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I Need To Be Redemped

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I can lie to others on a daily basis, be the hypocrite that condemns certain act and yet behind closed doors engages in many of them. I can appear as clean and pure but I am rotting inside. My conduct and behaviour as a Muslim are highly exemplary, I know all the buzz words and the right words to say to any given person at any given point or conversation. Sometimes, my knowledge on Islam is very superior to many of the bearded brothers I hang with; I can argue any point of Islam and in the past have convinced many people of the true of Islam. However I can’t pretend anymore, I have serious fundamental uncertainties of Islam. I believe in Allah and pray 5 times a day, however I perform the pray out of routine and not because of sincerity. You could say I am a good Muslim by looks but appear to have some fundamental flaws. I can’t pin point my problems.


I am a drug addict-several. I am a womaniser, I sleep around, picking up chicks in clubs and yet will always have a conscience and always question whether what I am doing is right- there is goodness in me. I do this as a form of escapism and it makes me calm but afterwards. I can’t lie to myself and hence the reason why I perform my Islamic duties out of routine and not conviction.


On some occasions, I am so ashamed of myself that I can’t bare to ask Allah for forgiven and don’t bother praying because I feel I am not worthy. I am only religious when I am burdened but the moment I am relieved of my worries I celebrate by indulging in bad deeds. I don’t want to make a mockery of Allah – there is no point of committing sin and then asking for his forgiveness.


I am not the kind of person who is influenced by friends though many of my acts have been picked up my friends. Sometimes, in order to redeem myself, I give to charity - hoping it will give me good deeds. I don’t know what I am running away from but please give me answers.


All in all I am not a none-believer, I believe in Allah and I am practising Muslim but I don’t posses real imam and faith. Sometimes, I would be pray to Allah and because my prayers lack conviction think what I am doing – seeing is believing. Other times I try to increase my iman by trying to understand – I know Allah exists because there are manifestations of his existence. I can always automatically spot defects in other faiths and see why Islam is vastly superior to them.


I think I am depressed as well.

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When I read the story(not sure if it's serious or not) but this verse came to my mind.


39:53 Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.


When one give up on Allah's mercy, that is when Satan wins. Keep hope and struggle and one will win over Satan insha'Allah.

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First of all, I hope this is true and that you're not pulling our strings because you made several comments and retracted in your previous posts.

Secondly, I wish you kept the details of the sins private because Ilaahy adoonkiisa wuu u ceeb asturaa as long as adoonkiisu is doing the same for himself.

Third, congrats you dont have major troubles with "the foundation of Islam" as you put it but you do have lack-of self-restraint and low iman. Both can be fixed with the help of Allah. Sounds like you give in to your wants and indulge a bit too much. I think the guilt and negotiations as in "ilaahayoo hadaad mar uun iga saarto mar dambe ma samaynayo wax kale" is something we all do as we are humans; thus, weak and greedy.

The Part that is extremely important is the Prayer. You're actually doing yourself harm thinking you dont deserve God's mercy. The more you pray and repent, the closer to Allah you are.

As to the sincerity of your Iman,

First of all, the sins you mentioned actually weaken your Iman. Every sin is like a stain on your soul. The soul gets dirty, heavy and crowded with all the bad experiences you're creating. Just like the body, the soul gets slugish and symptoms such dishormony come about. So you need to tend to your soul and do activities that clean it such long prayers, reflections and doing charity work. And in order to cure what's ailing you , you need to answer several questions;

1. How addicted are you to drugs? If the answer is pretty hard seek professional help immidietly. Drug addiction is no joke.

2. Why do you sleep arround? Is because it easy? Are you high when you're picking chicks as you put it? Can you stay away from clubs? Illahay ka sokow, do you feel you're responsible for your own well being? What do you gain from it other than the immidiate payoff? For instance, are your friends impressed? Are the women? Do you feel empowered, in controll?

In conclusion, you need to stop thinking in immidiate grafitication terms and actually ask yourself if what you're about to do make you a genuine person or add to your life before you commit it.

Good luck and please whatever you do, plz dont make this about your lack of beleive in Allah but rather find ways to better your Iman.

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The Prophet(saw) said that All the sons of Adam sin, but the best amongst them are the repenters. It is also reported in the hadith that Allah(swt) descends to the lower heavens every latter period of night, asking, " Is there no one asking forgiveness that I may forgive him"?. So, as you can see from these examples and the post above, Allah wants his creation, even those who who have trangressed their souls and disobeyed Allah to return to him and regain forgiveness. The problem is not ALlah; it is us. Then what is wrong with us?



