Break-Ups

[sheherazade]

Originally posted by Ducaysane:

To make long story short, Love waa kacsi wadnaha gaaray.

and

 

Originally posted by Pucca:

 

please dont eat candy or stuff yourself with food, comfort eating is not healthy. No man is worth getting fat over...seriously.

fkn hilarious. The 2 extremes of the gender psyches.

[NGONGE]

^^

 

If a break up involves tears it most likely means you got dumped. Life is like that sometimes.

[Che -Guevara]

^LooooooooooooL

 

 

Pucca...The Korean connection is making sense now

 

Breaks ups are not easy. I went through one with my barber when I moved. It is not easy finding a good replacement.

[Cara.]

^LOL.

 

So give us some tips on how to be more supportive then. I know two people who are going through a painful break-up. The girl is a complete mess because the guy initiated the break up and she didn't anticipate it. I know she's in a lot of pain, but I can't help getting a bit impatient. It's one thing to be sad and cry in private (not doing that just means the person didn't mean that much to you), but for heaven's sake don't start hollering at a party in which half the people don't even know you. No, make that TWO parties.

 

I also feel sorry for the guy, he's getting the cold shoulder from their mutual friends. I don't see why a relationship ending must always have a villain. Sometimes things just don't work out.

[-Lily-]

^^Are you The Other Woman Cara?

 

After a period of grief it helps to slap your friend twice across the cheeks, one for each side.

[Cara.]

^LOL. Hardly. I'm a strictly disinterested third party. Well, maybe a little bit interested, but for a reason that has nothing to do with either of them.

 

Oh I had thought of the wake-up slap, but I was afraid to say so in front of Chocolate. No doubt she will think it's a typical Somali girlfriend's insensitive response. But since you brought it up you can take the fall

[Che -Guevara]

^This is not the same girl Mac Sonkor ku dhaheyse, is it?

[Cara.]

Sheesh, you and Lily must think I'm some sort of monster!

 

I did NOT say mac sonkor to anyone, I only THOUGHT it at some guy ONCE, and I felt suitably guilty right after.

[Che -Guevara]

^Monster...maya maya but I do think if you for instance ever see someone drowning, you would come to their ruscue but not before you take second to see and watch them struggle.Of course, you will suitably feel guilty afterwards

[Saalixa]

choc and honey

 

I understand your pain very well. Dont listen to all these responses who have no idea and have not experienced the same circumstance.

 

The only reason why you would hurt or shed tears is if you didnt start the break up. You are not happy with the way things have happened. If you were the one planning the break up then you wouldnt be hurting.

Ok now that we have got that point in mind the next thing to consider is why does it hurt? why do you cry? if you felt this person wasnt worth much then you wouldnt. Obviously this person meant alot to you. You planned your whole future with him/her and you couldnt see life any other way. You dont want to think of the idea of living the rest of your life without them...but then you will eventually have to but at the initial couple of months you dread the whole feeling and change your mind every time it comes to your head.

 

Now thats just one feeling in midst of thousands. There is the worst one - lost of trust. There is nothing worse then to be decieved...not cheated by with someone else but to break a trust. WACAD jabinta ayaan sheegaya. You trusted this person and they break it and you have the feeling that you can never trust another person again. You feel insecurity with another person and dread of ever starting another relationship. You feel well if this person who was the best of ppl (and so you thought) is capable of doing such well what would you expect from others? worse or similar

 

But sister this is our human perceptions and how much our mind can stretch. Our heart is weak and we can never make our own decisions. Thats why we need ALLAH all the way. If not we will go through depressions and suicides like the non muslims. Because the agony and loss after break up which you had no control over is devastating. This is life and Allah has his plans and the end of the day his plans work and not yours. What you should ask yourself is maybe Allah has somewhere better for you. Maybe this break up was FOR THE BETTER and Allah knows what i DONT know in this person. Maybe he doesnt want me to fall into a bad hole that i will regret later. And of course you should only feel this way because your were NOT THE INSTIGATOR of the break up. You only wanted and prayed for the best in your relationship. You never broke a trust nor decieved. Qofna maa xumeynin, wacadna maad jabinin. Habeena kumaad seexan xume qofkani so dhinaca ilaahay you are INNOCENT and can only get a better place. Kheyr Unmbaad filaaneysaa Ilaahayna wuu kula jiraa Insha ALLAH

 

wa bilahi towfiq

[Kool_Kat]

This break-up business makes me wanna laugh sometimes...Don't get me wrong, I've been there more than once...But what gets me is the fact that we act so unexpected when it happens, when all the while the signs were right in front of us that this was coming sooner or later...I tell yah, better sooner than later...

