Fast track to femininity: Why competing with men has left women out of touch with their feminine sid

[Alpha Blondy]

Recently, the media has been awash with articles suggesting that career women are to relationships what garlic is to a vampire - the kiss of death.

We're unable to sustain meaningful unions, apparently, because men are intimidated by our intellect, threatened by our higher earning potential and turned off by our controlling, capable, yet powerful personalities.

While this has been my personal experience - I was left by the father of my daughter (now nearly five) three years ago when I was the higher earner - I think that the issue goes far deeper.

It is more psychological than sociological.

 

The problem, I believe, is not so much with career women per se, but that women are increasingly out of balance with themselves and, therefore, with men. I know I am.

 

In the past three years of being single, I have been on a handful of dates.

 

Two years ago I went to dinner with a doctor who told me that I 'wasn't in touch with my femininity' as I 'didn't flirt or wear much make-up'.

 

His diagnosis also included the undeniable fact that I was in 'acute need of affection'.

 

The last straw came four months ago when I had dinner with a successful, high-profile entrepreneur who literally screamed at me that I was 'so in control it was scary' - although he did backtrack when I dropped my head towards my plate and started sobbing.

 

As well as being hurt, I was shocked and outraged.

 

What, I thought, had become of modern man's chivalry?

 

But later, I grudgingly reasoned, maybe he had a point - what had become of my femininity?

 

The difficulty for many of today's career women is that in order to compete with men, we've morphed into them.

 

We've worked ourselves half to death in order to conquer the career ladder, yet in the process we've trampled our core femininity into the ground.

 

 

De-feminising: Juggling work, children and all of life's trimmings can leave a woman little time for herself

These days, as a single parent and sole breadwinner, I often feel more masculine than feminine.

 

Working full-time, making every decision, paying every bill, driving myself everywhere, booking tickets for holidays, lugging the Christmas tree in - it's all completely de-feminising.

 

My friend Sophie, 46, who runs her own design company and is a single mother to two boys aged nine and 11, agrees.

 

She has been single for six years, since her husband left her for another woman.

 

Blonde, attractive and kind, she hasn't been on a date since he walked out.

 

'I have absolutely no idea how to be a woman any more,' she says. 'Because I run my business, my home and make all the decisions about the boys, I feel totally unfeminine.

 

'I'm terrified of dating as I have no idea how to behave.

'I would love a partner but I feel unattractive, untrusting, unsexy and completely alone.'

 

That, of course, is the crux for many of us.

We honestly believed that if we worked hard, we could have it all and more.

 

Yet so many of us have ended up lonely, exhausted and broken-hearted, with far less of what we bargained for.

 

According to a Mintel report, 39 per cent of the adult population is single - that is 19 million people - and this is expected to rise to 41 per cent by 2011.

 

Clearly, men and women are increasingly out of sync, and the key could be in learning to re-balance ourselves as women and reclaim our essential softness.

 

So I embarked on a psychological make-over to see if I could fast-track my femininity.

 

First, consultant stylist Kira Jolliffe, who runs a company called Wardrobe Woman, appraised my closet.

 

Once she got over the shock of how few clothes I have, she immediately sussed that I 'compartmentalise' my wardrobe.

 

I live in jeans and shirts to write and do the school run, wear nicer tops to work meetings and have a couple of dresses for going out.

 

But as I rarely go out, the more elegant clothes hardly get worn.

 

She was correct in saying that I 'try to bring out my femininity for the occasion, as opposed to being feminine whatever the occasion'.

 

My homework was to mix up my wardrobe, ditch my beloved chunky loafers and not save smarter clothes for some mythical special occasion.

 

'Femininity is about an internal experience with your self and clothes are about the external appearance,' she explained.

 

'But your clothes can be a tool to remind you of it; a way of tapping into the essence of who you are.

 

'This has nothing to do with showing cleavage, for example, as there is nothing less sexy than enforced femininity. Femininity is all about being relaxed with yourself.'

 

The problem for the career woman, according to Jolliffe, is that in the corporate world, women often use dress as an armour.

 

They over-do their hair and make-up and then it becomes difficult to drop the armour, both sartorially and emotionally, for a date.

 

'But to equate femininity with florals and chiffon is childish and simplistic,' she cautioned.

