shida ya matatu ni furaha ya mabaya

[raula]

hebu chekini kisa huu-reminds me of the unforgettable matatu rides.

 

“ Wajuwa mimi huwa sipandi matatu ikiwa nimeiona imejaa. Nilipatwa na kisa siku moja. Nilipanda matatu kisha akapanda jamaa basi ikawa hakuna mahali pa kukaa. Ikabidi asimame, sasa matako yake bwana yamenilekeya mimi. Sijui yule jamaa alikuwa amekula nini siku ile. Hata mayai na maharagwe hayanuki namna ile bwana. Jamaa alikuwa akiteremsha tu bwana. Nilistahmili mwisho nikashindwa. Si nilimgeukiya nikamwambiya bwana. Ikiwa wataka kushuta bwana lekeya dirishani sio utulekee usoni. Aaaah nilisimamisha matatu nikashuka bwana. Steji hata siyangu lakini ilinibidi nishuke.”………………. to be continued

[Macalin]

LoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL

 

Weee NAYE! Yule Mcoasti Kapisa!

[Warrior of Light]

LOOOOOOOOO Raula ufff kushuta, can only imagine pole.

 

Lookin forward 2 read the developing story.

[Warrior of Light]

Asante Raula kwa link najiburudisha kwa nakutamani nakutamani nione macho yako........ hoi.

Sijasikia taarabu miaka.

[Paragon]

Salaala! Lo! raula, lol sasa unatukumbusha masiku zile tulio-zi-sahau ..

 

Have you heard of something called "Emergency Brake!!"... Standing behind innocent women in the matatu and when they complain... "Hebu, mbona unanipush hivo?" and the guy would say "Aaah! wacha zako wewe, sijaku-push.. hiyo emergency break!!so poa!"

[raula]

^^I remember the emergency brake incidents-happened to me alot, but enjoyed it

SisSade-Viva TAARAB-Enjoy!. Taarab ya zanzibar ni poa kabisa(i think I will find me a zanzibari -kwa kuwa siku hizi masijui hata hawaonekani :rolleyes: )

 

hokey! waswahili I hope you will enjoy this next story narrated by Said Nuweisr(Toronto)-this about majini :eek: :cool: .

 

This incident happened at, Shanzu Teachers College.

SHANZU TEACHERS COLLEGE:

 

I have never been to Shanzu teachers college. From what I was told, the dining hall was far away from the dormitories. This is the Shanzu of the late fifties and early sixties. Between the dormitories and the dining hall you have to pass by a baobab tree. The teacher who narrated this story to me said that there were very strong rumors that the place had been visited by majinni. All the students believed that the place was haunted. They said that they use to hear loud laughters late at night coming from non- residential areas. Actually, these were areas resided by creatures other than human. I will stick with the name Banjo to protect the teacher’s identity.

 

Banjo is from Mombasa, his roommate was from Taita by the name of Sam. His best friend was a mkalasinga (like all other Sikhs) called Singh. The rumors somehow disturbed Banjo so much. All the upcountry students blamed him and they demanded that he remove these ‘visitors’ BY ALL MEANS NECESSASSARY! Banjo decided to have a meeting with his roommate Sam.

 

“Wajuwa hawa jamaa wamezidi sasa.” Complained Banjo to Sam. “Mimi nataka niwape funzo” continued Banjo, “Once and for all.”

 

“ Umepanga nini?” asked Sam

 

“Nataka niwatishe. Lakini usiambiye mtu yoyote.” Said Banjo

 

“Usiwe na wasiwasi. Mimi niko na wewe.” Promised Sam.

 

Therefore Banjo unfolded the plan he had to Sam, and picked the night that he will teach the whole school a lesson. Nobody knew of the plans except Sam, who kept his promise. Banjo made sure that even Singh will not be informed, since his nick name was ‘guess what?’

 

The night in question came. As I informed you earlier, the distance between the dorm and the dining hall is quite big, and totally dark. Banjo took a box and put it over his head. He then took a white bed sheet and put over the box. He made holes through the box and the white sheets to see. On top of the box he glued two pen torches. He then went and sat under the Mbuyu. The torches were on. It just happened that the first student to come out of the dining hall was a religious Born Again Christian (BAC). He was humming his hymns and clapping quietly. When he reached close to the Mbuyu, Banjo got up and spread his arms. All you could see was a white sheet and some illumination over the head. On seeing this, BAC froze. He made several crosses on his chest and ran towards the dormitories shouting at the top of his voice, “ MUNGU WANGU WEEEEE SHETANI! SHETANI! CHINI YA MUTI! WAJAMENI SHETANIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!”