Many of us( And I say this to myself first and foremost)want to play games with Allah swt, we portray an outer, Islamic self to the outside; yet, when we are all alone, isolated with our evil nafs and souls, our desires kick in and we obey them like there is no tommorow. We become like Dr Hyde and Jeykll. First it is a sin. Then it becomes a habit. Finally, it becomes an addiction. There are also occasional bouts of remorse and repent, but they are completely overwhelmed by the stronger urge to sin. The more we sin, the further we become from the grace, mercy and forgiveness of ALlah. And the worst state is when sinning becomes pleasurable and joyful . Like Ibn Al Qayyim said, we become like someone who has been captured by the enemy, shaytan, beholden in his grips, unable to escape.


Now, escaping from the grip of the enemies is no easy task. It will take some time, effort and resources to become liberated. The first necessary step to freedom is for all of us to stop playing with Allah, and truly have the sincerity to return and repent to Allah from the bottom of our hearts. THat includes cutting off everything and everyone that leads to sinning in the first instance. If you take chances, Shaytan will lie in ambush, from the right, the left and center. But if you truly make a concious decision from the heart to return to Allah,then Allah will start showing some results.



Al Fudayl Ibn Iyad, was the lowest of humans, a highway robber in the holy lands; but, one day, as he was about to rob a victim, he heard a recitation of the following Ayat:



16. Has not the time come for the hearts of those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Islamic Monotheism) to be affected by Allah's Reminder (this Qur'an), and that which has been revealed of the truth, lest they become as those who received the Scripture [the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)] before (i.e. Jews and Christians), and the term was prolonged for them and so their hearts were hardened? And many of them were Fasiqun (rebellious, disobedient to Allah).


Upon hearing this reminder, Fudayl stopped what he was doing and he decided that that the time had come indeed, for his heart had become hardended and it was far from Iman. Fudayl Ibn Iyad became a great Scholar of Islam. So the morale of the story is: the more sincerity and action you show for the sake of Allah, the more guidance, mercy and forgiveness ALlah will bestow upon you.





(I think sHEIKH Nur will add plenty more.)

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I don’t want to make a mockery of Allah – there is no point of committing sin and then asking for his forgiveness.

Indeed, we are all prone to sin, though to varying extent, and as it has already been said the key is never to give up our constant struggle, not least because giving up on Allah's mercy is itself one of the greatest sin.



However I can’t pretend anymore, I have serious fundamental uncertainties of Islam.

Clearly, as brilliantly explained before, sins could become an habit and thus gradually weaken one's Iman, whereas good deeds wipe them out and strengthen one's faith.


It's thus much easier to convince yourself of "uncertitudes" about Islam when you are failing to observe your prayers, for instance.



Above all, an ideal start would be to start attending your local mosque gatherings or others and establish friendly relations there (there are many regular Somalis seminars or courses in some parts of the West); it is indeed much harder to "struggle" or "doubt" when one is member of an authentically Islamic group of brothers while getting acquainted with the various Islamic sciences...

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There is no such thing as 'CONFESSIONALISM' in the deen. Meaning that you don't expose your sins to others. If Allah has covered them up for you from others, then consider it as a MERCY from Allah.


The difference btwn a Believer and a Kafir/nonbeliver, is that when a Believer sins, he thereafter remembers GOD and seeks forgiveness. Why? Because Believers still have a concsious and their hearts are not hardened from the Mercy of God.


Take advantage of this Blessed Month of Ramadan


Fi Amanillah

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1. STOP what your doing. Be greatful you have imaan. It might be a weak one but it's still there.

2. Repent Now! NOT tomorrow but NOW!

3. Change your friends IMMEDIATELY!

4. Change your environment!

5. Surround yourself with people who remind you of Allah.

6. Iman is like a white shirt that when you commit a sin it gets dirty but as you pray it gets removed.

7. Get MARRIED when you can. Every time you go to your wife and you engage in whats your right, you have earned a good deed.


Some people wait to change when their parents pass away, others wait for some sort of a sign, and some reform behind bars but if you feel the way you do and you know the cure, WHY DENY YOURSELF THE MEDICINE?


Prophet pbuh said, "Death is the distroyer of desires". If you truly want to increase your iman and prevent yourself from committing sins then participate in Jannazah prayers. Volunteer to wash a body. The more you think of Death the more your desires will fade. I hope this helps brother! Ramadan Kareem.

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