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Arsenal Joke:

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Quick Facts



Nickname: The Gunners


Manager: Arsene Wenger.


Ground: Highbury.


Key Players: Thierri Henry, Patrick Vieri, David Seaman




Two Gunners fans are on the plane on the way to Holland.

One turns to the other and says "Hey Arthur! See if this plane turns upside-doon will we fall out?"

"No way Richard," says his mate "of course we'll still be pals!!"




Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.




Q: What is the difference between Arsenal and a cup of tea?

A: The tea stays in the cup longer!




Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan in a suit?

A: The accused.




How did you enjoy your holiday in Israel?'


'Did you visit the Wailing Wall?'

'Yes - but I couldn't get anyway near it for the Arsenal supporters!'





Bet now at - includes football betting.


Q: Why did God make Arsenal supporters smelly?

A: So blind people could laugh at them too!




Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv.


Suddenly one man turns to the other and says "The Gunners have lost again."

The other man was flabbergasted and said "how in the name of god do you know that?"

The other man replied "It's quarter to five."




Q: What do you call 100 Arsnal supporters at the bottom of a cliff?

A: A good start!




Q: What do you call a dead Gunner Fan in a closet?

A: Last years winner of the hide and seek contest.




The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.

Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.

In the distance a voice shouts out "Arsenal" are good enough to win the European Cup."

Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"




Q: What do you say to a Gunners supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?

A: Nice tattoo




Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan that does well on an IQ test?

A: A cheat.

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Liverpool joke:



Q: Why will Liverpool never win the League?

A: They keep scoring Owen goals




Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...




Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?

A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her




Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.





Bet now at - includes football betting.


Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?

A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.




Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?

A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.




Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?

A: Thick bacon...




A father and son were eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £8 million".

The son asked "is he worth it, Dad?", to which the father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"

The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Stan Collymore, and he was crap"




Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"




Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?

A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.




Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?

A: A battery has a positive side.




Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.




Q: Why did Beardsley never play in Scotland


A: Cos he wiz afraid of the Bells (Scottish Premier)

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Chelsea Jokes:


Every time Big Roger attends a Chelsea game he books 2 seats.

One to sit in, the other to throw when the fightin starts.




Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:

"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."

So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"




Q. Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?.

A. Who gives a F**K!




Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?

A: I don't know, there are some things a pig just won't do.




Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?

A: A Problem.


Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?

A: An even bigger problem.


Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?

A: Problem solved





Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans

A: Gross *********




Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?

A: To prove that crap can float.




Q: What is the difference between Gianfranco Zola and a mini?

A: A mini can only carry three passengers.




Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?

A. So they know which end to wipe!




I've heard that Stamford Park has arguably the best pitch in the Premiership. Well...not entirely suprising considering all the shit that has been on there.




Q: What's the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?

A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!




Q: What do Chelsea keepers and SInger Michael Michael Jackson both have in common?

A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.




Q: What does Claudi Ranieri say when Chelsea score?

A: Fantastic. Now let us try to get goal at other end of pitch.

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Newcastle United Jokes:


Quick Facts



Nickname: The Magpies. Toon Army.


Manager: Sir Bobby Robson. - the knight of the relegation table.


Ground: St James Park. - Loony Toon park.


Key Players: Alan Shearer, David Bellamy, Gary Speed, Shay Given.


Interesting: Can anyone recall the last trophy they won? Kevin Keegan once blew the largest lead possible in the league.


Apparently, when Peter Beardsley was born he was such an ugly baby that his parents didn't know whether to put him in a carry cot or a cage!


Q: Why do so many housewives love newcastle?

A: Cos they stay on top for ages and then come second.


Q: What is black and white, black and white and black and white ?

A: A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill


I hear Bellamy has a depressed cheekbone. Still, that never stopped Beardsley - he's got two of them!


They say that hooliganism and racism are bad, but personally I think that Peter Beardsley is the totally unacceptable face of British football.


Bet now at - includes football betting.


Duncan Ferguson has been sentenced to 6 hours community service. That means he has to play four games for City!


Fire brigade phones Bobby Robson in the early hours of Sunday morning...

"Sir Bobby, St James Park is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Sir Bobby.

"Well...the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."


Q: Why do they call Bobby Robson hitler?

A: Because he cant win in europe either.


Q. What's the difference between the Toon keeper and a taxi driver?

A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.


Newcastle have moved quickly to halt rumours of a rift between Bobby Robson and Alan Shearer.

A club spokesman said, "It's ridiculous to suggest that there is a personality clash between the two - everybody at the club knows that Shearer hasn't got one."


Why do Geordie Supporters have Moustaches?

A: So they can look like their Mothers.


Q: What do Toon fans and laxatives have in common?

A: Both irritate the absolute crap out of you.


Q: What's the ideal weight for a Newcastle supporter?

A: 3 pounds...that's including the Urn.

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some of those were funny :D


Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?

A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.

what a talent, only a liverpool supporter can do this smile.gif

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