 

Banjo went back to his hiding place laughing his lungs off. For a minute he even forgot about his purpose under the tree, for few students passed and he did not get up to scare them. After recovering from the laughter he prepared himself to the next person that comes. That is when the world broke loose.

 

Behind him, Banjo saw a body totally white like chokaa skipping towards him and calling, “ Banjo, Banjo eeeh. Banjo, ningojee nami. Banjo usifanye kitu mpaka nikufikiye.” This scared the digested by-product out of Banjo. Banjo was asking himself who could this creature that knows his name be. He therefore decided to jump out of the Baobab tree and run towards the dormitories with his hand spread sideways and the light over his head on. He started running and shouting, “ Shetwani jamaa shetwaniiii!!” Behind him the white body was still coming after him and calling his name. People started running away from Banjo, and Banjo was running away from the white body, which was still skipping and running funny after him. To reach his room Banjo had to pass through the toilets. Just as he was passing, Singh Guess What was coming out of the toilet. On seeing a white sheet moving towards him and a white body following, he jumped up and dropped his towel. He didn’t care about the towel or the fact that we has totally naked. He just rushed back into the toilet and closed the door behind him. Banjo passed him and rushed to his room and locked the door behind him. A few seconds later, there was a knock on his door. “ Banjo funguwa!!”

 

“Nani?” asked Banjo scared even to get close to the knob.

 

“ Funguwa mlango wewe, wacha machezo mazeee. Mimi Sam hapa.”

 

After collecting himself, Banjo slowly opened the door only to find out that the white body was Sam.

 

“ Weee unwazimu wewe? Sasa manake nnini kufanya hivyo?” asked Banjo very angrily

 

“ Mimi nilikuwa naja kuungana na wewe ili tuwatishe vizuri.”

 

“Sasa si uniambiye kwanza kabla ya kufanya hivi. Wataka kunitiya wazimu. Usifanye kitu kama hiki tena bwana ala. Wataka kunitiya wazimu.”

 

“ Idea hii inijia dakika ya mwisho basi sikupata nafasi ya kukujulisha. Hata hiyo chokaa nimejipaka nyasini. Nguo zangu nimeziwacha huko nyasini..”

 

 

Said Nuweisr

 

Toronto

[Warrior of Light]

Raula , asante dada Nimecheka sana mbavu zauma sana. LOOOOOOOOOOOOO Watu weupe wawili wankimbizana.>>>Taking in a deep breath, in out lllllooooooooooo asante.

 

Raula zanzibar karibu lakini take care.Mambo ya wazanzibari makubwa.

[Viking]

LOOL, that was really funny.

[raula]

ok-waswahili this is another kenyan joke(however written in english-and I got it from some kenyan site=ENJOY)-kumbukeni ile BALL GUM ya shilingi moja .

 

Kenya Chewing Gum

 

A Kenyan is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation: American: "You Kenyans eat the whole bread?" Kenyan: "Of course." American (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don´t. In the States, we only eat what´s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into croissants and sell them to Kenya." Kenyan: "Oh Really?" American: "D´ya eat jam with the bread?" Kenyan: "Of course." American (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don´t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to Kenya." Kenyan: "Do you have sex in America?" American: "Of course we do." Kenyan: "And what do you do with the condoms?" American: "Throw them away of course." Kenyan : "We don´t. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."

[raula]

another VEVE story -

kuna hawa jama wanaveveka in room, sasa mbachu imeshhikah vinoma babaz! mmoja atoa shati na kuintead kuihang on tha wall! kumbe wh@ he thought was a nail ilikuwa ni a fly! so tha shirt fell down.... (from a kenya site also)

 

yaani nimecheka mpaka mabavu zimekauka

[Mombasa_QUEEN]

lol raula kweli hiyo ni kissa kuna time zengine ukishapanda matatu kama seat iko full utabidi usimame so watu abawo hawaja oga salaaaaa wakisha panuwa makwapa zao lol harufu ya panya inatoka so there is alot of mikasa inatoka.

[raula]

^^^unique mixture of aroma right? hehehe

[raula]

looooooooooool...waswahili ebu sikizeni hii nyimbo (click on the nyimbo enye inaitwa Baby baby..new=3rd on your left side..)...walaahi nawaambia nimekufa kucheka...use the below link..

 

http://web.syr.edu/~fbanyikw/BongoMusic.htm

[Viking]

Loool, naleta posa yote wala sitoi nusu... usinikatae baby ati nanuka tembo...kaka yako bundia siwezi kumkimbia, baba yako polisi najua ana bunduki...moyo unadunda kudum kudum!

 

Very creative indeed!

 

raula, where can I find audio files of Ebbo the maasai?

[raula]

^^^nakuambia hawa wasee walinichekesha pia. Lakini VIKING simjui Eebo the Maasai ndio nani? care to elaborate?