Not so long ago I went through a stage where I loathed Somali men, bashed men at any given opportunity when I was around my other female companions who shared my logic at that time, I even almost convinced myself that marriage wasn’t for me for I had this negative picture of marrige until by the will of Allah I found a handsome, humorous, intelligent, hard working, endearing Somali brother who introduced to me the beauty of marriage..Alhamdulila..
lol wallahi when I was younger I use to naively think that when older dumar use to say ‘Inan ba soo doonay inantayda’ that they meant a random guy (of high status) who just knows of the girl or a guy who the family is familiar with and is on good terms with the daughter knocks on the door and says ‘’Inantiina i siiya’’ and it was a done deal, but as the years went on I discovered otherwise. One of the things that put me off marriage was the whole process of guur, it frightened me to a whole new level..
Laakiin when it’s meant to be, Allah will make things easy for you..alhamdulila everything went smoothly for me..
Back then I contemplated a few times as to what I’d ‘demand’ for as my meher if I were to ever get married, and once or twice I thought of extravagant gifts but once you have understanding of the deen and you ’re actually in the position of being asked for whatever you like, adiga isla xishooda..I’m not sure about other girls and how they felt. But after I got to know the mashallah brother who’s now my husband, although alhamdulila he had/has a stable job and made/makes a decent salary the thought of putting a burden on him and asking too much of him made me feel some sort of discomfort..so I didn't.
I decided what I wanted, discussed it with both my parents, took their advice and asked of him something that I was content with and he was able to provide..alhamdulila.
So anyway girls let me tell you this, whoever said ‘’The way to a mans heart is through his stomach’’ didn’t lie..wallahi I swear to you, although my cunto isn’t the best of the best... I do know how much alhamdulila my husband appreciates and enjoys me cooking for him. Not only does it show him compassion after a long days work but it also brings you closer as a married couple..once again alhamdulila
And when he finishes eating and he says ‘’Ilaahay khair ha ku siiyo’’ with a huge grin and a satisfied stomach...well lets just say that feeling is priceless..mashallah
It's little things that make you smile, like when he comes home from work and he’s bought you xalwad or Vimto because he thinks dhiiga kugu yar lol because you've been feeling a little faint lately and as most Somalis believe Vimto is good for dhiiga (when what I probably need is iron tabs)or when you’re unwell and he rubs your back, or when he questions you a million times if you’ve eaten or not (when in reality I've been stuffing my face with cunto while he's been at work and when he comes I eat a small portion and he says with a genuine/concerned expression ''Is that all you're eating?''), or when you go out not feeling at your best and he reassures you by telling you you look beautiful..
lol I'm getting a tad bit carried away...sorry folks
But for real..I'm not saying marrige is one big fairytale but like anything in life, marriage has its ups and downs and I’ve come to realise that by living the way Allah SWT ordered us to live, compromising, communicating, showing mercy to one another, and by appreciating all that we do for one another...the ups definitely outweigh the downs..
So I’m now a few months pregnant alhamdulila and I’m sooooo excited about becoming a Mother Insh’Allah..
Some days doing simple daily chores feels so exhausting, and I’m only starting to actually understand what my own Hooyo went through for me and I haven’t even been through the agonising pains of labour yet (may Allah make it easy for me)..And may Allah grant all our waalid, especially our Mothers the highest level of jannah..ameen.
The thought of knowing that when you please your husband, you please your Lord (Insh’Allah) and through that and other righteous deeds ...jannah awaits us INSHALLAH BI IDNILA for indeed we are told that your husband is either your gateway to jannah or your gateway to hellfire...
For the unmarried girls, I’d say get married for marriage is half your deen and protects you from a lot of evil..may Allah bless us all with righteous husbands and pious offspring’s...ameen
Peace & Love