chubacka Posted April 30, 2004 Okay so there you are walking about...enjoying life after exams...enjoying life...so then every thing changes when you meet this guy...fate does whatever it does and suddenly you realise oh my goodness this is the guy I want to marry. :eek: Now you have come to this realisation but the brother gives no such indication...but you KNOW he likes you... You can't leave it just like that it... so the summer is almost over...you have to return to uni soon... :mad: he still hasn't said anything...so you say...Listen have you thought about marriage? very sweaty palms.. he says i have thought of little else...You stare blankly at him... I would like nothing more than for you to be my wife but iam quite certain you will say no :confused: Heh? have I missed something you ask yourself? You see...he continues...Iam married already... :eek: It was arranged, she is my relative I have grown to like her but I don't think i can love her...Now it is his turn to stare at you blankly... So Women of SOL what would you say or do? :confused: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pacifist Posted April 30, 2004 salaam sis what a predicament if it was me ...if he is married and i think he is the one... He is off limits to me not matter what.... its cruel but hey he has a wife and arrange or not he is still married. oky well may be becoming the second wife? it depends the person On the issue of four wives the Qur’an states: “And if you fear that you can not act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between) them, then (marry) only one or what your right hands posess; this is more proper; that you may not deviate from the right course” (Nisa 4: 3). good luck Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted April 30, 2004 Chubacka, LoL..you only need to take a look at the topic 'Do you believe in polygamy' below us to figure out what most sistas' think of this issue. Cant say am different. Faarax needs to divorce his 'arranged' wife if he's serious, otherwise he can bloody well hit the road. :mad: What's up wit all these 'lovey' topics horta? I feel like singing that Elvis song...Loves in the air, every where I go.... :rolleyes: Ppl am getting tired of reading about all your romantic problems. Damn...Sort it out yourselves please! And NO, am not jealous...who needs a bloody lovelife anyways? :mad: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runawayvirgin Posted April 30, 2004 Faint..Cry over it...forget it! coz if he leaves her for you..you'd always wonder if he would leave you for another Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BORN_BRANIAC Posted May 1, 2004 i agree with runaway, also if you do marry he his family won't leave u alone they will make ur life hell... until u get divorce...trust me i have a good feeling this all predicament is missing something, which called REALITY.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Saalixa Posted May 1, 2004 coz if he leaves her for you..you'd always wonder if he would leave you for another that is exactely what i was about to say, wow i have some ppl that think exactely like me. sis imagine that was your husband, how would you feel he remarried or left you for a younger hotty chick new to the neighbourhood? Imagine how his wife would feel, try to put yourself in her position. salam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambina Posted May 1, 2004 Salam Alaykum , I think the guy was not fair about not telling you from the get go that he was married. And if he didnt , when was he going to tell you? Before or after you talked about marriage? Its very weird but only Allah knows his intentions. Maybe in his mind since you 2 met during summer , your relationship wasnt serious to him and his silence during you 2 went out shockes me. He says he doesnt love his wife so does that mean he wants you to be his wife or does he only want an affair? Sis you gotta ask him lots of questions , this is a serious matter because what do you really know about him ? You didnt even know he was married. Good luck sis :cool: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lol Posted May 1, 2004 Sista, happens my advice to you would be... let the brotha roll.. I gotta agree with my sisters.. if he leaves her for you, then tomorrow he will leave u for another.. simple as that.. coz a brotha who leaves his wifey for another doesn't know the least bit about respect and commitment... so what good would he be to you? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J.Lee Posted May 2, 2004 ....Can you deal with being a second wife and the bagagge that comes with it (insecurity,jealousy,bitterness,always questioning and being on the defense)? Also how is the situation going to effect the children you'd have in the future insha'allah? and what kind of a father/husband do you think he would be? Most importantly Do you love this man to the point that you'd share him with another woman (physically and emotionally)? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SomeAlien Posted May 2, 2004 perhaps i have low standards but id be for it, of course this is all hypothetical. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chubacka Posted May 2, 2004 Okay sista's tym to clear up some misunderstandings. First this is NOT me. I would absolutely hate to be in such a situation :eek: Alhamduaillah my life is very simple, eat, sleep, occasionally hoover... 2nd the guy makes it clear that he does NOT intend to leave his wife for you, so forget that idea... 3rd I think i would be like some alien and go for it!! Would I? Oh my gosh I just don't know but it would be a decision I would have to come to...I wouldn'tt simply rule it out. Ok. thanks for listening...Roll on the summer Cant wait inshallah its going to be brill... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Haboon Posted May 2, 2004 Salaamzzz Well a brother that has in the back of his head that he is quite certain that the women he is seeing will say no to his proposal yet continues the relationship is not sincere in my eyes. If a relationship is doomed then what's the point of letting it drag on. I personally would not feel at ease at breaking up a xalaal relationship and as i would not want to be anyones 2nd wife even though it is permitted i'd rather have it that we went our separate ways Alxamdulilaah chubacka my life is very dull and i doubt i'll ever be in such a perdicament Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mombasa_QUEEN Posted May 2, 2004 sister where i live such thing happen to our somali ladies and it's not something that we can blame someone but i belive if it was arrange marriage you cant do nothing about it but also do you love the guy? if not i belive you can throw him to the curve and move on sister with all do the respect sister. my very best friend love a guy that is way older than him and also i found out that the guy is married and not only married he has 3kids with the ladie and also the ladie is pregnant at these moment and when i heard that i thought if i told my friend hey these and that in a good way and let her see her with her own eyes she would let the guy go but indeed the guy said aim not married my own relative told me about him and he a somali producer in a somali t.v in mpls so i belive love is blind and i know you will do the right thing since my friend was blind to see the truth i belive you will do the right thing. macsalama. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rahima Posted May 3, 2004 perhaps i have low standards but id be for it, of course this is all hypothetical. :mad: chubacka, Trust me, even if he leaves his wife for you, he will do the same to you- so show him the high road. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Intuition Posted May 3, 2004 ^^^^^YEP^^^^ Hit the road Jack. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
