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underdog

Watch what you say

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underdog   

>>Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words

>>back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a

>>few people who did....

>>

>>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked

>>loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned

>>around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a

>>word... he knew better.

>>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was

>>unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several

>>minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works

>>at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at

>>him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

>>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>>My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety

>>of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind

>>the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking

>>at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,

>>and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never

>>let me forget.

>>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>>While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release

>>some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her

>>after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told

>>her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.

>>

>>To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as

>>threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I

>>saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

>>

>>The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the

>>tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity

>>and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard

>>when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

>>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>>Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My

>>three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on

>>him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in

>>between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying

>>my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my

>>seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny

>>had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go,

>>and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an

>>accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are

>>you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that

>>he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

>>Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

>>

>>This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his

>>cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly

>>choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and

>>sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best

>>laugh they'd ever had!

>>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>>This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very

>>embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think

>>before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get

>>any....a true story...

>>

>>We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have

>>snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's

>>that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

>>Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were

>>laughing so hard!

>>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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