because it is a legitimate reason

 

So sisters, don't buy into the idea that u have to stick with the man if he chooses to marry another, if u don't want to be a co-wife, by all means, find someone that won't abuse the religion, because polygamy has no place in this day and age. No man can really treat 2 ppl equally, financially, love, attn, kids, etc...its gonna foster jealousy and mistrust.

Polygamy was introduced way back when men were dying in great numbers for religion and women and kids were left without a husband and father. Therefore, in order for another man to take another into his household in an honorable way, he had to marry her and be a father to her kids. Now THAT'S a great reason to maybe give the practice a thought. It is an allowed practice, but for extreme reasons and it is not encouraged in Islam. So gentlemen, don't mix islam with ur desire to have a intergeable wives and stop misleading ppl.

 

Let's see the state of somali society today in the diaspora. One or 2 of the parents are maybe taking welfare, have more kids than they can feed, are struggling to pay the rent and make ends meet, the husband more often than not would rather hang at the cafe than take care of his kids or emotional needs of his wife (some men). Some men go back home, without the permission of their wives, marry another, neglect the first wife maybe months on end, come back, impregnate wife #1, go back and stay with the other wife half the yr. Now, where is the fairness these ladies deserve, the love, the equality, the caretaking, etc...absentee fathers and husbands is an epidemic in our society, and until most somali men can take care of ONE wife and ONE family as a whole, he has no business looking elsewhere. If he can't take care of one, why have another? is it to have halal mistress maybe??...now why would he want that sin, where he's unable to take care of both the way they need it?

 

Cheers!

[Qac Qaac]

i was gonna reply in here, but actually no need 4 me to be involved in another arguement with the same ppl all over.

 

but i hope ppl like Rahima, and Salafi online. could correct this...

[x_quizit]

Who says it has to be argumentative? You can express your ideas without attacking the individual believe it or not, so your more than wlc to add your 2 pesos, as long as its constructive. And there's nothing to correct, thats my view/opinion, and no amount of debating will change it, however I am open to hearing why u and some of the rest are pro-polygamy and what can be gained from it. I challenge you to show me a few examples of when it has worked out and I'll be glad to hear it.

[SJ]

1-4 fine xaliimos, that’s fairly attractive

[LuCkY]

HONEY-D,

Lucky i dont think there is any woman who mind polygamy so long as it doesnt involve her.

 

Let me ask you hypothetical question hope you dont mind.

 

say your husband who's a wonderful father to your kids marries another wife would you let a jealous in the way of your childrens' happiness as he means the world to them.

WeLL I see Athena answered the question before moi but I wiLL add to that.

 

For one thing Honey-D you said a wonderfuL father to my kids and not a wonderfuL wonderfuL husband,so thats not to say that he and I arent having issues so why shouLd we waste our time.

 

About the time with this kids, Miz-Unique covered that.And honestLy speaking I wiLL make it to cLear to him that if he wants to stay married to me then I wont have none of this second wife biznezz namean,thats just my opinion.

 

X_Quizit You have pretty much covered it so no need to go there.

[OG_Girl]

Well, I did not read what people post but I am going with original poster and here my 2cents:

 

It is evident that the association of "polygamy" with Islam is not only unfair or biased but based on a serious misunderstanding. Polygamy was practiced, often without limitations nor regulations , in almost all cultures. It was sanctioned by various religions, and practiced, both before Islam, and for many centuries thereafter. The Mormons presently practice it - though secretly. Christian missionaries, in Africa and other areas, where polygamy is a social necessity, also allow it.

 

It is both, honest and accurate, to say that it was Islam that regulated this practice, limited it, made it more humane and instituted equal rights and status for all wives. What the Qur’anic decrees amount to, taken together, is a discouragement of polygamy, unless necessity for it exists.

 

Polygamy did not disappear in modern societies, but it just became practiced outside the bonds of marriage. It may be under the label of individual choice and freedom, but is happens with no commitment, rights or responsibilities put on the shoulders of either party.

 

So, brothers and sisters stop being defensive and provide logic answers to those none moslims.

ask them don't Polygamy exist in western society? it exist more than us in moslim societies but they doing as I said "under level of choice and freedom".

So is fair for woman Islam who gave her equel rights between wivies or those using woman sexuality with out responsibiles? . So from a realistic point of view, Islam addresses realities and sets boundaries and formulates balances of reciprocal rights and responsibilities.

