THE JOB APPLICATION---a Joke

[Labka]

THE JOB APPLICATION

 

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This is an actual job application submitted to a fast-food restaurant.

 

NAME: Greg B

 

DESIRED POSITION:

Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was

in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first

place.

 

DESIRED SALARY:

$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style

severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and

we can haggle.

 

EDUCATION: Yes.

 

LAST POSITION HELD:

Target for middle-management hostility.

 

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

 

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

 

REASON FOR LEAVING: It was lousy.

 

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

 

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

 

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM

LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

 

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a

car that runs?"

 

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse

Sweepstakes.

 

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

 

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who

thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

 

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

 

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

 

PEACE

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The secret of walking on the water

is knowing where the stones are

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Unknown:

[The Rocks Chick]

lol@Labka, that was very funny