SCOOP LOVER
-
Content Count
8 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by SCOOP LOVER
-
-
The Geography of a Woman
------------------------
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man
------------------------
Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.
-
How do you know your significant other loves you ? This does not include on how he/she keeps telling he/she loves you. It must be based on conduct, or just little things he/she does that really mean a lot to you
-
Women
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you aren't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time" If
she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If
you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If
you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If
you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she
is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If
you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to
talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful.....WOMEN!
-
A dude called (farah) was deeply in love with a pretty american girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.
HE WROTE :
Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnization
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilization
and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.
On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation of the joy and
exaltation of our joint dissimilation.
Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,
To remain victim of your fascination.
SHE WROTE :
Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,
Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.
You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about my graduation after a long botheration,
so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.
1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,
3. Procreation must not be your recreation.
In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.
I Remain,
Unaffected by your affection.
-
Dear white fella,
Couple things you should know,
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.
You white fella,
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey.
And you call me colored?
-
Return her phone calls after a delay -- if at all -- to show her
who's in charge. When you do call her, don't feel obligated to stop
talking with whomever is in the room with you. Provide her the
luxury of listening to your half of an ongoing conversation.
Call her answering machine and leave a message for an old girlfriend
by mistake.
Get angry if her line is ever busy and you can't get through when you
call. Then get even angrier when she finally gets call waiting and
puts you on hold.
When you're over her house and her phone rings, ask accusingly, "I
wonder who THAT could be?"
During those first few moments of intimacy, when she asks if you have
protection and you don't, lie. She won't mind once things get going.
Stake your claim: leave a "love bite" high up on her neck or some
other noticeable place.
Answer her phone at 6am when her mother calls.
Tell the waiter you're both ready to order when she's obviously not.
Order for her at dinner without asking her what she'd like to eat.
Share a story about something great you did together, then, seeing
her puzzled expression, say, "Oh I guess that wasn't you after all."
Talk to the cat instead of her. Say "The cat likes ME better."
Be sure to greet her when she gets home from work with the three
words no woman can hear often enough: "What's for dinner?"
Ask her to make you canjeero like your mom used to make, then
grimace after tasting it.
Leave the toilet seat up, especially during the night-- she's more
likely to fall in that way.
Forget which day her birthday is, then send a belated greeting with a
sorrowful-eyed kitten on it.
Use the vacation money you've both been saving to buy a laserdisc
player.
Talk baby talk to her when she's in a bad mood.
"Accidentally" read her diary, then confront her about its contents.
Act like nothing is wrong after a big fight. Say, "Wanna go to a
movie?"
When she's sticking to her diet and you're out on the town together,
be sure to order her favorite dessert for yourself. Recommend your
ex-girlfriend's exercise class to her. Buy her a "Buns of Steel"
workout tape. Then buy her the Cindy Crawford workout tape for your
own viewing pleasure.
As you fondle her breasts during an intimate moment, murmur in her
ear: "Ah, the smaller the grapes, the sweeter the wine."
Tell her you're not impressed by gorgeous, slender glamour girls,
you'd rather come home to HER.
Give her other backhanded compliments, such as "Black is so slimming"
or "Your skin has really cleared up."
Leave your underwear all over the floor and complain "This place is a
mess"
Sleep with your arms around her like an octopus, so when she wakes
up, her whole body has gone to sleep.
Push her head down to indicate you'd like a blowjob. (This is my pet
peeve. -TK)
Call out another woman's name at the moment of climax. Or call out a
man's name at the moment of climax.
If it was all over in 30 seconds or less, dare to ask, "Was it good
for you?"
Say, "Honey, I introducted you to my parents as my FRIEND because I
think of you as a friend. A really good friend. You're a girl and
you're my friend. They know you're a girl, so I just say 'friend.'"