 

The thing with friends is you may have many friends, but there is always one or two who are truly close to you and may share almost anything and everything...I have one true dear friend and some times it scares just how well we know one another...The reason we are so close is we don't judge one another, support each other's decision (although at times we might not like it), and truly listen to what the other is saying or coming from...Sure we don't agree all the time, but we let our point of views known and leave it to the other to either take it or leave it...NOW that is a friend aan ku hor barooran karo 'Naa bastadhkii tuu sameeyay ma ogtahay' anoo dhahaayo...And I am sure at the end of that conversation (well cabaad iyo calaacal iyo ooyin), I would leave feeling like a weight have been lifted from my chest...It doesn't take away the pain, but it sure helps - A LOT!

 

 

Choc, good luck sis...What has always helped when going through rough times is to look at all the positive things surrounding your life...All the people who love you and support you, all your accomplishments...Then think if a loser is worth going through all this pain...It is his loss!!!

[Chocolate and Honey]

Hi Folks! Thanks to all of you who responded kindly. First of all, my dilemma is not how to go through a break-up. Would the new people read the post carefully plz. My question was why people pretend that they can get over someone faster than lightning when it is other people’s pain but when it is them, they act different. And how come it is considered CEEB to talk about such pain?

^^

 

If a break up involves tears it most likely means you got dumped. Life is like that sometimes.

now, that's an outrageous claim Uncle. If you have read the post throughly you would know that I initiated a seperation trial and I'm surprised at how much hurt I feel.

 

Rayaana, Thanks Hon.

[GlassEyeGirl]

cho&Hon quote "My question was why people pretend that they can get over someone faster than lightning when it is other people’s pain but when it is them, they act different."

 

Cho&Ho,

Somalidu waxay tidhahdaa "habar fadhida lagdini wax uga fudud". As much as you want to put yourself in that person's shoe, you really can't. Everyone deals with break-ups differently. I myself don't stick around for breakups, cagahaan wax ka dayaa the first sign of trouble. We women have to learn how to Love Smart, never get involved with someone who can potentially hurt you. And don't ever shed a tear for someone(man or woman) who wouldn't cry for you.

 

p.s. "Irreplaceble" by Beyonce should be the breakup anthem for any woman who's going through that.

[True2truth]

Chocolate & honey,

I see, not so chocolaty & honey with friends. Me advise, ask those fakers to stop faking.

 

Now let’s move on with me 2nd unsolicited advise, Just say NO to Somali men from now on(I’m sure u said NO before unconsciously, just make it consciously from now on:D )

 

Now to me sisters out there, Please continue saying no to Somali men. Thx and god bless

[SCORPION_SISTA]

Salaam C&H

 

There can be several different reasons why certain people behave differently at sometime than other times...Everyone grieves differently and just because someone grieves silently or doesn't cry in front of other or even cries in privacy doesn't mean they feel no pain or loss...Some friends feel that giving their friends helpful advice (there would be another a guy a possibly better one) are just ways of uplifting the spirit of their friends...Sometimes they can be harsh because they don't feel their friend should waste valuable times on someone who they haven't considered to be worthy of their friends...And other friends who are experiencing their own loss try to come across as brave or that they weren't effected by their "break-ups" because they don't want their friends to think less of them...Or again they like to grieve truly in privacy and don't their vulnerability exposed to their friends...Because let's face they feel already raw by the experience and can't imagine lying their feelings like that out to their friends whom they knew might not understand where they coming from at that time.

 

Some might not know that kind of loss and when they experience it changes their own perception.

 

I don't believe people think it is ceeb to discuss the pain but again I think certain individuals feel more private about things like that...I have a good friend who was in a long term relationship that lead to marriage where she and I never discussed her husband...I think you have to allow your friends a little leeway to be who they are and maybe find other friends for "break-up" discussion who are more like you.

 

I wonder you are though surprised by the pain you are experiencing obviously you were in a serious relationship and therefore you have invested time and yourself into it to cultivate it...So to me it's natural you would feel the loss but at the same time don't let it consume you and distract you from the reason you first wanted the "trial separation" for...Grieve as you want and for as long as your think is healthy for you, but don't forget we human are resilient beings and this shall pass too.

 

As to my personal story, nothing much to share really...I can't say I suffered a devastating pain, because when my "break-up" happened I knew that he and I weren't the right people for each other and our needs were different...I felt peace really and bit of relief because now he could have seek the person he can be happy with...My philosophy is staying in a bad relationship to avoid pain and devastation is a time you wasting in meeting the right man or woman for yourself.

 

bee bye SS