Umm Maryam

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  1. SubhanAllah, how fast are we moving away from Islam??? If this is happening to the first generation of muslims in the west, what of the next generation? I remember a time not too long ago, perhaps 5 years or so,when the somali women were the best with their hijab and a role model for other muslim women. To be honest its after seeing my sisters being honest with the commandment of Allah that I decided to ditch my rubbish arab style hijab for the REAL hijab, that only the somalis were proud to wear. Its not so long ago that somali families were strict with their daughters choice of clothing, never allowing her to exit the house with pants, showing her figure, trying to protect their daughters from the path of jahanam. Wallah Im not proud of our sister. Im not proud, and I dont wish her 'luck'. Wishing her luck for what??? Exposing her body and disobeying Allah??? Whats to become of her if she has lost her identitiy, because once someone loses their islamic attire, its VERY easy to fall into bigger, darker sins. May Allah guide her, and guide us to the right path, a path of obediance none to Him alone.
  2. I think this thread is over.
  3. Your post is extremly offensive. First of all you ASSUME im a revert, in Islam my brother, people dont guess. Second of all women dont belong to anyone. Please give me a hadith/ayah that can confirm what you are saying. I dont belong to my husband or to his family or to my parents. Nobody OWNS me. True a muslim women needs to please her husband and be respectful to others but she also has rights. As for my nationality, Im not somalian, but Im from another part of Africa. What you said is truly disturbing. Im learning my deen, but the question is, are you??
  4. Whoa, hold on people. Who ever said I was disrespectful to her???? I've never wronged her and my husband even admits to that. AND I dont expect mhy husband to be disrespectful to her AT ALL. Actually its ME that reminds him to call her and to pay her bills if he finds it on the table, to buy her a few groceries etc. Because I expect my husband to treat my parents in a certain way, and how is he going to do that if Im not doing it for his parents??? Also I when we visit or when she has invited people over I used to cook/clean for her, help her out, but then when I realised how her nose was all up in the air, and to be quite honest reall really mean and hostile towards me (my husband even noticed, and he doesnt notice ANYTHING) I thought 'well why dont I respect myself and sit, doing nothing like everyone else? And things have been better since then. If you are too nice to some people they will look down on you, so you need to stand your ground. And as for Islam, it has never taught me to be the ground people walk all over. Yes its true, I forgive her and I dont complain to my husband about all she does, but at the same time I respect my self and I know when to be generous to her and when to hold back. I dont regard that as being mean As for the hate thing, I dont hate her, or my husband, I think I was just emotional at the time I wrote that.
  5. @ Maadeey. I dont agree. People have rights. Regardless who they are. I wouldnt cancel on my sister and make her travel all that way alone, just because my MIL invitied me to a bbq. I think thats wrong. My sis and cousin have a right over me and so does my MIL. So then if you work thngs out, you'd realise that I had organised with my sis and cousin BEFORE I accepted the invitation with my MIL. Just because our relationship is ultra sensitive it doesnt mean that I should trample on other peoples rights. True I was wrong to have accepted the invite if something was planned for the next day, but I sincerly forgot, and subhanAllah, these things happen
  6. Wa alaykumu salam wr wb. JazakAllahu khair for the advice, but really, I should stay in the kitchen while the wedding is going on? The whole point of NOT going to the wedding would be so that Im not exposed to the sin of listening to music, and you cant avoid it if your in the then what would be the point??? Do you understand what Im trying to say? Your advice is all well and good in an ideal world. But in reality its just impossible. I know I can never make her happy. I honestly dont care anymore of the crap my MIL does. To me its completely insignificant. I have no hope in the relationship improving, and to be honest i dont care. I'll just do what is waajib for me ( ie visiting her, trying to be nice etc) but in the end this is how things will be. And thats because she isnt interested in improving the relationship. Its just a crazy, cultural, annoying relationship, and Im pretty sure almost every women on the planet has MIL issues. PS: My darling (yes he is a darling) husband bought me flowers!!! YAAAY!!!!!
