This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." ".......Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." ".......Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too ****** to own a computer."

Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." ...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?". Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?". "Yes.", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?", the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.". Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?". "Yes.", came the answer. "May I talk with her?". Again the small voice whispered, "No.". Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?", the boss asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?". "No, he is busy.", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?", asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?". " A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!". Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?". Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me!".

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets the word that he is to return home. He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of Heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his axe and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way? The chief replied, "My bike."

Looked to me like the bear was holding his own pretty well.

Stup!d people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stup!d ". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign." A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this ***** on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign." I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it." Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign." We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him. I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering a bridge...here's your sign."

http://www.thatwasrandom.com/video/watch.php?id=funnybear.mpeg&name=Wild%20Bear

This is good http://www.thatwasrandom.com/video/watch.php?id=electricscare.mpg&name=Electric%20Scare

I wonder if we can Cheat in this math class

The attack did not begin with me...I respect her decision to oppose the post and ( as you can see in the previous responses) I asked her to tune out if she didn't like what she was reading. She started the name-calling. by the way "asinine" is where you brought this conversation.

Rueters / associated press. The Dept. of Homeland Security, acting on an anonymous tip, shut down the Somaliaonline site because of reports of intelligence and free thought. Homeland agents along with FBI and elite special forces were engaged in a 64 hr long standoff with the server before the eventual shutdown of the alleged terrorist site. Homeland Security director Tom Ridge stated that the otherwise peaceloving nomads of SOL had been exposed to sedious freedoms of thought and exchange of uncontrolled opinions. Intelligence sources had predicted a rise of nationalists and religious fanatics would be a threat to national security. Secretary of defense Donald Rumsfeld along with the general chiefs of staff drafted the intial operation which was accurately named "Operation Nomad Shield". No serious casualties were sustained in the liberation of the 1000s of grateful nomads who lined the webpages to welcome their savoirs with winks and kisses

Athena, in greek mythology, is the Greek goddess of reason, intelligent activity, arts and literature. After viewing your recent posts, my dear, I see that you're the ultimate authority in post-response. Never presented an idea - sorta like Ebert and Roeper, 2 thumbs way down. Critic extraordinaire. I may be copying and posting articles, but at least I'm presenting something - try it you might like it. I say this because if you did, you would realize that I'm not telling you how to live your - even by implying that it shows you as a follower constantly looking for direction. If you feel it necessary to critize me and what I bring into this forum feel free. But if you take the retorts personally, you have a lot of growing to do. [ September 21, 2003, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: BARWAAQO ]

Sorry I cut into your "mindless banter" time there Athena. If you don't like the show, change the channel

By Henry Makow Ph.D. September 18, 2002 On my wall, I have a picture of a Muslim woman shrouded in a burka. Beside it is a picture of an American beauty contestant, wearing nothing but a bikini. One woman is totally hidden from the public; the other is totally exposed. These two extremes say a great deal about the clash of so-called "civilizations." The role of woman is at the heart of any culture. Apart from stealing Arab oil, the impending war in the Middle East is about stripping Arabs of their religion and culture, exchanging the burka for a bikini. I am not an expert on the condition of Muslim women and I love feminine beauty too much to advocate the burka here. But I am defending some of the values that the burka represents for me. For me, the burka represents a woman's consecration to her husband and family. Only they see her. It affirms the privacy, exclusivity and importance of the domestic sphere. The Muslim woman's focus is her home, the "nest" where her children are born and reared. She is the "home" maker, the taproot that sustains the spiritual life of the family, nurturing and training her children, providing refuge and support to her husband. In contrast, the bikinied American beauty queen struts practically naked in front of millions on TV. A feminist, she belongs to herself. In practice, paradoxically, she is public property. She belongs to no one and everyone. She shops her body to the highest bidder. She is auctioning herself all of the time. In America, the cultural measure of a woman's value is her sex appeal. (As this asset depreciates quickly, she is neurotically obsessed with appearance and plagued by weight problems.) As an adolescent, her role model is Britney Spears, a singer whose act approximates a strip tease. From Britney, she learns that she will be loved only if she gives sex. Thus, she learns to "hook up" rather than to demand patient courtship and true love. As a result, dozens of males know her before her husband does. She loses her innocence, which is a part of her charm. She becomes hardened and calculating. Unable to love, she is unfit to receive her husband's seed. The feminine personality is founded on the emotional relationship between mother and baby. It is based on nurturing and self-sacrifice. Masculine nature is founded on the relationship between hunter and prey. It is based on aggression and reason. . In the "brave new world," women are not supposed to be "nest" makers, or progenitors of the race. They are meant to be neutered autonomous creatures that indulge in sex for physical pleasure, not for love or procreation. At his press conference, Donald Rumsfeld said that Iranian women and youth were restive under the rule of the Mullahs. He implied that the US would soon liberate them. To Britney Spears? To low-rise "see-my-thong" pants? To the mutual masturbation that passes for sexuality in America? Parenthood is the pinnacle of human development. It is the stage when we finally graduate from self-indulgence and become God's surrogates: creating and nurturing new life. Pornography is the substitute for marriage. We are to remain stunted: single, sex-starved and self-obsessed. We are not meant to have a permanent "private" life. We are to remain lonely and isolated, dependent on consumer products for our identity, in a state of perpetual courtship. This is especially destructive for woman. Her sexual attraction is a function of her fertility. As fertility declines, so does her sex appeal. If a woman devotes her prime years to becoming "independent," she is not likely to find a permanent mate. Her long-term personal fulfillment and happiness lies in making marriage and family her first priority. Feminism is another cruel New World Order hoax that has debauched American women and despoiled Western civilization. It has ruined millions of lives and represents a lethal threat to Islam. I am not advocating the burka but rather some of the values that it represents, specifically a woman's consecration to her future husband and family, and the modesty and dignity this entails. The burka and the bikini represent two extremes. The answer lies somewhere in the middle.