 

'To suddenly wear floaty tops in the office smacks of trying too hard.

 

'WAGs, for example, are the antithesis of femininity because they reek of desperation. Artifice is the least sexy thing. Femininity is about authenticity.'

 

After a week of trying to up my feminine ante by wearing nicer shoes and adding jewellery or a pretty top, I understand why Jolliffe insisted: 'If it feels false, don't do it.'

 

I spent the first day staggering around in a little skirt and heels, feeling ridiculous considering my life in the country.

 

'Sexiness is about getting the balance between the feminine and masculine with panache and confidence,' she had said.

 

'It's about being soignee, not overdone. It's about being vulnerable and empathetic without being a victim.

 

'But you need to be realistic about your sexual identity because being sexy isn't necessarily being feminine.

 

'My advice to career women is to get into the habit of rubbing really expensive body cream in after a bath.

 

'It's amazing how being at one with your body puts you more instinctively in touch with your physical self-esteem.'

 

The most valuable lesson I've gained has been to wear the clothes I enjoy, instead of saving them for best.

 

Interestingly, I've had more comments on my appearance lately. I'm beginning to see that femininity is like a flower. Water it by paying attention and it will blossom.

 

Next, I went to see renowned cosmetic surgeon Dr Jean-Louis Sebagh.

 

Responsible for some of the most beautiful faces in the world, including Cindy Crawford, he is nicknamed the Botox King.

 

He had just returned from Russia, where he took part in a documentary on the subject of women and femininity.

 

'Russian women don't have that hardness of women in England and America,' he said.

 

'They get their men because they are extremely feminine and they listen to their men, yet they are not regressive. They have managed to hold on to an old-fashioned prettiness.

 

'In contrast, most of the women I see in Europe have become warriors. They are feisty and aggressive.

 

'They see relationships as business transactions, and they treat dating the same way they climb the corporate ladder, which makes them look and seem hard.'

 

So can he help feminise a woman?

 

'My job is to make a woman look attractive to a man, but I cannot change her character.

 

'I can soften her looks, but I can't get a woman in touch with her soft side.'

 

But how do we do that?

 

'I think that it is difficult to be a woman today,' he adds.

 

'Our society is quite harsh, and if you want to enjoy the materialism, then you lose your soul.

 

'If women can stay away from their corporate brains, then they can tune into this softness and core values.'

 

Interestingly, Dr Sebagh says that his happiest clients are in their 50s and 60s.

 

'They are in touch with what matters in their life. They want men for companionship, not some lifestyle choice.

 

'They have souls and are far more authentic.

 

'Ironically, I believe that the credit crunch will force more women towards that authenticity because they will no longer be able to pretend that they are rich or successful.

 

'How can you find yourself if you are fake and pretending to be someone that you are not?'

 

Some may consider Dr Sebagh's helping hand towards the appearance of softness fake in itself.

 

However, when he administered Botox to me, the results were fantastic.

 

Far from looking taut or frozen, I looked like me, only less worn and haggard. I look fresher - and because I look softer, I feel softer.

 

However, as both Kira Jolliffe and Dr Sebagh concur, the appearance of femininity is meaningless without the inner experience of it.

 

Psychologist Jeff Allen, founder of Psychology of Vision, who coaches for relationship and business success, said: 'Independent women look like they are tough and have their acts together, which is appealing, but really they are well-defended because they don't want to get hurt or be vulnerable.

 

'But to be feminine, at some level you have got to be open.

 

'Being open allows connection, intuition and compassion-these are the feminine gifts.'

 

So how do we open ourselves up to our feminine energy, especially if we also want to survive career-wise in a male-dominated world?

 

'The feminine principle is about allowing things to unfold and happen, not always interfering.

 

'Career women think that they have to be in control to make it happen, but if they stop and tap into some kind of emotional intelligence and empathy, it makes them better problem-solvers.'

 

....................................

 

continue here:http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1039030/Fast-track-femininity-Why-competing-men-left-women-touch-feminine-side.html

[cynical lady]

We're unable to sustain meaningful unions, apparently, because men are intimidated by our intellect, threatened by our higher earning potential and turned off by our controlling, capable, yet powerful personalities.

