Miskin Posted March 13, 2003 SINGLE MOTHERS “THE NEW INDUSTRY” Gone are the days of mutual respect between family members. Gone are the days of reciprocal understanding between close relatives. Gone are the days of respecting shared family values. Gone are the days of compromising for the sake of the family unity. Gone are the days of loyalty between spouses. Gone are the days of tolerance and endurance. Gone are days of obedience and commitment. As Somalis and/or as Muslims men should be responsible for looking after their families. In other word the onus is on the men to feed, cloth, discipline and look after the wellbeing of their families. Women on the other hand should have the responsibility of looking after the house hold. But sadly many of men didn’t/couldn’t perform their tasks and so women became the fathers and the mothers of many families. Because of this unfortunate situation we have seen the rise of divorce, separation and other un Islamic/un cultural activities. From the rise of divorce and separation came the so-called single mothers (divorced ladies with young children), and from the rise and popularity of single mothers came the rise of the so-called single mother hunting, this rather peculiar scenario led to the rise of young men seeking single mothers for materialistic purposes that we can all guess. These young men go by the name of (Rough and Ready). Now what is making matters worse is that these young men are only after shelters and milk tokens provided by the DSS. Now what is even more shocking is the success of these young is based how many single one can get at any given time. In other words the more milk tokens one can get the wealthier he is, at least in their perception of wealth. And this is where the name of this topic is derived from. Miskin-macruf Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sensual_Healing Posted March 14, 2003 Salaam alakum.. LoooL.. heheh Subhana'Allah..... ow my god before i knew where you are located i had a Wild Gues and i knew you were at UK... Well it's a BIG issue in the UK. i know that forsure,,,,,, when i went there i heared that Young men, even marry Young girls at are Fully educated, with Money than Divorce them after few Months, chances are you'll even see Five friends, and they all married the same Xalimo.. eweweeewewe My cousin she's a mother and she's also finnshing High school, he hubby is not in the same country as her and once this dude approached her saying.. wa'ku Mirinaa. ewewewe Shameless,,,,,, Allah' Hafiz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lefty Posted April 8, 2003 You have tried blaming men for single mother problems but you haven't come up with one legitimate reason. The high rate of Somali diaspora divorce caused by the imitation of a new culture. IF you give a closer look to those who got divorced, you will atleast find majority of women motivated for challenging their men or men doing the other way around. That's where the whole phenomenon starts and mostly caused by women! If they had sticked to their own culture and family heritages, these high number of divorces wouldn't have happened. Choosing not to, The saga will continue! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miskin Posted April 8, 2003 Lefty. First of all I didn’t blame men in particular for this unfortunate situation although there is no doubt in my mind that men are to blame. As men we should be responsible for the wellbeing of our families and the minute we passed that to the authorities (the welfare system) we shot our selves right in the head and we just have to live with consequences. I only know the situation in Europe and the main cause to this problem is the refusal by men to face their duties and take care of their families. You see brother traditionally men had the task of taking care of all the external matters and women had the task of taking care of the internal matters, so if men didn’t/couldn’t perform their obligations how on earth do we expect women to perform theirs. You have talked about women challenging their men, do we as men rally blame them for this after all the majority of us aren’t fulfilling our obligations. I think if there was a deeper understanding between spouses and if we men have lived up to our expectations then the situation could have been much better. What do you think?????? Miskin-Macruf Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Haseena Posted April 10, 2003 nice topic brother...and very good of you to bring it up.. the bottom line here really is people now days don't marry for the right reasons, and what’ve lead many astray or even forced them to get divorced... One should not marry for the sake of getting wealth, or should not only marry for love, or marry for the other partner being good-looking.. just to mention a few...cause those three reasons are not enough to make a relationship such as marriage work.. there's a lot to be said about this topic but I'll leave at that....take care Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Haaruun Posted April 10, 2003 Commoooon guys, when she got the house(fully furnished), and supplies u with empty suitcases for ur two non-ironed shirts and the keys to the van.....and all its, is just to get your behind in there, why bother looking where u have to pay lots of $$$$$$......not too many of us blv in love anyways..babies are the main goal. Thus, we should all appreciate if the single moms are making easier for the poor guys out there. Atleast they are doing something +ve. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted April 10, 2003 Originally posted by Lefty: You have tried blaming men for single mother problems but you haven't come up with one legitimate reason. The high rate of Somali diaspora divorce caused by the imitation of a new culture. IF you give a closer look to those who got divorced, you will atleast find majority of women motivated for challenging their men or men doing the other way around. That's where the whole phenomenon starts and mostly caused by women! Yup, as always it is the woman's fault. Nothing at all to do with the man. Nope, they are all blameless...and it doesn't take two ppl to make a marriage work. It just takes the woman. What a load of drivel! :rolleyes: Consider this...the single mother is at least there for her child/ren, trying to feed, educate and care for them while at the same time trying to get on with her life. Where's the father I ask u? Just because he is an EX-husband, doesn't mean he's also an EX-father. And no, you can't say he's refused access to his children by the mother either...there are laws and courts in these countries. If the father wants to see his children, he can. If they had sticked to their own culture and family heritages, these high number of divorces wouldn't have happened. Choosing not to, The saga will continue! Lefty, I wonder what you mean by the above? Something along the lines of "shut-up and take my BS woman!" is what I'm guessing. Well, my dear, we are not in the bush any longer. Authoritarian and bullying tactics don't work anymore. So, if that is the loss of culture you're bemoaning, then good riddance I say! As for the topic... The bottom line is no woman wants to willingly become a single mother, if she can help it. It is not an easy or attractive path to take, it is in fact, a frigging nightmare. Thus, such mothers need help and support not ridicule and blame. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lefty Posted April 12, 2003 Miskiin I agree with the premise of each side fulfilling his obligation before anything else. However, as I previously mentioned, sometimes it doesn't go as it expected and interference occurs. However, the most important thing is how it's been handled and finding out a positive solution for it. I personaly like the idea of blaming yourself (in this case men) in order to make things easier and Of-course every women doesn't deserve to be blamed for men's fault but they should be when they're truly those who are behind recent break-ups. Mango Madness Actually, I didn't say always but mostly and it's true if we are referring to Somali divorce cases in Western countries. Besides I'm not asking anyone to follow the past heydays at the same time you don't have to go ahead of yourself. This doesn't mean that you have no side rather, it means that you have to figure and work out the best and the accurate available solution for your needs which will lead you to happy, smoother, simpler, and much less controversy marriage. By the way, I'm not into blaming all Women but lately higher number of them are doing backward decisions and consequently got divorced. That's why we have higher number of single mothers! --------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
