Alpha's Troll and Cantarbaqash Corner LOL

[Alpha Blondy]

^ there are no prozzies and red label here Apo. it has an underbelly but that comes with being conscious and responsible. how can i host you, when your drunk off your mind and making anti-islam comments. you'd put my sharaf at risk. plus these loose women you speak off are the sisters, mothers and daughters of someone....have you no shame!

[Alpha Blondy]

blessed evenings of the highest regards to all,

 

i often email friends across the world and seek their impartial non-bias advice on serious matters in life. think of it as the confession booths of the catholic church. just HONEST NON-PREJUDICED advice.....you can't really ask those closest to you in the real world because they'll give you bad advice. plus you cannot really trust them with the serious matters of life. my online buddies are really great and i have varying degrees of friendships with them....some i communicate via email, others through Skype and some i meet in real life. and you can just imagine how many online friends i have as i'm a member of 15 forums.

 

-------

dated: 4th sept 2012

 

Dear --------,

 

We've been online buddies for several years now. in that time, i've come to trust you as an honourable, wise and a good man, albeit being new age in your approaches lol. saxib, i wanted to seek your advice on a small matter which has recently occurred in my life.

 

there is this man at work. he is a great man. i trust him 100% and have no reason to doubt him since we're good friends. we get along very well and we like each other, i'd like to think. he is from xamar but could also possibly be reer somaliland, too. i'm not sure and i haven't asked him to be honest. he holds a very senior position at my workplace and we've come to know each other this way. he started talking about marriage to me recently. i didnt mind at first and entertained his advice as any reasonable person would. about two weeks ago, he said he'd like me to meet his daughters. i was a little taken back and mumbled some nice words to him but realised he was quite serious and had been grooming me for a long time now for this project. i don't know what he sees in him that makes me worthy of meeting his daughters.

 

earlier this week we saw each other and he came to my desk and presented two pictures. shock horror! you've guess it - his daughters. they are subaag waalahi sxb, like super beautiful, you know. i didnt like how he presented his daughters and how he was explaining what each was doing with their lives to a complete stranger but i cant fault him for this, given his earlier movements towards my direction, not being heeded. i was impressed and realised that maybe its not such bad idea meeting his daughters with him as the maxraam. i promised to meet him sometime this week and possibly may go to his house to meet the daughters and take my pick. i kinda prefer the older one as the young one's picture seemed photo-shopped.

 

i want to ask for your advice. what should i do? should i go ahead. i do want to get married bro and raise some kids as my life is too directionless and boring. i think it would give me new sense of purpose in life, you know but i'm not sure how to proceed as this is my first actual encounter of discussing something so serious with someone else. up until now, i've never really thought of it.

 

please share your humble advice with me and be honest in your in depth analysis of how i should proceed.

 

your brother,

 

Mortimer

 

 

 

---------

they responded by saying this;

 

 

If you were a girl, I'd tell you to be careful and think about things. But you're not a girl.

 

Go for it!

 

---------

 

i never went for it, in the end, because this individual really didn't give me the advise i was seeking.....shame really, those little beauties who've been a good catch. the next time, i send you a PM, it might be so serious - so give your best advise to Alpha LOOOOOOOOOL.

[Alpha Blondy]

NEW YEAR'S EVE is looking bleak. i think i'll have to do the countdown on my own. 2011 was awesome. 2010 even better.

[oba hiloowlow]

Alpha Blondy;902792 wrote:

just cancelled your welcoming party, Oba!

 

swot analysis kulaaha! bahasha naga daa dee!

waar ninyaho xagee ka baxday i tried to call you many times i had Shaah with JB instead currently im in Garoowe having Shaah with Dr Osman

[Khadafi]

Apophis;902703 wrote:

Cut the chewing sxb, my mood has lifted so much since stopping it. It'll be slightly hard but after a week or two you should start to see results.

Apophis how dare you say such comments about shajaratuul fiiha baraka ( the blessed tree).If you quit the tree and its new year eve what will it bee? lol

[Alpha Blondy]

hi,

 

its a new year but has regrettably started rather badly for Alpha. my maid Suad has finally left despite my various efforts to convince her to stay. she will be tahribbing to Djibouti with the view of finding success and glory in the yurubta dheexe and the uk. i've recently asked her why she wants to tahrib and she said anything is better than this hell-hole. mind you, this is a girl who made an epic journey of biblical proportions from las anod via burao to Hargeisa - you would've thought that was a voyage in itself but it doesn't appear to be, i'm afraid. i've been worried sick since she made the announcement after the Christmas day feast she made against her will. i had invited a few whites to celebrate Christmas at home with me and we all bought each other presents. i received much need socks and a notebook, which will no doubt come useful for the year ahead.