-
Let's go back to the good old days when men were men and women were ribs"
1. She doesn't need to talk to get me a TEA.
2. If she's in the kitchen like she should be, no one can hear her anyway.
3. If she can talk, all she'll do is complain.
4. Because she won't say "I will" instead of "I do."
5. No man wants to hear "first down" during a basketball game.
6. Because PMS is no excuse for whining.
7. No man needs or wants to hear the word "period" unless it has to do with
SPORTS.
8. Women created tampon and yeast infection commercials during football.
9. Affirmative action.
10. When men whistle at them in the street, they should just shut up and
obey anyway.
11. If my **** 's in her mouth, she can't talk anyway
13. Feminists.
14. Because that stupid look on her face should not be accompanied by an
equally stupid statement.
15. LESS GOSSIB
16. I don't want to be made to lie and say "I love you" after sex.
17. Highway fatalities would decrease by over 90%.
18. When I sneak out at four in the morning, I don't want to hear anybody
calling me back.
19. "No, I will NOT buy you tampons while I'm at the store"
20. This is my **** . I'm gonna **** you. No more stupid questions.
21. Don't waste your breath, I won't respect you in the morning.
22. Women sportscasters.
23. Women congressman.
24. God forbid, a woman TO BE THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY. (Oops, my bad -- see #66)
25. ......
26. Stupid says as stupid does (and is).
27. Dikes (unless I can jump in the middle).
28. Where does speaking come into "barefoot and pregnant?"
29. Yes that toilet seat was yellow in the first place.
30. TLC and Salt-N-Pepa.
31. I could give a **** if you're pregnant.
32. I don't care if you're in labor. For the love of god, let me sleep.
33.NO MORE BALH BLAH
34. The life expectancy of the average male goes down with every *****y
word.
35. Female drunks are annoying unless they put out (for which they don't
need to talk)
36. We're tired of their "We can't pee standing up" **** .
37. That damn apple.
38. If she can't speak, she can't cry rape.
39. Of course, if she can't speak, she can't say no.
40. HALIMA. Nuff said.
41. RAHMO. Too much said.
42. Honestly, do they really have anything useful to say?
43. Only one set of lips should be moving at a time.
44. If she can't talk, she can't ***** when I forget important dates.
45. There are no speaking parts in pornos anyway.
46. When she talks she's not drinking, it's hard to get her drunk when she
talking.
47. Nothing should come out a womans mouth, SWALLOW *****!
48. The Mute button only works on the TV.
49. Whores get payed by the hour not by the word.
51. Equality is for math.
52. The credit card bill speaks for itself.
53. If it hurts, I don't wanna hear it.
55. Chick-flicks.
56. You don't see Victoria's Secret models talking, do you
59. Silence and sex make a great combination.
60. N.O.W.? NO. NOW *****? YES.
61. Intelligent car conversation? Hell no. Her head should never be above
the dashboard.
62. That annoying fat ***** from Snapple.
63. Your mouth is useful in so many other ways.
64. High phone bills really **** .
65. Women should be seen and not heard.
66. Do you think it was BILL Clinton who ****ed up the country?
67. If I want romance, I'll turn on Playboy (hopefully not her).
68. Because they're not men.
69. 69, finally a use for both lips at the same time.
70. If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it.
71. Hell, if I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you.
72. "Where've you been?" Who the **** are you, my mother?
73. Women on radio? You can't see them, do you really want to hear them?
74. Unless the words are "Doctor, can you make these bigger?," shut the ****
up.
75. Big breasts should speak for themselves.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
wat turns maliwomen on
in General
Posted
we have conducted statistical study of a sample of maliwomen from different back ground by asking questions,..about thier sexual drive,
here are some questions that we ask them to help us to determine we turns mali women on the most
1: his physical style
2; his emotional style
3; his social style
4; his intellectual style
5; his professional style
6; NONE OF THE ABOVE
99% of the maliwomen that we surveyed.. marked off...."NONE OF THE ABOVE'........and when asked wat is other things that turns them on the most .....most of them said....'DAHAB SAUDIGA LAGA KEENAY'..LOL