Ameenah, I'll need a physical address to send you a large box of Belgian Chocolates and huge bouquet of blue roses.

I'm not sure about majority, but a significant number of people see sex as a purely pleasure activity. This isn't something that started when we were all rudely evicted from our country. NO no no this has always been around, pre-marital sex, cheating husbands and wives, bosses "doing" their employees....none of this is new. People see things and desire creeps into their hearts and they want it ( there's a very good sermon on "lowering you gaze" that I have to track down for you). As for the ultimate expression of love, I'm a little hazy on the whole love issue, before I can answer that, can you explain to me what love is? and how do you know for sure if someone truely loves you. (this is not a joke, we may have some differing views)

Flying, on your first question, I would pick the woman that puts her family first. Here's a question for you; how many Professional ( I mean real careers not just a job) women do you know wo have a husband and kids and con juggle them both? ( real life examples please) As for the second comment if the paragraphs aplly to the somali community: You live in Minnesota look around you and you can answer that question for me.

30 Signs of the Hypocrites 1.Falsehood and Lying 2.Treachery 3.Showing insolence and licentiousness in argumentation 4.Breaking one's promise 5.Laziness in worship 6.Showing off 7.Lack of remembrance of Allah 8.Hastiness in prayer 9.Slandering those who give themselves freely to good deeds from among the believers and the righteous 10.Mocking the Qur'an, the Sunnah and the Messenger, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam 11.The protective oath 12.Disliking to spend for the sake of Allah 13.Desertion and abandonment of the Muslims 14.Originating false rumours and causing sedition 15.Finding fault with Allah's decree 16.Bringing down the honour of the righteous 17.Remaining away from the congregational prayer 18.Causing mischilef while claiming to establish peace 19.Outward behaviour contradicting what is in the heart 20.Fear of unpleasant events, incidents and happenings 21.False excuses 22.Commanding the evil and preventing the good 23.Tying one's hands back out of stinginess 24.Forgetting Allah 25.Denial of the promise of Allah and His Messenger 26.Concern for the outward appearance and neglect of the innner condition 27.Eloquence, long-winded speech, boasting and bragging 28.Lack of understanding of the religion 29.Not sinning in front of the people (due to fear of them) but showing boldness to Allah by committing sins in secrecy 30.Rejoicing at the affliction of the believers with a calamity and being saddened at their being touched by joy and pleasure

Flying, I'm going to need a little clarification, its about equal rights, and respect Which rights do men have that women don't? What are women doing to earn respect? and how are they respecting men? these things can be reached by women and having them ralize their own potential and binding all women kind together Potential to do what? become self-sufficient? "bind all women together" does that mean that women would separate from men and form their own group? it almost sound like an " us vs. them" situations. What did Caesar (or was it SUN TZU) say about "divide and conquer"? if you get bored here's a little reading material for you. http://www.islamicvoice.com/july.97/women.htm

It's all good. these are just articles I read. I was naive to a lot of issues so you're right, I am doing some research.

I interpreted it to be that in the correct sense love is acheived when the woman accepts the man and nurtures his growth as she nurtures the growth of her children. The author makes a connection that men show love by providing and protecting and women by nurturing. Sex, in that context, becomes an expression of their love. He goes on to imply that now sex is just a practice for pleasure - which is true considering the size of the adult industry and mainstream contraceptives - but the main point ( as understood it) is that the union is broken the women can get their sex with out the love or committment. The example of the movie comes in where you have an aging successful woman with a great career with no family and no children...she has so much and yet has nothing.

Burnt???? No way. Not yet anyway. I'm doing research on a few topics such as Globalization, effects of current banking practices and family values. I'm sure you don't want me to post privatization and the evils of interest in a forum about women.

I think he uses the movie as an example of a young and old woman who both chose career over family... I personally think that was a lost point in the article. But it does raise questions. especially questions of roles. who does what? Man builds a house, woman makes a home. is there something wrong with that? is the woman who chooses to raise her children and husband less of an acheiver than the woman who succeeds in business and science? Maybe I'm blind to goals of the feminist movement...can someone help me out?

Here's an idea, if some Italian guy wrote about criminal under-world, named it "The Godfather" and spawned an entire mobster industry with movies, books & T.V. shows. Maybe you can name your book "The Warlord" and see if it takes off. Just a thought