 

Suad left this afternoon and i paid her salary for December in full and on time. she returned the house keys and it was a little emotional as we exchanged keys and money. I calculatingly made the slightest contact with her palm and i haven’t wash my hand since. i loved Suad very much because I was completely dependent on her. she was very nice and took great care of me. she was an excellent worker and i an excellent boss/employer. i think she loved me too but in the literally sense….like the time she bought his and hers matching rings…which I deducted from her November’s salary….70% of her salary…silly girl she was but i'd do anything to rekindle what love there was between us. at least all my clothes are watched and all the bills settled for January, thankfully.

 

I’ve been left wondering if there was something I did to make her leave and tahrib…was it the artificial shows of authority?, the deliberately displays of Qurbo-joognimo and kibiir, the weekly one hour meetings, the constant complaints, the late night calls to ask for tea, despite two flasks of black and white tea already being made….it was my fault and i’m ashamed of myself….she’s won in the end. i never thought she’d leave me but she has….

 

goodbye Suad and i wish you the best of luck for the journey ahead. i pray Allah keeps you safe against the dangers that may come your way....inshallah.

 

 

in your memory....Suad Something.

[Juxa]

Well unless I had 12 kids I won't either. If I did I won't call her a maid more like visiting habo.

 

Alpha I do hope you have paid her big bonus to compensate all the headache you have given her

Good luck Suad, if she survived Alpha I am sure she will do well. May Allah keep you safe

[Alpha Blondy]

juxa and apo,

 

i can look after myself and do not need suad to bathe me in medium temperature sterilised water and assist in manually putting my clothes on etc etc etc but i'm trying to creates jobs for the local people. i'm a busy man, you see and i'd much prefer if some maid hand-washed my clothes, cooked organic fresh-smelling veggie food every day and meat on fridays. there are many like suad in hargeisa who are willing to work for me and instead of criticising me for being a lazy, spoilt man, you ought to congratulate me for the money i'm pumping into the local economy. i haven't bought a fridge,washing machine and mircowave yet but i do own an iron and ironing board. when i purchase these crap chinese made white goods/appliances, think my use for a maid will sharply decline to only 80%.....but in the meantime, i need my breakfast, packed-lunches of small nibbles,and qado based on my strict vegetarian diet at 2pm everyday.....no supper laakin.

 

 

Suad's average routine

 

6:30 - starts work

7:30 - makes breakfast

7:59 - kisses me goodbye

8:00 - 9:30 - watches my LCD TV (i caught her twice!)

9:30 - cleans the living room, my bed room and my chill room ( home office LOL).

10:30 - buys the produce for qado

11:00 - NO IDEA

12:00 - cooks qado and cleans kitchen

1pm - makes two flasks of tea (1 black and 1 white)

1:30 - FINISH

 

EXTRA Duties, unless otherwise stated:

thursdays wash clothes from 1:30-3:30

fridays iron clothes from 1:30-2:30 .

 

and i paid her a good salary.

 

NOTHING ELSE WALAHI.....why y'all Complaining for marka........?

[Alpha Blondy]

^ you don't know what you're talking about! do not poke your nose into the internal dynamics of my household.

[Alpha Blondy]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its freezing out there walahi......i went to the shops and almost froze to death.....its at least -2 in hargeisa in this african night......i've never experienced that before......bisiinka!

[oba hiloowlow]

i was shocked saw in universal the weather today was 10 in Hargeysa ba'ayee

[Alpha Blondy]

i'm shocked until now Oba.....how can this be? what did i experience out there and how did it get so cold?

 

LOL@UTV and their forecasts.......i'd love to be the first somali weather man.....''hargeisa waa 10 cellsiyaas caawa ok.... intaas uun baan caawa haynaa.....salaam iyo habeen wanaagsan iyo qadar yare oo xayasiisa''

 

AMAL eggs-is-press*************************

 

Hodan eggs-is-press***********************

 

Amoud eggs-is-press*************************

 

Olympic eggs-is-press*****************************

 

salam iyo ku soo dhaawada programmekii...... wararka ugu danbeeya ee nasoo gaadhay waxay sheegayaan inay 34 qof ku geeriyooday magalada istaanbuul ee dalka tuurkiiga kadib markii nin waalan uu dusay.

 

LOL!

[oba hiloowlow]

man my friend from Hargeysa told me back in the days it use to be really cold people use to wear jackets the weather was similar to the one in Addis

[Alpha Blondy]

brovs, its almost 3 years and i havent felt this cold.....i will seriously consider a short retreat in Nairobi, if this continues! caadi maha walahi. my feet will develop frostbite at this rate.

[oba hiloowlow]

what are you gonna do in Nairobi heedhe go back to your ancestral lands Berbera way better swimming in batalaale beach erryday