A pathetic excuse of a woman she is. And i urge women who share similar views to position themselves in front of a mirror and repeat these words over and over again.

 

 

I am woman, hear me roar

In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back an' pretend

'cause I've heard it all before

And I've been down there on the floor

No one's ever gonna keep me down again

 

CHORUS

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to, I can do anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

 

You can bend but never break me

'cause it only serves to make me

More determined to achieve my final goal

And I come back even stronger

Not a novice any longer

'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

 

CHORUS

 

I am woman watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin' arms across the land

But I'm still an embryo

With a long long way to go

Until I make my brother understand

 

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to I can face anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

Oh, I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

 

FADE

I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

I am woman

[cynical lady]

 

God bless Samantha

[5]

Alpha Blondy;691772 wrote:

Recently, the media has been awash with articles suggesting that career women are to relationships what garlic is to a vampire - the kiss of death.

We're unable to sustain meaningful unions, apparently, because men are intimidated by our intellect, threatened by our higher earning potential and turned off by our controlling, capable, yet powerful personalities.

While this has been my personal experience - I was left by the father of my daughter (now nearly five) three years ago when I was the higher earner - I think that the issue goes far deeper.

It is more psychological than sociological.

 

The problem, I believe, is not so much with career women per se, but that women are increasingly out of balance with themselves and, therefore, with men. I know I am.

 

In the past three years of being single, I have been on a handful of dates.

 

Two years ago I went to dinner with a doctor who told me that I 'wasn't in touch with my femininity' as I 'didn't flirt or wear much make-up'.

 

His diagnosis also included the undeniable fact that I was in 'acute need of affection'.

 

The last straw came four months ago when I had dinner with a successful, high-profile entrepreneur who literally screamed at me that I was 'so in control it was scary' - although he did backtrack when I dropped my head towards my plate and started sobbing.

 

As well as being hurt, I was shocked and outraged.

 

What, I thought, had become of modern man's chivalry?

 

But later, I grudgingly reasoned, maybe he had a point - what had become of my femininity?

 

The difficulty for many of today's career women is that in order to compete with men, we've morphed into them.

 

We've worked ourselves half to death in order to conquer the career ladder, yet in the process we've trampled our core femininity into the ground.

 

 

De-feminising: Juggling work, children and all of life's trimmings can leave a woman little time for herself

These days, as a single parent and sole breadwinner, I often feel more masculine than feminine.

 

Working full-time, making every decision, paying every bill, driving myself everywhere, booking tickets for holidays, lugging the Christmas tree in - it's all completely de-feminising.

 

My friend Sophie, 46, who runs her own design company and is a single mother to two boys aged nine and 11, agrees.

 

She has been single for six years, since her husband left her for another woman.

 

Blonde, attractive and kind, she hasn't been on a date since he walked out.

 

'I have absolutely no idea how to be a woman any more,' she says. 'Because I run my business, my home and make all the decisions about the boys, I feel totally unfeminine.

 

'I'm terrified of dating as I have no idea how to behave.

'I would love a partner but I feel unattractive, untrusting, unsexy and completely alone.'

 

That, of course, is the crux for many of us.

We honestly believed that if we worked hard, we could have it all and more.

 

Yet so many of us have ended up lonely, exhausted and broken-hearted, with far less of what we bargained for.

 

According to a Mintel report, 39 per cent of the adult population is single - that is 19 million people - and this is expected to rise to 41 per cent by 2011.

 

Clearly, men and women are increasingly out of sync, and the key could be in learning to re-balance ourselves as women and reclaim our essential softness.

 

So I embarked on a psychological make-over to see if I could fast-track my femininity.

 

First, consultant stylist Kira Jolliffe, who runs a company called Wardrobe Woman, appraised my closet.

 

Once she got over the shock of how few clothes I have, she immediately sussed that I 'compartmentalise' my wardrobe.

 

I live in jeans and shirts to write and do the school run, wear nicer tops to work meetings and have a couple of dresses for going out.

 

But as I rarely go out, the more elegant clothes hardly get worn.

 

She was correct in saying that I 'try to bring out my femininity for the occasion, as opposed to being feminine whatever the occasion'.

 

My homework was to mix up my wardrobe, ditch my beloved chunky loafers and not save smarter clothes for some mythical special occasion.