 

Salam

[LuCkY]

OG_GirL weLL said,that is true.The way they expLoite womens bodies is unbeLievabLe and they try to justify that by saying its Freedom or a PersonaL Choice.OG you are right they do practice poLygamy more in a fiLthy way that reduces a womens reputation such as mistresses.

 

Anywhoo nuff said from me...I have a headache so pLz feeL free to correct my mistakes.

[bilan]

salaam

og-girl said whatever i was about to say, in islam man do not need his wife's permission to get married, but also the wife has the option not be in that relationship if she does not want to, so i believe in polygamy. it is there to solve many social problems,and i have no problem as long as he is not my husband the one who is practicing it.many people including us muslims misunderstand polygamy actually islam discourages it, not the opposite, and what we see today is that most men do not practice it right.

[LuCkY]

Fey WeLCome to SOL...I know its kinda Late.

[Strawberry_Xu]

Hey *Lucky*, I like your avatar

 

I think it takes an incredibly tolerant woman in this day and age to concede to such a marriage. Most women who get married, don't get married on the assumption that her husband might one day take another wife. People these days get married so they can exclusively be with each other, that's the intention of most modern marriages. However, for the man to later to decide to marry another, violates this agreement. So regardless of whether Islam accepts this, I think it's unfair for the wife who has to suddenly deal with this dilemma, because that's not what she signed for when she signed that marriage certificate. It's like expecting her to put with her husband's infidelity everyday in her own home, because that's what it will feel like to her. (or me should I ever be in such a situation).

 

However, I respect that some women would see no problem with such an arrangement, or that there those who would encourage it. As long as she was made aware of the possibility in advance.

 

Also, I've heard that some men marry women after their husbands have passed away to take care of them. That in my opinion is not a valid excuse for ruining the current marriage. If the husband can afford to take care of both women equally (as he should if he wants to take another wife), then why can't he just have them move in temporarily while she gets back on her feet. Or give them financial aid if he's so concerned about her. I don't see any reason for marrying her, except of course, if he's in love with her.

 

And really, shouldn't that be the only reason to ever get married, love?

[Salafi_Online]

Innalhamdulillah....Wa aSalamu alaykum

 

x-Q

 

...Ur reasoning is Ajeeb. never before did the people of knowledge speak of it...U do not have a choice and if so please provide with some sorta prove for ur disgreement dont insert your opinion...Cause we as muslims we dont follow the opinions of fulan fulan....

 

Like i said Earlier...its not permissable for a women to ask for a divorce cause her husband wants to get married to a second women...as for Being just to them all...he is only required to be just them in a financial way...or Materialistic way.Which by the way is possible...however he way love one wive more then the other...Like the messenger of Allah(saas) love Aisha more then all his other wives...He heart was incline to her more...this is not something any human can control...So u are not held accountable By Allah...Refer to the Book of Ibnul Qayyim on multiple marriage Also Tafsir Ibn Kathir on the poligamy of this aayat....

 

So X-Q its funny when people use that line....oh people married more then one wife cause of the war...bla bla bla...no men...bla bla bla...Actually they marry more then one wife cause Allah said so! simple as that.

 

Dont resort to emotions....Rather back up your claims with Ilm! IF You dont want a man who wants to marry more then one wife...then put it in ur contract...But dont come her and make up lame excuses...based on Emotions!

 

warya QAC QAC this one is for u!

[x_quizit]

Salafi, I see ur a back up on the childish squad, nice to finally see ur true colors, and not hiding behind an islamic persona. Well done!!! Using the same lines as the others eh, "emotions"...uhmm..very creative and well thought argument u have there buddy :rolleyes:

 

I don't know where u get ur facts or what type of Islam u follow, but u have yet to show me any proof of ur claims that the woman has no choice, and don't give me a few saudi sheikhs who think women driving is synonymous with her cheating!!!

 

U make the issue of marrying up to 4 wives as easy as shopping for groceries, and im not sure what sect of Islam u follow but, there are restrictions in practicing polygamy, but if ur so gung-ho to have multiple partners, by all means, knock urself out! U have yet to answer my previous questions, about men in our society not being able to feed ONE family, yet wanting to take on the responsibility of another, so stop sifting and choosing to answer some, how about u answer all my ques? or could it be that u have no answer???? Thought So!