  7. PROBLEM AVERTED!!! JazakAllahu khairan for those who posted. Esp Aaliyah, you gave great advice, may Allah reward you. So last night I was prepared to move to my parents for a bit, but I thought Id give him 1 last chance to discuss this. It ended up being a big fat fight. He apologised, I hate him... but yeah i guess thats just marriage eh??? NOTE: Any married men reading this post. BUY YOUR WIFE A GIFT!!!! I dont care if its unsomalia or watever. JUST DO IT.
  8. @ Malika, been there done that. We've even got a family constitution that is kinda a set of rules. but its just he's family and the fact that hes so selfish/lazy and cant get me a gift (not even a bunch of flowers after I gave birth) that we fight about. Alhamdulilah other than that we're pretty good. we dont fight that much at all. Whats killing me is the ignoring part. Ive given him 2 chances so far so that we can talk about it, but he keeps shutting me down. He just keeps ignoring me, like I dont exist. Moving to my parents is sounding like a really really good idea.
  9. JazakAllahu khair. So I had made a date a week in advance with my sister to visit our cousin who had a baby and just bought a house. She told me she'd confirm with me during the week. Anyway, by the time friday night rolled around (we arranged to go on sat) she hadnt confirmed with me yet and my MIL called me around 7pm inviting me to a bbq the next day. I told her I'll be there, cos to be honest i kinda forgot that i had to go with my sis. then at 8:30pm my sis sent me a text, confirming that we were going. My cousin lives far, and I cant visit her with anyone else, and its hard to visit her on my own cos of my daughter (its difficult driving all that way alone. and she lives FAR) So I told my husband about what happened and he seemed fine on fri night, but on sat morining he was SO upset with me. I told him that I was planning on chilling with his mum at the bbq for a little while and then excusing myself and meeting up with my sis. But he was still angry cos I was saying that if its too hard for me then Im gonna have to cancel one, and because I had arranged with my sis earlier, then she has more right of me going with her. But I really tried. Like REALLY REALLY tried. I even arranged for my bro to pick up the gift that was to take to my cousins house so I could save time. But if anyone has a child, they'll realise that NOTHING ever goes as planned. So at 3pm, I finally conceded that this is WAY too difficult and theres no way that I could do both, so I called the hubby at work and told him Im gonna have to cancel one, and if he really insists then I'll cancel with my sis, because above all of this, is the happiness of my husband, which is no doubt my road to paradise. He said, thats fine, I should just call her. Called his mum and told her I cant make it. I admit its pretty rude to cancel at the last minute (he had told her at 11am that I might not come) so I was planning on cooking some food or making some sweets and taking it to her the next day. But when I saw my husband all angry and giving me the silent treatment, I changed my mind.
  10. Asalamu Alaykum wr wb Im not a somali, neither am I new. I've been on this site for a few years, directed by some good somali friends of mine. Now I need some advice. Desperatly. And I thought maybe I can ask a few bros and sisters for their opinions on the matter. seeing that Im not somali, maybe we can keep the replies in english inshAllah???? So I got married about 2 years ago. We're both practising muslims alhamdulilah. Anyway my husband and I had problems from day 1. And to be honest most of the time it was all him (ie, he wouldnt want to get a full time job, so we were really really poor, couldnt afford to pay our bills, couldnt even afford to but meat etc) but alhamdulilah my husband is the kind of guy that would change. Then the big bomb dropped. My SIL (sister in law) was getting married and as it was music I didnt go. Big explosion in my marriage! My MIL (mother in law) threw a hissy fit, and she was soooo mad. Since then I'll be honest I've been trying to make her happy etc, but shes just such a cow! I really hate her. And the problem is, my husband wont even open his mouth and tell her,'could you please respect my wife'. Thats all he ahs to say to her and the problem will vanish. Not only that but he doesnt even appreciate the lengths that I go to, to make amends with his mum. Anyway, something happened last month, and my husband is MAD. Like really Mad. He hasnt spoken to me since. I didnt even wrong her and he's flipped it. and as of about 30 mins ago, he pretty much told me that he doesnt care about me at all. Im so upset. I was crying and so distraught and hes in the kitchen feeding our child singing. doesnt care at all. SubhanAllah. Im thinking of going back to my parents, but im not sure if this is gonna make the problem worse, and also I really dont want my parents to find out about our fight... ADVICE PLEASE!