 

'Femininity is about an internal experience with your self and clothes are about the external appearance,' she explained.

 

'But your clothes can be a tool to remind you of it; a way of tapping into the essence of who you are.

 

'This has nothing to do with showing cleavage, for example, as there is nothing less sexy than enforced femininity. Femininity is all about being relaxed with yourself.'

 

The problem for the career woman, according to Jolliffe, is that in the corporate world, women often use dress as an armour.

 

They over-do their hair and make-up and then it becomes difficult to drop the armour, both sartorially and emotionally, for a date.

 

'But to equate femininity with florals and chiffon is childish and simplistic,' she cautioned.

 

'To suddenly wear floaty tops in the office smacks of trying too hard.

 

'WAGs, for example, are the antithesis of femininity because they reek of desperation. Artifice is the least sexy thing. Femininity is about authenticity.'

 

After a week of trying to up my feminine ante by wearing nicer shoes and adding jewellery or a pretty top, I understand why Jolliffe insisted: 'If it feels false, don't do it.'

 

I spent the first day staggering around in a little skirt and heels, feeling ridiculous considering my life in the country.

 

'Sexiness is about getting the balance between the feminine and masculine with panache and confidence,' she had said.

 

'It's about being soignee, not overdone. It's about being vulnerable and empathetic without being a victim.

 

'But you need to be realistic about your sexual identity because being sexy isn't necessarily being feminine.

 

'My advice to career women is to get into the habit of rubbing really expensive body cream in after a bath.

 

'It's amazing how being at one with your body puts you more instinctively in touch with your physical self-esteem.'

 

The most valuable lesson I've gained has been to wear the clothes I enjoy, instead of saving them for best.

 

Interestingly, I've had more comments on my appearance lately. I'm beginning to see that femininity is like a flower. Water it by paying attention and it will blossom.

 

Next, I went to see renowned cosmetic surgeon Dr Jean-Louis Sebagh.

 

Responsible for some of the most beautiful faces in the world, including Cindy Crawford, he is nicknamed the Botox King.

 

He had just returned from Russia, where he took part in a documentary on the subject of women and femininity.

 

'Russian women don't have that hardness of women in England and America,' he said.

 

'They get their men because they are extremely feminine and they listen to their men, yet they are not regressive. They have managed to hold on to an old-fashioned prettiness.

 

'In contrast, most of the women I see in Europe have become warriors. They are feisty and aggressive.

 

'They see relationships as business transactions, and they treat dating the same way they climb the corporate ladder, which makes them look and seem hard.'

 

So can he help feminise a woman?

 

'My job is to make a woman look attractive to a man, but I cannot change her character.

 

'I can soften her looks, but I can't get a woman in touch with her soft side.'

 

But how do we do that?

 

'I think that it is difficult to be a woman today,' he adds.

 

'Our society is quite harsh, and if you want to enjoy the materialism, then you lose your soul.

 

'If women can stay away from their corporate brains, then they can tune into this softness and core values.'

 

Interestingly, Dr Sebagh says that his happiest clients are in their 50s and 60s.

 

'They are in touch with what matters in their life. They want men for companionship, not some lifestyle choice.

 

'They have souls and are far more authentic.

 

'Ironically, I believe that the credit crunch will force more women towards that authenticity because they will no longer be able to pretend that they are rich or successful.

 

'How can you find yourself if you are fake and pretending to be someone that you are not?'

 

Some may consider Dr Sebagh's helping hand towards the appearance of softness fake in itself.

 

However, when he administered Botox to me, the results were fantastic.

 

Far from looking taut or frozen, I looked like me, only less worn and haggard. I look fresher - and because I look softer, I feel softer.

 

However, as both Kira Jolliffe and Dr Sebagh concur, the appearance of femininity is meaningless without the inner experience of it.

 

Psychologist Jeff Allen, founder of Psychology of Vision, who coaches for relationship and business success, said: 'Independent women look like they are tough and have their acts together, which is appealing, but really they are well-defended because they don't want to get hurt or be vulnerable.

 

'But to be feminine, at some level you have got to be open.

 

'Being open allows connection, intuition and compassion-these are the feminine gifts.'

 

So how do we open ourselves up to our feminine energy, especially if we also want to survive career-wise in a male-dominated world?

 

'The feminine principle is about allowing things to unfold and happen, not always interfering.

 

'Career women think that they have to be in control to make it happen, but if they stop and tap into some kind of emotional intelligence and empathy, it makes them better problem-solvers.'

 

....................................

 

continue here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1039030/Fast-track-femininity-Why-competing-men-left-women-touch-feminine-side.html

So we can "get in touch with our feminine side" by going to a stylist, plastic surgeon and a psychologist?

 

Sure this wasn't written by a man?

[Chimera]

Hardworker, high paid, well educated, ambitious aren't masculine/male traits they are human traits.

 

This article is useless.

 

cynical lady;691858 wrote:

I am a woman, hear me roar

Roar? Are you an animal? Is that what you're promoting here on SOL? That women should act like beasts?

 

Wow!

[Malika]

^What animal roars? a lion so mahaa? and what does a lion symbolise ? they symbolise the ultimate power, strength etc.. aye! this is what that line means - I am a woman, hear me roar - means I am strong, powerful etc - all that is symbolic of a lion,that men identify as ultimate power.

[Alpha Blondy]

a woman should be a woman without any coercion from the extremist feminists, liberals and self-hating men who want to reconfigure the traditional and natural family unit. apparently, according to radical feminist, we are now on the 3rd phase of feminism. they speak of equity instead of equality. very soon we will be on the 4th stages - thats when the man is replaced by machines, IVF and strap-ons.

 

all the successful women in the world have always catered towards other women - oprah, marth, ayan hersi (lol) - with the anti-islamic oppression malakay. women must redefine their own standard instead of competing with men.

[Chimera]

Malika, A Lion is a ultra-masculine beast, and highly chauvinistic, which is uncommon and almost non-existant in the vast Animal Kingdom, from the Giraffes to the Rhinos, to the Elephants, to the Tigers; the male and females have a complimentary system of being partners and a way of life that has sustained them throughout the ages as equals, in the Lion Kingdom however, the male rules with an Iron claw, and forces the females to do all the hard work, like slaves. He is a polygamous creature that has an harem of females that he impregnates whenever he feels like it, and these female Lions do not in any way seek to change this situation, or acquire the same rights as female Tigers, they are instead docile.

 

To some of the disgruntled human males living in the modern world experiencing the changing tide towards universal equality between the sexes on every continent, a male Lion in their chauvinistic eyes is the last bastion of masculine pride, they see in the Lion a glimpse of the past that their fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers enjoyed, so the Lion is indeed a symbol, but not really one "a woman" should adopt.

 

Just my opinion.

[Malika]

^Aside from that , lions represents symbolically the birthright of power, courage, dignity - surely that is the birthright of women too?

 

Blondy, your response is one filled with fear of women becoming much more then just mere "partner" of men. There are no phases, its just that in very small steps some women have found mean and ways to overcome their docile existance.:cool: and took control of how to live their lives without having to fulfill what socieity expects of them. You sound almost afraid - bacdaa iska fuur..lol

[Chocolate and Honey]

LOL@Alpha. Men, men what are they good for? Absolutely nothing! I'm just kidding! Any man who is afraid of being replaced by machines and ... should be replaced.

The article was a waste of my time. Uff! She should've looked at the mirror and if she wasnt satisfied, she should've reported to the mall and good hair stylist like the rest of us do instead of writing this crapload. Famininity and fighting for equality are not mutually exclusive.

[cynical lady]

A woman should be a woman so says a man. Kiss our toes is my response to you booohoooo cry me a river nonsense for a thread.

 

p.s equality is for women with no aspiration. We don’t want to be your equal, when we know were better than you. As for your fear of the 4th stage.......get with the programme your already replaced from the IVF and strapon department.

[Ibtisam]

Looool. I think the article was a joke tongue in cheek kind of way- I thought it was taking the pi*ss news oh kaley. lol

[Polanyi]

I am woman, hear me roar

 

Acudubillahi minashaytani rajim. A women should be cute, beautiful and intelligent, not someone who roars like a xawayan.lolllllll.kkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

 

 

Gov.bladland

[Malika]

CL maa naxdoo..Loool

[FatB]

Lools @ Chimera

what a way to put things into perspective